by Fine, L. J.
“You remember that we bumped into Daisy yesterday outside the bookstore?”
He frowned. “You mean Daisy the Twat?”
Despite the situation, she couldn’t suppress the small smile that tilted her lips. “Yeah, Daisy the Twat.”
“What does she have to do with you and me?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head. “Everything. Look, you know that she wasn’t the greatest of friends to me and when I saw her yesterday it was jarring to say the least. But there’s way more to it than I’ve told you.”
“Obviously,” he interjected. She ignored him.
“I suppose I should tell you this story from the beginning, since you’re hell-bent on hearing it.” She narrowed her eyes.
“I am.” He said folding his arms and leaning back in his chair to get comfy.
“Okay, here goes.” She took a deep breath and began. “I’ve known Daisy since before I can remember. Our parents were old college friends and as a consequence we were thrown together since we were babies. Daisy could do no wrong in, well, just about everyone’s eyes, but especially my parents’. They were constantly comparing the two of us and deep down I think that they wished Daisy was their daughter instead of me.”
Even after all this time—all these years she had grown used to her parents’ preference for Daisy—it still stung. That unconditional parental love that every child deserves somehow skipped right over her and landed on her perfect friend. A friend who got all the love in the world while Mina was only tolerated.
It didn’t take a Freudian scholar to realize that her feelings of worthlessness had started there.
“When it came time for college, I followed Daisy to the university of her choice with the full sanction and encouragement of my parents. They never bothered to ask what I wanted to do with my life. It was only important that I emulate Daisy in every way. They felt that if I went with her and roomed with her, then maybe her influence would rub off on me. That if it hadn’t already, this would be the clincher.”
“What was it that you wanted to do? If you’d had the choice?” Tyler asked softly.
Mina stopped and gave a small smile. “That’s the first time anyone’s ever asked me that. I would have loved to have opened up my own bookstore. Someplace lovely and quiet.” She knew her smile and her voice had turned wistful. “But that was one of the things my parents berated me about the most. They ‘worried’ for me that I always had my nose in a book instead of going out to experience life the way Daisy did.”
“So everything always came back to her?”
“My whole life.” She nodded grimly. “But anyway, I’ll get to the real point here. Once we got to college Daisy found a boyfriend, Thatcher. Unlike many of her admirers, she actually latched onto him, wanted to keep him close. He and his best friend Doug were known partiers, borderline alcoholics and overly fond of marijuana. And to be honest, as they were both good-looking, they were pretty much man-whores.”
That tic started up again in Tyler’s jaw. Mild jealousy maybe that she had found another man attractive? But come on, was he serious? He had to know by now that she thought he was the sexiest man on the planet. To his credit, though, he didn’t say anything, just let her get on with her story.
“Daisy, being the manipulative bitch she is, decided it would bring and keep Thatcher closer to her if she could somehow rein Doug in as well. Together they got into all kinds of trouble and they were pretty much inseparable. So she thought if she could direct their focus to something harmless, she could keep Thatcher from cheating on her.
“Of course, at the time I was completely oblivious to her scheming and when she introduced me to Doug, I thought she was looking out for me, trying to hook me up with a guy she thought I might like. Throwing her poor, dateless friend Mina a bone.” She couldn’t keep the bitterness from seeping into her voice.
“She knew what a complete and utter asshole Doug was, but glossed over it by saying that he just needed a good girl in his life to straighten him out. Obviously she didn’t give a shit what a guy like that could do to a girl like me, or the aftereffect. As usual, it was all about her and I have to say that for a while her plan worked. For a few months the four of us were constantly together. Doug even made me think that he cared about me. It was such a welcome relief. Up until that point, no one had ever paid that much attention to me, especially not when Daisy was around.
“Even then, though, I have to admit, there was something off about Doug. Though the gestures he made for me always seemed sweet on the surface, there was an underlying edge to it all that I can’t define. It was like he pulled on the costume of a completely different personality, trying it on for size to convince not only me, but himself as well that he could pull it off. I should have seen it for what it was. There were so many things that I should have seen back then…” She trailed off, for about the billionth time getting lost in these old memories, cursing herself for being so stupid and naive. How could she have thought for one minute that Doug actually cared for her? There were so many blaring neon signs that she had carelessly ignored in her desperation to obtain any kind of relationship with another human being that was her own.
Rough warmth covering her hands brought her back to the moment and she looked down to see Tyler’s hands over hers. “Hey. Hindsight is twenty/twenty. When you’re in the middle of something, it’s hard to see it clearly. It happens to everyone.”
She swallowed. “I appreciate that, I do, but you don’t know the kinds of things I let them get away with. Any self-respecting woman would have kicked him to the curb long before I did.”
There went that ticking in his jaw again. “What kinds of things?”
Pausing here for a moment, she took a deep breath. “As you know, I hadn’t had a boyfriend before Doug and I was pretty reserved, so it follows to say that I was a virgin. I wasn’t gonna just give that part of myself to anyone. If I’d saved it that long, I wanted it to mean something. But Thatcher and Doug, they made it seem like my sensibilities were a major flaw. Like my virginity was something to get rid of and no man would want me otherwise.”
His grip on her tightened before he started to run his thumb back and forth across the back of her hand. “Those guys were douche bags. You have any idea how amazing it is to know that I’ve been your first in so many ways? Makes me feel like the most important man in the goddamn world. They were fuckers for making you think any different.”
For once, she could see beyond the misguided perception that had been forced upon her and believe in the relevance of his words. She knew that Tyler’s opinion held all the difference between that of a man compared to that of a boy. Squeezing his hands, she gave him a genuine smile.
“I know that now. And I also know that they were immature college boys but what the hell did I know back then? It didn’t change how…defective it made me feel. And then there were the many nights that I couldn’t get ahold of Doug at all. He’d leave with the vague excuse that he ‘had to take care of something’ and then I wouldn’t hear from him for the rest of the night.”
A wry smile twisted her lips. “Once I tried to use that excuse on him but he wouldn’t let me leave the apartment until I told him where I was going. He was such a hypocritical bastard but I let it go, thinking I couldn’t do any better. That is, until Daisy got into a fight with Thatcher. I can’t even remember what it was that started it but if she was hurting, that meant everyone around her had to hurt too.
“The whole time she’d known where Doug was going on the nights that I couldn’t get in touch with him. As long as Thatcher wasn’t going with him, she didn’t care. It took her getting pissed off at Thatcher for her to tell me—her supposed best friend— that Doug was cheating on me with an ex-girlfriend. So not only did I have to go through the pain of finding out my boyfriend had been cheating on me but I had to find out that my ‘best friend’ had known about it the whole time and didn’t tell me. For whatever reason, she was protecting him over me.”
The anger and indignation she felt over that was still raw. How one person could use and twist another into suiting their purposes still boggled her mind. How was it possible to care so little for anyone other than yourself? The offense of being such a backstabber ran parallel to what Doug had done.
“Daisy’s revelation about Doug didn’t surprise me. I might have been naive but I wasn’t stupid. I had kind of suspected it but it still broke my heart when I heard it confirmed. And for once, I found my backbone and broke it off with him.”
“And how did that go down?” Tyler ran his fingers over and through hers in a gesture she found oddly calming.
“Not so well. It pissed him off that I confronted him and of course he denied it all. But deep down I knew he was lying and I’d had enough. It was a rare moment for me back then to get fed up with someone and let them know about it.” She had been so proud of herself in that moment and, if she were honest, Doug’s explosive reaction had been kind of satisfying.
But that satisfaction didn’t last very long. Daisy made sure of that.
“A few weeks later, Daisy and Thatcher still hadn’t gotten back together, and true to her nature, she came up with a plan to make him jealous. That night was the only night she’d ever asked me to go out to a bar with her. I was so nervous and excited and when we got there I was completely out of my element. So Daisy bought me a drink to loosen me up.”
This was the part that she swore to herself she would never talk about. After it happened she forced it down into the deepest part of herself to try to forget it. But Tyler deserved to know what had made her this way, why she had to leave. “Of course, Thatcher and Doug were there that night and Doug was drunk off his ass. It was the first time I’d seen him since we’d broken up and I was surprised by how much I missed him.”
She couldn’t quite meet Tyler’s eyes. How could she explain this next part to him so that he would understand where she was coming from? She knew it didn’t make any sense outside of her head. “I knew he was a total asshole and he treated me like shit but when I was with him I felt…normal. Like for once I was just like everyone else and not some strange freak on the outside, staring in at all the happy people living out their lives.”
“Hey, look at me.” Tyler cupped her chin and tilted her head up to meet his gaze. “There’s nothing wrong with you. All those people back then saw something in you that they wanted and you were so sweet and giving that they took advantage. But that was a huge failing on their part, baby, not yours. They’re the ones with the character flaws, not you.”
Lower lip beginning to tremble and eyes misting over, she pulled away from him and studied the carpet beneath her feet. Where had this man been back then when she needed him? Why did she have to go through all that pain before meeting someone like him? And even if he had been there, would he have treated her the same as everyone else had?
Looking up at his beautiful face and the earnest sincerity in his eyes, she didn’t think so. Like he had said all those nights ago, he actually saw her.
Clearing her throat, she continued with her story. She wasn’t done, not by a long shot, and the most painful memory still remained. “While Daisy was flirting with other guys to make Thatcher jealous, Doug barreled his way over to me. He said he wanted to talk to me, try to explain things from his perspective. So I let him pull me off into one of the empty side hallways of the bar. Instead of talking to me, though, he started kissing me. I didn’t push him away right off. I really had missed him and I guess I just wanted something that was mine, even if it was wrong and a lie.”
She twisted her hands in her lap, pulling at the skin on the sides of her fingers. Trying to focus on the mundane task of pushing back her cuticles rather than the horrific scene playing in her mind’s eye.
“Eventually I came to my senses and realized that he was drunk and in no state to be having a serious conversation with me about anything. Let alone the fact that we were in a public place. So I said no and tried to push him away but—” Her voice cracked as a lone tear ran down her cheek. “He didn’t stop. Instead, he grabbed me and pulled me into a utility closet. I screamed but the music in that place was so loud that no one heard me and I couldn’t push him off.”
This was the first time since that night that she spoke about it out loud. She had replayed the evening’s events over and over in her mind about a million times. Thinking of what she should have done differently and torturing herself with all the “if onlys” in the world. If only she hadn’t let him kiss her that night. If only she had been smart enough to never get involved with him in the first place. If only she had been strong enough to tell Daisy to go to hell and forge her own path. If only, if only, if only.
But she had since come to realize that it couldn’t have happened any other way. It was in the past and she couldn’t change it no matter how fervently in her heart she wished otherwise. It was done.
“I think you can infer what happened then. Afterward he left me there, just zipped up and went back out to his friends. I righted my clothes and made it to the bathroom. I’m pretty sure I was in shock. But when I finally locked myself inside a stall…God…Tyler.” She squeezed her eyes shut, the silent tears falling freely now. “There was so much blood it was like I’d gotten my period. And when I finally had the courage to look in the mirror I had a split lip and bruises on my arms where he’d held me down.”
She had to stop then. For one, she didn’t think she was capable of describing it further and two, she didn’t think Tyler could handle hearing it. She was grateful that her hands were no longer in his. He balled his hands into fists, the knuckles white and straining, jaw clenched tight.
But all this was nothing compared to the look in his eyes. It went beyond anger and into menace with a barely checked ferocity that had her shivering. She hoped like hell that she never found herself on the receiving end of such a look.
Before he could say or do anything, though, she had to get the rest of this story out. Once she finished, then he could react however he wanted to.
“I cleaned myself up as best I could and went to find Daisy. She looked annoyed that I’d been gone so long but when she saw my busted lip, she actually asked me what was wrong. I pulled her aside and told her what happened. And the look she gave me then—what she said—I’ll never forget it as long as I live.” Mina’s lips twisted in a bitter smile as her own fists clenched in anger.
“She said, ‘Well, you’ve been stringing him along like a little cock tease. What did you think was going to happen?’ Then she laughed and walked back out into the bar.” Mina shook her head, still incredulous at the memory.
“That was it.” She sniffed and dabbed at her eyes with her fingers. “That was the catalyst that finally opened my eyes to what kind of human being Daisy was.”
Abruptly, Tyler stood from the chair and came to sit down beside her on the couch. She would have been okay, if he hadn’t then pulled her into his lap to cradle her in his arms. Once he did that the dam broke loose. Sobs racked her body as he rocked her in his arms, murmuring to her and kissing her hair.
“I wish I had met you back then,” he said softly against her temple. “I would have cherished you, treated you with the wonder and awe you deserved for being so much better, so far above the ordinary.” He kissed her cheek and cupped her face so she looked up at him. His eyes, unguarded and full of adulation, took her breath away. “You have to know that you are worth every single second I’ve spent waiting for you.”
On a broken whimper and without thinking, she did the only thing she had wanted to do since the first moment she saw him. She got to her knees beside him and kissed him like it was her last moment on Earth. His hands fisted in her hair to pull her closer but he didn’t try to dominate the kiss, just remained open to her and let her explore his mouth as she wanted. So she pushed her tongue past his lips to circle and play with his and he groaned.
Gently pulling back from her, he rested his forehead against hers. “I’m glad you told me
this.” He cupped her face in his hands and steadily met her gaze. There were calculating thoughts forming behind those dark eyes of his, she could see it, and that worried her. He wouldn’t go after Doug, would he? She didn’t want that, didn’t want Tyler to get into any trouble because of her. But then he spoke again, interrupting her dismaying thoughts.
“But I still don’t understand why you feel the need to run. I’m not like him. You know that, right?” His eyes searched hers and she mentally cursed herself. Seen from his perspective, it just occurred to her what her story coupled with her actions must look like.
“Of course I know that. I wouldn’t be here with you like this if I thought you were.” She swallowed. “It’s Doug that I’m running from.”
A frown marred his brow as he shook his head. “Okay, you lost me.”
Sighing, she sat back, pulling away from him. “After that night, Doug kept calling me and trying to get me to see him. For obvious reasons I avoided him and it pissed him off. Daisy was no help either. For some reason, she kept trying to get us in the same room to let Doug ‘explain’. She said that he didn’t remember anything that happened that night, that he was so drunk he’d blacked out. I knew that was bullshit and even if it wasn’t, I had nothing to say to him. So I told her that I didn’t want to see him and not to bring him around. But of course, she didn’t listen.”
“What the hell kind of friend does that?” Tyler growled. “She’s seriously a soulless bitch.”
A smile lifted Mina’s lips. “I wholeheartedly concur. I was afraid to be alone with him again and she knew that, but it didn’t matter because she had gotten back together with Thatcher. She wanted us to be one big happy family again so that she could keep Thatcher on a tight leash. I had a few near misses where I barely got out of our apartment before Doug got there. It got to the point where I couldn’t focus on my schoolwork anymore because I was too upset about what had happened and scared that I wouldn’t be able to dodge him or Daisy forever. It wasn’t worth it, so one day I decided to just leave. That wasn’t the life I wanted for myself anyway, so I packed up all my stuff and dropped out of school. I couldn’t go home because my parents would have just sent me back.”
