The Smartest Girl in the Room

by Deborah Nam-Krane

  Emily laughed. No one had ever called her enigmatic. "I don’t know. We haven’t covered high school yet."

  "I promise, you tell me about college, and I’ll tell you about high school."

  "Um... okay, but college won't take long. There was this one guy last year. He was gorgeous- totally built, green eyed, suntanned Greek god-"

  "He was Greek?"

  "Um, no, I don’t think so. Actually, I think he was Swiss or something."

  "Sorry, go on."

  "Anyway, I saw him at the beginning of last Spring quarter and I kept looking out for him, and then I figured out what he did. He was in SGC. I figured out the best way to get to see him was to get into the SGC. And that took me all of two days. And then I got there and I made sure I got onto his committee. He was a VP, of course. And then I was so disappointed."

  "Why, did he have a girlfriend?"

  "No. I mean, he might have, I don’t know. Things didn’t get that far. It was just..." she laughed again. "He talked. He spoke, and he was so underwhelming. He was totally beautiful- I mean, I have yet to see another human being as gorgeous as this guy- but he could not put two words together and make any sense of them. Or so I thought. Everyone else... I don’t know. I think they thought he was hot too, and that must have made everything he said sound that much better. Even for the very straight men. So I didn’t last two meetings there. But at least I met Zainab."

  Drew peered in a little closer. "That’s it? That’s your romantic history since you’ve been here?"

  "Yeah," Emily shrugged. Mitch wasn’t worth talking about. "But you still owe me high school."

  "Oh, no! You aren’t done yet, young lady. What about high school?"

  "High school was a humiliating experience I don’t usually talk about."

  "High school always sucks. Come on- you think I liked talking about Sophie?"

  Emily took a sip of water and closed her eyes. "I got off to a very bad start in high school. In grade school, I was the one with braces, and that stuck with me for freshman year. I didn’t have too many friends, forget boyfriends. That was probably more my fault than anyone else’s. And home... was Hell. My father was already gone, thank God. But my mother couldn't let well enough alone and replaced him with someone even worse.

  "When the braces came off at the end of freshman year, I was ready to go home with the first person who made a pass at me. I didn't exactly do that, but I did pretty soon after. The first guy... He was like my father and stepfather rolled into one. He humiliated me with other people, by himself, you name it. He finally ended it, which was ironic, because I'd wanted to leave so many times before and he begged me to stay.

  "For junior year I ended up with my dad and his new wife because my mother was so into her husband. That was fun, although my dad didn’t beat me up now because his new wife didn’t know about that. Then in walked loser number two. He liked sneaking around with me and indulged me about happily ever after. Sci-Fi geek, would be anarchist, blah, blah, blah.

  "My father found out, threatened me several times, which I casually mentioned to a friend. Fortunately or unfortunately, her mother was in the room, and she happened to work at the DA’s office, and said she might have to report my dad. I told my dad, he kicked me out, and I stayed with that friend for the year. And sometime shortly after that loser number two dumped me. The only good thing is that my friend's parents made my dad pay for me while I was staying with them, and then at the end of high school they gave me all of the money they'd saved on my behalf.

  "My mother felt just terrible, so she begged me to live with her. I said no, but I did agree to come to stay for college. Mostly because I wasn’t stupid about how much my father was going to pay for me to do anything. And she was so happy to have me back that she moved into a smaller apartment and put me on the loveseat in her office, where I have been for the last year and a half." She finally took in the shocked expression on Drew’s face. "Sorry. Even high school is a little short on dating."

  "Wow," Drew said finally. "I guess I should stop bitching about Harvard, huh?"

  "Are you going to tell me about high school, or not?"

  "I will as soon as you’re done."

  "You want more gory details? What? Number of times I hooked up with someone?"

  "I’ll pass on that. I mean the one you liked. There must have been one guy you actually liked, who didn’t break your heart, or I think you’d hate everyone."

  She looked at her water. "Yeah, there was one guy," she said softly.

  "What was his name?"

  "Charles, but everyone called him Chas. Everyone but me that is. I always called him Charlie. He was... beautiful. He was perfect. He was one of the most intelligent people I've ever met, and gorgeous, witty, bitter and... really gentle and poetic when no one was looking."

  "And then what happened?"

  "That was during freshman year, when the braces were still on. There was never a chance."

  "Is that why it still bothers you?"

  "No…" She shook her head. "He was the blonde golden boy with the sea blue eyes that everyone loved and I was the dark little goblin that no one noticed or cared about, but we were the same. There was this one moment when I realized that, and it was one of the only moments where I was out of myself and my misery and I just was. Not happy or scared or angry. I just was and everything was okay because for the first time I wasn’t alone." Emily remembered that night by the bus stop when she and Charlie talked about the joke that was life. She saw stars when she went home that night, and the hope that had seeped out of her came flooding back. Oh, starlight.

  "Nothing happened?"

  She looked away. "I realized a few years later that something could have happened, maybe a couple of times, but I said no in one way or another. It wasn’t perfect, and I wasn’t going to have the thing I wanted so badly unless it was absolutely perfect. And of course, nothing ever is."

  She jolted back to the present when Drew grabbed her by the waist and pulled her up into a soft, wet kiss. Right now, his strong scent didn't bother her. She pulled away and looked at him with some surprise. "Did you notice that I have blue eyes? Granted, no one ever said they looked like the sea, but I’ve had a bunch of people tell me that they’re very nice. And I’m blonde. Did I mention that?"

  "I did notice."

  "Oh good," Drew said, and then kissed her again. "But I’ve also been told, in case it wasn’t clear, that I’m pretty smart too. I’m sensing kind of a theme with you."

  "Yes, you get points in the IQ department. But Drew-" she tried to pull back, but he pulled her closer. "You have no idea how messed up my life still is."

  "So tell me," he said softly. She closed her eyes, put her cheek on his chest and started to cry. "Hey," Drew said, rubbing her back. "It can’t be all that bad."

  She opened her eyes and he wiped away her tears. As she looked at him closely, she thought he was handsome when he was serious and sweet. "Why don’t you shut up and kiss me?" Smiling, he obliged.

  CHAPTER 23

  By the end of the evening, Emily had a place to stay. She didn’t tell Drew about her mother, but by early Friday morning he asked her to pick up her things and bring them over. "It’s a big place, and I could use the company." Emily smiled and wrapped Drew’s arms around her as she fell into a deep sleep.

  There was just one thing. It wasn’t sex. Well, it was and it wasn’t. It reminded her of the eighth grade, or what she had hoped the eighth grade might be. She didn’t say anything, because she could tell that he was trying to be a nice guy.

  She woke up at eight on Friday and looked at the bright, grey December light streaming in through the window. She exhaled. She hadn’t realized how much loneliness and worry had weighed on her until they were gone.

  She turned to see Drew asleep next to her. She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair, then kissed his forehead. The kiss woke up him up. He smiled back. "Good morning, gorgeous."

  "Gorgeous? Boy, you must be pretty slee
py." Emily kissed him again. "So what’s the plan for this lovely Friday?"

  Drew stiffened. "Did you say Friday?"

  "That is the day that comes after Thursday, right?"

  "Oh, jeez!" He jumped out of bed and looked at the clock. "There’s somewhere I have to be at nine. I’ve got to get in the shower."

  Emily sank back into the bed when she heard the shower running. What to do today?

  She sat upright. Her mother would be out of work by five and home by six. Could she finagle Zainab into meeting her that much earlier?

  Emily ran into the bathroom as soon as Drew was out. The sooner she could get ready, the sooner she might be able to pull this off. As she dried off, she thought she heard some banging coming from the living room, but then assumed it was from students moving out of the next door apartment.

  She put her clothes on and came out. Drew looked surprised. "Yes?" Emily laughed.

  "That’s the quickest shower I have ever seen a woman take."

  "I’m just full of surprises. So, where are you off to this morning? Final? Solar car?"

  "A final. I had to wheedle this at the last minute, and I really don’t want to piss anybody off, so I can’t be late."

  Emily shrugged. "Sounds good. What time will you be back?"

  "Um, three? What about you?"

  "I think I’m going to take you up on your generous offer and get my stuff out of my mother’s house... unless that was just the late night talking?"

  He kissed her on the nose. "I would be honored to have you cram your stuff into my closet. Here is an extra key," he reached into his pocket. "Just in case you’re back before I am. I’m sorry I can’t help, but I have to run, like now!"

  "Good luck!" she shouted as he ran out the door. The door slammed shut, and then she smiled, hugging herself a little bit.

  She dialed Zainab a moment later. "Tell me you’re not hung over," Emily said hopefully.

  "Not much. Why?"

  "Because I need a big, huge, sober favor."

  "Uh huh?"

  "Will you meet me at the St. Paul stop and help me move my stuff out of my mom’s house?"

  A long pause followed. "Okay, maybe I’m more hung over than I thought. What?"

  "It’s a really long story, and I’ll be happy to fill you in, but I want to get my stuff out ASAP."

  "And is your stuff coming to my place afterward? I just need to know."

  Someday she would tell Zainab all about this week. "Drew’s apartment."

  "Is this why you don’t date much? You can’t go out with someone without moving in with them?"

  "Can you meet me or not?"

  "What time?"

  It was nine now. "How about ten?"

  Zainab groaned. "See you then."

  "Thank you!" Emily hung up and clapped her hands. This was going to work.

  CHAPTER 24

  Emily needed to use the ATM and got to the train stop five minutes late. She found Zainab standing with two Starbucks cups and tapping her foot. "And this is the thanks I get for dragging myself out of bed at the ungodly hour of nine-thirty?"

  "I’m sorry, I thought you’d be a little late, and I thought I should walk because... because I just didn’t want to sit on the train all by myself. I am just..." She smiled at nothing in particular. "I’m so happy."

  "Drew’s that good, huh? Who’d have thunk it?"

  "Oh shut up!"

  "He’s not that good?"

  "I’m sure he is but-"

  "You actually got drunk and you don’t know?"

  "Bite your tongue. It’s just that we didn’t, you know..."

  Zainab looked confused for a minute then laughed. "But you slept over, and you’re going to be sleeping over. How could... Okay, which brings me to the obvious: aren’t you rushing things a little?"

  "Sorry. What’s the appropriate period of time before I move in with someone?"

  "Um, I don’t know. Something more like a couple of months as opposed to a couple of hours?"

  "And all of this would offend you less if I had slept with him?"

  "I’d get it. What if you sleep with him and you don’t like it?"

  "I don’t think anyone is going to be compared to the Kama Sutra."

  "You know what I mean. What about chemistry?"

  "Trust me, there’s chemistry."

  "Okay."

  "Don’t you ‘okay’ me. I’m the judgmental one in this relationship."

  "Yeah? Well, I think I’ve bought myself at least a few foolish episodes without anything out of you."

  "Fair enough, but I draw the line at you falling asleep on your wall."

  "Oh shut up," Zainab said as the fifty-seven bus pulled up.

  They got on the bus and talked about plans for the break- "I’m taking the bus to Westchester on Sunday afternoon. My mom wanted me to take a plane, but I managed to convince her to use the difference on some shopping instead. Aren’t I a clever girl?"- And finals- "Thank God those are over. I’ve timed my visit home to end before grades are mailed out. No, I did not fail, but yes, you have my word that I will be spending much more time with you at the library this quarter." Zainab made even the lousy ride back to her mother’s house fun.

  Thirty five minutes after they’d gotten on, they stepped off in front of Emily’s mother’s house. Emily looked at the faded wood and dried up rosebush. "I have never been to your house before," Zainab remarked as Emily opened the door.

  "And now you’ll know why." When they walked in, they were hit with the smell of trash Emily hadn’t taken out yesterday and the sight of dirty dishes in the sink and on the kitchen table.

  "Welcome to my lavish quarters." Emily opened the door to the study. The desk was messy with her mother’s papers, but the rest of the room was reasonably neat and tidy. Almost all of Emily’s clothing was folded up at the bottom of the closet, and her books were in a corner of the room. She grabbed her half-packed suitcase and packed up the rest of her wardrobe. Next, she went into the bathroom and grabbed her toiletries. She threw those in, closed the suitcase, and then packed her books and papers into her backpack. "And that’s that," she said with satisfaction.

  "So what did you need me for?"

  "It’s two bags, but they are heavy." Zainab grabbed the pullout handle of the luggage, which Emily could have easily dragged while carrying the backpack across her shoulder. "Okay, we’re done here."

  "That’s really it? You don’t have more clothes?"

  "You have seen my wardrobe."

  "True. Aren’t you going to leave a note?"

  "Nope. I’ll send her an email."

  "Then I guess we are done." Emily followed Zainab through the kitchen and out the living room to the front door. Zainab held the screen door as Emily locked up and then placed the key under the doormat. "Is that safe?"

  "She’ll find it."

  They crossed the street and waited in silence for the next bus to come. After two minutes, Zainab asked, "So how long did you live there?"

  "Right after high school, pretty much."

  "Is that where you always slept?"

  "You mean in the study?"

  "No, I mean on the loveseat."

  Emily looked away. "Much better than some of the other couches I’ve slept on; present company’s excluded, of course."

  "Of course." Zainab replied. "And in case you were wondering, it’s always available."

  Emily didn’t look at Zainab because she didn’t want to start crying. "Just so you know, if I ever do end up on your couch, you’ll have the cleanest apartment and best homemade food you have ever eaten."

  "Why am I taking you to Drew’s then?" They both laughed, and after a moment Emily could look at Zainab with some composure. Zainab rubbed Emily's arm. "Promise me you’re not just doing this for a place to stay."

  Emily shook her head. Sleeping on a couch for a year and a half and then getting teased by some charmer had left her with more than a dull ache in her back. She had missed feeling wanted. "I promise," she sai
d as the bus arrived.

  They rode all the way to Kenmore Square and then walked to Hemenway Street.

  "And now for the new digs," Emily said when they got to Drew’s building.

  "Oh, wow," Zainab said when they walked in. "It’s big."

  "But?" Emily put her bags down.

  "It’s kind of bare."

  "Ah, but I have an alternate view of luxury. You can always get more stuff, but it’s hard to acquire more space."

  "True. So, aren’t you going to offer me something to drink after all of that non-labor?"

  "Hmm." Emily went into the kitchen and while there was a little bit of juice and water left over from the night before, it was otherwise bare. There was, of course, quite a bit of fresh pasta and some sauce, but that didn’t feel like real food. Emily took out her cash. She had forty dollars. "How about I give you some juice, and then we go over to Whole Foods to do some shopping?"

  "What am I, your beast of burden today?"

  "Not just today."

  Zainab drank her juice then they left for Whole Foods. "What did you get when you had your first apartment?"

  Zainab thought for a minute. "Cereal."

  "Cereal? Okay, cereal. Good for breakfast. And then maybe some juice."

  "No, get some fresh fruit- juice has too much sugar."

  "Fruit, check. And what else?"

  "Milk for the cereal."

  "Soymilk. What else?"

  "What do you eat for lunch?"

  "I usually have to pack things for long trips, but if I’m home for lunch- or close by- then I can do something like... ooh, a sandwich!"

  "Only you would get excited about a sandwich. Okay, so then you need bread, veggies... what do you use instead of meat?"

  "Cheese- I can do cheese."

  "Cheese. Okay. Then what about dinner?"

  "What’s cheap? I think I’m running into my cash limit for now." What about later?

  "Rice and beans."

  "Ugh..."

  "No, seriously, you can do a lot with that."

  "Tell me more."

  "Well, I should eat more of it, but some of my friends have made some really delicious rice or couscous and bean dishes that are soooo good. You need some spice and herbs and veggies, but those aren’t usually too expensive."