Rejected by Fate: A Mated in Silence Novel

by Mazzy J March

  No other reason.

  Chapter Six

  Jillian

  Turned out, there were more than voices in the bushes. As soon as we stood up, we were confronted by Ruston, one of the security guards for the alpha and for the pack. He demanded in a monotone that we follow him. My stomach turned as I knew where we were headed.

  There was only one place where justice was served in this pack, though, for the life of me, I didn’t remember doing anything wrong.

  When we got to the alpha’s house, we dressed before meeting others. Dean was clearly uncomfortable being naked, and I was impressed he’d managed to wait this long. Most shifters would shuck their shorts in a flat minute in front of the gods and anyone else. We simply weren’t skittish about such trivial things.

  No matter how many times I’d been in the alpha’s house, it always seemed to make my breath catch in my lungs. The place was massive. It could swallow my place four times over and still have room for dessert. A hearth nested a blazing fire in every room, making the place warmer than I was used to. I pulled at my collar. The thin zip-up sweatshirt I’d found earlier all of a sudden seemed to want to choke me.

  We followed Ruston through the obscenely large home in silence.

  Mate. Scared. Fear.

  My eyes darted to Dean to see him shivering despite the stifling temperature. He balled and flexed his fingers so much, the tips of them had become pale. His jaw worked as though he had a tennis-ball-sized wad of gum in his mouth.

  He was nervous and so scared that even if my wolf hadn’t tipped me off, I could smell it from a mile away. That tangy and bitter scent reached my nose, so potent that I could taste it on the tip of my tongue.

  If I was the talking type, I would tell him that it was going to be fine. Yes, the alpha was a stern man, tough but fair, I supposed, to everyone else. He could bark and snarl, but I’d never seen him be violent toward anyone in our pack.

  Then again, I couldn’t see a lot of things from my cabin tucked into the darkest depths of the woods.

  My wolf demanded I find some way to soothe my new friend, though friend wasn’t the word she used. Still meandering through hallways, I reached out and barely touched my fingers to the tips of Dean’s. He sucked in a long breath but didn’t allow that smallest touch of mine to be just that. Instead, he took my hand in his and tangled our fingers together, shivering a little at the contact, the intensity growing with each time we touched.

  My wolf rumbled at the feel of his warm skin against mine. My heart thrummed in my ears. Louder than a siren, louder than the loudest drum. I turned my head to take in his expression, sure Dean would be laughing at me when he heard my heart beating a rhythm that seemed to be unique to him, unique to his touch.

  To my relief, his face had relaxed, eyebrows no longer drawn together. His shoulders were no longer tense and squared off.

  And his trembling had ceased where mine seemed to have begun.

  Gods, I had to get hold of myself. The alpha would be able to scent...whatever this sensation was on me. He might punish me, as though my whole life wasn’t one big punishment on the Earth.

  “Jillian, it looks like you’ve discovered someone.” The alpha was a tall man, stocky, and I was being generous. He reminded me of one of those European kings in a history book, all husky and clearly well-fed. He stood behind his obscenely large mahogany desk and waved for us to sit down before settling in his high-backed executive-style chair.

  This was only my third summons to the alpha’s office. Three times too many, in my opinion.

  I nodded in response to his comment. It wasn’t like he expected an answer. Even when I was presented to him as a toddler, there were no words spoken, no whimpering or sniffling. Just silent tears that streamed down my face which seemed to last forever, until one day I was simply dry—all cried out.

  “What is your name, newcomer?” A bit of his alpha power seeped into his tone. He was making his position in the pack clear, as though we didn’t already know.

  Maybe Dean didn’t. He didn’t seem to know a lot about shifters in general.

  “My name is Dean...sir.”

  My gaze ping-ponged between the two. The alpha was sizing him up, and Dean just didn’t seem to care at all. Most males would at least puff out their chest or clear their throats. Not Dean. If I had to guess, I would think he had little ego at all.

  “Dean. Dean, how did you come to be on our lands? How did you find Crystal Canyon pack?”

  I swallowed against the boulder in my throat. It was a story I wanted to hear myself.

  “Well…”

  I flexed my hand as he began to speak. I hadn’t realized he’d let it go, and my skin was icy in its absence. “I was sitting in class. I went to Township College.”

  The alpha perked up. “That’s at least forty miles from here, and I’m being generous.”

  Dean sighed.

  The alpha waved him on, as if he hadn’t interrupted him. “Continue.”

  Dean shrugged one shoulder. “As I was saying, I was sitting in class. It started with my chest tightening. Almost like someone describes a panic attack. My breaths got short, and the edges of my vision blackened. The desk I was sitting at all of a sudden was too small for me, and I felt this desperate need to break free of this body and the classroom and my own skin. It wouldn’t be ignored anymore. So I walked outside. I saw a cluster of trees in the distance, and next thing I know, I was sprinting toward them, like my legs had a mind of their own. I took in this deep breath and...well, the next thing I remember, I was in the woods. Your woods, apparently. I don’t remember a lot about the run. It’s all fuzzy.” He seemed to remember a little more, though, than he’d mentioned to me. A good sign, right? Dean rubbed his temples as though the tiny circle motion would jog his memory.

  “But you’re a shifter. Certainly you recognized the sensations.”

  Dean’s eyes widened. “That’s never happened to me before. I didn’t know what was happening.”

  The alpha, Barrett was his name but no one dared called him that, leaned forward and scratched at his ample salt-and-pepper beard. “How have you never shifted before? Didn’t your parents teach you how to shift?”

  Dean blew out a breath. “They’re not like me, not that I know.”

  Looking perplexed, the alpha sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, is it your intention to stay here? To learn more about being a shifter? What are your plans?”

  Dean looked at me. My eyes were on the alpha’s desk out of submission, but I felt Dean’s gaze on me like a warm blanket covering my bare skin. “I would like to learn more about this, yes. I don’t know anything about shifters.”

  “We can assign you someone. I have some people in mind…”

  Dean reached out and took my hand in his. “I would like it to be Jillian. She’s been so kind to me when she found me in the forest. I don’t know how all of this works, but if she could be the one to teach me, I would appreciate that.”

  The alpha took one look at our laced hands and I managed to lift my gaze to meet his. “I can see that. Jillian, you may teach this male about our ways, though I’m not sure how that will go since there is limited communication. Make sure he is shifting well and contributing to the pack. Get Ruston to find him some work. No one lives here for free.”

  Dean nodded. “Of course. I would be happy to earn my keep and figure out all of this.”

  The alpha seemed stumped and was still looking at our hands. “Jillian, make sure he knows the rules and that you both follow the rules. You know what I’m referring to, don’t you?”

  Of course I did, and I wiggled free of Dean’s grasp. Nodding, I got up and bared my neck.

  Dean stood as well and did some awkward neck baring but followed me without another word. I wouldn’t tell him about the alpha’s rules that applied to only me. He didn’t need to know. He wanted me to teach him about being a shifter and nothing else.

  One day, Dean would find his mate,
someone who could make him happy.

  That person wasn’t me.

  Chapter Seven

  Jillian

  After our meeting with the alpha, we went looking for Ruston but instead found Jerad, who was overseeing a group doing repairs on one of the barns. In winter, people didn’t have as much to do, but Barrett disliked idleness, claiming it led to disharmony among the pack.

  I waved Dean forward, and he approached the beta who lounged on a hay bale, sipping from a travel mug. “Uh, hello. I need to speak to Ruston? The alpha sent me.”

  Jerad, in typical fashion, did not bother to stand. “Yeah? And who are you?” Ruston, the primary beta, was reserved but professional on pack matters always. Many thought he would be the next alpha, if he wanted the position, but Jerad? He did not one more thing than was required to keep him from getting in trouble with the alpha.

  “I’m Dean, and I just arrived. The alpha said Ruston could assign me a job. Do you know where I could find him, please?”

  “If it’s any of your business, he’s away on pack matters. You’ll have to find him later.”

  Despite the rudeness of the beta, Dean maintained a calm manner. For a guy who just discovered he had a wolf inside him, he displayed admirable aplomb. I didn’t know how I’d behave in his shoes but probably not nearly so well. “All right, I’ll check back...when?”

  Jerad held up a hand. “You, over there, that straw isn’t going to rake itself. Speed it up or there will be no break for you.” He gave a satisfied nod. What a tool. “Ruston doesn’t answer to you, new guy. So he’ll be back when he gets here, and you’ll have to keep trying until he is.” He redirected his attention to the workers, still managing not to get off his butt to do it. “Hey, cobwebs! I don’t want to see any of those in the corners. Neat and tidy, lazy asses.”

  “Thank you,” Dean told him instead of giving him the kick he deserved. “I will stop by in the morning and see if he’s returned. You have a good day.” He turned on a heel and strode out the door.

  “You’d better tell that new friend of yours that if he doesn’t show more respect, he won’t last here long. Or maybe someone will teach him his place.” I’d heard Jerad mouth off enough times, I didn’t stick around. Nobody expected me to reply anyway, which sometimes offered an advantage. I followed Dean into the waning wintery daylight.

  Although only one of us lacked the ability to speak, we walked through the forest in silence. What must he be thinking? I tried to imagine what it would be like if I had stepped into the shifter world as a young adult with no foreknowledge that it existed.

  Shifter weren’t completely unknown outside our packs, but we seemed to move just under the radar. As in...people were aware we were around, but they never seemed to acknowledge us, or be sure that we weren’t more than just rural communes or something. In order to avoid issues with hunters or farmers or someone who might shoot a predator on sight—laws against protected species be damned or ignored—most packs managed to buy up large-enough swaths of land for their members to run on. Or—like us—backing up to federal or state wildernesses, state parks, that sort of thing. The caves from which we drew our name were on our land, but they extended beyond as well. In fact, nobody knew how far into the mountains they went. And since the only opening I’d ever heard of was on our property, I’d never encountered an outsider in my explorations. I found them peaceful and magical chambers, havens of calm and near silence.

  As we approached my cabin, I marveled that the alpha had been so gracious and accepting. Dean could have no idea how lucky he’d been to not be thrown off the lands. Few outsiders were accepted, and they usually came highly recommended by their home packs or by the high council. Dean was not a member yet, but in telling him to get a work assignment and me to train him? As long as he behaved well, he’d very likely have a permanent home.

  If he wanted to stay here. He had left a life behind, a college degree in progress. Most of the children in our pack were home schooled by their loving parents. Since I didn’t have any loving parents, in fact had no idea what happened to my mom and dad, and my lack of speech might have caused extra work for anyone who wanted to teach me, nobody bothered.

  But why had the alpha agreed to let me train him? It wasn’t as if he was approving anything more between Dean and I. To the contrary, he’d been clear that nothing had changed. I was not free to mate with him or with anyone. And he recognized the attraction between us. Could it be one more punishment for me? Look but don’t touch? Share a dwelling but never kiss, never bond in any way?

  I tried to suppress my sigh but failed, and Dean, in the process of opening my door—never locked because what would anyone want to steal from me—cast me an askance glance. I mustered a smile and followed him inside.

  Dean dressed in the shirt I’d loaned him. I would have to take him to the pack supply office tomorrow. They always had some clothes lying around for those in need. Most much better than what I ended up with. Dean would get paid once he started working and be able to buy some things. Ruston would explain that to him or the quartermaster beta would. For now, I needed to make us some dinner because it had been a long day, and I’d had much more need to communicate than usual. It wore me out. Food and sleep…

  But apparently only one of us saw sunset as the end of the day. By lantern and firelight, I prepared our meal, a mostly vegetarian stew with some strips of meat I’d dried over the summer, providing a bit more body to the broth. And while I cooked and made tea, Dean peppered me with questions I had little ability to answer satisfactorily. Nods, headshakes, and shrugs can only go so far, so with regret, I fetched my notebook and pencil and set it next to my plate. My abilities to read and write were about to be outed, and my college-student cabin-mate would find out just how illiterate I was.

  He picked up his spoon and dug in, scooping the stew into his mouth with great enjoyment. Greater than this poor meal deserved. I used herbs and made it the best I could, but a few carrots, onion, and potato and strips of venison did not a banquet make. Many of the young single males in the pack lived in a dormitory-style building and ate together. They paid a cook to provide the number of calories they needed for hard physical work as well as the higher-than-usual baseline of a wolf shifter.

  I should send him there to live. The alpha wouldn’t object. I picked up my pencil to say so but instead wrote... Tomorow lessons then pushed the pad toward him. He read it with a funny expression I couldn’t decipher for sure, but probably I’d goofed somehow. My letters were poorly formed.

  “That will be great!” he enthused. “What are you going to show me first?”

  I took the pad and wrote pack ruls. I’d prefer to work on shifting, but if he unknowingly violated one of the many regulations, he’d be punished, and it would be my fault.

  “All right.” He ate another bite of stew. “I don’t want to cause any problems.”

  No. I show you.

  “Thanks.” Dean finished his bowl and I returned to the fire to fill it again. “Hey, you know what? It seems unfair for you to help me if I don’t do something in return. I thought of maybe offering to cut wood, but you have a huge pile out there. Maybe...if it wouldn’t offend you...I noticed you couldn’t, that is you don’t…”

  I nevver went to school. What little I could do so far as reading and writing went, I’d managed on my own. I yearned to know more, to be a better writer for the sake of communication...and to be able to read novels. To lose myself in the worlds they encompassed. When the children had a story hour, I tried to be close by and listen. If I could just read for myself, I’d never ask for another thing in life.

  Or try not to.

  “Then, if you wouldn’t mind, would you let me tutor you? I did it at school for extra money, so I must be decent at it. Would you like to learn?”

  A single tear spotted the note I pushed toward him. Yes.

  Chapter Eight

  Dean

  Jillian was a great cook. She could take very little and make a tas
ty and filling meal, something I wished I had the ability to do as well. Since she lacked the one thing I required for cooking, I feared I’d be little help in that department.

  “I only cook with a microwave,” I told her, making conversation more than anything. It wasn’t only her silence, but in my world, in college where I’d shared a two-bedroom apartment with three other guys, noise was a constant. Television, music of all kinds...video gaming. We all had headsets or earbuds, but they were not in use as often as they could have been. Lots of talking and usually guests. My roommates brought home so many different women, I rarely saw the same one twice.

  Jillian stood and pulled a kettle from the hob. She brought it to the table and filled two mugs with boiling water. I looked around for tea bags, instant coffee, or anything but saw none. Instead, she set the kettle back and rotated the hook away from the fire a bit then returned with a wooden box. When she opened it, a delicate herbal fragrance emerged.

  “Natural tea?” I asked, still appreciating the scent. “Did you pick and dry the leaves yourself?”

  She nodded and spooned some of the herbs into each cup then handed me a spoon and circled her hand.

  “You want me to stir it?”

  Another nod before she took her seat and stirred her own cup. They were old and faded mugs, but at one time had slogans on them. World’s Bes randad read one with a broken handle, and the other, with a chipped rim seemed to be from a car dealership judging by the remains of a car image with Auto the only readable word on the back. I got the randad one.

  “So are there a lot of rules I need to learn?”

  Jillian tilted her head, began to shake it then nodded. Not confusing at all.

  I sipped at the brew carefully, blowing on the surface first. Jillian had not touched hers and I remembered that with loose-leaf teas, if you didn’t have something to contain the leaves, you usually waited for the plant matter to settle. Since I hadn’t, I had some leafy matter in my mouth. And no idea what to do with it.