She saw that it was Carl’s favorite. She had always bought Carl’s favorite.
Everything seemed to slowly break inside her, and tears came flooding. Slowly, she sank onto the floor, her back against the kitchen cabinet. She rested her forehead on her knees and wrapped her hands around her legs, and she let herself cry – for everything she had hoped would be, for everything that now never would be, for the realization that her hopes and dreams had been built on shifting sand, and would never have been, anyway.
*****
Harrison looked at his phone, annoyed. He still had work to get through.
But he saw that was Leigh and the annoyance vanished. Work could wait.
“Leigh, hello.”
Pleasure ran through his words.
“Harrison…”
Leigh’s voice broke on a sob. Harrison’s grip on his phone tightened.
“Leigh, what’s wrong? Where are you? Are you all right?”
He heard her sniff.
“I’m fine. I’m home. I’m… Harrison, he left.”
It clicked.
“You’re home, and safe.”
“Yes. He’s gone.”
Harrison heard the sadness in her voice and wanted to soothe her, and convince her that it was for the best.
“I’m sorry,” said Leigh, suddenly.
“No, don’t be. I’m coming over there,” said Harrison, making up his mind quickly.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I’m not going to do anything stupid,” Leigh assured him.
Harrison hadn’t even considered anything of the sort. How could he explain that he needed to make her feel better? That to have her sad was like the sun was being blocked, like the air was getting thin, like he needed more from life.
“I know. But I want to pick up a bottle of wine, get some sweet and sour pork for you, some kung pao prawns for me, and a whole mess of noodles that’s all fried and unhealthy. Then I want to bring it all over to you, and we’ll eat far too much and tell each other we won’t regret it. We’ll talk about anything and everything, and you’ll smile for me, eventually, Leigh. You’ll smile for yourself.”
Leigh knew she shouldn’t agree, but she was lonelier than she had ever felt before. She had wondered if home would feel like home again if Carl left.
But it didn’t. It felt empty, and she didn’t know how to deal with it.
Emily wasn’t home yet. Harrison knew how to cheer her up. At least, he knew how to deal with her. That was the next best thing.
“Thanks, Harrison,” said Leigh.
“See you in less than an hour,” promised Harrison, and hung up.
He was just going to be there for her, he promised himself as he drove to her place, stopping at a Chinese restaurant where he’d gone once and thought of Leigh because he’d known she’d love it.
Well, now he could take it to her.
He wasn’t going to take advantage of her vulnerability, he promised himself again. He was just going to be there for her, because she needed somebody to lean on.
It wasn’t like she had too many close friends. Leigh was usually well liked by people, but she didn’t let herself get too close to most people.
Besides, he knew that most of her friends were also Carl’s friends. He couldn’t blame her for not wanting to turn to them when she was trying to deal with everything that had gone down between them.
Knowing Leigh, he knew that she wouldn’t want anybody to have to pick sides over her, too.
He didn’t think Carl would be that generous.
At least Leigh was beginning to realize what a jackass the man was. Well, he hoped she was, as he got the order and drove on to Leigh’s place.
This time, he thought perhaps it actually was Leigh’s.
He was buzzed in immediately, and he heard from Leigh’s voice that she’d been crying. He had stopped and gotten lozenges, too, because he had anticipated that.
Leigh always got a sore throat after crying. He knew so much about her. But he still had so much to learn about her.
Leigh was waiting for him when he got to her door, and he saw that she was definitely down. She was wearing sweatpants, her hair was bundled up in a messy bun, she was barefoot and there wasn’t a scrap of makeup on her face.
Her eyes were swollen and her cheeks were streaked with tears. He felt a rush of rage for Carl, who had made her cry.
“Oh, baby girl,” said Harrison, and wrapped her in a hug.
He hoped the hug would say more than words could, because he couldn’t give her the words he needed her to hear, not yet.
“Thanks for coming, Harrison. I didn’t want to bother you, but I was feeling so low, and I felt so much happier last evening when I was talking to you. I just wanted to stop feeling so bloody depressed.”
“Don’t apologize, Leigh. I told you that I’m here for you. I meant it. You know I don’t say things I don’t mean.”
No, he didn’t. She knew that.
He walked inside, and walked to the kitchen unerringly.
He opened the right cabinets to get the right plates and glasses.
“You follow Martha’s system,” he said with a smile as he found the corkscrew and opened the wine with a pop.
“Wow, an actual cork. It’s fancy rich person wine, isn’t it?” teased Leigh, and Harrison smiled, glad that Leigh was feeling good enough to tease him.
“It goes well with the food. Now, first, drink two glasses of water. I know you’re dehydrated. You know it, too. You will probably get a headache tomorrow from all of that, but we can mitigate the damage before we hit the wine.”
As extra bribe, he took a carton of her favorite cookies and cream ice cream and put it in the freezer.
“Fine,” mumbled Leigh and had water as demanded.
She watched him as he set up on the coffee table, with a precision that he had always had, and she had always appreciated. Harrison moved economically, with a grace that was almost like a big cat. He didn’t make messes, and he valued the use of coasters, which was something Martha had drilled into Leigh and was now habit.
“That looks good,” said Leigh, finally, and was surprised when her tummy announced its readiness to eat with a loud growl.
“And you seem about ready to eat! Come on, dig in. Yes, you can have some of mine, but not all of it,” said Harrison, anticipating her question.
As they sipped wine and ate delicious but possibly quite unhealthy food, Leigh felt herself relax. Harrison wouldn’t ask her any pointed questions, she knew that. He wouldn’t push her to talk, not unless she told him she needed to.
Did she? Suddenly, she wanted to tell him everything.
“Harrison…”
“Leigh, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. If it’ll help, then I’ll listen. But we can pretend none of it happened and we’re just catching up, too,” offered Harrison, his words full of such compassion and understanding that Leigh nearly cried again.
But she caught herself in time.
She was done with crying. No more of that.
“He left. I didn’t think he would. Even after our conversation last night, I thought that maybe if I gave him an ultimatum, he would think about what’s important and make a choice. I guess where I was wrong was in the assumption that that choice would be me. Us, I should say, I guess. He just turned it back on me, told me that he was going to book tickets by the end of the week, and I should get in touch with him if I wanted to go with him.”
Harrison took a slow, deep breath, because he knew that Leigh wasn’t ready to hear him call her precious Carl any of the names that were flying through his mind.
“Are you going to?”
Leigh shook her head firmly.
“Of course not. He basically gave me a version of ‘now or never’. I suggested that we take a break for a year, and we meet when he comes back. Depending on where we are, we could see where things go, I said. He didn’t want any part of that at all, Harrison. If I don’t give him everythin
g he wants, exactly when he wants it, then he just wants nothing to do with me. How could I have meant so little to him? I thought he loved me, but you don’t do this to somebody you love, do you?”
Leigh didn’t find tears now; only bewilderment.
Harrison scooted closer to her and slid that comforting arm around her shoulders again. She leaned against him, and wondered and how much safer and less alone she felt when she rested her head on his shoulder.
“I’m here,” he promised, and Leigh fell asleep, without meaning to.
Harrison watched her sleep, stroking her hair gently, and wondered if she would let him give her the world.
Chapter 5
“Harrison, stop that!” hissed Leigh, but there was no conviction behind her words.
She was giggling.
“People are staring!”
Harrison grinned, delighted to see Leigh so carefree.
“Well, I think it does look like the artist himself trying to shove a pineapple up his ass. You can’t tell me you don’t see it, too. Why, where’s your artistic sensibility!”
Leigh went off into another fit of giggles.
“Harrison!” she admonished, but she didn’t sound too stern.
Harrison had been coming up with deliberately absurd interpretations of art. That would’ve been an entertaining afternoon at home, but they were both dressed to the nines and at an opening that Anna had decreed needed his personal attention.
The artist was holding forth among a group of wide-eyed people who were nodding along, but Leigh thought everybody looked ridiculous.
And really, if she tilted her head to one side, it did look very much like the artist himself shoving a pineapple up his ass.
Or at least, as Harrison had pointed out, trying to do so, but hopefully unsuccessfully.
Boy, it looked painful. She couldn’t help clenching.
“Do you think he knew what he was doing? I know I’m not very enlightened, but most of this really looks like he was trying to see just what he could get away with. What’s the point of any of it? I can’t believe Anna thinks this would be a good investment. Wouldn’t it encourage the man? I don’t think he should be encouraged, for the greater good. I mean, what will the aliens think when they find us and see this kind of art? What will our future generations think of us? They will see the progression from Monet to this and think that evolution went backwards. Then they’ll try to figure out how it happened and waste so much time and energy on pointless research – all because I paid him a...”
Harrison checked the price, discreetly labeled beneath the painting.
“Holy shit, a bloody insane amount of money on pineapple-ass-shoving!”
Leigh went off into fits of giggles again, trying to hold it in and ending up snorting inelegantly.
“Harrison, people are staring!”
“I don’t think they can see anything. If they think this is art and buy it, I’ve got a bridge I can sell them. It’s a steal. And honestly, compared to this, a far better deal.”
Leigh shrugged.
“I don’t know, maybe you’ve got to have a different kind of aesthetic to appreciate this. I mean…”
Leigh tried to come up with something nice to say, and failed, pathetically.
“All right, all of this seems pretty bad. And a lot of it reminds me of murder scenes. None of his explanations seem to have anything to do with murder scenes. Do you think this entire exhibition is an artistic interpretation of Dexter?”
Harrison pondered, making a show of considering the question deeply.
“Well, I think that’s still a more plausible explanation than his own. Metaphysical exploration of the psyche of nature in all its forms, my ass. Without pineapple.”
Leigh laughed again, and this time, she didn’t try to hold it in. It was good to laugh.
For the last three weeks, she had been leaning on Harrison very heavily, and this was the first time she’d gone out other than for a quick bite to eat, or work.
She wouldn’t even have gone out to eat if it hadn’t been for Harrison. He had been gently insistent that she take care of herself, and he had done a very good job of it.
First, Leigh had cried a lot. She hadn’t even heard from Carl after he left. He’d come and packed up all his stuff when she was at work.
When she came home and found that, she’d cried some more.
For the first two weeks, she was either working or crying, or so it seemed.
But in the last week, she had slowly started acknowledging that she was beginning to find peace again, or at least some form of it. It was a relief to not have to constantly factor Carl into every decision she made, small or big. She was only now beginning to realize just how much she had done that.
Harrison had a way of giving her space, but not enough space to let her brood too much. He’d given her brooding time, too.
He just knew her so well that it was a pleasure to spend time with him. It had taken her a couple of weeks to stop feeling guilty about that.
She had spent so little time with Harrison partly because of the veiled animosity she had always felt between Carl and Harrison. Now, she was finally beginning to see that Harrison might have had good reason for it.
“What do you say we get out of here and go eat something?” suggested Harrison.
“You haven’t bid on anything. Or bought anything. Or even talked to the poor artist, not after you glared at him as if you’d shove a pineapple up his ass personally if he didn’t shut up,” pointed Leigh.
Harrison grinned.
“Much as it looks as if he needs help in that worthy endeavor, I don’t think I’m going to volunteer. And after this show, I need something very down to earth and simple. How about cheeseburgers? We’ll go and have beer and cheeseburgers. What do you think? Does that sound good?”
Leigh grinned and felt reckless.
“Why not?”
So she would have to hit the gym again. Well, maybe that was a good thing. It would get her out of the house. She did need to start living again.
She was not going to hide at home all the time, avoiding everybody. So what if so many people would ask her about Carl? She would have to handle it at some point.
For once, she was very glad for Facebook. She had changed her relationship status to ‘Single’, and knew that everybody would have seen it.
Anybody who asked her about it now would only be being nosy, and she didn’t have to indulge that.
Maybe it would be a good time to know if she had any real friends.
If only Emily would come home! She had been delayed, and she had only known about the break-up when she saw the change on Facebook, too.
She had tried to Skype with Leigh immediately, but it hadn’t quite worked out. Emily had an extremely sketchy connection. But Leigh loved her, so much, for trying.
She tucked her hand through Harrison’s arm, and it felt natural as they left – sneaking out, really, to avoid being waylaid by the artist or his eagle-eyed agent – and found the valet, who brought them the car quickly enough to justify the extremely hefty tip he got.
She hopped in and felt comfortable. She couldn’t really remember the last time she’d felt so comfortable.
She wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t depressed.
It was a relief, and a surprise. She’d thought she would be heartbroken for far longer if she and Carl broke up.
But there she was, going on with her life.
She was quite proud of herself, really.
“You know, I really am hungry now. And that white wine they served at the gallery was really horrible.”
“Beer it is,” said Harrison, cheerfully, as they drove to a little hole in the wall that she knew served excellent cheeseburgers.
She attacked her food ravenously.
“You look better,” said Harrison.
“Was starving,” she mumbled through a stuffed mouth. At least, she meant to, but what came out were a few incoherent gargling sounds.
&
nbsp; But Harrison got it.
“No, I meant you look better than you have in a long while. You’re well rid of him, Leigh. I know you’re still grieving, I know you had many hopes and dreams, but I think you’re beginning to realize that a lot of them were never going to come true. A lot of them were just in your head. Not that you didn’t deserve to have every single one of them come true. You did, and you do. But I don’t think the Carl in your head was the same as the Carl you were actually living with.”
Leigh had been slowly coming to the realization herself. It still hurt, though, to have it pointed out.
But she could be honest with Harrison, couldn’t she? It didn’t matter if she told him the truth.
“I’ve been feeling guilty because the last few days, I’ve been relieved that it’s over. I hadn’t realized how stressful it had gotten. I’m doing better at work, too. I can handle Slimy Willie’s tricks much better now.”
Harrison chuckled at her name for the man. It was perfect for him.
Harrison had met him, socially, and disliked him immediately.
“Want me to rough him up for you?”
Leigh laughed.
“I don’t think so. If it’s to be an even fight, anyway, I’d need to do it myself. He’s a bit of a wuss.”
Harrison knew that that was true, too.
He had always been surprised that Leigh’s usually on point and shrewd judgment of men had gone so completely haywire around Carl.
But she was rid of him, he reminded himself.
So was he.
Spending the last few weeks with Leigh had been wonderful – and torture. He had had to hold her while she cried, and he had needed to make her smile again. But he could only comfort her as a friend.
With every minute he spent with Leigh, the feelings he’d always had for her, the feelings he had for so long tried to suppress and deny in every way he could, rose higher and higher, became more and more potent, and insistent.
He knew she needed time, but he wanted her to know how he felt, and know that she could have all of her dreams, but for real, this time.
But he had to be patient. A proclamation of romantic interest wasn’t what she needed now. She needed a friend, and he would give her what she needed.
This Was Meant To Be: BWWM Romance Page 5
