Where the Ivy Hides

by Kimber S. Dawn

  Literally, he was sitting in the dark. The darkest corner to ever grace a hospital was the one Roman Payne was lurking in the first time he spoke to me.

  “Ryker David Killian. Twenty-six. Born to Ryker Blake Killian and Bree Lilian MacBrady. Need I go further, son, or shall you follow me?” Me eyes couldn’t make him out until he stepped from the shadows.

  Ay, he may have had me by a few inches in height, but the man is tall. Six-six at least. Hair black as night and a three-piece suit to match. And that man had no issues topping it off with a tie as black, if not blacker.

  When it registered who he was, I tucked me sleeping Lily Blake closer to me before extending me arm, “You must be me Ivy’s dad. Yes, sir, I’m Ryker Killian.”

  After we shook hands, he buttoned his suit jacket and motioned for the door. I followed him to the waiting room with Lily still in me arms.

  It seemed more like I was being escorted to my trial and execution than meeting me new father-in-law.

  And when we stepped into the waiting room and another bloody giant stepped from more shadows, out of reflex I began explaining. “Look, I’m just here to see me Ivy. She lives—“

  Roman cut me off, “She lives here.” He extended his arm and we shake, again. “I’m Roman Payne. Ivy’s father.” He motioned towards giant two before sliding his hands into his pocket. “This is Andrew. He’s my long-time right hand man. He’s going to hold your little bundle of joy.” His hand slid from his pocket and pointed in the direction of some chairs. “Right here, while you and I step outside and have a word. Don’t fret, you’ll be able to see the infant from just outside. We have matters to discuss that involve our Ivy, and I wouldn’t want to wake the sleeping baby.”

  The man was…intimidating. He was demanding and had a presence unlike any man I’ve ever known. Man. Not person. If there was ever a male version, an older male version, of me Ivy, it was the man who stood before me.

  I handed Lily Blake to Andrew and stepped outside to speak to the love of me life’s father.

  But I positioned me self so I could easily slip through the double doors if needed, while keeping a bird’s eye view of me Lily.

  Roman noticed and acknowledged it with a chuckle.

  “She yours?” he asked.

  I spoke as freely as I could with the man, “Ay. And yours.” Me heart warms and I smile at her, watching as her big blue eyes open before looking around and settling on Andrew, the second giant.

  After a moment, I glance back at Roman. Ay. I’d caught him off guard. He looked a bit like a cat’s had his tongue.

  So I asked him, “Cat got your tongue?” Chuckling.

  “How old?” He cut me chuckling off.

  “Ten weeks,” I replied.

  “The doctors haven’t said anything. She hasn’t said anything.” He wasn’t asking, just stating facts. He turned away from me for a bit, then whipped around, pointing, “She didn’t want her own—“He stopped before turning his back to me and finishing, “She didn’t want the baby. You did.”

  He didn’t turn around for the longest moment. I waited. And waited.

  When he turned around, he followed his daughter’s suit, and broke me new father’s heart.

  “Look, it’s obvious Ivy isn’t happy with you. She was kidnapped at the age of three. Dragged across the United States enduring God knows what, planted in some little town in Florida and forced to grow up pretending everything was okay. When it wasn’t. When it still isn’t. She had more drugs in her system than I’ve ever seen someone her age consume, much less live through, and the amount of illegal substances found in her car was enough to put her away for years. You tried. Obviously she loved you enough to try. Let’s just leave it alone for right now. Let’s just make sure she lives through the night, first, then we’ll revisit this,” he motions to me then Lily Blake, “part of her family’s reunion. Can we both agree that is what is right for our Ivy, right now? Today?” he asked.

  I told Roman the only thing left to say that night, “Ay. I want to do what’s right.”

  And the uncertainty I felt that night, mirrors how I feel in this very moment.

  I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing five years ago, and I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing right now.

  I just know I can’t live without me Ivy… not any more.

  As I watch her nervously bite her lip and fidget her hands on the table, I keep me eyes on her, holding me breath the entire time.

  When she nervously looks up at me from under her lashes, she smiles.

  And my heart beats again for the first time since the nurse closed the door behind herself on the day Lily was born. I instantly wrap me arms around her.

  Ivy’s hands fist the lapels of me suit jacket as her broken voice whispers, “Her name is Lily Blake?”

  “Ay.” I kiss the top of her head.

  “She’s here?” Ivy pulls harder on me lapels, so I look down at her.

  “Ay. Well, she’s at me house here. We just got moved in. She’s with the sitter.” Then I remember the flowers Lily’s been sending her mum, unknowingly. “She’s been sending you flowers. Every Thursday. She asked me around Valentine’s to send some flowers to the place you send your mum flowers if you can’t find yours.” I smile. I like telling me Ivy about me Lily.

  “Oh.” I bring me hand up to her cheek and brush away a stray tear. “The white lilies,” she smiles at me, “—now they make sense.” She burrows her eyebrows as her wheels start spinning.

  I just say it. I just spit the first words that come to me, right out of me mouth, “Ivy love, would you like to have lunch with me and our daughter tomorrow?” I chuckle when I see her reaction.

  “Can I?” Me Ivy’s eyes light up like me Lily’s, and a small piece of me breaks inside at the same moment something new and big comes to life.

  “Of course ya can, Ivy love.”

  I play the perfect gentleman while answering all of Ivy’s enthusiastic questions about Lily. She asks about how hard it was in the beginning and the diaper changing. She wanted to know about some growth scale thing and asked how Lily scored on it. I didn’t know, I just know the doc always says she’s growing like a weed and everything is great. She wanted to know her favorite foods. When she took her first steps. How old she was when she first started talking and what her first word was. And she also asked which one of us she looks like. To which I informed her that she has been living the last five years walking around the same green and blue planet as her clone.

  She didn’t believe me.

  And she only cried once during our talk, and that would have been when I pulled out my phone to show her her clone.

  The first picture was of the day we moved into our house here. We’d barely been in the apartment in Northern Cali for six months when Reesie called with a plan to save me Ivy that didn’t involve him. I’d told him I didn’t want to see his bloody face, or I’d bloody it if he ever tried to speak to me while trying to bag me Ivy. But not on the day he called with his plan. That day, I let him speak. And I thank me lucky stars that I did.

  The movers had gone ahead of us that day while we stayed behind and had one last hoorah tea party at the apartment in Cali. That put the movers about an hour ahead of us. Me and Lily had just pulled up in the driveway on my bike after the five-hour trip. Lily rode well until the last little leg of the drive, but ya couldn’t tell it by the excitement in her eyes when I snapped the picture. It was a picture I took with me cell phone. Lily was sitting in front of me with her hands still on the handlebars while I held the phone and told her to say ‘squeeze cheese’. We both still had our helmets on our heads and I’d just pulled down me bandana to smile. It was a good day.

  I smile thinking about how close I was to getting me everything that day. And as I look at me Ivy across the small space between us on her front doorstep after dinner, I thank me lucky stars I kept hold of that hope I had on the day me and Lily Blake took that picture that made me Ivy cry.

  Mainta
ining my Gentleman ways, at least till I slipped me fingers from Ivy, I gently kiss her lips and mutter against them, “I’ll text ya when I get home, Me Ivy. And I wantcha to know, I don’t plan on letting you slip away from me, again.” After one more kiss, I say goodnight before getting on my bike and heading home to me Lily, and thinking of what I can say in me text to her mum when I get home.

  If I’m being straight as an arrow with you, I’m still a little shocked at how well she took it. I really am. And for the life of me, I don’t want to lose her again.

  After I’ve extricated me self out of yet another awkward advance by Jenny, I send the lass on home and kiss me Lily goodnight before taking a shower and finally tucking me self in bed. But I make sure to text Ivy before letting me eyes close for the last time.

  I can’t tell you how happy I am. I will tell you it’s been a long, long time. I can’t wait until tomorrow, Ivy love. I’m thinking a picnic around eleven o’clock. Let me know…I love you, me Ivy. Goodnight.

  Chapter 25

  Ryker

  When we pull up at the park, me Lily is about to lose her marbles by the time she barrels out of the truck. I grab the picnic basket and her bags out of the back of the truck and yell over my shoulder when I spot Ivy a few cars away, “Lily Blake, your mum’s right here, darlin’, I don’t know where in Sam Hill you’re going.”

  I spot Lily’s little black head bobbing as she runs back towards the car squealing and look back at Ivy, “She almost choked on her pancake this morning when I told her she was going to meet her mum today. Can’t say that I’ve ever seen that child get ready for anything as fast as she got ready for lunch,” I chuckle.

  It warms me heart when I see her smile before she looks down, trying to hide her blush.

  Lily’s loud, shrieking squeals abruptly stop at the same time her running feet do a few feet behind me, and I turn around and scoop her up. Just as her ankles lock on me hip, I point to Ivy.

  “Lily, this is your mum. I found her and she found me. And guess what, me little darlin’?” I whisper, “She’s been looking for you.”

  I’m not real certain where the words came from, but just like they always have with me Lily, they just came so I said them.

  They must do the same with me Ivy, because she doesn’t miss a beat. “Hey, Lily. He’s right, I have been looking and here you are!” She smiles at Lily.

  That’s all it really takes for a daughter to love her mother and vice versa; a single chance to love and be honestly loved in return. Just like that Lily hopped down and ran towards her mother where Ivy waited with her arms open for her baby girl. It’s enough to blur me vision with tears when I see the two of them hug.

  Me two girls. Ivy and Lily. If there ever was a better way to risk your heart as a father and as a man does for a woman he loves, I won’t be asking, because I’ve found mine. I’ve found me way.

  The conversation is easy as me and Ivy lay out the blanket and set up the food. While Ivy looks closely at each of the cookies Lily sprinkled just for her, she makes sure each compliment is one in its own as Lily sits at her feet struggling with the straps on Ivy’s shoes.

  “Ivy, love, now don’t let her take your shoes off if you want them on.” I say as I head back towards them from dropping the basket off in the back of the truck. “Lily, I’m begging, ya. Please sit still for a sec. Not everyone likes the feel of grass on their bare feet, darlin’, I know you do—“

  To which me Ivy’s head pops up from admiring the cookies and she says, “I like the way grass feels under my feet, just fine. Lily, you’re fine sweetheart. Ryker, you didn’t put onions in here, did you, hon?” she asks pointing to the chicken salad sandwiches I made.

  And just like that, all the other pieces just fit.

  You know when you’re at your wits end because ya feel like you’ve been swimming for far too long, and ya just want to give up because you’re tired. But no matter what you do, nothing seems to work out easy? It feels like something is missing, and you can’t seem to get the pieces all to fit right.

  It’s terrible, no?

  Ay. I like me a bit of bad before I get a taste of good. Now, remember the times in your life when you’ve thought, gosh, things just keep going so right. It’s rare, but it’s there, and after what feels like a life time of lots with missing pieces, it feels like coming home when they all fall into place.

  That’s where I’m at right now, sitting on this blanket, having a picnic in the park with me two girls named after flowers.

  Ivy’s slow and growing presence in me and Lily’s life works well for us both. I felt it was best to fill out Lily for a week before committing to anything. So when the picnic was over, I didn’t try to bring up tomorrow or the next day. None of us did. I don’t know if it was because Lily was scared none of it was real, or if Ivy thought it may frighten our daughter. But none of us treated that Saturday like it was anything more than just a Saturday.

  Now, by Tuesday, me Lily Blake had started a list. And by Friday, the number of places she had us scheduled to take her mum to had grown to five.

  By the time we saw Ivy again, Lily’s list consisted of, and I quote:

  Take Mum to the zoo.

  Take Mum to the beach.

  Take Mum shopping and call about our finger nails.

  Ask Mum to teach me to cook.

  Talk Daddy into asking her to marry him.

  Ay, me little Lily has always shot for the stars. Silly knuckle noggin.

  As I pat the back pocket of me jeans where I tucked Lily’s list this morning, I watch Ivy pull herself in the truck, chuckling at both me girls. Then after I slide behind the wheel, we hit the road for me Lily’s number one stop on the list.

  We’re taking her mum to the zoo today.

  Good God, it’s good to see Ivy smile. She just takes so well to me Lily, I probably shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. And proud.

  Something shifts inside me as I watch Lily and Ivy feeding the giraffe’s right before the zoo closes. Something that began shifting the moment me baby girl was born, but it was stopped by the absence of me Ivy. And I’m so thankful Ivy’s found what she was needing. I’m glad I listened to Roman that night, and I’m glad she got the chance she needed to spread her wings. She’s a bloody incredible woman, and I hope, God I hope she says yes when I check off that final thing on me Lily’s little list.

  Me Ivy’s always loved the beach—especially at night. So many of our memories and so much of our story, as I’ll remember it, happened around the beach, that I can’t think of a better place to ask Ivy if she’d be me wife.

  So, the trip was set.

  Me and me Ivy were coming home and bringing our daughter with us. We’ll spend the first four days at a condo, where it’ll just be me and me girls, then on the fifth day we’ll be staying with me mum.

  We pulled up to the little cottage situated on the beach just after noon on the first day, and get settled in pretty quickly. Ivy’s just gotten the last of everything unpacked and put away when I get back with the red snapper and vegetables from a little fish market down the way. After getting the rest of the groceries put away, we all go out to the beach. Lily can hardly keep herself in her skin she’s so excited.

  Lily’s never been real fond of the sand getting in her swimming knickers, so thankfully, none us get enough sun to burn.

  We function so easy as a little unit. It seems almost effortless to slide back into our same routine almost three thousand miles away.

  The first few days seem to fly by. And before I know it, we’ve packed everything away in the rental car and it’s our last night at the condo.

  Now, me Lily is in on the surprise I have planned for her mum. I struggled with a hundred thousand different ways to ask me Ivy to be me wife, and I keep coming back to this:

  Me and Ivy didn’t work when it was just me and her in the equation. And Lily Blake’s always going to be a part of me equation. Always.

  So, I see no other way to do this, then to have us b
oth ask.

  With Lily still tucked in bed, playing her role of the perfect little angel she is and getting off to bed on time, I nervously struggle me way through our nightly routine until I glance at the clock and see it’s ten minutes to me go-time.

  As Ivy comes out of the bathroom rubbing lotion in her hands, I slip me flip-flops on and finger the diamond in me pocket. “Ivy love, let’s head down to the beach since Lily’s asleep. It’s our last night here, ya know it? After we drop Lily off with me mum, no more beach for a bit, love.”

  Jesus. Mary. And Joseph, can I sound any more daft or obvious.

  “Ryker, if you want some sex on the beach one more time, all you have to do is ask, baby.” She saunters towards me as her robe slides open, revealing sexy tat after tat across the most flawless flesh God has ever created. Just as she gets to me, she wraps her arms around me waist after letting the silk material of her robe fall and billow around her feet. She stands naked in front of me before coming up on her tippy toes and wrapping her arms around me neck and kissing me softly. Then she quickly snatches her pink bikini from the dresser behind me before streaking towards the bathroom.

  “All you have to do is catch me first, me Ryker love!” She laughs.

  I won’t lie, it’s hard to keep me self planted where I stand and not chase her down and fuck her little arse against the bathroom wall.

  Now when she walks from the master bathroom a handful of minutes later, dressed in her bikini and a see through cover without a stitch of make-up on, barefoot—me reserves and restraint become questionable.

  Somehow, by the grace of God, I’m able to tell me Ivy to go out to the beach and get our pallet set up while I grab us some sparkling water and cut up a lime. As soon as I hear the door close to behind her, I knock twice on me Lily’s bedroom door, grab the pre-made basket of goodies I made earlier while Ivy and Lily were shopping, then head out the door.

  I’ve never been as nervous I as I am when I step out onto the back porch, flipping the light on in the house for Lily Blake.