Levi had been disgruntled at his son’s career choice, having wanted Chandler to go into the ministry, not major in business, and then to quit school altogether to do something Levi didn’t see much value in. But Sarah had convinced Levi to see things differently--that their son may not be in full-time ministry, but his flexible schedule allowed him to fill volunteer positions at the church others couldn’t, he had a respectable job that provided well for his family, and he was providing a service to people that allowed them to cherish their memories in a special way.
Levi had come around and made peace with Chandler about a year ago, and Sarah was so thankful for that now. Being reminded of Chandler’s unrelenting conviction to do what God led him to do, Sarah hoped her son would be understanding of her belief Andrew was meant to be in her life. He might not like it, especially at first, but perhaps he would understand where she was coming from.
She decided not to say anything at dinner. She didn’t feel it was the best time with the baby crying off and on, and them not being seated in a private area of the dining room. They all usually came over to the house after church on Sundays and spent most of the afternoon there, so she decided that would be a better time.
After dinner Chandler and Heather drove her home, and they stayed for a little while but needed to get home to put Josef to bed. She asked if they would be coming on Sunday, and they said yes.
Andrew called her ten minutes after they left, and she was glad because she could feel the emptiness of the house surrounding her. He was at Annika’s parents’ farm and said he had told them about her. They seemed happy for him, like he had predicted they would be. In a way she wished she had stayed and gone with him, but in another way she was glad to be home. But she did miss him.
“I was thinking about something I want to run by you and let you think about,” he said.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“What’s your schedule like next week?”
She thought for a moment. Whenever she had a major event like the women’s luncheon they were having on Saturday, she often was focused on that until it was over, and then she would think about the following week.
“I’m not doing anything specific,” she said, glancing at the calendar to make sure.
“How would you like to come to California with me for a week?”
She laughed. “What?”
“I could fly up to Minneapolis on Saturday and meet you, and then we could fly back to California together. You could stay for a week, or however long you want.”
“Don’t you have to work?”
“I’ll have to go into the office some, but I do a lot of my work at home.”
“You’re serious?”
“Of course I’m serious. I think it would be better for my kids, especially Grace, if they could actually meet you. But it’s up to you, Sarah. If you don’t want to, it’s fine. I’m just suggesting it.”
“Do I have to decide right now?”
“You can think about it, and I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I wasn’t going to tell my kids about you until Sunday.”
“You think about it,” he repeated.
“Are you always like this?”
“Like what?”
“So spontaneous?”
“Do you not like spontaneous?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Levi wasn’t spontaneous?”
She laughed. “No, definitely not.”
“In normal life I’m more routine-oriented, but this isn’t normal for me. I’m trying to figure out when I can see you again, and I’m open to whatever it takes--however we can make it work. But I want it to be good for both of us, not just me.”
It seemed crazy, but Sarah was honestly thinking of saying yes. “I’ll think about it,” she said.
They talked for another hour, and she kept glancing at the photograph of her and Levi. She didn’t know if it was her imagination or wishful thinking, but she kept feeling Levi looking at her through the photograph and giving his silent approval.
“When would be a good time for me to call you tomorrow?” Andrew said at nine-fifteen.
The things she had to do tomorrow she would do in the morning and be done by mid-afternoon. “Late afternoon or evening,” she said. “I should be here.”
“You know I love you, right? No matter what you decide?”
“Yes,” she said.
“May I pray for you before I let you go?”
“Yes.”
She had heard him pray for his daughters over the phone on Tuesday night, and she had been affected by his sincerity even though the prayer was for someone else. But having him pray for her brought tears to her eyes and made her feel so close to him, and to Jesus. It was amazing.
“Guide Sarah in making the right choices about my crazy ideas,” he said near the end. “And help her to believe how much she is loved: by You, by me, and her family. I love her, Jesus. Thank You for bringing us together, and help us to find our way from here.”
***
James and Ryan left the house at seven-thirty. They all walked out together, and Tabby went to say good-night to Ryan beside his car. James and Grace stayed on the porch, talking until Tabitha returned and went back inside.
James kissed her good-night when it was just the two of them, and he didn’t stop with one. Grace was completely amazed by the way James kissed her. He was so focused and intentional about it, like he was trying to say exactly how he felt about her with his physical affection, and she liked what he was saying.
“May I ask you something?” she said while he was looking into her eyes and making her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
“Yes.”
“Have you ever kissed a girl like this before?”
“No.”
“And how many other girls have you kissed?”
“Two.”
“Two?”
“Jenny Duncan in the eighth grade, and Sydney.”
“Who’s Sydney?”
“My girlfriend in college. We dated for a year and a half.”
“Did she break your heart?”
He smiled. “No. We parted as friends when we decided it wasn’t meant to be between us.”
“But you didn’t kiss her like this?”
“No. We had some nice times together, but I didn’t feel what I feel when I’m with you.”
“What do you feel?”
“Love. Joy. Like I never want to let you go.”
She smiled. No one had ever told her that before.
He kissed her again and didn’t stop until the door opened.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Tabby said. “Dad’s on the phone. He wants to talk to you, Grace.”
“Sorry,” she said to James. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Tabitha said something to Dad over the phone. “She’s kissing her boyfriend. I think you better come home early. This is looking pretty serious.”
“Tomorrow,” James said, giving her one last kiss.
They both heard Tabby speak again. “I don’t know. Some guy she met at the supermarket, I think.”
Grace laughed and took the phone from her sister. “Give me that.”
“Bye, James,” Tabby said. “Thanks for the great footage for the fall youth video.”
“You better be joking, Tabitha Morgan,” he said. Ryan was one of the videographers, but Tabby only helped with putting it all together.
Grace put the phone up to her ear, said ‘hi’ to her dad, and waved to James before she went inside. He winked and stepped away.
“Kissing James, are we?” her dad said. “What’s going on, Gracie?”
“Oh, Dad,” she said, closing the door and leaning against it. “How did I overlook him for so long? Why did you let me do that?”
“Everything in its time, Gracie. I’m sure this is perfect timing for both of you.”
“Are you at Grandma and Grandpa’s now?”
“Yes. I arrived in time for d
inner and have been here for about five hours.”
“Tell them I wish I was there.”
“Are you sure about that?”
She laughed. “Well, okay. If James was there too.”
“Do you have some time to talk, Gracie? I have something to tell you, but I want it to be a good time.”
“This is fine,” she said. “I got my work done earlier, and my boyfriend’s gone, so I’m all yours. What’s up?”
“Are you sitting down?”
She laughed. “Okay, Dad, you’re scaring me,” she said, taking a seat on the stairs. “Yes, I’m sitting down.”
His voice went soft. “I met somebody, Gracie.”
“Met somebody?”
“A woman. Here in Iowa at the conference.”
Grace felt speechless. “Okay,” she finally said. “Who is she?”
“Her name is Sarah, and she lives in Minnesota. She lost her husband this summer, but she came to the conference to see some of their old friends. We met the first night, and I honestly think I could marry her. Not right now. It’s too soon for her. But someday.”
“Wow,” she said, feeling shocked and yet not alarmed. Her dad was a very wise man, and she trusted his judgment in how he felt about this woman, but she supposed nothing could prepare her for this moment. “That’s great, Dad.”
“Are you mad?”
“No,” she said honestly. “I’m surprised, but not that surprised. You’re a wonderful and handsome man, Daddy. I knew this day would come.”
“She might be coming back to California with me on Saturday. Is that okay?”
“Is she there with you now?”
“No. She flew home today. She has a thing at her church on Saturday she has to be at, but I talked to her tonight and suggested the possibility of me flying up there and bringing her back with me, and she’s considering it.”
She didn’t say anything.
“Would you rather she didn’t?”
“No, Daddy. It’s fine. I’m just--this is huge!”
He laughed. “I know. Tell me about it. I never thought I would love anyone like I loved your mom, but I do. I can’t explain it, but I do.”
Two days ago Grace wouldn’t have understood, but now she did. “You mean like I couldn’t picture me and James together for three years, but now suddenly it seems so right?”
“I guess we were both on Jesus’ list for some good surprises this week, huh?”
“I guess so. When will you know if she’s coming?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Have you told anyone else about this?”
“I told your grandparents at dinner, but otherwise, you’re the first. I’m going to call the others tomorrow, or maybe wait until I get back if Sarah decides not to come. Do you want to tell Tabby, or should I?”
Grace thought for a moment. She wouldn’t mind being the bearer of the news, but this wasn’t just any news, and she felt like Daddy should be the one to share it.
Chapter Sixteen
On Friday morning Sarah got out of bed earlier than she had all week, spent thirty minutes walking on the treadmill, had some fruit and yogurt for breakfast, and sat down in the living room to have some time with Jesus. She had bought a new journal at the bookstore on Wednesday. She dated the first entry with today’s date, and then she sat there and listened.
She listened to her heart: what she was thinking, how she was feeling, and what God might be saying to her regarding those things. She had two primary thoughts on her mind: whether or not to go to California tomorrow, and if she did, when to tell Chandler and Faye about it. After several minutes she wrote:
I want to go! I miss him so much already, and I want to meet his family. Is that okay, Jesus? Is that what is best for me right now? For Andrew? For our kids? For our life together?
In her heart she had peace, and the thought of seeing Andrew tomorrow brought her great joy. Recalling the verse the pastor had read at the conference yesterday, the same one Andrew quoted to her the day before, she searched for the words in her concordance and found it in Galatians 1:10. She wrote it out in her journal:
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Yesterday she had been concerned about what others thought, and she had allowed that to dictate her actions toward Andrew. She could allow the same thing to happen with her kids, but as she slowly released her anxiety about that, she was left with one more reservation. She wondered if she was making a wise decision to go with Andrew. She wanted to, and Andrew wanted her to, but was that what God wanted?
After some prayerful silence, she felt it was, and reading the verse once again, she had a thought that excited her.
If I go to California, not just because I want to and Andrew wants me to, but also because God wants me to, then I am being His servant every bit as much as any church-related thing I do. He’s asking me to trust Him--to follow Him in this, and it’s not burdensome, it’s a joy!
Recalling a verse in Psalms God brought to her mind in that moment, she wrote it out, thinking of the words a little differently than she ever had before.
I desire to do your will, O my God.
O my God! Doing your will should be my desire--the desire of my heart--my joy! Levi had that. He did what he did because he wanted to. Because he was good at it. But I’ve spent my time trying to do what others wanted instead of what You want.
I’m sorry. I didn’t know. No one ever told me ministry was supposed to be enjoyable, and I never realized it isn’t just what I do within the church walls but what I do in every area of my life. As a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a woman You have great plans for. It’s not just about them, or even just You. It’s about me too!
Checking the time, she knew Faye would already be at school, but Chandler might still be home, so she called him. He was there, and she asked him what his schedule was like today. He needed to leave for a shoot soon, but he was free now.
“Could I come by? I have something to tell you.”
“Sure, Mom. Is everything all right?”
“Yes, everything’s fine. I’ll explain when I get there.”
They didn’t live far, and she was there in ten minutes. Both Chandler and Heather were home. She explained the events of the last five days and finished by telling them about Andrew calling her last night and inviting her to go to California with him.
“So you’re going?” Chandler asked.
“I want to, and I think God wants me to.”
“Why didn’t you tell us this last night?”
She almost said she had wanted to wait until Sunday when they were all together in the right place to talk, but she answered more honestly. “Because I was scared of what you would think. Your dad’s only been gone for three months. If someone had told me this was going to happen, I never would have believed them. I loved your dad--” She started to cry for the first time since being back.
Chandler got up from the chair where he was sitting and came to sit beside her on the couch. He took her into his arms and held her close. “We know you loved Dad, Mom. We would never question that.”
She cried for several minutes. It wasn’t the first time she had cried in one of her children’s arms since Levi’s death, but it was the first time her tears didn’t hold sorrow and anger, but joy and hope. She still mourned her loss and Levi’s absence, but she was experiencing her God like never before, and she believed He was behind all of this.
“Thank you, Chandler,” she said. “Thank you for believing in me.”
He sat back and wiped her tears with his fingers. “You’ve always done that for me, Mom. It’s my turn to do it for you.”
***
“You all right, Grace?” Abbie asked during lunch on Friday.
“Yeah, fine,” she said. “Why?”
“You were kind of staring off into space there.”
“Sorry, I have a lot on my m
ind.”
“Like a certain youth pastor, you mean?”
“Yes,” she smiled. “And some other things.”
“Feel like sharing?”
Grace had debated about sharing her dad’s news with Abbie. She wanted to, but she hadn’t brought it up yet. This was the perfect opportunity.
“My dad met somebody. In Iowa.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, a woman. He likes her. A lot.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I’m okay with it. I’m not sure it’s sunk in yet.”
“That could change your life a bit, huh?”
“Yeah. She might be coming tomorrow.”
“Do you want her to?”
“Yes, I’d like to meet her. It’s just strange.”
“I’m sure it would be,” she said.
Grace knew Abbie couldn’t speak from experience since her parents were both alive and still married to each other.
“It’s kind of funny you and your dad fell in love in the same week.”
She laughed. “Yes. We’ve both been so stubborn about it, but now it’s like neither of us have any say in the matter.”
“You were both waiting for the right person. I’m sorry for all those times I tried setting you up. God is obviously much better at it than me.”
Grace had woken up this morning with an empty feeling, like she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel. But thinking about James helped. She tried to imagine how she would be feeling if he wasn’t in her heart like he was, but she couldn’t.
She hadn’t talked to him since last night, so she called him when she got home. He was coming by later to pick her up for dinner before the concert, but she asked if he could come over early. While she was waiting for him to arrive, her dad called and told her Sarah was coming with him tomorrow. She said she was happy for him, and she was, but by the time James arrived, she was feeling lost and scared about how much this could change everything.
October Joy (Moments In Paradise 1) Page 13
