A Long Way From Eden

by Jana Richards

  "Meg? Are you all right?"

  She looked into Zane's eyes. If she told him what she'd done, would he hate her, too?

  "I'm okay. It's just a headache. I have to go."

  "You should go home and rest then. I'll see you soon."

  "Yes."

  Meg ran out the door and across the street to her car. Her hands shook on steering wheel as she drove home. She'd come very close to throwing everything away.

  Chapter Ten

  Zane carried his mother's suitcase to her car and put it in the trunk. He opened the hood and checked the oil and filled the window washer fluid container. Next he tested the tire pressure of all the tires, including the spare in the trunk, and examined the tread on each tire for wear. He worried about his mother driving so far on her own.

  Harwood was a three-hour drive from the city, part of it on the busy Trans-Canada highway. His mother wasn't old exactly, but still it bothered him that she drove alone, and lived alone as well. She had friends in Harwood she did things with and her hairdressing business kept her busy, but most of her adult life had been spent on her own. Zane wondered how much different her life would have been if she'd run off with Clayton McPhillips. Would it have been a fulfilled life with the man she loved, or a life consumed by guilt and regret?

  And what about him? Would he have been a different man if he'd grown up with his father?

  His mother came out the front door of the house, followed by Erin with the baby in her arms, bundled in a pink blanket.

  "I wish you could stay longer, Grandma," Erin said, planting a kiss on Emily's cheek.

  "So do I, but I've got my garden to look after, not to mention all my customers. Everyone's going to want a haircut when I get home."

  "I really wish you'd change your mind and come live with us," Zane said. He must have asked her the same question about a million times, but her answer had always been the same. She liked her home and her business and her independence. He tried another tactic. "We could use some help with the baby."

  Emily touched the baby's silky cheek. "Yes, I know, and I wish I could see her every day. I'll think about it."

  "Really? You'd actually come to live with us?" Erin's voice rose in excitement. "That would be so great!"

  Emily raised a hand in warning. "I'll think about moving to Winnipeg, not moving in with you. I've lived on my own too long to start having roommates now. If I found the right house not too far from here, with a nice little garden, I might consider it."

  "I wish you would, Grandma." Erin kissed her again. "It's a little cool out here so I'm going to take the baby inside. Drive carefully."

  "I will, honey."

  "Did you mean that?" Zane asked after Erin went inside. "Would you actually move?"

  "Yes, I'd seriously consider it. My friend Lena moved to the city to be closer to her children and grandchildren, and a lot of people I know go away for the winter. I don't have as many friends as I used to. And my feet have been giving me trouble. Probably comes from years of standing and long hours of doing hair. I've been thinking about selling the business."

  "You know we'd love to have you with us, but if you want a place of your own, I'll help you look." He gazed into his mother's face. "It would be a big change for you. How do you feel about it?"

  "A little scared, but excited too. I've lived in Harwood a long time. Maybe it's time to move on and do something different."

  Zane grinned. His mother was nothing if not resilient. She'd make a good life for herself wherever she went. "Good for you."

  "What about you? Have you decided whether to contact your..." She hesitated over the word. "... father?"

  "I don't know yet. I haven't figured out what to do."

  Emily nodded. "I was wrong to keep this information from you for so long. I thought I was protecting you, but maybe I was just protecting myself. I'm not proud of trying to steal my sister's husband."

  Zane took her hand. "You didn't try to steal him. You fell in love."

  "Yes," she said sadly, "but sometimes love is used as an excuse. Even after all these years I'm still not certain I did the right thing. Should I have run away with Clayton? I don't know if I would ever have been able to trust him again, but maybe it would have been worth it to give you a father. Maybe if I hadn't been so prideful, we both would have been a lot happier."

  "Maybe. Or maybe things turned out the way they were supposed to."

  Emily smiled. "That could be true. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm grateful to your father for giving you to me. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it."

  A lump caught in Zane's throat. "Don't go all mushy on me, Ma."

  Emily laid a hand on his cheek. "I wouldn't dream of it." A sudden grin lit her face. "Speaking of mushy, I saw those looks you were giving Meg Evans."

  "I didn't give her any looks."

  "Liar." Emily dropped her hand and opened her car door. "Meg is a lovely woman. If you're smart, you won't let her slip through your fingers."

  "Don't start sending out any wedding invitations, Ma." He thought of Meg's reluctance to spend time with him last night. Sometimes she'd let him get close, and just as he did, she'd slam a door in his face. "There's nothing going on between us and probably never will be."

  "That's a real shame. I like Meg."

  "Yeah." Zane couldn't keep the note of longing out of his voice.

  Emily slipped behind the wheel of her car and rolled down the window. A flock of geese flew overhead in their typical Vee formation, noisily calling to each other. She leaned out the window to watch them pass, a smile on her face. "I guess they can feel autumn in the air, too. Pretty soon it'll be winter." She turned the ignition on her car. "I plan to come back to the city in a month or so. Maybe in the meantime you can find a good real estate agent for me."

  Zane grinned, thrilled that his mother was serious about moving. "I'll do that." He leaned through the window and kissed her. "I love you, Ma."

  "I love you too, son."

  "Call me as soon as you get home."

  "I will."

  Emily pulled out of the driveway and drove away down the street. Zane stood staring after her for a long time. It had been an eventful few days, with new people and new circumstances changing and adding to his family. New light had been shed on old situations. He looked up to the bright blue September sky and watched as another Vee of geese flew by. It would be a challenge to keep up with all of the changes.

  * * * *

  By the first week of October many of the trees on his street were bare, their dry leaves forming a bright carpet of gold on the ground. Zane tugged on his tie as he got out of his car, thinking of all the leaves he had to rake this weekend. Maybe this year he'd hire a lawn service.

  "Hi. Anybody home?" He hung his coat in the front hall closet and followed the delicious cooking smells. The kitchen was empty; the only sign of life the light on the stove indicating that something was in the oven. A radio blared in the distance. Zane opened the patio doors to the enclosed sunroom and found his baby granddaughter bundled snuggly inside her lounge chair. Out in the back yard Tom energetically raked leaves into a pile. Several bright orange garbage bags leaned against the fence, attesting to his industry. Zane took Anna from her chair and carried her out into the yard, making sure she stayed properly bundled.

  "Hi. You've certainly been busy."

  Tom stopped his raking for a moment and gave him a grin. "Yeah, I'm almost done the back yard." He rolled his shoulders a couple of times. "I've been stuck in classrooms and in front of a computer all week. It feels good to do something physical for a change."

  Zane laughed. "Hey, don't let me stop you. Where's Erin?"

  "She's out shopping. She needed to get out for a while. I think she was getting a little antsy being stuck in the house with the baby."

  "What do you mean by antsy?" A horrible sense of déjà vu hit Zane in the gut. Erin's mother had grown restless to the point of forgetting she had a child. Would the same thing hap
pen to his daughter?

  Tom pulled his rake through the grass and leaves once more. "She hadn't seen any of her friends for a while, so I came home early today so she could meet a couple of her girlfriends for coffee this afternoon. There's a casserole in the oven, and Erin's bringing salad and fresh bread home with her for dinner. What time is it?"

  Zane moved Anna to his other arm to glance at his watch. "Nearly five-thirty."

  "Erin should be home any minute. I'll just finish up here and have a shower before we eat."

  "Okay. I'll take the baby inside."

  Zane walked back through the sunroom and into the kitchen. Just as he closed the patio doors, Erin came in through the front door carrying a couple of grocery bags. She smiled broadly when she saw her daughter.

  "Hi, Angel. How's Mommy's little girl?" She set her bags on the counter and reached for her baby. She pulled off Anna's little hat and unwrapped her from the blanket she'd been swaddled in. "Hi Dad. How was your day?"

  "It was fine, very busy. How about you? Tom tells me you met some friends for coffee this afternoon?"

  She gave Anna a kiss on the cheek. "Yeah, I had a great time. I met Carrie and Michelle on campus and we went out for coffee and then went shopping. It was so much fun. I'm glad Tommy suggested I call them."

  "Tommy suggested it?"

  "Yeah. He said since it was Friday afternoon, he needed to take a break from studying to be with his daughter, and I needed to take a break from the baby to be with my friends. I hadn't even realized how much I missed them. I'm so glad I went."

  Zane looked into his daughter's radiant, happy face. "Smart boy, that Tommy."

  Erin's smile grew even wider. "Yeah, he is, isn't he? Where is Tom anyway?"

  Zane pointed to the back yard. "He's out there raking leaves."

  Erin moved to the patio doors and waved at Tom, who waved back and walked towards the house. He kissed her as he entered the kitchen, and in Erin's upturned face Zane saw his daughter's love for this young man.

  Tom bent to tenderly kiss Anna's cheek. He caressed her downy head with a gentle hand, a look on his face that told the world he was head over heels in love with his daughter and his daughter's mother.

  In that moment Zane's fears were put to rest. These two kids were going to make it.

  The baby began to fuss. "You're hungry, aren't you sweetheart?" Erin cooed.

  "Why don't you take her upstairs and I'll set the table?" Tom offered.

  "No, the both of you go upstairs and look after your daughter," Zane said. "I can get things ready down here."

  "Thanks Dad. I bought some lettuce for a salad. It just needs to be washed."

  "I'll take care of it."

  He took off his suit jacket and slung it over a kitchen chair, then pulled off his tie and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. The look on Tom's face stayed in his mind as he rinsed the lettuce leaves under cool water. He remembered back to when Erin was born and how the powerful love he felt for his daughter had nearly brought him to his knees when he first held her. He couldn't imagine being separated from her. Just the thought made his stomach clench painfully. Had his father gone through that? Had he wanted to see him, to get to know him as he grew up?

  Zane shook the excess water from the lettuce and tore it into bite-sized pieces. He was tired of simply wondering what his father was like and how he felt. He made his decision. He would find Clayton McPhillips and ask him the things he wanted to know. Maybe then his wondering would be over.

  * * * *

  Erin sighed over her mug of hot chocolate. "You spoil me, Meg."

  Meg kissed her granddaughter's soft cheek. "Well, if you can't spoil a new mom, who can you spoil? Are you sure you don't want to have a nap?"

  "No, I feel great. I'd rather just talk to you for a while."

  "Sure. Why don't we go into the living and get comfortable."

  Meg found her favorite easy chair and lowered herself and the baby into it. Anna was six weeks old now and changing every day. She'd already outgrown the tiny outfits for preemies that she'd worn shortly after her birth and she looked more alert every day.

  Meg loved her afternoons with Anna and Erin. She came as often as she could, usually two or three times a week in between the lunch and dinner rush at the restaurant. Sometimes both mother and daughter slept and Meg would start something for dinner or clean the kitchen. At other times Erin would nap while she rocked and sang to the baby. Those were very special times for Meg. She hoped little Anna could feel how much she was loved.

  "I tried that stew recipe you gave me, and it worked out really well. Dad and Tom loved it and it was so easy. The best part was that when I came home supper was all ready for us."

  "Where did you go?"

  "Tommy stayed with Anna and I met some friends for coffee. We had a blast." She hesitated, her face growing serious. "I love Anna so much, but sometimes I just want to go out and see my friends and just do something fun. Do you think that makes me a bad mother? Shouldn't I want to be with my baby all the time?"

  "It definitely doesn't make you a bad mother. It just makes you a normal one," Meg said with a smile. "Just because you're a mother now doesn't mean you're not all the things you were before. You're still Erin, and you still want to have friends, and go to parties, and do all the things people your age do. Anna has to be your first priority now, but even moms are entitled to go out and have fun once in a while."

  "Tommy wants to go to his friend's birthday party on Friday night, but I don't feel right about leaving Anna with a sitter. I've only ever left her with Tommy for a few hours. I told him he should go, but he says he won't go without me." She shook her head. "I feel a little crazy these days. One minute I can't wait to get out the house, and the next I can't stand to be away from my baby."

  "Welcome to motherhood," Meg said with a laugh. "Would it make you feel better if I sat with Anna on Friday night?"

  Erin frowned. "My Dad already offered to sit but I don't feel right about it. I don't want to burden him with the baby, or take advantage of him. I already feel guilty about everything he's given us, like the free board and room."

  "Your dad wouldn't offer to sit with Anna unless he wanted to. My guess is that he's looking forward to having her all to himself for a while," she said with a smile. "The same goes for your living arrangement. It's what your father wants. He wants his family close to him."

  "You seem to understand my father pretty well," Erin said.

  Meg blushed and turned her face towards the baby, avoiding Erin's assessing gaze. "I understand his motives as a parent, if that's what you mean."

  "I wish..." Erin began, and then shook her head. "I know sometimes my Dad comes off as being gruff and a little arrogant, and he can certainly be overprotective, but he's got a real good heart. He's a good man, Meg."

  "I know that," Meg said quietly. She quickly changed the subject. "Look, you and Tommy go out with your friends on Friday night. Leave Anna with your Dad, and I'll come over and help him out with her for a while. She'll be fine."

  "You're sure?"

  "Absolutely. I think Anna needs a little spoiling from her grandparents."

  "Well okay, if you think it's all right." Erin stood and walked over to the easy chair. She put her arms around Meg and kissed her cheek. "Thanks for everything, Meg. You've made everything so much easier for me these last few months. I never knew it could be so great to be able to talk to another woman and share things the way we have. I know it sounds kind of corny, but you've been like a mother to me."

  Meg laid her hand on Erin's cheek, almost too choked up to speak. The old adage was true. She hadn't lost a son; she'd gained a daughter. "It doesn't sound corny to me at all. In fact, it sounds pretty nice."

  * * * *

  "You're sure you're okay with this, Dad?"

  "Of course I'm okay. It's not like I haven't looked after a baby before."

  Despite his assurances to Erin, Zane didn't feel as confident as he pretended. It had been a long time
since he'd been primary caregiver to an infant. What if Anna got fussy and didn't want to accept the bottles Erin had prepared for her? He'd changed the baby a few times since she got home, and usually messed up the sticky tabs on the new-fangled disposable diapers.

  Erin kissed his cheek. "Thanks a lot, Dad. I left my cell phone number and the number of our friend's house on your desk. If you need anything, just call."

  Zane adjusted the baby in his arms and turned up the volume on the football game. He knew Erin was nervous about leaving her baby but he also knew it was important for her and Tom to do things as a couple, to become close. He and Anna had rarely done things together. She had her own set of friends and preferred to go out with them. Eventually the rift between them turned into a chasm. "I know your cell phone number. I got you the phone, remember?"

  She fussed with the baby's blanket. "Yeah, I remember. I was just double-checking. You're sure you're okay with this?"

  "Tom, would you get this woman out of here? Anna and I have some serious bonding to do."

  Tom touched his daughter's cheek. "Be a good girl for Grandpa, Sweet Pea. Come on, Erin. Let's let them watch the football game in peace."

  He took Erin by the shoulders and steered her towards the door. "By the way, Zane, my Mom's coming over for a while this evening."

  He looked over his shoulder at them and grinned. "Didn't trust me to look after the baby by myself, eh?"

  "Of course we trust you, Dad." Erin tried her best to look indignant. "Meg just wanted to spend some time with Anna."

  "Liar."

  Tom laughed at their exchange. "If it makes you feel any better, she said she'd bring some food from the restaurant for you."

  "In that case, all is forgiven."