by Fine, L. J.
When she didn’t return his embrace, remaining stiff in his arms he pulled back from her with a frown. “You okay?”
“We should talk.” She made her inflection as cool as possible.
His incredible mouth set into a grim line and he nodded but his eyes gave away his confusion. Without giving herself time to think about it, she moved passed him and out the door with him following close behind her.
They didn’t speak as they made their way to the café next door. He held the door for her and she walked right up to the counter to order their drinks. As he usually did this part, he scowled at her with a question in his dark eyes. She only shook her head and proceeded to pay. In all honesty, she didn’t even want the damn drink but there had to be some semblance of normalcy right now or this conversation would be even more awkward than it had to be.
They took their regular table and in typical Tyler fashion he didn’t wait or beat around the bush. “So what’s wrong with you? You’re acting hella weird, baby.”
Inwardly she cringed. She wished he would stop with the terms of endearment. As much as she loved it when he called her baby, it only made this harder on her. But she willed herself to ignore it and decided to get to the point. Where to start?
“I had a really shitty day yesterday, Tyler.” She couldn’t quite meet his eyes, could only stare down at her hands as she spun her cup around on the table. “As you know, I got an unexpected and extremely unwelcome visitor at work and that was more than enough to put me in a funk. But then I thought, ‘I’m going to see Tyler again tonight’ after she left and immediately I started to feel better. Like you were some sort of antidote to my foul mood. And I have to say,” she looked up at him then, “lately that’s been true. On the days that I know I’m going to see you it’s like I’m walking on cloud nine and all the day’s little annoyances just bounce right off.”
“And this is a bad thing?” he asked, quirking an impatient eyebrow.
“Yes. Because the days I don’t see you I’m anxious and restless.” She hadn’t exactly meant to lay it all out there for him, emotionally speaking, but the more she thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. It would drive her ultimate point home.
At least, it seemed like a good idea until he muttered with a frown, “I feel like that too when I don’t see you.”
The softly spoken words would have warmed her heart and maybe even would have had her rethinking her decision but it was the frown that accompanied them that got her. Maybe she was just too cynical and jaded. Or maybe it was her severe lack of self-esteem, but that confused frown of his seemed to say that he couldn’t understand why he felt the way he did. Like it didn’t make any more sense to him than it did to the bitchy amazons she had overheard in the bathroom the night before.
And that right there was the problem. So she ignored his comment and continued on. “When I got to the gym last night, I was in the ladies’ room when I overheard two women talking about us. I won’t get into word for word what they said, but the gist of it was that one of them wanted to sleep with you. When her friend told her that she thought you and I might be an item, she laughed and said you probably just felt sorry for me and there couldn’t possibly be anything going on between us.”
He made a rude noise and was about to interject when she held up her hand. “Let me finish.”
Clenching his jaw, he gripped his drink so tightly she worried for his cup, but he just nodded for her to continue.
“I’ll admit that hearing that had me pretty upset at first. But again, I thought ‘who gives a shit what they say, they don’t know anything about our relationship’ and I know that you care about me. And that thought kept me going until the end of the fight when I went to meet you outside of the locker rooms—and I saw you standing there flirting with the woman I overheard in the bathroom.”
At this, his eyes narrowed on her. “So that’s the real reason you left so fast last night. You weren’t actually sick.”
“No.”
“Jesus, Mina,” he growled. “What do you think happened? That I took her home and fucked her without giving any consideration to you and me?”
The menacing look in his eyes intimidated her but she had to forge on. “When I saw her coming on to you and you didn’t seem to mind, I could only think that she’d been right about us. That you were ready to move on, you were done with our deal and just hadn’t told me yet. It was a gut reaction.”
“It was an overreaction. You know damn well that I don’t feel sorry for you, or maybe how fucking hard you make me isn’t enough of a clue? How the hell could you think that I would mess with your head like that? I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“No, I know you wouldn’t.” She rushed the words in, as she could tell he was gearing up into a well-deserved tirade. But she wasn’t finished. “Everything that happened yesterday was just building up and when I saw you flirting with her, it was like the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was so pissed off I couldn’t see straight but when I got home and cooled off a bit I started to see things for what they really were.”
“And how do you think things really are?” he asked warily.
“Look.” She sighed. “I know you have your reasons for wanting our relationship to stay the way it is. I did too. We’ve never pressed each other for details and that’s probably a good thing. It just would have complicated things further. But after I calmed down long enough to think rationally last night, I finally got some clarity.” She swallowed. This was it—no turning back.
“You were right in the very beginning when you tried to stay away from me and keep me in the friend zone. I just wanted you so badly and I thought I could handle being friends with benefits but my…visceral reaction last night put things into perspective.” She gave a self-depreciating smile. “Turns out that I’m not cut out for it. At all. So I…” Come on, Mina, get it out, she mentally chastised herself when she faltered. “I think we should try to go back to being just friends.”
For a few minutes he stayed eerily quiet. Just sat there and stared at her with a tight jaw and storm clouds moving through his dark eyes. She would have given anything in that moment to know what he was thinking but his expression remained unreadable.
“Sure, if that’s how you want it,” he finally said, words terse. “But just so you know, nothing happened last night. I went home after I got your text. Alone. Brian and Chloe can vouch for me.”
A thrill of hope went through her that his words might be true but the calm acceptance with which he delivered them gave her pause. Maybe it really didn’t matter to him one way or another and she was making such a big deal out of it solely for her own benefit.
If that was the case, then this was definitely the right decision to be making.
“It would have been okay even if something did happen. I knew what this was going in so I really can’t be mad at you. It’s my fault for getting too involved. My fault for letting myself feel this way.” Again she tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. But she would not cry in front of him. No way in hell. “Now all I can say is I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have forced my feelings on you. We’re just friends, Tyler.”
“Fine. You’ve obviously made up your mind so I’m glad we got that cleared up.” He slapped the table hard, making her jump. “We done here?”
She could only nod. She didn’t know what else to say.
“Good,” he said standing. “I’ll see you around, Mina.” And with that he left her alone in the small coffee shop.
Okay, so obviously he was pissed. On some level, she could understand that. She had practically blindsided him here but it was a case of attack as the best form of defense. And what had he meant by saying that she had obviously made up her mind? Did that mean that he would have liked to have been included in making the final decision? That it mattered to him what the outcome was?
Shaking her head, she got up from the table, throwing their untouched coffee into the trash on her way out. If she would have t
alked to him about this before she made her decision, he would have tried to convince her to keep things as they were—she knew it. But what he failed to realize was that if they kept things the same it would eventually rip her heart out. Or maybe he did realize that and just didn’t care.
No that wasn’t fair. She knew he didn’t want to hurt her. It was just that she had gotten in way over her head when she would have been better off to leave well enough alone.
Well, what was done was done and the hard part was over. Now all she could do was go forward with her plan and try to forget about him. She prayed that maybe someday she eventually would.
After Tyler left, the rest of her workday dragged on and Mina waited on customers like a robot, completing her daily tasks on autopilot. Remaining in her zombie-like state she drove home and entered her apartment building, getting the whole way up to her apartment door before a shock of bright color resting on her doorstep zapped her back into the here and now.
A bouquet of yellow roses happily situated in a white vase sat in front of the door with a cream-colored card sticking out of the side like a beacon. Despite the cheerful color of the flowers, what they represented sent a lead ball of dread to settle in the pit of her stomach and her breath came out choppy and uneven. She didn’t need to look at the card to know who had sent this gift, but she couldn’t stop herself from bending down to pluck out and open the card anyway. Maybe the worst-case scenario hadn’t actually happened. Maybe Tyler had had a change of heart and decided that he could do hearts and flowers after all.
She didn’t really believe that, though, and the printed words on the card only confirmed her negative suspicions.
It’s been so long, Mina. I’m impatient to see you again. We’ll pick up right where we left off…Ever yours, Doug xx
Feeling sick to her stomach, she fumbled with her keys to get the door open and immediately threw the flowers, along with the cryptic note, into the trash. Bracing her hip against the kitchen island, she ran shaking hands through her hair, eyes dancing around the room while her mind raced. She thought she would have a little more time before he found her but it seemed Daisy had wasted no time in spreading the news of her location. This was how it always started. He liked to toy with her a while once he found her. First came the flowers then would come the phone calls and text messages. Mina had never stuck around in one place long enough to find out what would happen when he actually decided to show himself.
And she had no intention of sticking around here, either.
She had never gotten around to tossing the boxes from her last move and now, instead of the extra clutter being an annoyance, she was grateful she had delayed the task. Moving into the spare room, she pulled the empty, broken-down boxes from the closet and set to work. She didn’t have much so it wouldn’t take long. She would get everything ready tonight and in the morning she would start packing up the car.
God willing Doug would leave her alone until then.
Chapter Thirteen
Thunderous banging on Mina’s apartment door jolted her out of a fitful sleep. She fumbled in the darkness to grab her phone off the nightstand with shaking hands and checked the time. 3:42 a.m. Who the hell would be at her door this early?
A cold shock of terror ran through her when she contemplated the answer to that question.
Surely he wouldn’t show up at this time of night, though. And given his arrogance, he wouldn’t bang on the door for everyone in her building to hear anyway. He was more devious than that, preferring to sneak up on her, getting his kicks from catching her off guard.
The incessant banging got louder, mobilizing her into action. Scrambling off the bed, she picked up the wooden bat she had propped against the wall the night before and made her way out into the living room. Though darkness flooded the apartment making it difficult to see she didn’t dare turn on a light. If that was Doug out there maybe she would get lucky and he would think she wasn’t home.
All hope of going undetected vanished when she unceremoniously ran into one of the many boxes littering the floor of her living room. The small noise sounded cacophonous in her ears and she held her breath.
“I know you’re in there, Mina, I can hear you. Open up, baby.”
She had never expected to hear that particular masculine voice again and it stunned her into immobility for a moment. Snapping out of it, she reached over to turn on a light, and then rushed toward the door to fling it open.
Tyler stood with his hands braced on the doorframe. For once, he didn’t look much better than she felt. A day’s worth of beard shadowed his face and he still wore the same clothes as when she had last seen him—only now they were rumpled. His expression resolute and grim, he looked just as tired as she was.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, knowing full well that her eyes and voice reflected her surprise.
“I decided our conversation wasn’t over and that if I couldn’t sleep, neither could you. What are you doing with that bat?”
She had completely forgotten about the bat in her hand. Now that he brought it to her attention, she set it down against the side of the couch. “I’m a woman who lives alone and some psycho tries to break my door down in the middle of the night. What do you think I was doing with that bat?”
Her sarcasm caused the faintest twitch to his lips before he straightened up from the door. “Now that you know I’m not some random psycho, you gonna let me in? Or would you prefer to have this conversation in the hallway?”
Frowning, she stepped back and opened the door wider. “Come in.”
She couldn’t help but shake her head at this situation. She had always been the neighbor who got woken up in the middle of the night by some noisy lovers’ quarrel, thinking how ridiculous and childish it was. What could possibly be so dire that it couldn’t wait until a decent hour?
Now that it was her lover—er…ex-lover—showing up in the middle of the night, she could see the situation from an entirely new perspective.
The intense look he gave her as he came into the apartment chilled her. Suddenly, the bat lying impotently against the couch looked pretty good. Shaking that silly thought away, she closed the door behind her, followed him farther into the room and sat down on the couch.
“Going somewhere?” He gestured to the boxes piled up around them. If she thought his fierce expression couldn’t get any more severe, she had been mistaken. But she didn’t answer, just returned his angry gaze with a steady one of her own. He had made it clear that he didn’t want any sort of permanency in her life, so she wasn’t about to unload this hugely fucked-up situation on him if he didn’t intend to stick around.
At her lack of reply, his eyes darkened and a tic began in his jaw. “Are you running from me?”
She fought the urge to roll her eyes and snort. If she was going to do any running where he was concerned, she wanted it to be straight into his arms, not away from him. But he didn’t want any part of that, so again she remained silent, only shook her head.
His eyes narrowed on her. “Really? Because it sure as hell sounded like you were running from me earlier.”
Shock and incredulity widened her eyes. Of all the things she had expected him to say, this didn’t even make the top ten. And, unexpectedly, having him turn it around on her like that pissed her off.
“You were the one who was running, Tyler. Not me. You were the one who made the stipulation in the beginning that there couldn’t be anything more between us than just sport fucking. No reasons or explanations as to why you’re so emotionally closed off. Just a blanket statement of ‘this is the way it is, take it or leave it’. All I did was own up to the fact that I was in over my head.” As she bit out the last words, her body actually vibrated with the force of them. This was a topic she told herself she would never bring up. She hadn’t wanted to push him away. But she supposed it was a little late for that now, wasn’t it?
Pacing to the chair directly opposite her, he ran a frustrated hand through his hair and
sat down. “If it bothered you so much, why didn’t you tell me? If you wanted more, why didn’t you ask for it?”
The vehemence in his expression had her stopping short. There was desperation in his stare, as though he was trying to tell her something without words. What that something was she couldn’t fathom. Wouldn’t let herself dare to hope that it meant what she thought it could mean.
“I didn’t think that was an option and I didn’t want to press you on it. I figured if you wanted to tell me, then you would, without me having to pry it out of you.”
For a second he said nothing, just gazed at her speculatively. “I think it’s more than that. I think you didn’t want to talk about it because if I opened up to you then you’d have to reciprocate.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Why are you running, Mina? If it’s not from me, then what is it?” He shook his head. “We were at that point where we could talk about anything, baby. But something changed and I think you’re using that girl at the gym as an excuse to leave because deep down you know that nothing happened with her.”
Damn him and his keen powers of observation. It had been like this since they met. He was so hyperaware of her she couldn’t hide anything from him. And at this point, she couldn’t decide if that was a blessing or a curse.
She closed her eyes on a sigh before she pinned him with a wary stare. He was like a dog with a bone. She knew he wouldn’t let it go but she tried to dissuade him anyway. “It’s really not that important, Tyler.”
That had him barking out a laugh.
“Oh baby, I know it is.” He gestured to her boxed-up apartment. “Tell me what happened between yesterday morning and right now that has you so scared.”
This was it. He wasn’t going to drop it until she told him. And maybe on some level, he was right. She had been about to tell him all of this stuff last night anyway but her fear, lack of trust and confidence in herself held her back. And they had been to the point where they could tell each other just about everything. This was the only piece of herself she had held back. Even though she was unsure of herself and how he would react, she had to get on with it.
