Barefoot and Lost

by Brian Francis Cox

  ‘Phillip, you cannot go like that, put your jacket on stop being so slovenly.’ Without saying a word I slip my arms into the sleeves, I can see June wince as she watches me but doesn’t say a word. Awful starts the engine, ‘Phil will you sit between Sam and June you are less likely to be seen there, kids aren’t supposed to ride in military vehicles.’

  ‘I’ll pull that dreadful jacket over his head; no one will ever guess there is a young man under it; where the devil did you get it from Phillip?’

  ‘It was Lion’s; Mam says I will grow into it.”

  ‘Maybe you will if you grow up to be deformed.’

  ‘Orville, what make is this car, it is so quiet you don’t even know you’re moving?’

  ‘It’s a nineteen forty three Oldsmobile, pleased you like it.’

  ‘Pop, when are we going to talk about the—you know, the trouble at Saint Stephens?’

  ‘I think we should save that until we meet Bill Simmons but Phillip, first we have something to tell you.’ I look at him and then to June both have sad looks I know it is something bad,

  ‘You’re going to tell me my dad is really dead or my uncle, something about him?’

  ‘No Phillip, it is worse than that, Michael has died.’ I can feel my heart stop and my stomach churns, I feel a lump in my throat, and my mouth is dry. I try to ask why, when, how? But the words won’t come. June answers my unasked questions as she does she puts her arm around me.

  ‘Two weeks ago Michael suffered breathing difficulties and was put back on a respirator, but he developed pneumonia and died last Monday, I’m so sorry Phillip.’ Pop holds my hand.

  ‘These things are never easy, even when you are expecting them it still comes as a blow. We don’t believe he suffered; he just stopped breathing in his sleep. I was there so was his mum and dad. One minute he was there, the next he was gone.’ Pops grip tightens; tears are flowing down his cheeks, forming small pools before they disperse through his beard. My voice returns I let out a wail and my tears flow as well.

  ‘I hate God, why does he always take away the people I love? I am never going to speak to him again, no, not ever.’

  ‘Phillip, it has nothing to do with God, Michael was infected by a virus, his body fought it but he was not strong enough, that is all there is to it. I’m sure you agree with me Sam.’

  ‘To a certain extent, God creates us all so it is his will to do with us as he sees fit, after all we are his servants.’

  ‘Okay Sam, I beg to differ with you but let us leave it there; Phillip can make up his own mind when he is ready.’

  ‘Anyone know where the train station is?’ Olive has turned around in her seat, Pop replies,

  ‘I have no idea never been here before.’

  ‘I do, it is down, opposite the castle near the river. Stay on this road just before the bridge the station is on your left.’

  ‘Phillip, how come you know that?’

  ‘First day I was at St’ Ss I came here for a days outing and had to go to the bakers to collect our lunches.’

  As Awful parks the car in the station approach a three wheeler Morgan pulls alongside us. Mr. Simmons is driving but the car is so small it appears that he is wearing it as a skirt.

  ‘That was good timing Bill.’ Mr. Simmons just smiles.

  Pop orders tea and sandwiches for everyone, Awful insists he pays. A light hearted argument breaks out between Pop and Awful. Pop is saying that Awful provided the transport, the least he can do is buy the refreshments. Awful says the transport is down to Uncle Sam and that does not mean Sam Cohen and, if he insists, he will pull rank and leave him in Tonbridge. Pop gives in I have the feeling Pops insistence was only show, he never intended paying.

  ‘Bill, before we have any discussion I think it would be a good idea if we rang Superintendent John Langdon.’

  ‘I agree Sam; we can do it from the call box over at the station.’ Pop and Mr. Simmons get up and walk across the road, I can tell Pop is doing all the talking by the way his arms are turning, like windmills.

  ‘Phillip, I think you had better eat that last sandwich, you have been eyeing it for the past 15 minutes.’

  ‘Olive, are you sure I can have it, doesn’t anyone else want it?’ everyone shakes their head. Devouring the sandwich in two bites, Olive then makes me feel guilty,

  ‘You know June you cannot, these days get a man with etiquette and style, there was me, desperate for an egg and cress sandwich, which incidentally, is my favourite of all sandwiches. I was only being polite but Phillip here; is growing up just like all men, only thinking of themselves, never considering the needs of a woman.’ I’m looking at Olive, does she really mean it, she is nearly always joking. Her mouth is turned down looking sad, but it is an exaggerated look and I know now she is, joking.

  ‘That’s not fair, you had me believing you and I felt rotten, are they really your favourite?’

  ‘No Phillip they are not, I hate them really, I only wanted to tease you that’s all.’

  I can see Pop and Mr Simmons are coming back; Mr. Simmons is doing the talking now. Awful and Olive, push back, their chairs and stand up,

  ‘We will take ourselves off to the castle and leave you to discuss this terrible business.’

  ‘They head off down the street and turn right at the end of the shops, towards the river.

  ‘Did you get John Langdon Sam?’

  ‘We did and he has filled Bill in; we are to do nothing; that right Bill?’

  ‘Yes Sam that’s right but how can I go back there and say nothing when I now know what is really happening?’

  ‘I know, it will be hard, but from what John was saying, it will not last much longer.’

  ‘I suppose I’ll manage, but the sooner the better.’ Pop turns to me,

  ‘Phillip, John Langdon suggests that you tell us all about what happened to you. I know I have your letter but, if you tell me now, in detail, I will write it down word for word then the police can use it as a statement. John says it is not entirely legal because a policeman at least should be present, but he has sworn me in as a deputy, he thinks you will be more comfortable amongst friends.’ Pop rummages in a small brown leather briefcase that looks much older than he does, producing a small note pad and pencil he says,

  ‘Off you go, tell me everything, don’t leave anything out and talk normally, I can write as fast as you speak, I use a form of shorthand.’

  ‘Where do I start?’

  ‘At the beginning, it is usually the best place, where else?’

  The next twenty minutes are spent as I tell them about the bathroom incident; Lion pushing Flynn in the bath water and how he ran away the first time. Pop is writing so fast I can’t believe he is keeping up with me.

  ‘Pop, are you sure you are writing it all down?’

  ‘I’m sure, even put in the umms and rrrs when you are thinking.’

  ‘That’s not Pitman’s you’re using is it Sam?’

  ‘No June its Hebrew I reckon that if anyone doubts what is written, it could only be me and if you and Bill sign it as witnesses everything should be okay ‘

  I go on for the next half hour. When I stop someone usually asks a question which sets me off again. Mr. Simmons produces Doris and Enid’s note and reads it as Pop adds it to my statement.

  ‘Anything to add Phillip, you haven’t forgotten anything?’

  ‘No Pop that is everything.’

  ‘Now, if you could sign it Phillip, and June and Bill, if you could do the same’ we all initial each page, then sign where Pop indicates, it looks to me just a lot of lines and squiggles. Pop puts his notes, together with the girls note; in an envelope which he seals and then signs across the seal in two places he then places it in his briefcase.

  ‘There that should do it John Langdon will have this in the morning; now if you will excuse me I must wash and make my peace with God and explain why I am working on the Sabbath.’

  ‘You do that Sam and I’ll order some more tea and sandwiche
s. I’m sure Phillip after all that talking, you are ravenous.’ Mr. Simmons stands up and pushes his chair back under the table.

  ‘Not for me June, I must get back to Saint Stephens.’ Mr. Simmons shakes hands with Pop and June,

  ‘It has been a pleasure to meet you both and please pass on my best wishes to Olive and Orville.’ Pop walks to the back of the shop, Mr. Simmons strides across the road to the Morgan reaches inside, fiddles with the controls, and cranks the starter handle. After two swings the V twin engine bursts into life, he then pours himself into the Morgan and zooms off up the road. I wave he replies with two honks on his horn. June is coming back to the table with a tray laden with two cups of tea, a glass of lemonade and cakes.

  Pop returns and takes his seat; he takes a sip of tea, wipes the moisture from his beard with the back of his hand, and then looks at me.

  ‘Phillip, well done, it must have been difficult going through all that again.’

  ‘It wasn’t that bad Pop but, I think, if I had to say it to the police it would have been a lot harder.’ June reaches out and takes my hand.

  ‘Phillip, both Pop and I have something to tell you; no, discuss with you.’

  ‘Please, not more bad news, who else has died?’

  ‘No, nothing at all like that, since you were taken away from us, we, that is Reg and I, have been desperately trying to foster you, with a view, if you were willing, to adopt you as our son.’ My heart leaps,

  ‘Wow that would be fantastic.’

  ‘I’m afraid it is not as simple as that, the authorities believe we are not suitable because we are too old and Reg is disabled. The mere fact that we could give you the best education even university later, all this, and that we love you doesn’t seem to count. We have tried so hard I’m exhausted from the whole thing, I just feel as though I want to bang all of their heads together to knock some sense into them and, as for that pompous woman Miss Penelope Peabody, I could quite easily strangle her.’

  Pop says ‘June and Reg have tried so hard, even using John Langdon as a character witness, but all without success. Tess and I have tried but met a brick wall as soon as we started the procedure because we are Jewish.

  ‘But, you looked after Michael, now you can’t, can I not just take his place?’

  ‘It is not like that and you know it. Michael was with us because his parents are friends and they wanted him away from the bombing, but you already know that. You are a ward of the court; they are your parents now and, quite rightly so, are looking after your interests.’

  ‘But Pop if they cared, they would let me go where I would be happy, with June or you.’

  ‘Phillip, they have a set of guidelines and no one is going to step outside those lines; they would lose their jobs if things were to go wrong, so we must leave it there.”

  ‘Phillip, it is not all doom and gloom, Reg, and I are trying a different approach. Reg is a Mason; it’s a sort of- a – club that has branches all over the world. We are trying to find a younger couple, in the Hastings area, that would be prepared to foster you, with us financing them if need be; so just hang on, we are doing all we can to get you away from this institution.’

  ‘June, I don’t want to go to anyone else, I want to be with you, so I can take Jet for walks, go to the swimming club and do all the things I used to do.’

  ‘That is possible, if we can find someone in Hastings you will be able to do all those things, just be patient, we are doing all we can.’

  ‘Phillip, please be patient, June and Reg are really doing all they can: now, I think we should find Olive and Orville and take you back to Saint Stephens.’

  ‘What about if you kidnapped me and changed my name, no one would ever know?’

  ‘Phillip, be sensible, whatever we do it must be within the law. You know as well as we do, there is no other way. Come on; let us see if we can find those two love birds.’

  ‘How can they be love birds? Awful has a wife in America, he told me, he said she would get a gun and come after him if she found out he had a girlfriend.’

  ‘That may well be, but these are strange times we are living in, so anything can happen.’

  ‘But that’s not fair.’

  ‘Nothing is fair these days but it is their business, so you do not make any comment, don’t even mention it, is that understood. Anyway, I could be mistaken and then they would be embarrassed, so please don’t say anything; me and my big mouth.’

  ‘It’s okay Pop, I wont say anything, I hope you’re wrong because Olive is beautiful and Awful is ugly, I like him but he is still ugly.’

  ‘Phillip, that is a terrible thing to say, the first thing when, if you come to live with us I will have to teach you some manners.’

  ‘Sorry June didn’t mean to be rude.’

  ‘Okay, let us go and find Olive and Orville, and stop calling him Awful.’

  ‘Yes June, I’m sorry.’ June is trying to look stern and Pop’s eyes are laughing. It is hard to tell what his mouth is doing; his beard hides his lips unless he is talking.

  It is raining I heard it start well over hour ago, I do wish I had a watch even that alarm clock that ticked so loud, would be better than not knowing. The sky was just starting to lighten, a breeze clattered through the branches of the oak tree, the curtains on our open window billowed into the room then there was the pitter patter of the rain on the window. I got up to close it and now cannot get back to sleep. I have been lying here wide awake; listening to the others sleeping.

  All the things from yesterday are going through my mind. I have mixed feelings about being fostered; if it was June or Pop I would be excited but, to go to someone I don’t know, I’m not so sure. It is not that bad here now that Flynn has gone; I have good friends and would miss them if I went away. I wonder if I have a say in where I go, or will it be like when I was sent here? I wish I knew.

  When I arrived back from Tonbridge it was almost like they had been waiting for me because, no sooner had Awful stopped the car; they were there, wanting to know where I had been and what I had been doing. I told them about the tea shop and making a statement and that Pop had written it in Hebrew. Toby asked why, and the only reason I could think of was that it was quicker, but I don’t think Toby is convinced. I didn’t like to tell them about what June was doing to get me fostered, it didn’t seem fair, and they have no one looking out for them. I’m sure Brian and Jack wouldn’t want to be fostered, they only have a year and a bit to go before they can leave to go to work. Toby is different, I don’t know what he would want, he has never spoken about his past or his family, or how he became an orphan, so it wouldn’t be fair for me to go on about being fostered. So I have said nothing and I am itching to tell somebody. I think I will tell Rachel, tomorrow on the school van, she will understand how I feel.

  Chapel this morning is very quick, instead of the Reverend Harrison the service is taken by Spectacles. He introduced himself as Morton Cranbury and told us to call him Sir. He never mentioned why the Reverend was not here, but it felt like he was, as the sermon must have been written by him. It was as always about respect and obedience. I can’t help thinking, how can you respect anyone that abuses children sexually like Flynn, or physically, like the Reverend did to Lion. I have decided the only thing I would miss here is Brian, Jack, and Toby and, of course Rachel; I can’t wait to be fostered.

  The rain has now turned to a drizzle, the others have gone to play football. I don’t like football at the best of times but can see no sense in playing in the rain. I’m in my favourite chair in the library trying to read about Sir Kenneth, but my mind keeps wandering, I’m feeling very sad and feel like I want to cry but I don’t know why, probably because I was awake so early. I can feel my eyelids getting heavy, I relax and start to drift off; what’s wrong, the lights are flashing, I can hear water like a waterfall, and the smell of smoke is preventing me from breathing. I can hear Gran calling me, her voice sounds miles away. I try to answer but the words won’t come. I can see my fac
e, as though I am looking in a mirror, my mouth is wide open, I am shouting, but all I can hear is the water rushing. It is now, as though I am standing outside my body, looking at me. Mum has appeared beside me, she is holding my arm as though she is urging me to go forward. I can see her mouth speaking but I can’t hear her but I can make out the words, ‘Go on Phillip help your Gran.’

  I’m shouting, ‘Gran where are you?’ I can now see, on the other side of me is my Dad, he has bare legs and no shoes, his blue shirt is torn, and he looks dirty and unshaven,

  ‘Dad, is that you are you alright?’

  ‘Don’t worry about me, let go of that bloody teddy bear and help.’ He grabs my shoulder and shakes me very hard.

  ‘Phillip, are you okay, you were shouting.’ Mum and Dad fade away, I can’t hear Gran anymore. I open my eyes to see Mr Simmons standing over me; I stare at him, not quite believing what I see. I start to get out of the chair but he gently pushes me back down,

  ‘Take it steady old man; you’ve had a bad dream.’ My face is wet and I feel cold, my mouth is dry. Mr. Simmons is mopping my forehead with his handkerchief; gradually I become wide awake and realize I’m in the library.

  ‘Sorry, what was I shouting?’

  ‘I have no idea it didn’t make sense, would you like to tell me about your dream?’

  ‘There is nothing to tell, I can’t really remember it. I think it was about my Mum and Dad and my Gran, sorry, I can’t remember.’

  ‘That’s alright, some dreams are best forgotten. Anyway I am here to leave you my newspaper, you do still want them?’

  ‘Yes please, thank you; I think I’m okay now.’

  ‘That’s good, I’ll leave you, I have a few things to do with Mr Flynn and the Reverend Harrison gone we are a bit stretched; by the way you were superb today and what a lucky fellow you are to have such lovely friends, I found Mr. Cohen to be a perfect gentleman.’