A Touch Menacing

by Leah Clifford

  This, he thought suddenly. I need this. I need you. Frustrated, he dropped his forehead against hers. Why couldn’t he just say it? “I just want all of us to come out of this okay,” he finally got out.

  For a long moment, there was only silence.

  “Jesus, Sullivan,” he whispered. “I used to want to die so bad, I’d pray for car accidents. Even after, when I was a Sider. I just wanted it over.” He dropped his elbows onto his knees, leaning over. He couldn’t look at her. Didn’t want to see her face when he spoke the next words. “It’s how I met Eden.”

  With her sharp gasp, he knew she’d caught his meaning. “You wanted her to kill you?”

  He nodded, not quite sure he wanted to tell the story until it started spilling out.

  “When I became a Sider, I felt so trapped,” he whispered. “I heard rumors about what Eden could do, so I tracked her down.” He remembered the first time he’d seen her, the steely look she’d given him, the way she’d sauntered past like he was nothing. In his mad scramble to follow her, he’d dropped the fifty she charged and almost lost the money to the wind. It’d taken him a few seconds to chase it and catch up.

  “This guy who was waiting with me went first. Only I guess he didn’t have the money. So she said no—” Jarrod broke off, started again. “By the time I came around the corner . . .”

  “Take your time,” Sullivan said quietly.

  “He thought he could make her do it anyway.” Jarrod swallowed, making himself go on. “He hit her. Hard. I lost it, Sullivan. I just lost it on him.”

  “Oh my God,” she whispered.

  “When it was over Eden was leaning against the wall and she looked up at me. Blood was just pouring out of her nose, but she didn’t even care. She smiled at me. And she said . . .” He glanced up at Sullivan. “ ‘You must really want to die.’”

  He couldn’t help the disbelief in his voice, hadn’t even really believed Eden’s reaction then, with the red smeared over her teeth, dripping from her chin to soak her sweater. It had been that moment—his adrenaline pumping and his hand throbbing, standing in the alley with the girl who was supposed to end him—when something changed.

  “I got a second chance, and I took it. And now it’s going to be taken away from me.” He flexed the fingers of his swelling hand and winced, only partially from the pain. How stupid to give himself an injury and lose some of his Touch in healing it. His words came out slow and quiet. “They’re going to win.”

  “Jarrod, no.” Her fingers slid between his. “That’s not going to happen.”

  “It’s already starting. Eden’s one of the strongest people I know, and I’m watching her fall apart. Az is gone. Zach is . . . God knows what they’re doing to him.”

  “But Eden will get better and she’ll get Az back.” He heard her swallow. “Maybe we can find Zach?” she tried.

  “They’ll use him to figure out how to kill us. He’s not coming back. I have to protect you and Eden.” He dropped his gaze in misery.

  She gave him a small laugh, but it didn’t sound genuine. “Sorry to burst your bubble, Prince Charming, but Eden and I are self-rescuing princesses.”

  Irritated, he yanked his hand from hers. “Did you see Eden in the alley yesterday? She couldn’t stand, she couldn’t fight. If the Bound get you, Sullivan, they’ll hurt you until you can’t heal. When you’re turning to ash, how are you going to rescue yourself?”

  “So how can you possibly be strong enough for all of us? You’re passing her all your Touch, we’re running from the Bound and probably now the Fallen,” she said. “You’re doing your best, Jarrod. Eden knows that. I know that. But you can’t take this all on yourself.”

  When he finally met her eyes, he saw the terror she’d kept from her voice, watched as her false bravado began to chip away. She leaned suddenly, her arms coming around his neck. He wanted to tell her it was going to be okay, but the words lodged in his throat, wouldn’t come.

  “I’m scared,” she whispered.

  He held his breath and kissed her. Not like before, to distract himself, and not like she’d kissed him in the hotel when they’d met, a last hurrah. A real kiss. Soft and slow and full of all the things he felt but couldn’t say.

  “Me too,” he said.

  CHAPTER 12

  Since Raphael’s visit, Az had watched the sun dip behind the mountains in a blaze of orange and red too stunning to be real. He’d tracked the slow arc of the false moon. The sky was not the same sky Eden looked up to see. He had no way of knowing how long he’d been gone.

  She’d been safe yesterday. He’d been terrified enough the Bound had already found her that Raphael’s promises of her future demise gave him a sick relief.

  Az stared down at the white sheets. She would be expecting an enemy. She would open the door to Gabe without hesitating. How could Gabe throw away everything the three of them had been through together? He would never do that to me, Az thought, but no matter how much he wanted to believe it, the kernel of fear inside him only grew. Promises were binding. Driven by compulsion.

  If Gabriel hadn’t been able to resist Falling, how could he fight this? What if he doesn’t want to fight it? Gabriel had made the vow; Raphael couldn’t lie.

  Everything inside Az became focused fury. Gabe intended to kill her.

  “No.” Az’s voice rang out, loud and true.

  Sudden color.

  He sucked in, almost choking in surprise, and reached for the sheet. Deep navy gathered around his fingers like fresh bruises, spread through the threads. But it didn’t stop there. Blue bled onto the floor, snaked up the walls and across the ceiling. Az watched in awe.

  “It worked,” he whispered. The color he’d imagined into existence proved there was a chance he could imagine a key or an unlocked door. But to Az it meant more. I’m not one of them. They can’t break me. I’m getting out.

  He dropped the fabric and spun to the door. Okay, time to bring out the big guns. “Open.”

  The syllables left him over and over, a low hum. He didn’t dare blink. In his mind, the inner workings of the lock spun, the tumblers falling into place as it disengaged. He heard a faint click, and hope flared inside him. “Come on,” he whispered.

  With a creak, the door opened. Leaping off the cot, Az let out a triumphant bark of a laugh.

  Until Michael stepped through.

  He refused to feel disappointed. It doesn’t matter how the door opened, Az thought as he glared at Michael in silence. It’s not closing again with me in here.

  Unlike Raphael, he’d seen Michael recently and not Upstairs. The angel had been searching out information on Gabe, and accosted Az when he’d been dancing with Eden at the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. In New York, Michael’s movements had been jerky, unnatural, but Upstairs, he glided into the room.

  “Raphael brought words from you. You may as well speak again. Have such inane barriers not been broken down?” He paced the floor. It was only then that Az really looked at him.

  Nervous. The thought struck him an instant before Michael’s yellowed eyes met his. “What’s going on?” Az asked.

  Michael kept pacing. “Your knowledge is necessary, Azazel. The council persists in the belief you shall return to us fully, but I believe they’ve made a grave error.”

  Az shook his head slowly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Knowledge about what?” He’s right, though. I’m not taking the vows. I’m not giving up. The thought was there before he could stop it.

  “The Suiciders.” Michael stalked across the room until he was uncomfortably close.

  Az bent his face away. “Gabriel told you everything we know.”

  “You lie.” A mournful wail burst from him. “Are you so lost to us? Some say you’ve broken. Has the light seeped from the cracks inside you, Azazel? I fear for you!”

  Despite everything, Az couldn’t help the trickle of shame inside himself. “I’m not lost,” he said quietly. “I’m just different now.”

&
nbsp; “Azazel, you must tell me if you know how they started and what they’re for. The Siders sent Upstairs are infecting the souls here, destroying them utterly. Our sources speak of the same infection Downstairs. Is it true?”

  He shrugged, made his eyes wide and baffled. “Gosh, I just don’t know.” A second later, he dropped the sarcastic act. “I’m not telling you anything.”

  Az recoiled when Michael dropped gently to his knees in front of him. This didn’t seem like the same angel he’d seen at the Christmas tree with Eden, all uncoordinated anger. Az wondered now how much of that rage had been fear for Gabe.

  “Please,” Michael murmured. “You would stand by and do nothing while the world falls to ruin?” A single tear slipped down his cheek. “Have you become so selfish?”

  Az gave his head a slight shake. Guilt turned his stomach, ripped away the last of the sarcasm he clung to. “You don’t understand. The Siders aren’t these terrible creatures you all are imagining. They’re not a plague, Michael; they’re souls!”

  “They’re a handful of souls. We must protect the souls here and on Earth. Months with them have convinced you to undermine entire worlds?”

  “You don’t know them like I do,” Az said. He thought of Eden, memories spilling through him. Michael’s face soured.

  “What happened between yourself and that Sider was not love, Azazel. She used you to learn our secrets. They aim only to spread the plague of their kind!”

  Az blew out a breath in contempt.

  “She lured Gabriel with her helplessness, did she not?” Michael’s tone gentled. “Called out to him like a siren.”

  “No,” he said, but his mind hung on Eden the night they’d met on the beach. Gabriel had told him later that she’d seemed to be desperate for help. “Eden couldn’t have planned it. She was mortal when we met.”

  Michael straightened, leaning toward him. “You told the council she had no path, even then. You swore.”

  Az opened his mouth to answer, to defend her, but there was nothing he could say that didn’t feel like entrapment.

  Michael caught Az’s glare, held it. “Your time with her has been but a flash. How can you call it 'love, as if love were so simple.”

  The cadence of his words wormed into Az’s head, pumped through his veins like a drug. He couldn’t shake his thoughts free, part of him wanting Michael to see them, to know what he knew in his heart. “It’s love,” Az insisted.

  “She lied to you, didn’t she,” Michael said, staring straight into his eyes. “She tricked you, Azazel.”

  Az’s head dipped slightly. “That’s not . . . You don’t . . . Don’t do this to . . .” The thought spun away before he could grasp it. He flinched at the pressure of Michael’s finger under his chin, the black pupils fixed on his.

  “Azazel, tell me her secrets.”

  Something stirred deep inside him. The words seeped out slow and slurred. “She puts herself in danger. She’ll die for her friends before she lets you touch them.” Distress bloomed in his chest. “She hates when things are complicated, and so she should hate me, but she doesn’t.” Az tasted a metallic tang of terror but couldn’t remember why he should be afraid. His brain ached, itchy and hot.

  “More,” Michael whispered. “Where did she come from?”

  He fought for the answer through his confusion. “Jersey?”

  “Where did the Siders come from?” Michael asked, his voice a melody. “Who made them?”

  Az blinked slowly, his limbs heavy. An infectious heat invaded his mind even as Michael’s cool fingers wrapped around his head. A trickle of sweat slipped down his temple. “Tell me what you know,” Michael pleaded.

  The door opened. “Michael!”

  At the sound of his name, Michael pivoted, broke eye contact. Az doubled over in agony. Everything inside his head screamed, ripped loose and bruised. He squeezed his temples, barely noticing the angel that had entered his room.

  “What suffers him so?” Raphael’s voice.

  “I came to find answers,” Michael replied, his tone cutting. “You interrupted.”

  Az rolled off the mattress, dropping gracelessly onto the floor. He made it to his knees barely in time to brace himself for the first retch. His throat burned, each exhale scalding. He tried to crawl away, but Michael seized him, pulling him back even as the retching started again. Thin strands of blood-streaked spit dripped from his gaping jaw.

  Raphael touched his back gently before pressing his hands against Az’s neck. Instantly, the heat dulled. “Better methods weren’t considered? Were it not for him, Gabriel would be Fallen still. Have you so swiftly forgotten?”

  “There are more pressing matters than comfort, Raphael.”

  Their angry voices pounded in time with the pulse in Az’s head, tripled the pain. His vision blurred.

  “You would rip his mind apart like spider’s webs to find what you seek?” Raphael chided Michael. “Look at him!”

  “Necessary measures. He desired to assist us, or it wouldn’t have worked.”

  Neither the Bound nor the Fallen could work their tricks without permission, but Az had been vulnerable. Michael had lured him in with the challenge against Eden. The need in him to prove Eden loved him, to prove she was good, had allowed the connection to take. I let him in, he thought. I let it happen. He could still feel the fiery heat Michael left behind.

  “What was learned?” Raphael asked.

  Az cradled his head against his knees, shivering, feeling violated and exposed. Oh no. What did I say? He couldn’t remember, didn’t know how badly he’d betrayed her. He waited, terrified.

  “Worthless bits of nothing,” Michael said. “Pathetic laments to her loyalties and love. He’s bespelled over her.”

  Az’s throat was ravaged, but he managed to get his voice. “I love her,” he said. “She’s not evil. Especially not compared to you.”

  Michael shook his head sadly. “Look what you’ve become. Selfish and misguided. Singing the praises of a damned girl, Azazel? Again?”

  Az flinched.

  “Michael,” Raphael chided. “Frustration is blinding you to his pain. Can you not see how he suffers? Perhaps you should leave.”

  “You’d do well to remember he’s not an innocent in all this,” Michael said, and then slammed the iron door shut behind him.

  Az waited almost a full minute before he sent out thoughts to Raphael, words he didn’t dare voice Upstairs. If Gabriel is really supposed to destroy Eden, he should have done it already. He’s failing, isn’t he?

  The intensity in Raphael’s stare sent a chill through Az. “You should know I’m not vulnerable to your manipulations, Azazel. I am aware of a lack of progress. Soon, other arrangements will have to be made.”

  “No,” Az said, shaking his head. “You can’t do that!” He swallowed hard and shut his mouth. You’ll damn him. It’s different if Gabriel can’t get to her, but you know full well if Eden ends at anyone else’s hand, his promise can’t be fulfilled.

  Even as the thoughts formed, Az froze. The reason behind Gabriel’s seeming betrayal suddenly slipped into perfect clarity. Once the promise had been made to end her, none of the Bound could do it but Gabriel. He was protecting her the only way he knew how. A small smile flickered across Az’s lips.

  Well played, Gabe, he thought before he could help himself.

  Raphael’s face purpled with rage. “Misguided wretch,” he snapped. As the angel stalked out into the hall, he snatched the blue sheet and took it with him. “If Gabriel chooses not to fulfill his promise to destroy the death breather, to sacrifice himself, I cannot stop him. I can assure you it will be in vain,” he said over his shoulder. “If necessary, I’ll end her myself.”

  CHAPTER 12

  Since Raphael’s visit, Az had watched the sun dip behind the mountains in a blaze of orange and red too stunning to be real. He’d tracked the slow arc of the false moon. The sky was not the same sky Eden looked up to see. He had no way of knowing how long he’d b
een gone.

  She’d been safe yesterday. He’d been terrified enough the Bound had already found her that Raphael’s promises of her future demise gave him a sick relief.

  Az stared down at the white sheets. She would be expecting an enemy. She would open the door to Gabe without hesitating. How could Gabe throw away everything the three of them had been through together? He would never do that to me, Az thought, but no matter how much he wanted to believe it, the kernel of fear inside him only grew. Promises were binding. Driven by compulsion.

  If Gabriel hadn’t been able to resist Falling, how could he fight this? What if he doesn’t want to fight it? Gabriel had made the vow; Raphael couldn’t lie.

  Everything inside Az became focused fury. Gabe intended to kill her.

  “No.” Az’s voice rang out, loud and true.

  Sudden color.

  He sucked in, almost choking in surprise, and reached for the sheet. Deep navy gathered around his fingers like fresh bruises, spread through the threads. But it didn’t stop there. Blue bled onto the floor, snaked up the walls and across the ceiling. Az watched in awe.

  “It worked,” he whispered. The color he’d imagined into existence proved there was a chance he could imagine a key or an unlocked door. But to Az it meant more. I’m not one of them. They can’t break me. I’m getting out.

  He dropped the fabric and spun to the door. Okay, time to bring out the big guns. “Open.”

  The syllables left him over and over, a low hum. He didn’t dare blink. In his mind, the inner workings of the lock spun, the tumblers falling into place as it disengaged. He heard a faint click, and hope flared inside him. “Come on,” he whispered.

  With a creak, the door opened. Leaping off the cot, Az let out a triumphant bark of a laugh.

  Until Michael stepped through.

  He refused to feel disappointed. It doesn’t matter how the door opened, Az thought as he glared at Michael in silence. It’s not closing again with me in here.

  Unlike Raphael, he’d seen Michael recently and not Upstairs. The angel had been searching out information on Gabe, and accosted Az when he’d been dancing with Eden at the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. In New York, Michael’s movements had been jerky, unnatural, but Upstairs, he glided into the room.