“Where should I start?” He looks around as if he’s asking someone else the question. “How about the part where you told me you’d kick my ass if I touched one little hair on his head?”
“I meant it; I would. Next question.” She tries not to tap her foot out of nerves rather than impatience.
Hawk’s eyes widen so much they look ready to bulge out of his head. “Because you care about him.” He virtually spits the words out.
“Not in the way you’re thinking.” Melissa keeps her voice calm, as she tries to transmit the truth of what she’s saying with her eyes.
“After what he did to you, the way he’s pretty much been stalking you since you broke up, and you still won’t let me do what needs to be done?” Hawk shakes his head at her in amazement. “You would put the club at risk because you have the warm fuzzies for him?” He’s speaking faster as the anger and frustration inside of him ramps up, winding up for a release that Melissa is pretty sure will be explosive if she can’t talk him down.
“I don’t have the ‘warm fuzzies’ for him, as you put it. He’s an ex, I thought he was my friend, but that was naïve of me. And I’d be putting the club at risk even if I agreed that throwing him off the nearest bridge was a good idea—which I don’t!” She sighs deeply, rubbing at the headache developing between her temples. “Did you not hear anything I said back there? That his family could destroy you guys?”
The blank expression on Hawk’s face tells her that he’s not really listening to her; he’s too wrapped up in his own anger. The fact that she’d stood up for Wes, that wasn’t what was really bothering him. It was part of it, but not all, not by a long shot.
“What else, Hawk? What else made you attack a poor, defenseless picnic table?” She smiles at him, but it’s not returned.
“You think this is funny?” He shakes his head at her, barely able to get the words out through his gritted teeth. Hawk moves like lightening, grabbing the nearest thing, which happens to be a bookcase filled with car and bike magazines. He lets out a roar, pushing it over, sending it crashing to the floor. He stands over it, panting hard, looking at the mayhem that he’s caused.
Melissa swallows hard at what she’s just seen, reminding herself of what Felicia and Josh had warned her of—that Hawk’s temper gets the best of him and that it was best to leave him alone. She had no intention of doing that, not then and not now.
“No, I don’t think it’s funny, Hawk. I’m just trying to lighten the mood, something I’m apparently not very good at.” She rolls her eyes at herself. She knows that she’s in way over her head, but at the same time, she knows that there wasn’t anything else she could have done except jump onto the back of Hawk’s bike and be here for him. She surveys the broken bookcase and the magazines that have spread out across the floor like a wave. “Did that at least make you feel any better?”
Hawk pauses, seeming to consider it. “A little.”
Melissa waits, knowing that there’s only so far you can push Hawk before he pushes back. She watches his chest rising and falling as he starts to calm down, and the haze of anger that has come down over his face slowly dissipates, but not completely.
“You said you would…be with him.” Hawk struggles to get the words out, as if not saying them out loud will make them less true. “Is that what you want?”
Melissa huffs an impatient sigh. She wants to be there for Hawk, but she can only find so many ways to tell him the same thing. “Of course it’s not what I want!” She throws her hands up in despair, looking at Hawk as if he’d lost it.
“Then, why would you say that you would do that?” He rakes his fingers through his hair, his eyes searching her face, straining to understand. That’s when Melissa realizes how clueless he is about how she feels.
“You really have to ask me that?” She shakes her head, not believing that he doesn’t get it. “There’s not a lot that I wouldn’t do to make things right, to stop Wes—”
“Don’t say his name.” Hawk makes a cutting gesture with his hand, slicing through the air. His voice is stone cold, but Melissa can hear the hot fury behind it.
“Fine.” Melissa doesn’t point out that not saying his name doesn’t make him or the problem any less real; she doesn’t get the impression that’s something he would appreciate right now. “To stop him from spilling all your secrets to the world, to stop you and the rest of the guys from spending a pretty sizable chunk of your lives in an six-by-eight cell, having to look over your shoulder in the showers and make friends with some guy called Bubba. To stop all of that from happening, yes I would do what I could!” She breathes hard after her rant.
“You would sleep with him?” Hawk’s question tells her that he has only been half-listening to her.
Melissa swallows hard against the bile that’s risen up her throat at the thought of it.
Hawk doesn’t wait for her to answer. “You think I would want you to do that? To pimp yourself out for me or for the club?” Hawk pins her with that intense glare of his, and she has to force herself not to take a step back under his scrutiny.
“If you’d wanted me to, then I wouldn’t have said anything.” Melissa watches as Hawk’s expression soften at her words, and she takes a small step towards him. “If you wanted me to, then you wouldn’t be the man that you are, and I wouldn’t want to help you.”
Hawk watches her, skittishly, as if he’s expecting her to turn tail and run at any point. But she stands firm. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Hawk has been let down so many times; she has no intention of continuing that cycle.
“I don’t want you to do this—not for me and not for anyone else.” His words are quiet, but the determination in his voice is unmistakable. It’s not a request.
“Like Felicia and Josh said…it’s not like we have a whole lot of other ideas.” Melissa shrugs, wondering when this had become her life, when using her body as currency had become something that she could talk about like this. “It’s not something I want to do, Hawk. I don’t want him.”
As if that had been the only thing that Hawk had been waiting for her to say, he closes the distance between them and pulls her towards him, holding her tight against him. Her arms come up around his neck, and she plasters herself to him, not wanting there to be any inches of air between them. She can feel his heart hammering in his chest, the vibrations thrumming through her body.
“I can’t stand the idea of you with him.” His jaw clenches at the thought. “I need to fix this, but I don’t know how. I always know what to do, what the next step is. I’m not used to feeling so…useless.” His shoulders drop as he says the word, and his voice is filled with unease. Hawk is a man of action, a man who thinks quickly and acts even quicker. The fact that he doesn’t have a solution to the Wes problem is making him crazy.
“Useless is the last word I would ever use to describe you.” She speaks against his chest, holding onto him as if she’s afraid of what might happen if she lets go.
“I’m sorry.” Hawk’s voice is muffled, as he buries his head in the crook of her neck.
“For what?” She strokes his head, running her fingers through his hair and just breathing in the scent of him.
“For getting mad, for the table, for the bookcase.” He keeps his voice low, and he won’t look at her, clearly ashamed of the way his anger had overtaken him.
“It’s not important.” Melissa pulls back a little so that she can look at him, and she sees the vulnerability in his eyes.
“It is, Melissa. That’s not the person that I want to be, that’s not the man that I want to be for you.” His expression is stern as he looks at her, his jaw set in determination.
She’s about to say something to comfort him, but she can see that he hasn’t finished yet, there’s more that he wants to say. Hawk isn’t the most talkative of men when it comes to his feelings, so in the short time Melissa has known him, she’s learned that when he needs to say something, she should close her mouth and listen or he’ll c
lam right back up again.
“Sometimes, I get angry…I get so angry that I just lash out and whatever or whoever is nearby gets caught in the crossfire.” Hawk takes a deep breath, struggling with what he’s about to say. Melissa keeps completely still, not wanting to do anything that will shut him down. “The club, they use me as an enforcer sometimes. They know that if something sets me off, then I’ll do whatever I need to. If they want to send a message to someone, I’m their guy.” Hawk shakes his head, huffing a mirthless laugh. “My mom used to tell me that I’m too much like my dad. He had a temper like me. It was the worst thing she could have ever told me.”
The sincerity and the hurt in his eyes makes Melissa’s heart ache for him. She wonders what kind of a mother would tell her son something that she must have known would affect him so deeply.
“You’re not like him.” She puts her hands on either side of his head, forcing him to look at her and listen to what she’s saying.
“He used to come home some nights and just trash the place. He’d be angry for one reason or another, and he’d take it out on whoever and whatever got in his way. Sometimes that was my mom; sometimes it was me. But it was like he was a different person, like he didn’t even see us, didn’t really know what he was doing, like the rage just took over.” Hawk shakes his head. His eyes are distant as he looks back into the past at the man that made him and made his and his mother’s life a living hell for so long.
“You’re not like him.” Melissa repeats the words, like a mantra, hoping that one of the times she says them, he’ll actually believe them. “You have a temper, so what? Nobody’s perfect. That doesn’t define you, Hawk. You’re so much more than that.”
He looks at her for a long moment, like he’s trying to gauge whether she’s telling him the truth or not. “I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”
Melissa doesn’t even have to think about her reply. It’s instant because it’s the truth. “I’m not.”
“I would never hurt you, Melissa.” Hawk rests his hands on her shoulders, looking at her with eyes full of emotions.
“I know that.” And she does, she knows that he wouldn’t do anything to harm her, not physically anyway. She doesn’t dwell on the fact that he has all the power in the world to hurt her without resorting to using his fists.
“I care about you so much.” His voice is husky as he whispers the words in her ear. “I’ve never felt like this before, not about anyone. As soon as I saw you, it was like I just knew.”
Melissa feels a thrill of pleasure strike through her at his words. “It was the same for me.”
“I couldn’t deal with you and him together. It would destroy me.” He tightens his hold on her, as if he thinks she may float away.
Melissa looks up at him, putting her index finger over his lips, the way he did the first night they spent together. “Don’t think about it. Tonight it’s just you and me.” She watches as his eyes heat with the fire that seems to be constantly burning inside of him.
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
He leans down and kisses her gently on the lips. It’s a soft kiss, a gentle one, in stark contrast to the energy of his anger. She wraps her arms around his neck and presses against him, opening her mouth to him at the same time, letting him probe and explore her with his tongue. It’s a tender kiss and the heat of his mouth drives her wild.
Hawk takes hold of her hips and steers her towards the corner of her room, backing her up until the back of her legs hit the mattress. He deepens the kiss, reaching around behind her to unzip her skirt. He makes a small sound of frustration in his throat when he can’t find the clasp.
“Side.” She pants the word out, guiding him with fumbling fingers. He yanks the zip and the skirt puddles on the floor, leaving her standing in her stockings and heels.
Hawk looks at her hungrily, as if he could eat her right up, and Melissa feels the wetness between her legs spread. Greedy for him, she impatiently pushes his t-shirt up, and he tosses it to the far side of the room. Melissa runs her fingers down his muscular chest, kissing a trail along his collarbone. Her hands move lower, palming his arousal through his jeans. He’s rock hard and the knowledge that she’s the reason for that makes her buzz with excitement.
His hands are in her hair, sifting through it, stroking her neck as they kiss and bite and suckle at each other’s mouths. His thumbs settle over her breasts, stroking the hardened peaks and making her moan into his mouth. He makes quick work of her shirt, pushing it off of her shoulders. Then, he unclasps her bra in a frenzy, freeing her. He cups her breasts in his hands, weighing them, marveling at how perfectly they fit, as if she were made for him. His head bends down to suckle at her breast, first one and then the other, and Melissa arches against him, jolts of electricity running through her.
“You’re so fucking pretty.” His eyes are heavy with lust as he looks at her, and the way he licks his lips as his eyes travel over her body makes him look even more heartbreakingly sexy.
Melissa’s hands fly to the waistband of his jeans, needing to touch him, to feel him. She pulls at the buttons impatiently, as Hawk watches her like a hawk. She kneels down in front of him, pushing his pants over his hips, as she goes and frees his hardness. She looks up at him as her hand closes over his shaft. He’s watching her intently, his breathing coming in labored gasps. He knows what she’s about to do, and the anticipation of it makes his cock twitch in her hand. She leans forward, licking his tip, tasting the saltiness of him. Hawk’s groan of pleasure gives her the courage to take him into her mouth, as much of him as she can. Her tongue caresses his shaft, as her hand works the base, twisting gently and pumping. Hawk’s hands move to her head, pushing her deeper onto his cock, and she goes even further, taking him right to the back of her throat. Hawk’s strangled moan tells her that he’s right on the edge.
“’Mel, stop.” The urgency of his words makes her look up, surprised. Most guys would never tell a woman to stop mid-blowjob.
“That feels amazing.” He takes hold of her shoulders, pulling her up to stand. “But when I come, I want it to be inside of you, and if you keep doing that, I won’t be able to hold on.” His breathing is shallow, as he tries to hold himself together. “I want to touch you.” He leans down and kisses her deeply, his hands moving down into her panties, sliding along the slickness that he finds there.
She arches against him, thrusting her breasts against his chest, his touch driving her wild. Gently, he leans her back onto the bed, pulling her panties off but leaving her stockings and heels on, clearly enjoying the show. He nuzzles at the heat between her legs, lapping at her gently, making her cry out with need.
“You taste so good, ‘Mel.” His words are a moan against her most sensitive parts, and she wriggles against him, wanting him so much it’s difficult to even think straight. He ate at her pussy, making her moan and writhe underneath him. His tongue circles the sweet spot of her clit, sucking hard until she can’t hold back anymore. She comes hard against his mouth, and he laps at her pleasure, making her shiver.
“I love to watch you, ‘Mel.” He sits up, looking down at her underneath him.
His eyes are full of raw, sexual need, and Melissa feels herself warm under his gaze. She still isn’t used to being looked at like that, and her blush spreads across her cheeks as she tries to pull him down on top of her.
“Don’t be embarrassed, not with me.” Hawk’s voice is low and raspy, and it does wonderful things to her insides. “You’re beautiful, Melissa. I love to look at you.”
He looks his fill, trailing his fingers down from her collarbone, over the mounds of her breasts, and down her flat belly—until he reaches the apex of her thighs. But he skims around the wetness between her legs, the wetness that he’s created there, stroking her inner thighs. She arches up towards him, taking hold of his shaft and squeezing gently, desperate for him to enter her where she needs him, where she’s desperate for him.
“Hawk, I want you.” Her voice is a plea, as she guide
s his erection towards her entrance.
“You’re mine.” He gives her a smoldering look, stopping just at her entrance, making her desperate for him, desperate for more.
She nods, whimpering, turned inside out with need.
“Say it, Melissa.” His look is intense, as he watches her wriggling underneath him.
“I’m yours.” Melissa barely whispers the words out, but she likes the way they sound, the way they play on her lips, and what they mean.
At the sound of her words, Hawk plunges into her, filling her up. She gasps, as she expands around him, stretching to fit him deeper and deeper inside of her.
“You’re mine, Melissa.” He thrusts into her again, harder this time, making her cry out in pleasure.
“Yes, yes.” Her fingernails rake down his back, as she urges him on.
“You’re mine, and I’m yours.” Hawk’s words follow his thrusts. He’s panting now, picking up the pace as he moves inside of her. “Say it, Melissa.”
HAWK: The Caged Kings MC Page 16
