by Jessica Loft
Maybe Cameron was right. Couldn’t hurt to get out and just have dinner. And maybe he’d even like this Nicole person. If he found someone better than Cass, maybe he could finally forget about her and move on.
Dylan pulled a shirt from the back of his closet and put it on, then headed to the restaurant. When he arrived, he texted Cameron, “I’m here.”
He responded quickly: “We’re already inside. Table to the left.”
Dylan took a few breaths to steady himself, wiped his palms on his pants, and went inside.
He looked around. He spotted Cameron and Grace, who both waved when they saw him. Sitting across from Grace was a woman. Long blonde hair hung straight down her back. For a second, his heart skipped. Was it Cass? But as he stepped closer, she turned and he saw that her nose was a little longer, her eyes a little smaller than Cass. Though she did look a little too much like her for his comfort.
Dylan shook Nicole’s hand, introduced himself, and took a seat next to her.
“So,” Nicole said, turning to him. “Grace tells me you’re a Navy SEAL.”
Dylan nodded. “I am. Or was. I’ve been put on disability.”
“Oh. And what do you do now?”
“Well, because of the disability I can’t work, so…”
She pressed her lips together in a tight smile. “I’m sorry to hear that. Thank you for serving. That’s very… courageous.”
“Thanks. And what do you do?”
“I work in a vet’s office. Receptionist and billing.”
He nodded. “I bet it’s nice getting to see all the animals all day.”
“Yeah, it is.”
They blinked at each other until, graciously, until Cameron and Grace took over the conversation. The rest of dinner had been somewhat the same. They had tried to talk, but there weren’t any connection points. Besides being friends with Cameron and Grace, he couldn’t find anything they had in common. Dylan had been glad to have his dinner as a distraction. Chicken Marsala had never seemed so interesting.
By the end of the night, when it was clear there was not even a hint of a spark, he was more disappointed than he realized. Perhaps it was time for him to start dating again. He’d secretly been counting on tonight to take his mind off Cass. He’d been hoping to find love again. And now he just missed Cass even more.
As he picked at his chicken he thought of their first date. How they’d only planned something small, to meet for coffee. Those online dating sites could make for awkward first dates, so they’d been careful. Even though they’d emailed and talked for weeks, he’d been so nervous to meet her that first time. And when a simple coffee date turned into a six-hour conversation, he’d known there was something special between them.
With her, it was like electric. They’d met at the coffee shop and when they ordered, both ordered the same drink—light roast with almond milk.
“You like almond milk, too?” she’d asked in shock. “I don’t meet too many men who do.”
“I love it. I love anything that tastes like almond.”
And from that point on, they’d found more ways to connect. More things in common. Their second date had been the very next day and it had lasted even longer. They couldn’t get enough of each other. But with this Nicole woman, there was nothing close to that. He couldn’t wait to get away from her and get home.
He didn’t stay for dessert. He excused himself and drove home feeling sadder than he had before he’d left the house.
Later that night, Cameron texted him, “So, guessing you didn’t feel any sparks?”
“Not even close.”
“You didn’t seem too interested. Bummer. Well, Grace isn’t giving up on you yet!”
“Tell her thanks, but I’m okay.”
He walked into the kitchen to grab some ice cream. It was his favorite thing to eat when he was feeling down, which was, of course, was all the time lately. He opened the carton and found only a small bowlful left. Damn, why don’t they make a never ending carton of ice cream? He scooped it into a bowl and ate it. He would definitely need to go to the store and get more. That could be his big adventure for tomorrow.
Chapter 3
Dylan parked his car and strolled into the grocery store. He took out his list and began in the front, where the produce was. By the time he made it all the way to the back of the store, where the milk and eggs were, he felt satisfied that his list was almost complete. He opened the door to the milk cooler and saw a woman reach forward. He stepped back to let her reach in and smiled at her.
His smile froze on his face and the woman paused with her hand on the almond milk carton.
“Dylan,” she said.
“I see you still drink almond milk,” he said.
Cass nodded and dropped the carton into her cart. “And so do you.”
He glanced over at the cooler, where he’d been about to grab a carton of the same milk she now had in her cart.
“How’s things?” she asked.
“You mean since you broke my heart?” He shrugged. “I’ve been better.”
Her face fell. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know you had your reasons.”
“I did, but I’m still sorry. It’s been a long time, though. I would have thought you’d be over me by now.”
He glanced into her cart and recognized many of her favorite things. The vanilla yogurt she ate most mornings. The lavender honey shampoo she used in her hair. The raspberry tea she drank at night while she read. He pictured her sitting in bed beside him, reading, the steaming mug by her side. His heart twisted painfully. She really thought he’d be over her? Never.
“What have you been up to since you got home?” she asked trying to change the subject. “Have you been home long?”
“A few months now.”
“Are you working, or…?”
He shook his head. “I can’t. I’m on disability.”
Her mouth parted and her eyes went wide. He saw a glimmer of concern. “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”
“It’s nothing like that, really. PTSD. They say I’m unfit to work.”
“Oh.” She looked down at her hands. “I’m sorry. I’m glad it wasn’t something worse, though.”
“Me too.”
“Hey Cass.” A man came to stand by her side. “I got the cheese.” He held up the package of Swiss.
She looked over at him and gave him a small smile. “Justin, this is Dylan.”
Justin pursed his lips and gave Dylan a head nod.
Dylan held out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Yeah.” Justin shook his hand, cutting the handshake short. “Ready?” He set the cheese in the cart.
“Umm, yeah.” She looked at Dylan for a long moment.
“Cass. Let’s. Go.” Justin’s tone was sharp and his expression impatient.
“Bye Dylan.” She walked away and looked back over her shoulder at him.
“Bye Cass.” He held up a hand as she turned back around.
He quickly grabbed his milk and decided even if there was anything left on his list it wasn’t that important. He made his way to the check out. While he was waiting in line he heard familiar voices from the lane next to him. He didn’t think they’d seen him, but they were talking loud enough for him to hear them easily if he focused on the conversation.
“No, it was great meeting your ex-fiancé,” Justin said, sarcasm heavy in his voice.
“It wasn’t like I planned to run into him. What did you want me to do?”
“I don’t know, how about not stand there and talk to the guy?”
“Justin, relax. It was only a few minutes.”
“Right.”
They didn’t say anything for several minutes. Then, Justin said, “What are you wearing to my mother’s tomorrow?”
“I thought my blue dress.”
“The one from Bloomingdale’s?”
“The one we got when we were in New York, yes.”
“No,�
� he said. “Don’t wear that. It’s not the right dress. What are you thinking?”
She spoke in a low tone when she responded. “I thought it would look nice.”
He recognized by her tone that her feelings were hurt. If it had been him, he would look at her right now and apologize. Maybe pull her in for a hug. But not Justin apparently.
Dylan heard him say, “Well, you thought wrong. Go with the cream and brown one. It’s much more appropriate.”
“Okay.”
It made his blood boil to hear her agree with him like that. And it made him even madder that he would dare treat her like that. Dylan never would have spoken like that to her. And yet, she was with Justin. And she’d chosen Justin over him. He shook his head and moved his items onto the belt at the checkout.
While he was paying, they walked by. They didn’t look his way, but he watched them. Cass had her arms crossed over her chest. A sure sign that she was feeling insecure. Justin walked boldly, too confident. Dylan looked over Justin’s clothing. Expensive looking suit. Cass, too, was wearing designer clothing. He gave the cashier the signed receipt and quickly left the store.
During the drive home thoughts swirled through Dylan’s mind. So, the guy had money, then. Was that it? That’s why she’d chosen him? Why would she be with Dylan, who couldn’t even work, when she could have Justin, who looked like he had plenty of money?
When he arrived home he put away his groceries and sat down at the couch. He felt physically and emotionally drained, the run in with Cass had definitely shaken him. It had brought back all the old hurt and longing like a new, raw wound. He kept picturing her. Saw her smile when she looked at him as she agreed to marry him. Pictured her bare body as she lay in bed after they made love. Heard her say she loved him and only him forever.
His chest ached painfully. It brought tears to his eyes and made his throat thick. He got up and took a swig of the almond milk in his refrigerator with a shaking hand.
He walked slowly back to his living room and sat on the couch until it was dark, thinking. He kept replaying the scene from the grocery store over and over. How she’d just been there out of nowhere. The shock he’d felt, the way his heart pounded so hard. He wasn’t able to think for several seconds. All the times he’d imagined seeing her again, it had never gone like that in his mind.
And oh, how beautiful she looked. Even in the ugly florescent light of the milk aisle, she was gorgeous. He should have kissed her when he had the chance. What would she have done? Run off? Screamed? Kissed him back?
No, she wouldn’t have kissed him back, he felt sure of that. But in his dreams she did. He’d imagined that she’d tell him how she’d made a mistake and she wanted him. That she still loved him and needed him back. And of course, he’d take her back in a second. It was all he wanted, to have her back.
And now, sitting in the dark alone, knowing she was with that jerk, his stomach turned, and he hated himself. He was nothing. He had nothing to offer her. Her or anyone else. He had no purpose anymore. He was starting to think he had no reason to even be alive.
Chapter 4
He didn’t sleep that night. When he closed his eyes, he saw her. His mind was full of her. He tossed and turned and found little rest.
As soon as he saw light through the window, he got up and showered. He hadn’t been up this early in a very long time, but today was different.
His mind and soul were quiet as he went about his room, dressing and getting ready. He looked at himself in the mirror, and turned to leave.
In the garage, he got into his car. He sat there for a moment, thinking. Could he really go through with this? Could he really do it?
After many more minutes of thought, he decided he had no choice. There was nothing left to do. He started the car and looked in the mirror. Then, he backed out and turned down the street.
He knew the way to her house so well, he could drive there in his sleep. Though she’d moved in with him when they got engaged, he had made many, many trips to her place before that. And since the house belonged to her grandmother, she’d moved back in when he’d left for his deployment.
When he turned into her driveway, he was relieved to see her car and only her car there.
He shut off the engine and got out, hardly believing what he was about to do. This could go wrong in so many ways.
He knocked on her door, his heart beating so fast, it made his hands shake.
She pulled the door open and it was clear on her face that he was not who she expected to see on her doorstep.
“Dylan,” she said. “What are you doing here?”
“I have to talk to you.”
She chewed her lip, then stepped aside to let him in. She wore sweatpants and an old, faded t-shirt. Her hair was in tangles on the top of her head in a loose ponytail. She looked so amazing. He loved her fresh-out-of-bed look as well as any of her other looks.
She walked into the living room and sat uncomfortably on the edge of the armchair. It was the only other furniture in the room besides the couch. But this way, she could ensure he wouldn’t sit too close to her.
He sat on the couch and stared at her. She looked away and tucked a piece of light hair behind her ear.
“So, what did you need to talk about? I mean, what else is there to say?”
“Why Justin?”
“What do you mean?”
“What made you choose him?” he asked.
“I love him.”
He watched her face as she said it, and he thought there was a glimmer of a lie there. She said it without emotion, like she’d said it so many times, she didn’t think about it anymore.
“Why?” he asked.
“Dylan, why are you here? Why are you doing this? It’s over between us. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is. You have to get over me. Move on.”
He shook his head. “You’re crazy to think I’d ever get over you.”
“Don’t say that!” Her voice wavered.
“You don’t love him.”
Cass stood and wiped her eyes. “I think you should go.”
“Just tell me why. If you don’t love him, why are you with him? Why did you leave me and end up with someone like him?”
“I didn’t break up with you to be with him. I didn’t meet him until weeks later.”
“But why are you with him now? Cass, I heard him in the store. He talks horribly to you. I wanted to punch him for how he spoke to you. I never treated you like that.”
“Please, Dylan. Please just go before you make it worse.”
“I will.” He got to his feet. “But first, just tell me why. You can at least do that, can’t you?”
“He’s a good guy deep down inside.”
“How deep?”
She glared at him and her words took on a hard edge. “It’s really none of your business. We broke up. I’m sorry it’s still hurting you, but I’ve moved on. I’m getting married next month.”
“Married? You’re marrying Justin?”
“Yes.” She crossed her arms and gave him a defiant look.
He shook his head. “It’s the money, then.”
“What!” She dropped her arms and gritted her teeth.
“You’re marrying him because he has money. That has to be the reason because the Cassandra that I know and love would never put up with someone treating her the way he treats you. The Cassandra I know is full of love and life and happiness. And somehow, you’re not you when you’re with him.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. You see us one time in a grocery store, on a bad day, and you think you have all the answers?”
“Tell me then.” His voice rose. He tried to keep it low and steady, but the rage tore him up. “If he’s so great and wonderful, tell me one reason why you’re marrying him.”
She closed her eyes and took in several deep breaths, letting them out slowly one after another. She gritted her teeth and said quietly, “I’m pregnant.”
The rage inside h
im crashed into despair. He took a step back. “Pregnant?”
She looked at him with tears in her eyes. “Yes. So, that’s why, okay? Are you happy now? I’m marrying him because I’m pregnant, and I don’t have a choice.”
“Are you saying that you wouldn’t if you weren’t?”
“I don’t know. We didn’t talk about it until I was, so I don’t know.”
He sat back down on the couch for a moment and stared straight ahead. The little ceramic cat that she’d picked out and painted on one of their dates still sat on her entertainment center. Did Justin know where she got it? Did he know that she’d sat beside Dylan, and they’d laughed and painted together while they drank wine?
A blue swirl ran around the cat’s belly. He remembered that when she’d painted it, her tongue had stuck out of her mouth in concentration. When he’d told her how cute she was, she’d dabbed that same blue on his nose. He’d rubbed his nose against hers, and they had a photo somewhere of the two of them covered in painted, holding up their masterpieces. In his bedroom, he still had the dragon he’d painted. It was in a box in the back of his closest because looking at it reminded him of her.
But it didn’t matter now. Whether she wanted to marry Justin or not, she would. Of course she would. The Cass he loved would want to do the right thing. Would want a father for her baby. It didn’t matter what had happened between them now or then. It was over for good. She would marry Justin and have his baby and hopefully, she’d be happy.
He stood again and went to her. He took her into his arms for a quick moment and hugged her. Then he stepped back. “Congratulations,” he said. “I wish you happiness in your marriage and I hope everything goes well with the baby. I know you always wanted to be a mom.”
She watched him back away until he turned from her.
“Dylan?”
He looked over his shoulder.
“I did love you. I really did. And I’m sorry.”
“I know,” he said.
