by Jessica Loft
He walked out the door and drove away.
Chapter 5
Instead of going home, Dylan drove to a park. He walked through the woods for a long time, stuck in thought. He’d lost so much on his last deployment. He not only lost Cass, but now he’d lost the ability to be a soldier. To be the man he was. And now what was he? A jobless bum. He had no one and nothing. Cameron was only his friend because he’d been for so long. But it wasn’t like they had fun anymore. They used to go out to the bar, to the movies, whatever. They had fun together, but now it was always Cameron trying to get him out of the house. Trying to get him to do something and to feel again.
The therapy wasn’t helping. The medication they had him on wasn’t helping. He still had nightmares and he still woke up feeling hollow. He still went through his days hopeless and purposeless. But he knew how he could make all of that change.
With fresh determination, he got in his car and drove to the closest military base. He showed his credentials to get on base and went right to the doctor. He told the receptionist he had an emergency and was told to sit and wait.
He waited twenty minutes, then finally a doctor came out. “Dylan Klein?”
Dylan stood and followed the man back to his office.
“What’s going on?” the doctor asked, looking over Dylan’s file.
“I need to be cleared to work again. I’m sitting at home all day and therapy and anti-depressants aren’t helping. Not working is making it worse. I can’t take it anymore. I have to do something. I feel…”
The doctor looked up at him, waiting.
“I feel like my life has no point. It used to mean something. Now I’m useless.”
The doctor made several notes. “What sort of work are you interested in?”
“I used to be in sales. I sold insurance over the phone.”
“So, an office job?”
Dylan nodded.
The doctor took all his vitals, made him cough, bend over, and get weighed. He checked his eyes and asked a lot questions about his sleep habits, his eating, and his exercise.
“I’m going to clear you for light duty. So, that means office work and similar jobs. But.” He pointed his pen at Dylan. “Do not miss your weekly therapy appointment and I want you exercising.”
Dylan nodded again, relief already running through him. “I will.”
“And I want you to come back in a few weeks.”
“Yes, sir.”
After his appointment ended, Dylan sat for several minutes in the waiting room filling in question after question of the same exact things he had just answered for the doctor. When his paperwork was ready he left it on the table and walked out to his car, pausing to text Cameron before driving off.
“Just got cleared for light duty. Is your company hiring?”
His response was fast. “Yes! Stop in.”
Instead of heading home, Dylan drove to Cameron’s work, a finance company who dealt mostly in mortgages. He parked and met Cameron in the lobby.
“Come with me,” he said, grinning. “This is going to be awesome.”
Dylan followed Cameron to an office door where he briskly knocked. A minute later a deep voice told them to enter. They went in and took the seats across from a balding man with a bright red tie.
“Doug, this is my best friend, Dylan, that I told you about. He just got cleared on base today and he’s ready to get back to work.”
“That so?” Doug nodded. “And Cameron tells me you have plenty of sales experience.”
“Yes, sir,” Dylan said. “It’s all I did before my deployment.”
“I’m not the type to let a man willing to work sit at home, especially not one who fought for our country. I’d love to give you a shot. Why don’t you come in tomorrow and we’ll find a desk for you.”
“Thank you very much,” Dylan said, and shook his hand.
Cameron and Dylan left the office and Cameron walked him out to his car.
“That was fast,” Dylan said, amazed.
“I’ve been talking you up for a while. He told me that as soon as you were cleared, he’d bring you on, so it was just a matter of waiting.”
“You are too good of a friend.” Dylan clapped him on the shoulder.
“It’s just good to see you out and about. This will be good. You’ll have a job and we’ll get to hang all day.”
Dylan nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, man. This is huge. It’s time for me to start living again.”
“Agreed.”
Chapter 6
After his first week of work, Dylan felt like a new person. He threw himself into his job fully, learning quickly and pulling ten-hour days from the start. It was also great to work with Cameron, who was a constant source of positive encouragement. By that Friday evening, he went home, tired from something other than his emotional turmoil. He’d even been sleeping better all week.
Saturday morning, he got up and made breakfast, then sat on his porch reading the paper, something he hadn’t done in months.
A car pulled up in front of his house and stopped. He put the paper down to watch the person get out of the car and walk around toward him. When he saw that it was Cass, he got to his feet.
Why would she possibly be here? Did she just want to torture him further?
“Hi,” she said, looking up at him warily as she climbed his front steps. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure.” He moved the paper over for her to sit.
“Umm…” She looked up and down the street. “Maybe inside?”
“Okay.” He stood and held the door open for her.
He followed her to the kitchen, where she stood, looking out his sliding glass doors to his backyard. He stood beside her, hands in his pockets. They said nothing for a long while, then she turned to him with tears in her eyes.
“I think I made a huge mistake,” she said.
“About?”
“You. I shouldn’t have ended things. I was stupid. I didn’t know what I wanted. But I know now. And I messed up.” She covered her face with her hands.
Dylan didn’t know what to say. Was this really happening? After finding out she was pregnant and marrying another man, he’d done his best to put her out of his mind. Hard as it had been, now that he had a new job, he’d been able to think about her less this last week than he had in months. And now she was going to say all this?
She looked up at him. “Say something.”
He shrugged. “What do you want me to say? You’re still pregnant, right? You’re still marrying him, right?”
“Dylan…” Her eyes swam with tears and pleaded with him.
“What do you want from me, Cass? I said everything I needed to say to you the last time we talked. And you ended that conversation by telling me you’re pregnant and marrying Justin.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just thought…”
He waited for her to continue and when she didn’t, he lifted his hands.
She started crying and went to sit on the couch, burying her face in her hands again. Dylan sat beside her.
What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? He stared ahead, tapping his pointer fingers together. Maybe he should just call Justin to come get her. What else was there to do? He had no chance with her now. She made her choice and now they’d both have to live with it.
“Dylan,” she whispered, her voice rough from crying. “Do you still love me?”
“Yes. Of course I do.”
“How can you after what I did to you?”
“Well,” he said, “That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, but it didn’t change the way I felt about you. The reasons I fell in love with you are still the same.”
“You’re too good of a man. Far better than Justin.”
He pressed his lips together. There was so much he could say to that. None of it would be good, though. It would only hurt her, and she was hurting enough at the moment.
“I wish…” She turned to face him, pulling her leg up ont
o the couch and tucking it under her. “I wish I was having your baby instead of his. I wish I were marrying you instead of him.”
He laughed humorlessly. “That’s kinda funny. I think at one point, I’d asked you to do that very thing. You did say yes once, but then you changed your mind.”
“I didn’t just change my mind. There was a lot more to it than that.”
“Like what?”
“It was really hard having you be gone for so long. You have no idea how I worried about you. It drove me crazy. I couldn’t sleep. I would have these nightmares where something happened to you. You’d get shot or killed, and then I’d wake up and you wouldn’t be there, and I couldn’t even call you to make sure you were okay. I just waited for a phone call or for someone to show up at my door and tell me you were dead. It’s hard to be alone for so many months worrying at a time when I was used to being with you constantly.”
“I guess you made the right choice, then. I’m sure Justin is around plenty and won’t go off to serve our country anytime soon. He sure doesn’t seem like the type.”
“He’s not,” she said quietly. “He’s nothing like you at all.”
“And that’s what you wanted, isn’t it? You broke up with me for a reason. And now you have someone who doesn’t have any of the things you hated about me. It sounds perfect to me. Baby on the way, engagement ring on your finger.” He shook his head. “Why are you here, Cass?”
“I thought I knew what I wanted, but Dylan, I was stupid. I didn’t realize what I was losing when I lost you—”
“Oh no. You didn’t lose me. You ditched me. Let’s get it straight. You broke my heart, and now you’re sitting in my house, with another man’s baby in your belly, and another man’s ring on your finger, telling me you made a mistake, and you want me to do, what? Whisk you away from him because you realized that he’s not as good as me and it took you too long to come to that conclusion? I’m not going to do it, Cass. I’m not going to sit here and listen to this. You made your choice. Now live with it.”
“Don’t say that.” Tears streamed down her face. “You still love me. And I still love you. There has to be a way to make this work. It can’t just be over between us.”
“Cass!” He got to his feet, his heart tearing in two. “Enough of this.”
How long had he dreamed of this moment? How long had he wished and hoped and begged God for it? And now here it was. But it wasn’t at all how he pictured it. When he dreamed of her coming back to him, she was his completely. But in this cruel reality she was engaged and pregnant. She wasn’t his. She belonged to Justin now and no matter how badly he wanted to take her away, it wasn’t the right thing to do.
She looked up at him, her eyes still glimmering with tears, and watched him pace across the room.
His voice crept higher as his anger grew. “You can’t just come in here and do this to me. Do you know how hard it’s been to try to get over you? Do you know how long it took me to be able to get out of bed every day? To feel anything at all again? I’ve been numb for months, Cassandra. Months.”
She stood and came to him. “Then let’s go back to how things were. We can be together again.”
He glared at her and gritted his teeth. “There is no going back anymore. It’s too late.”
“No, it can’t be.” She shook her head. “No.” She reached out and grabbed his hands. “Dylan. I love you.”
Then she stepped forward and pressed her lips to his. He started to pull back, and she stepped forward to keep the kiss going.
He knew he should stop her. Should push her back and refuse to kiss her. But he couldn’t. His heart wouldn’t let him deny the thing it wanted more than breath. He put his hand at the back of her neck and pulled her closer. Her body pressed into his. His arm wrapped around her waist. He kissed her like he’d never kiss her again. Because he never would. This was his one last moment to hold her close.
Then she stopped. She stepped back, looked at him with desperate longing, turned, and ran out the door.
Chapter 7
Dylan paced the room for a long while after Cass left. All the feelings he’d been working to overcome were now raging inside him. All the longing for her was fresh and raw again, the desire pulling at him to do something, to go to her.
But he couldn’t. She still wasn’t his. She was no more his now than when she’d mailed him the letter that ended their relationship. She’d chosen someone else and agreed to married him and had even gotten pregnant to him. There was no way to undo all that. Or was there?
She’d said, “Let’s go back.” Could they? Is there any way it could happen?
Well, engagements were broken all the time, right? Hadn’t she broken theirs? So, she could leave him. Give the ring back and tell him she changed her mind.
Then there was the baby. If she didn’t marry Justin and married Dylan instead, it wouldn’t change the fact that it was Justin’s baby. But did that matter? In the end, if he married her, he’d be like a father to her child whether he actually was or not. Maybe there would be some sort of custody agreement where Justin would have the baby sometimes. Dylan would have to be willing to be a father to a child that wasn’t his. But if it was hers, he could do that. He could take care of her child and be his or her father. Especially if it meant being with her again.
He let these thoughts sink in. Could this really be happening? Could he really be thinking through ways to get back together with her? Had she really come over here and told him she wanted him back and kissed him? She’d kissed him. It wasn’t his move. It was hers. Every time he thought of her lips pressed against his, her body close, it warmed his chest. And there was no way around the reality.
Whatever healing he’d done didn’t matter. If she wanted him back, he would take her. He barely had to think about it. She said she wanted to be his again, so he would make her his again.
He made a decision, walked to his car, and got inside. He drove to her house and was ready to go inside to talk to her, then he stopped.
Justin was the baby’s father and they were planning to get married. Which meant they would be a family. By doing this, by taking her away from him, or letting her come to him, he was breaking up a family. He was letting her do the same thing to Justin that she’d done to him. And that, he couldn’t do.
He started the car again and drove home.
~
Dylan made it to all the way to Wednesday before he realized he’d made a mistake. Sure, maybe they would be a family, but Justin wouldn’t make a good father. Not based on what Dylan had seen of him. If Cass was already unhappy and didn’t want to marry him in the first place, then how long would their marriage last? And if she’d just end up divorcing him in a few years, then he might as well take her from him now. Might as well save the child the despair of facing the separation of his or her parents. The child could be raised with a mom and step dad and have security in that.
By the time he got home from work, he knew he had no choice but to give it a try. If he didn’t try, if he didn’t go to her when she wanted him, he’d regret it forever. How could he live with himself knowing she’d come and kissed him and said she wanted him back and he had done nothing about it? He couldn’t live that that, plain and simple.
Now he sat in front of her house, practicing in his mind what he’d say to her. He took a few breaths, patted his pocket, and went to the door.
She opened the door and her mouth dropped open. “Dylan. I thought I’d never see you again.”
He stepped toward her and she stepped back. They moved into the entryway of her house and he swept her into his arms. He pressed his lips to her, kissing her passionately. She hesitated for a moment, then reached up to him. She wove her fingers through his hair, pressing against him.
“I love you,” he said. “I have since I met you. I know it took me a few days after you came to see me, but I know I can’t live without you.” He reached into his shirt pocket and took out the ring. The same ring he’d given her the
first time he proposed.
He dropped down to one knee and looked up at her. “I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and your baby. I want to take care of you both and make you my family. Marry me and make me the happiest man on earth.”
She wiped tears from her eyes and said quietly, “Yes.” He stood and kissed her again.
“What the hell is going on here?” The door slammed shut.
The loudness was so sudden, it made Dylan jump. For a moment, his mind flashed with a memory. The sound of the explosion, the feel of being pushed back by shock waves. His body was flooded with panic, and he was back in that other place, watching his friends and fellow soldiers die. He tensed and shook his head as if that could clear the memory. And now Justin was here, sending more adrenaline rushing through his body.
“Justin!” Cass cowered behind Dylan.
Dylan moved to guard her, keeping her fully behind him as he faced Justin. He was shaking and ready to fight.
“I saw you kissing him!” Justin stormed over to them, his face red with rage and his fists tight.
“Back up,” Dylan said. He stepped forward, letting his height and presence dominate the situation. He still had a soldier’s body, strong and muscular. He was trained to fight. Justin wouldn’t stand a chance against him, and he probably knew that.
“I need to talk to my fiancé,” Justin spit at him.
Dylan could feel Cass shaking behind him. He reached one hand back to put it on her waist. To touch her in some way to give her comfort. Why was she so afraid of him?
“I think you should just leave now,” Dylan said slowly. “When you’ve calmed down, you can talk to her.”
Justin glared and walked out the door, slamming it shut behind him.
Dylan turned to Cass and pulled her close, but she only stayed in his arms for a moment.
“That was too easy,” she said. “He’s up to something.”
“What do you mean? He knows he can’t win in a fight against me.”
She shook her head fervently. “I know he can’t, but he won’t just give up like that.”
