I understood that part of Rae's sense of anger and betrayal was how she felt about her own poor choices. Alex was a good looking guy, but I hadn't seen any previous interest displayed towards him, so I was surprised that things had moved so quickly between him and Rae. Still, I honestly didn't care if, when, or who Rae decided to have sex with because that wasn't my place to judge or decide. I just hated seeing her used and hurt.
I really hadn't thought Alex was a bad guy, at least not until I spoke to Georgia. I just wanted Rae to be careful when it came to being intimate with someone, anyone. Now that I had confirmation that Alex was indeed scum, I didn't know how to help. I didn't know what it was like to give that part of yourself away so I didn't feel like I had anything useful to offer her.
I still couldn't see myself as a prude. I mean, I just had different values about sex and different expectations about romantic relationships. It didn't mean anything about anyone else, it just determined how I approached intimacy. It was what was right for me and it didn't have to be right for anyone else.
I had known Chris since I was a toddler. He was one of the most important people in my life, but I wasn't ready to welcome him to my bed yet. For me, that was something we could wait for because I didn't want our relationship to be based purely on sex. I wanted something more than just carnal satisfaction.
I didn't judge others for having different priorities, especially Rae. I truly believed that my standards were for me to decide, just as Rae's were for her to decide. We all had to live with the consequences of our actions, so even though I lived by my own strict code, I never imposed them on anyone else. We all lived different lives, so it was only natural to have different value sets.
“Arrggghh!” Rae growled. She had her hands clenched tightly and her body was tense as she stamped on foot, moving around in a circle. “I'm so stupid!”
“Stop!” I finally said, placing my hand on her fore arm. When she relaxed, giving me her full attention, I whispered, “stop.”
Rae inhaled shakily and I could see the tears building in her sad brown eyes. In that moment I hated Alex. I was so disappointed that he'd throw such an incredibly person aside for someone totally unworthy of his attention; someone nowhere near the caliber of Rae. I felt insulted for my dearest friend and my anger burned with hers.
“I don't know what to say. I feel so cheap,” Rae told me as she began to cry. “How could I have trusted him?”
Rae crumbled into my arms. My heart ached for her and I prayed for the right words to say that would fix all of this. “You didn't know this would happen,” I reminded her.
“You knew it would happen,” Rae accused, pulling away from me. “You told me to be careful or someone would take advantage of me.”
“Yeah, but I said that because I was worried; not because I thought something like this would actually happen!” I replied, waving back towards the direction of Alex's house. “This is just disgusting. Why would he hang out with those sluts when he had a wonderful girlfriend like you? It makes me sick!”
“I feel humiliated,” she said sadly.
“You shouldn't feel bad, Rae. You didn't do anything wrong; he did,” I told her supportively. “This was his failing, not yours.”
“Oh, god, Dakota,” Rae began panicking anew and moved about with her nervous energy exploding inside her. “I can't believe I let him do things to me or worse, that I did things to him!”
“Shhhh,” I comforted. “It's okay.”
“No, it's not. It's not okay. I gave away a part of me that I can never get back and to someone who -” Rae burst into a new flood of tears. “Ugh! I just wanted to be loved. I just wanted to have someone love me the way you and Chris love each other.”
“You put too much merit into whatever you think Chris and I have,” I reprimanded her.
“No, I don't,” she insisted. “You don't see it. What you have is… beautiful.”
“And one day you'll have it, too,” I reassured her. “You can't force love and it's not something that happens overnight. I've known Chris forever and it took a long time to build the relationship we have.”
“I know, but what if I don't have forever, huh?” Rae asked me, crushing me with her sorrow. “What if I don't want to wait that long?”
“God has a plan for us all. You just need to keep faith and it'll happen when it is meant to.”
“You're so naïve,” Rae smiled as she cupped the side of my face with her hands. I wasn't sure if she was complimenting me or insulting me, but it didn't really matter. I was happy that she was starting to calm down and that her anger seemed to be abating.
Rae had never been one to hold a grudge or to keep the fires of her anger fed. She was sometimes too quick to her emotions or actions, but that also meant she was quick to forgive and move on as well. I knew how resilient she was, so I knew her small, insignificant smile meant she was already healing. She'd let Alex go, accepting him as the memory he deserved to be, as she faced the inevitable tomorrow that would come.
All hell broke loose when we walked into the kitchen. Everyone had already made it back to the house. Our absence, it seemed, had been just long enough to give them time to worry. Chris quickly made his way to my side, grasping me by the shoulders while he gave me a quick inspection. When he didn't find any physical damage, a look of relief replaced that of concern and he leaned his forehead against mine. I shut my eyes, enjoying his nearness.
My mother noted Rae's disposition immediately and rushed to tend to her. My mother drew Rae down the hall and into my room, shooing my sisters away so they'd have privacy. I knew that Rae would confide in my mother, completely divulging all the details of her relationship with Alex. This was something Rae would never dream to do with her own mother, but my mom had a way of making people feel safe, even with their most precious secrets.
I was thankful that my mom was there for Rae. I felt like she was much more capable guiding Rae through this difficult time, though I knew I needed to leave Chris and go to Rae's side. Even if I couldn't say the right things or anything at all, Rae would want me to be close. She'd find comfort in my presence just as I always did in hers.
I squeezed Chris's wrist and shot him a humorless smile. He gave me a slight nod, kissed me tenderly, and then rejoined my family. They had all returned to their spots at the kitchen table and resumed talking in subdued tones. I didn't bother to listen in order to know what they discussed. Instead, I headed towards the bathroom.
When I entered the latrine, I grabbed a roll of toilet paper for Rae. I knew she'd need it to blow her nose with and that a wet wash cloth to wash her face would be appreciated. It was small considerations, but they'd give her more comfort than she'd had before.
After I delivered them, I returned to the kitchen in order to fetch a cup of chamomile tea for her. I knew that this would not only calm her, but that it would mildly sedate her allowing her to able to sleep. The world always looked better after a good night's sleep.
Chapter Seven
Now that the school year had ended and the graduation craze had started to subside, Chris was getting ready for his annual trip to the Boundary Waters. Every summer, David took off two weeks to spend hunting and fishing with Chris along the Canadian border in Northern Minnesota. This year, in honor of Chris successfully completing high school, David was taking him on an extended trip. This year they'd be gone for a month instead of two weeks.
Chris had told his dad that he didn't want to have a graduation party. He said he'd had enough just trying to attend the parties his friends were throwing, so he had no interest in one of his own. Instead, he opted to take a longer trip. David was pleased and more than happy to oblige.
It was always something Chris looked forward to. Despite his love of camping and fishing, this time meant most to him because it was when he got to spend real quality time with his dad. There'd be no interruptions and they'd be able to give one another their undivided attention. I knew they both valued the time together.
; I knew this year would mean more to Chris than in the past because life was changing. Before the advent of graduation, a person's life is still shaped by their parents, but after that milestone, life because something bigger. Chris didn't know if they'd be able to continue annual trips now that he was looking at college and working full-time, so he wanted to make this trip count. He knew it wouldn't be their last trip, but it would be the last real father-son trip that had been a part of their previous tradition.
In the past, I missed Chris terribly during his absence, though I never told him. Those two weeks were challenging because we never got to talk to one another, though sometimes we'd text; when reception allowed. Though I had nurtured romantic feelings for Chris from a very early age, that wasn't what made it so hard. What made it difficult was the disconnection to one of my best friends.
There wasn't a day that went by that Chris and I didn't talk to one another. If we weren't hanging out together then we'd at least email, call, or text; since I was five years old, we'd talk in some form at least once a day. The only exception was when he'd go to the Boundary Waters and that wasn't by choice. Our break in communication was due to the lack of available technology or support for said technology.
Now that we were dating and the trip time was extended, I wondered how things would change; would things be more difficult? I'd never try to interfere or stop Chris from leaving, but I couldn't help feeling afraid either. This would be the first time in our new relationship that we'd be a part for longer than a night or two. It just felt weird.
I tried to hide my worries and sadness from Chris. I didn't want to curb his excitement or deter him in any way. I didn't want him to feel guilty for enjoying his time with his father either. I knew he loved me, that wouldn't change because of a vacation, but I hated the idea of not being able to at least talk to him.
Of course, Chris knew me better than anyone else in the world and he read me like an open book. I'd never been a good liar to begin with, but even if I had, I was transparent when it came to Chris. He was so in tune with me that I knew I wasn't fooling him with my false enthusiasm.
Though I didn't make a fuse, Chris went out of his way to try to ease my worries. As a way to reassure me, Chris made arrangements with our parents to spend two days with me and my family right before he left. It was more than I expected and something I never would've thought to ask for.
Chris made all the plans himself. First, he'd come over on a Friday morning and take my sisters, Rae and me to Taylor's Falls so we could kayak and canoe. Since Taylor's Falls was due east from my grandparent's place, we'd all head over there afterwards, where just us kids would camp overnight. The next morning, my parents would join us at the land so we could spend time as a family fishing and hiking.
David would pick Chris up that Sunday morning. Since his route to the Boundary Waters brought him past my grandparent's land, there was no need for Chris to drive back to the cities. David would meet us at the Rustic Inn restaurant in Stacy for brunch before they headed out of town.
The thoughtfulness and thoroughness of Chris's plan was moving. The added support of our parents in making our time together possible made me feel incredibly loved. I appreciated everyone's understanding and their acknowledgement of how much Chris and I meant to one another. Knowing my family realized just how trying this separation was going to be actually made it feel less difficult.
Taylor's Falls was located along the St. Croix River on the edge of eastern Minnesota. The west bank of the river was Minnesota while the east bank was actually Wisconsin. Just as the St. Croix was a tributary of the Great Mississippi River, the Sunrise River that passed through my grandparent's place fed into the St. Croix. It snaked its way from the city of Forest Lake across the land until its confluence with the river about 16 miles north of Taylor's Falls.
The day was beautiful; sunny and warm. June was always a nice time of year because it wasn't too hot or humid yet, but winter was definitely over. The bluffs along the St. Croix River were breathtaking and abundant in all sorts of vegetation. It was a feast for my eyes as well as my mind.
I always enjoyed our outings to Taylor's Falls. We didn't generally fish here because of the high boat traffic, but we frequently enjoyed hiking and canoeing in the area during the summer. The river was one of the cleanest and healthiest rivers in the United States, so it was a place of incredibly beautiful scenery. We also liked to go there to enjoy Wild Mountain's waterpark or go-karts.
“I love it here,” I beamed. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back so my entire face could bask in the sun. “Thank you for making this possible.”
“My pleasure,” Chris replied cheerfully.
“Hey, you two,” Georgia bellowed. “Let's go.”
Carolina was already settled in the middle of the canoe with our cooler. Rae was standing knee deep in water, holding the canoe in place. She was waiting for me to join them. In order to maintain the boat's balance, Rae wouldn't get in until I did. Though we'd all paddle, I would take the bow and Rae would sit in the stern so she could command the steering. Georgia left Chris's kayak resting on the shore as she shoved her kayak out into the water, excited to go.
As Rae and I joined Carolina in the canoe, I confirmed our plans by asking, “We're going to William O'Brien State Park, right?”
“Yes,” Georgia replied as she pulled a long side us in her kayak.
“How far is that again?” Carolina asked.
“It's about seventeen miles, so it's going to take about five to seven hours depending on how fast we go,” Chris replied from his kayak.
“Since it's Friday, there's only one shuttle to bring us back and it departs at 5:40 pm,” Georgia reminded us.
“What's that mean?” Rae wondered.
“Well, it's 10:00 am now, so we have exactly seven hours and forty minutes to get to our destination or we're out of luck in catching the shuttle,” Georgia grinned.
“I'm sure we can make it in that time,” I remarked. “Easy.”
“And if we don't?” Rae looked concerned.
“Then we walk back,” Georgia told her with a mischievous smile.
“What?” Rae asked in alarm. “Are you serious?”
We all laughed. Rae's reaction was so cute that we couldn't help ourselves. Our laughter made Rae realize Georgia was teasing her.
“You're an asshole,” she complained through poorly suppressed giggles.
“Osceola is a seven mile run that takes like two to three hours. When we near that point, we'll calculate our time to see if we can make it all the way to William O'Brien. If it doesn't look like we can make it then we just pull in at Osceola. They have shuttles that run hourly until 6:00 pm today,” I informed Rae.
“Bitch,” Rae said is mock anger as she splashed Georgia with her paddle.
“Hey!” Georgia complained and began to head towards us in order to exact revenge on Rae.
Rae squealed in delight at the new game and Carolina ordered, “Paddle! Paddle!”
I didn't have to be told twice! I certainly didn't want to get tipped into the water by my older sister. I put all my efforts into paddling and we quickly moved ahead, increasing the distance between us. And with that, the trip began.
“You're so burnt!” I explained as I looked at Carolina where her skin had been exposed to the sun all day on the water.
“Me?” she countered. “How's your cheeks feeling there, sis?”
I laughed happily. “A little tight, actually. Thanks for asking.”
“Yeah, well, it's hard not to notice,” Carolina teased.
As Rae approached us, both Carolina and I shook our heads. As we glowed in various shades of pink and red, Rae had a beautiful golden hue. Her olive skin always protected her, so she never got burnt, only tan. It was so annoying for those of us who understood the dangers of poor sunscreen protection.
“You suck,” I snapped at Rae playfully.
“No, I'm tan while you're crispy, so clearly, it's you who sucks.”
“We should have dunked her when we had the chance,” Carolina told me, causing a round of chuckles.
“Screw that!” I exclaimed. “We should have let Georgia have her!”
“Hey!” Rae said indignantly.
“What?” I asked in a playfully mocking tone. “What you gonna do? Huh? Huh, punk?”
“You better watch it,” Rae joked back. “You wouldn't want me taking your SPF-5000, now would you?”
“Go ahead,” Carolina chimed in. “Doesn't work anyway!”
That made Rae and I bust into a roar of laughter. Of course, Carolina just looked annoyed.
“I'm serious,” she informed us. “I cake that crap on like I'm smothering myself in paste and I still burn!”
“You kind of do look like your trying for that authentic 'Casper' look,” I replied.
“You're one to talk there, crispy,” Rae pointed out.
“Yeah, maybe,” I said. “But tomorrow my pink will turn to tan while Carolina's fated to peel back to her normal pale self.”
“You both suck,” Carolina declared as she stuck her tongue out at us.
We had made it to William O'Brien State Park, as expected, and just returned to Taylor's Falls on the shuttle. We were all exhausted, but pleased with our adventures of the day. When Georgia and Chris caught up to us, we piled into Georgia's Honda CRV together so we could get to the land before the sun set.
“Are we going to grab something to eat or what's the plan?” I asked. We had brought some snacks and bottled water in our floatable cooler, but that only held my hunger at bay. Now, after a long day of exercising, I was famished.
“I guess we could,” Chris replied, looking at Georgia for a final decision. When he held up his hands in a questioning gesture, Georgia just sort of shrugged.
“Yeah, okay,” she determined. “What does everyone want to eat?”
“Well, I think we should grab something quick so we can get settled before dark,” Carolina offered.
A Ripple of Fear (Fear of Dakota #1) Page 11
