A Long Way From Eden

by Jana Richards

  They came across pictures of Zane's grandparents and he started to tell Nathan about them. "I don't remember much about our grandmother. She was ill and died when I was about five, but Grandpa William was a neat old guy. I was pretty broken up when he died."

  "I wish I'd known him," Nathan said with a sigh. "Mother never wanted to visit any of her relatives. I didn't understand it until now."

  "Don't blame your mother, Nathan. It wasn't her fault. It was because of me she lost contact with her family," Clayton said.

  "Dad--"

  Clayton held up a hand. "No, I accept responsibility for everything that happened in the past. But you two and your families are the future. I want you to promise me that you'll keep in contact, try to get to know each other." The old man smiled sadly. "I know it's a lot to ask, but my fondest hope is that you two could someday really think of each other as brothers."

  Zane took his father's hand. "I think I'd like that."

  Nathan nodded, but said nothing more.

  They talked until it became obvious that Clayton was exhausted. Zane reluctantly got to his feet. "I guess it's time to say goodbye."

  "Yes." Clayton's chin trembled. "Goodbye, Zane. Son."

  Zane enfolded his father in an embrace. Meg could see how difficult it was for him to leave, knowing that he may never see his father again, and her heart ached for him. Life could be so unfair.

  Zane held Clayton's hand for a long time, but finally gave it one last squeeze and moved towards the door where Nathan waited. Meg hugged Clayton goodbye. She kissed his cheek and would have pulled away, but he resisted, surprising her with his strength.

  "Look after Zane," he whispered in her ear. "He needs you now, more than ever."

  She looked into his eyes, startled. In them she read his need for reassurance, his final wish that his child be loved and cared for. Her heart began to pound as she stared into his hazel colored eyes. Could she make a promise to love and care for Zane and mean it? She thought of the previous afternoon and inwardly cringed at the mess she'd made of everything. But despite what had happened, she would always care for him. A part of her heart would always belong to Zane.

  She bent low to whisper in Clayton's ear. "Yes." As she stood, she smiled into his eyes and saw the look of relief in them. Meg was grateful to be able to do this one small thing for Zane's father.

  They left Clayton's room and stood together in the living room, Zane and Nathan wearing identical looks of grief. It struck Meg that not only were they similar physically, they had comparable ways of handling their emotions. Both kept things inside, and found it difficult to speak about their pain. But at least they dealt with it. A guilty weight stabbed at her. It was more than she could say for herself.

  "I've been thinking a lot about what Dad said earlier about us learning to be brothers," Nathan said. "My wife and I talked it over yesterday, and if you have time, we'd like the two of you to join us for lunch at our house. It would give you chance to meet my wife and kids."

  Zane turned to Meg. "Would that be all right with you?"

  "Yes, of course." Maybe something good could come from all this pain.

  "Our plane doesn't leave until four this afternoon. I'd love to meet your family."

  Nathan smiled, clearly relieved. "That's good. I want to wait here until my mother gets home, but you could go on ahead. Sylvie is waiting for you." He gave them the address. "It's not far. I'll be there as soon as Mom gets home from church."

  When they got into the rental car, Zane turned to her, his expression solemn. "If you'd rather not do this, it's okay. I can tell Nathan we changed our minds."

  "I'm fine with meeting Nathan's family. In fact I'm looking forward to it. The question is, are you?"

  He shrugged. "Yeah, I am. It's just that so much has happened in the last few days that I'm having trouble taking it all in. I don't know if I'm ready for a whole new family."

  Meg thought of Clayton's last words to her. She couldn't let Zane step away from the olive branch Nathan had held out. Whether he realized it now or not, he needed his brother.

  "You don't have to commit to anything today, or even feel anything. All you have to do is say hello and have lunch. Okay?"

  Zane took a deep breath, swallowed, and nodded slowly. "Okay." He put the car into gear. "I'm glad you're here, Meg. Thank you."

  Her throat clogged with emotion and for a moment she couldn't speak. It warmed her heart to know that despite her inability to let him get close physically, he was still glad she'd come. She thought again of Clayton's dying wish. Could she love and care for this man? A small voice whispered that maybe she already did.

  * * * *

  Sylvie McPhillips greeted them with a welcoming smile when they arrived at her door, and Meg felt at ease immediately. She was petite and blonde, with the calming kind of personality that probably made her a terrific mother and a trusted friend. Meg couldn't help but like her.

  "I'm so pleased to meet both of you," she said, shaking each of their hands in turn. "I'm happy you were able to come to our home. Why don't you come inside and meet the boys?"

  Signs of children and family life were evident everywhere in the McPhillips house. At the front door, a row of coat hooks attached at a child's level supported a variety of outerwear. Artwork was pinned to the refrigerator with magnets, creating a mini art gallery. Meg got the impression of a home where the children's needs came first. It may not have been decorated in the latest trends, or kept as tidy as a show home, but Sylvie and Nathan's home brimmed to overflowing with love.

  Sylvie settled them at the kitchen table with steaming cups of coffee before calling her sons. The three boys trooped into the kitchen, curiosity evident on their faces. Meg wondered how much the boys had been told about Zane and his mother.

  Sylvie placed her hand on the shoulder of her tallest son, his head nearly level with hers.

  "This is our oldest son Taylor. He's twelve and our star basketball player."

  "Hello Taylor." Zane stood and extended his hand to the boy, who shook it solemnly. He was blonde and fair like his mother, all arms and legs, like a colt just growing into his body. He had his mother's coloring but if Meg were any judge, he'd someday be as tall as his father and his uncle.

  "I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Martin."

  "Please, call me Zane. I'm glad to meet you too."

  Taylor shook hands with Meg after being introduced, and then Sylvie moved to her second son. This one was dark haired, like his father, with a sense of reserve about him. He examined both her and Zane with a curious eye.

  "Brett is ten, in the fifth grade and loves music," Sylvie said proudly. "He takes both piano and guitar lessons, and is doing very well at both."

  Zane stepped forward to shake his hand. "Hello Brett. You and Meg have a lot in common. She plays the piano too. She's awesome."

  Brett gazed at her with sudden interest. "Really?"

  She nodded and smiled. "I'd love to hear you play if we have time."

  The boy smiled and the way his lip curled reminded her so much of Zane that she blinked in surprise. There was no escaping heredity.

  "And this little rascal is Noah," Sylvie said fondly as she ruffled her youngest son's hair. "He's five and in kindergarten this year."

  Noah walked up to Zane and extended his hand. "Are you my Dad's new brother?"

  Zane shook the little boy's hand. "Yes. We're half-brothers actually. That means we have the same father but different mothers."

  He nodded in understanding. "My friend Ryan has a half-brother. His daddy and his new wife had another baby after he divorced Ryan and his mom. Did Grandpa divorce you and your mom?"

  "Noah, that's very personal," Sylvie admonished.

  "It's okay, Sylvie," Zane said. Meg noted that the other two boys were listening with rapt attention. Whatever they'd been told about Zane hadn't included this. Zane got down on his hunches to be at eye level with the boy. "Your grandpa loved your grandma, but he also loved my mother. He made a baby
with each of them, your dad and me, but he didn't divorce your grandma."

  "Oh." Noah cocked his head to one side. "Are you my real uncle then?"

  Zane glanced at Meg. "I guess I am," he said with a grin.

  "Okay, Uncle Zane. Can you play catch with me?"

  "Sure." Zane got to his feet, and followed Noah and the other two boys into the back yard.

  Meg watched out the kitchen window as they threw a softball around. She smiled as she turned to Sylvie. "Zane was a little nervous about coming here, but your boys seem to have accepted him without much fuss."

  "They were excited to meet Zane. Nathan doesn't have much family." Sylvie laughed. "I'm sorry about Noah. He has a tendency to ask the most embarrassing questions. Zane handled it very well though."

  "He's good with children." She watched as he tied Noah's shoes, the little boy looping an arm casually around his neck. In the next moment he lifted Noah high in the air and swung him around. She could hear Noah's squeals of laughter right through the glass.

  "I can see that," Sylvie said. "Are you two thinking about having a family?"

  Meg stared at her in surprise. "No, we don't have the kind of relationship where we're thinking about having a child. We're just friends."

  "Oh, I'm sorry," Sylvie said, looking puzzled. "I gathered from Nathan that you were a couple. I guess he misunderstood."

  "That's okay." Meg wondered what kind of relationship she and Zane had. They were more than just friends, but not quite a couple. Their granddaughter and their children would always connect them, but would they ever have a deeper relationship? Maybe she'd already ruined their chance for that.

  Sylvie's eyes shone with an understanding light, the kind of light that encouraged confidences. Though she'd only known her for a few minutes, Meg felt she could confide in her, at least a little. "I have to admit that being part of couple with Zane has some appeal," she said with a smile. "And the thought of having a child with him has crossed my mind, at least in the last few days."

  She watched as he played in the backyard with the boys. Their child would have dark hair and blue eyes like Zane, a little boy who looked just like him. She allowed herself a moment to savor the vision before crashing back to reality. "But we both have too much baggage from the past for that ever to happen." At least Zane was trying to work on the demons of his past. He'd told her details of his life and his failed marriage, and she hadn't even been honest enough to give him her real name or her correct age. Her actions, and her fears, shamed her.

  "I hope you can work it out," Sylvie said. "I know we just met, but I have a good feeling about you and Zane."

  Meg smiled but said nothing. Just then a scream of pain sounded through the window. Noah lay on the ground holding his face in his hands. Sylvie raced to the back door, and was met there by Zane as he carried the sobbing boy in his arms.

  Sylvie tried to pry his hand from his face to gage the damage. "What happened, sweetie?"

  "Taylor hit me with the ball!" Noah cried.

  "It was an accident, Mom, really," Taylor pleaded. "I didn't mean to hit him."

  "That's true, Sylvie," Zane said. He sat on one of the kitchen chairs with Noah on his knee so she could get a better look at her son. "He turned his head just as Taylor threw the ball. It caught him on the cheekbone."

  Sylvie managed to pry Noah's fingers away from his face to have a look. "Yeah, I see that. Looks like you'll have a pretty nasty black eye, buddy. We'll put some ice on it and it'll feel better."

  She filled a small plastic bag with ice and placed it on Noah's cheek. He howled in protest and pushed it away.

  "That's too cold!"

  "Have you got a small towel we can put around it, Sylvie?" Zane asked.

  She pulled one from a drawer and handed it to him along with the ice.

  He placed the towel around the bag. "I promise this won't be so cold," he told Noah, who was trying manfully to stifle his tears. Zane gently placed the ice on his cheek. "See, that's not so bad, is it?"

  Noah shook his head and stuck his thumb in his mouth.

  "Good. Every guy gets a black eye at least once in their life."

  "Did you get a black eye when you were little?"

  Meg saw a flash of sadness pass over his face for a moment before he covered it with a smile. "Yeah, I had a few black eyes. When I was about your age, Mikey Andrews said something mean to me and I punched him in the shoulder. Unfortunately, his aim was better and he got me right smack in the nose. I had two black eyes and a broken nose."

  Noah's eyes went wide. "Wow!"

  Zane chuckled. "It wasn't very funny, especially when my Mom found out I'd started the fight. I don't ever want you to get into fights. It just causes a lot of trouble, not to mention black eyes."

  One small arm went around Zane's neck and Noah looked up at him with complete trust. Meg's heart hammered at the tenderness in Zane's expression. He was a man who protected and cherished the people he loved. He could be fierce in his protection, but he would never hurt her. She would be as safe in Zane's arms as Noah was.

  Zane glanced up at her as if he'd read her thoughts. He smiled into her eyes. Emotion nearly overcame her. She loved him. The revelation came as a shock, and was not entirely welcome. What was she supposed to do with this knowledge? Even if she loved him it didn't mean they could have a life together. What good was being in love if it only made her unhappy?

  But maybe they could have just a little piece of happiness, even if it was only temporary. She knew Zane wanted to make love to her, and God knew she wanted to be with him, if only she could find the courage to overcome her fears. Deep in her soul she knew Zane was different from Paul. He would never hurt her in any way.

  As she looked into the eyes of the man she loved, she felt a tiny drop of hope.

  After exchanging home addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses, they left for the airport. Zane felt reluctant to say goodbye to Nathan and his family now that he'd finally met them. They had a lifetime of catching up to do.

  Meg said very little on the way to the airport, seeming tired and preoccupied. He wished she'd tell him what was on her mind. Was she still upset about the other afternoon? Did she regret coming to Vancouver with him? He wanted to ask her, but he couldn't bring himself to question her on it. If the answer was yes, maybe it was best not to know.

  Still, he had the nagging feeling that she was keeping something from him, something important. He thought back to what she'd told him about not being brave enough to face the past. For the first time he questioned his earlier belief that Meg was still in love with her dead husband. After so many years, it didn't make sense. Frustration ate at him. If she would just tell him about it, confide in him, he could help her fix whatever was wrong. He'd had his fill of secrets. If she couldn't bring herself to be completely honest with him about everything, he didn't know if he wanted a relationship with her.

  About half way through the flight, Meg fell asleep, her head resting against his shoulder. He put his arm around her to make her more comfortable and signaled a flight attendant to bring a blanket. She snuggled against his side, her body totally relaxed in sleep. He looked down into her pale face, the porcelain skin clear and smooth and soft to the touch. Dark lashes swept down over her pale cheeks. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever known, not just physically, but inside where it counted. He loved her.

  Zane knew the feeling had been building inside him for a long time, but this was the first time he'd put a name to it, and it hit him with a force that shook him to the soul. He knew he wanted to make love with her every night, to wake up beside her every morning. He wanted to marry her and if she was willing, have children with her. If he'd learned anything from the experience of his father and mother, it was that life was too short to wait. You had to grab all the happiness you could when you had the chance. He just hoped he could convince Meg of that.

  By the time they reached Winnipeg and claimed their baggage, it was past ten p.m. Zane retrieved his c
ar from the airport parking lot where he'd left it over the weekend. As they drove through the quiet city streets, he noted that Meg still had said very little. She stared out the side window, her hands clasped tightly together. A knot formed in Zane's stomach. Did she regret the close contact with him all weekend? He thought back to his clumsy attempt to seduce her. No wonder she had begun to withdraw from him.

  "You look tired," he ventured, not knowing what else to say. She turned to glance at him.

  "So do you. It's been quite a weekend."

  "I'm sorry to put you through all this."

  "Zane." She sounded surprised at his words. "You trusted me with so many details of your personal life. That's an honor I'll always cherish."

  Zane said nothing. It sounded to him like she was saying goodbye.

  A few moments later they arrived at Meg's apartment building. He turned off the engine and opened the trunk to retrieve her bag. Meg stood on the sidewalk looking uncertainly at him as he pulled her bag from the trunk. He hesitated a moment, closing his eyes as he slammed the trunk with a little more force than was necessary. Was this where she told him she was sorry, where she said she just wanted to be friends for the sake of their children? The knot in his stomach tightened as he handed her the bag.

  "Well, goodnight Meg. I'll see you."

  "Goodnight." Instead of hurrying into her apartment building, she stood immobile on the sidewalk. There was something in the look she gave him, something that looked like longing, that made him take a step towards her instead of getting into his car and driving away.

  "Are you all right?" he asked.

  She shook her head. "I don't know. The only thing I know for sure is that I don't want you to drive away. I just know that I don't want to say goodbye to you tonight."

  He touched her face, his heart beating fast. "But yesterday you said--"

  "I know what I said, what I did. I was wrong. Stay with me tonight." Her eyes silently pleaded with him. "Please."

  Zane opened the trunk once more and retrieved his bag. He watched a smile tremble on her lips. What had happened to change her mind since yesterday? He touched the silky skin of her cheek with his calloused thumb and she released a soft sigh. It didn't matter what had changed her mind. He was just thankful it had.