If, in the end, she didn’t feel for him what he felt for her; if she couldn’t see herself feeling that way, ever, then they would be friends.
He would not give up the closeness they had rebuilt, not for anything.
But he hoped that one day not too far away, they would have more than that between them.
A man could hope, couldn’t he?
So he listened as Leigh talked about work, and he talked to her about everything and anything he could think of, too, and treasured every moment he spent with her. He reined in the impatience and that need ruthlessly.
He would give her what she needed, no matter how difficult it was, and he would treasure her trust and friendship even if they turned into nothing more. Because her friendship was precious, in and of itself, and he would always value it.
He would never give it up.
*****
Three more weeks found Leigh bouncing back, well and good, and happier than she had felt in a while.
Of course, there was an excellent reason for that, apart from Harrison – Emily was finally coming back.
Emily had told Leigh, very firmly, that she did not need to be picked up, but she was going to stay with Leigh for a couple of days before she went home.
That had always been the plan, since Emily had sublet her apartment before leaving, and the lease had been extended when her plans changed. The students who were living there had three more days.
Leigh was glad, and she was cooking.
Emily had always had a weakness for pot rice and wonton soup, and she was making both – from scratch.
She had a feeling she might regret it. Emily would probably regret it, too.
But hell, she felt like celebrating, and she wanted to feel like she had earned it.
Work was going well, far better than she’d hoped, because Slimy Willie had the flu. There was a part of her that hoped that it would be debilitating and might require him to retire and live off the considerable wealth of his family.
That part of her got bigger and bigger with every productive day at work, especially when Coleman noticed her excellent work and commended her for it.
Long may it last, she hoped.
Harrison had been busy, but he had still made time for her. She hadn’t had to ask him to give her some time alone with Emily, either. He had understood, and his happiness for her had been genuine.
Leigh was beginning to wonder if she had gained far more than she had lost, after all.
Maybe she had, and she wouldn’t be foolish enough to let it all go again.
She tried some of the food and decided that it wasn’t too bad. After whatever Emily had been surviving on while she was on her project, it would probably taste pretty good.
Her doorbell rang, and she ran to the door.
Opening it, she squealed when she saw Emily.
They hugged each other, clinging to each other and jumping a little on the spot, both jabbering about how glad they were, until Leigh felt herself dissolve into tears she simply could not stop.
Seeing Emily, tall and lanky, with the spectacles she hated but wore all the time because she hated contacts more, the curly dark hair bundled up on top of her head, dressed in loose clothes that hid a body that most supermodels starved for but had been bestowed by friendly genetics fairies on Emily, was simply more than Leigh could take.
“Oh, Leigh, honey, come on in. Come on in and we’ll talk about it all night. I’ve brought wine and food.”
Emily sniffed as she dragged the two bags that were all she had inside, and closed the door, as at home with Leigh as she would be by herself.
“Except you’ve cooked, so we’ll stuff this in the fridge and eat what you made. That smells amazing. It’s all going to be fine, my Leigh. We’ll sort everything and everybody out. You wait and see.”
Leigh smiled through her tears.
“Oh, I cannot tell you how happy I am to see you, Em. I… God, I missed you!”
“I know, I missed you, too. I’m here now. I’m here. We’re going to set the world to rights, Leigh. But after a shower. God, I need a shower.”
Leigh chuckled. Emily did smell a bit fruity, and not in the tropical fruits kind of way.
“Yeah, I’ll say you need a shower. I’ve set out a towel and got your favorite shampoo and conditioner.”
“Of course you have,” said Emily, and headed off to shower.
Leigh wiped her tears and felt lighter.
This was what she’d been waiting for. She’d been waiting for Emily, and that staunch support that even Harrison couldn’t give her – that absolute conviction that Leigh was right, and she would be better than all right.
By the time Emily got out of the shower, dressed in walrus pajamas, Leigh had everything in front of the couch, on the coffee table.
Emily had told her, well in advance, about all the shows that she would miss when she was away. Leigh had all of it ready to watch.
“Wow. You are such perfection,” said Emily as she sank onto the couch next to Leigh.
Leigh chuckled at the Friends reference.
“Ready?” asked Leigh.
“For the food, yeah. But before I catch up on Daredevil, tell me, do you need to talk now or later?”
Leigh considered.
“Later will work. I vented quite a bit already, so I don’t feel like I’m about to burst.”
Emily looked surprised.
“To whom?”
Leigh felt a strange reluctance to enlighten Emily. But that was silly, she told herself. Harrison had always been in her life. He was Harrison.
“Harrison. I ran into him the night I decided to give Carl an ultimatum of sorts. I’d already spilled quite a bit to him, so it made sense to talk to him afterwards. He’s been really wonderful, Em. If it hadn’t been for him, I’d still be holed up in here, refusing to see sunlight except to go to work. Or, more likely, refusing to leave the office at all because then I’d have to think. It’s been nice to hang out with him again, really. We used to spend a lot of time together. We used to be really close. I forgot how much I’d missed that.”
Emily noticed how Leigh’s eyes lit up when she talked about Harrison. They seemed to sparkle, and she became more animated.
But she didn’t ask any pointed questions, because she didn’t think Leigh was ready for them.
To be honest, she liked Harrison. She had never liked Carl.
Maybe the idea of Leigh eventually ending up with Harrison, when she was ready for it, was a bit unconventional, but Emily had never had any time for conventions that interfered with what she wanted.
Emily did think that Leigh was well rid of Carl, though. He had always seemed rather feckless to her. She had hated how Leigh always bent over backwards trying to make life as comfortable for him as possible, while he rarely put any effort into making Leigh happy at all.
It had been a one-sided relationship – the kind of relationship Leigh would never have been a part of if she had met the man when she was a bit older.
So if Harrison had been helping her through it, or even if Harrison had nudged her into that ultimatum that had ended in that breakup, then she liked him all the better for it.
Wisely, though, Emily decided to keep that to herself, at least for the moment.
She had always thought that Harrison might have warmer feelings than just friendship or brotherly affection for Leigh. She’d never commented on it, but she’d noticed it when they’d spent time together.
But Harrison had never set off her creep alarm.
Emily set great store by her creep alarm. It rarely failed her.
“I’m glad you had somebody to lean on, Leigh. I’m even gladder that it was Harrison. I like him. He’s a straight shooter. Doesn’t beat around the bush, doesn’t take advantage of people, and definitely doesn’t assume that his comforts supersede everybody else’s.”
Leigh noticed the comparison with Carl, even if Emily didn’t mention Carl by name.
Leigh had come
to the same conclusion herself, too.
“I know. He’s a good man. I think Carl could possibly be a good man, too. But he’s always been too caught up in the image he wants to have of himself. He was born to great privilege, and he always tries to pretend that he can negate all of that privilege through his actions and choices. But he doesn’t seem to understand that the fact that he can always count on it as a safety net means that his risks aren’t really risks. They’re just ways of showing off, most of the time.”
Emily nodded, not very surprised that the breakup had given Leigh that clarity.
If she’d seen that much, could she have seen how Harrison looked at her, too?
“He makes such a show of it all, too. It’s annoying. Honestly, Leigh, I’ve wanted to punch him in the face a lot of times.”
Leigh grinned.
“So have I. But I always told myself that I loved him. Now… Well, I’m beginning to wonder how much I loved him after all. I don’t know, and it’s mortifying. I loved my image of him, my idea of him. But my idea of him was a man who cared enough about me to set his own plans aside at least once in a while for my sake.”
Emily weighed her options and decided to go for it.
“Well, now I think you’re ready for the rebound stage. I met this really cute guy at the airport. I think he’d be quite good for a rebound. Want his number? I got it. Showed him a photo of you, too, he would love to date you.”
Leigh laughed, long and hearty. Oh, that was such an Emily solution.
“Thanks, Emily, but I don’t think that is necessary.”
Because she had Harrison, said the little voice in her mind that always pointed out things she’d rather not acknowledge.
She was surprised when the voice said that. But…
Well, it was true. She did feel like she had Harrison.
And her feelings for him had become rather warmer than they had been, lately.
Well, if she was developing a crush on Harrison because she was rebounding from a breakup, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. He wouldn’t mind, and as long as she didn’t act on it, it wouldn’t change anything.
Besides, it wouldn’t be the first time she’d had a crush on him. She’d had a crush on Harrison the first summer he’d come home from college, too.
She’d gotten over him then. She could do it again.
Chapter 6
A month later, Leigh was beginning to wonder if her crush on Harrison – she had accepted it – would just quit soon.
She really wanted it to. It was beginning to interfere with the time she spent with Harrison, because she kept getting lost in his voice instead of listening to what he was saying.
That had happened the last time she’d had that crush on him, too. She had found his voice positively mesmerizing.
It was as annoying now as it had been earlier.
Well, she was going to put it aside now, because they were going out together, for a movie. And they were going to have fun.
Leigh was waiting for him when Harrison came to pick her up. When he hugged her, she leaned into him a bit too much, for a bit too long, even if she berated herself for it.
“Shall we go?” asked Leigh brightly.
Throughout the movie, Leigh found it harder and harder to focus.
Rebounds were supposed to be fun, not annoying, she grumbled at herself as she had the hated diet soda and much beloved popcorn.
When they stopped by a Mexican restaurant for dinner after the movie, she felt like Harrison had become silent, too.
“Harrison, what’s wrong?” asked Leigh, feeling a bit guilty.
She had been so wrapped up in her own pesky feelings that she hadn’t even asked what was wrong. She was a bad friend.
Harrison weighed it up. It had been a couple of months since Leigh had broken up with Carl. She seemed to be happy, and more than eager to spend time with him.
Did he have to wait any longer?
But he didn’t want to. He wanted to tell her how he felt, and give her time to figure out her own feelings.
The strain of being patient, holding himself back, biting his tongue, not holding her close, had been making him irritable. That had to stop.
But he wouldn’t do it unless he thought Leigh could handle it.
Leigh smiled at him, that soft, sweet smile that always lifted him up, and he made up his mind.
It was time.
“Leigh, I need to talk to you,” said Harrison.
Leigh tensed.
When did anything good start with that?
She nodded. She couldn’t lose Harrison, no matter what. She was sure of that.
“I have a confession to make.”
For a wild moment, Leigh wondered if he had hunted down Carl and punched his lights out.
She dismissed it immediately. It wouldn’t be his style, anyway.
“I know this isn’t something you expect, and I know this might be the last thing you want to hear. But I… Well, I like you, Leigh. As more than a friend. I was selfishly glad when you and Carl broke up. Not just because he didn’t deserve you and he didn’t make you happy. I was glad for you, but I was also glad that I might finally have a chance to tell you how I feel. I like you.”
Leigh’s mouth fell open.
“You’re kidding me. This is some kind of a joke,” said Leigh suspiciously.
Harrison chuckled, despite the nerves. That was such a typical reaction from Leigh.
“No joke, Leigh. You have been the most important woman in my life for a long time. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever spent time with. I’ve had feelings for you ever since you came home that first summer when you were in college. You grew up and had become so beautiful, and so confident! But you also had a boyfriend, so I told myself to let it go, and move on with my life. So I tried. I kept trying. But I have never found anybody like you, and I keep searching. I finally realized that as long as I searched for somebody like you, I’d never be happy, because I wanted you. So I quit searching, and waited for my feelings to go away. They never did.”
Leigh was stunned.
She opened and closed her mouth three times before she finally found her voice.
But she couldn’t find any of the right words.
Harrison was sincere. She could see that.
She was also struck by the parallel – that first time that she had seen him all grown up, definitely a man, she had fallen for him, too.
But apparently not the same way he had fallen for her.
“I don’t know what to say, Harrison,” she whispered.
Harrison nodded.
“I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way, or you thought you could give me a chance. We’ll still be friends if you don’t think you can. You’re important to me, Leigh. That will never change. I promise you that.”
“No, I… I don’t know what to say because I don’t know how I feel. I need to… I think I need some time to think about this. To understand this. This is the last thing I expected, Harrison.”
Harrison nodded.
“I know. I knew you would need time. Of course you must take time, all the time you need. But I want you to never doubt that I’m here for you, no matter what. That’s important. How I feel is secondary, Leigh. How you feel is the priority, especially now.”
Leigh had never felt so cherished in her life, she realized.
Carl had never made her feel that way.
Carl had never felt that way about her.
No, she wouldn’t think of Carl and cheapen that moment. She wouldn’t make her decision lightly, either.
She knew she had feelings for Harrison, but she needed to be sure that it wasn’t just a rebound before she acted on them. No matter what Harrison said, she didn’t want to risk the relationship they had by trying to make more of it than there was.
It was far too important for that.
“No matter what, you’re important to me, Harrison. I need you to know that. You’re more important to me than you’ll ever kn
ow.”
Harrison grinned.
“Hey, don’t look so sad. I didn’t mean to make you sad. It’s all right if you don’t feel the same way, Leigh. I’ll deal with it if you don’t. So don’t, okay?”
Leigh smiled, and she found, to her shock, that she believed him.
But she needed to think.
And she needed Emily.
She could only be incredibly grateful that Emily was home again, because she didn’t know how she could possibly sort through everything on her own.
*****
“I think you should go for it.”
Leigh gaped.
That wasn’t really what she had expected.
She’d expected long conversations where they weighed the pros and cons, Emily told her what she would do, she considered what she should do, and then back to square one again. They usually dissected situations and examined them from every possible direction, and a few fairly impossible ones.
But there she was, having just told Emily, who had come over to spend the night again, what Harrison had told her, and apparently that was that.
“Don’t you think there’s more to it than that?”
Emily shrugged.
“Oh, come on, Leigh. You know you over-complicate situations needlessly. I mean, really, you like him, don’t you?”
Leigh was even more taken aback now.
“Well, it’s Harrison.”
But that was an evasion, and both of them knew that.
“Yes, I know it’s Harrison. I’ve always liked him, really. If he hadn’t always had that look in his eyes when you’re around, I’d have given him a good try myself!”
Leigh gaped again.
“What?”
Emily looked at Leigh and laughed.
“Oh come on, Leigh. He is a good man, he’s extremely easy on the eye, he’s rich, he loves his family, he has faced adversity and beaten it, he’s made it to the top mostly thanks to his own tenaciousness, and he has an excellent sense of humor. Not to mention the charm. What else is there to look for in a man? Of course, I don’t think he’d be up for camping in the Arctic with me, so that’s another reason why I haven’t made a play for him.”
Leigh was bewildered.
“You think he’s had a look in his eye when I’m around?”
This Was Meant To Be: BWWM Romance Page 6
