Inglourious Basterds

by Quentin Tarantino

  The S.S. colonel smiles.

  COL. LANDA

  The Führer couldn’t have said it better himself.

  PERRIER

  But the meaning of your visit, pleasant though it is, is mysterious to me. The Germans looked through my house nine months ago for hiding Jews and found nothing.

  COL. LANDA

  I’m aware of that. I read the report on this area. But like any enterprise, when under new management, there’s always a slight duplication of efforts. Most of it being a complete waste of time, but it needs to be done nevertheless. I just have a few questions, Monsieur LaPadite. If you can assist me with answers, my department can close the file on your family.

  Taking his black leather attaché case and placing it on the table, he takes out a folder from inside. He also extracts an expensive black fountain pen from his uniform’s front pocket. Opening the folder and referring to it:

  COL. LANDA

  Now, before the occupation there were four Jewish families in this area, all dairy farmers like yourself: the Loveitts, the Doleracs, the Rollins, and the Dreyfuses, is that correct?

  PERRIER

  To my knowledge those were the Jewish families among the dairy farmers.

  Herr Colonel, would it disturb you if I smoked my pipe?

  Looking up from his papers:

  COL. LANDA

  Please, Monsieur LaPadite, it is your house. Make yourself comfortable.

  The farmer gets up from the table, goes to a shelf over the fireplace, and removes from it a WOODEN BOX that contains all the fixings to his pipe. He sits back down at the table with his Nazi guest.

  As the farmer loads the bowl of his pipe with tobacco, sets a match to it, and begins slowly puffing, making it red hot, the S.S. colonel studies the papers in front of him.

  COL. LANDA

  Now, according to these papers, all the Jewish families in this area have been accounted for—except the Dreyfuses. Somewhere in the last year it would appear they have vanished.

  Which leads me to the conclusion that they’ve either made good their escape or someone is very successful hiding them.

  (looking up from his papers, across the table at the farmer)

  What have you heard about the Dreyfuses, Monsieur LaPadite?

  PERRIER

  Only rumors—

  COL. LANDA

  —I love rumors! Facts can be so misleading, where rumors, true or false, are often revealing. So, Monsieur LaPadite, what rumors have you heard regarding the Dreyfuses?

  The farmer looks at Landa.

  COL. LANDA

  Speak freely, Monsieur LaPadite, I want to hear what the rumors are, not who told them to you.

  The farmer puffs thoroughly on his pipe.

  PERRIER

  Again, this is just a rumor—but we heard the Dreyfuses had made their way into Spain.

  COL. LANDA

  So the rumors you’ve heard have been of escape?

  PERRIER

  Yes.

  COL. LANDA

  Were the LaPadites and the Dreyfuses friendly?

  As the farmer answers this question, the CAMERA LOWERS behind his chair, to the floor, past the floor, to a small area underneath the floorboards, revealing:

  FIVE HUMAN BEINGS

  lying horizontally underneath the farmer’s floorboards. These human beings are the DREYFUSES, who have lived lying down underneath the dairy farmer’s house for the past year. But one couldn’t call what the Dreyfuses have done for the last year living. This family has done the only thing they could—hide from an occupying army that wishes to exterminate them.

  PERRIER

  We were families in the same community, in the same business. I wouldn’t say we were friends, but members of the same community. We had common interests.

  The S.S. colonel takes in this answer, seems to accept it, then moves to the next question.

  COL. LANDA

  Having never met the Dreyfuses, would you confirm for me the exact members of the household and their names?

  PERRIER

  There were five of them. The father, Jacob… wife, Miriam… her brother, Bob…

  COL. LANDA

  —How old is Bob?

  PERRIER

  Thirty—thirty-one?

  COL. LANDA

  Continue.

  PERRIER

  And the children… Amos… and Shosanna.

  COL. LANDA

  Ages of the children?

  PERRIER

  Amos—six—I believe. And Shosanna was fifteen or sixteen, I’m not really sure.

  CUT TO

  EXT—DAIRY FARM—DAY

  The mother and her three daughters finish taking the laundry off the clothesline.

  They can’t hear anything going on inside.

  The three Nazi soldiers watch the three daughters.

  BACK TO LANDA AND PERRIER

  COL. LANDA

  Well, I guess that should do it.

  He begins gathering up his papers and putting them back into his attaché case.

  The farmer, cool as a cucumber, puffs on his pipe.

  COL. LANDA

  However, before I go, could I have another glass of your delicious milk?

  PERRIER

  But of course.

  The farmer stands up, goes over to the icebox, and takes out the carafe of milk. As he walks over and fills the Nazi colonel’s glass, the German officer talks.

  COL. LANDA

  Monsieur LaPadite, are you aware of the nickname the people of France have given me?

  PERRIER

  I have no interest in such things.

  COL. LANDA

  But you are aware of what they call me?

  PERRIER

  I’m aware.

  COL. LANDA

  What are you aware of?

  PERRIER

  That they call you “the Jew Hunter.”

  COL. LANDA

  Precisely! Now I understand your trepidation in repeating it.

  Before he was assassinated, Heydrich apparently hated the moniker the good people of Prague bestowed on him. Actually, why he would hate the name “the Hangman” is baffling to me.

  It would appear he did everything in his power to earn it. But I, on the other hand, love my unofficial title, precisely because I’ve earned it.

  As “the Jew Hunter” enjoys his fresh milk, he continues to theorize with the French farmer.

  COL. LANDA

  The feature that makes me such an effective hunter of the Jews is, as opposed to most German soldiers, I can think like a Jew, where they can only think like a German or, more precisely, a German soldier.

  Now if one were to determine what attribute the German people share with a beast, it would be the cunning and predatory instinct of a hawk.

  COL. LANDA

  (CON’T)

  Negroes—gorillas—brain—lips—smell—physical strength—penis size.

  But if one were to determine what attributes the Jews share with a beast, it would be that of the rat.

  Now the Führer and Goebbels’s propaganda have said pretty much the same thing. Where our conclusions differ is I don’t consider the comparison an insult. Consider for a moment the world a rat lives in. It’s a hostile world indeed. If a rat were to scamper through your front door right now, would you greet it with hostility?

  PERRIER

  I suppose I would.

  COL. LANDA

  Has a rat ever done anything to you to create this animosity you feel toward them?

  PERRIER

  Rats spread disease, they bite people—

  COL. LANDA

  Unless some fool is stupid enough to try and handle a live one, rats don’t make it a practice of biting human beings. Rats were the cause of the bubonic plague, but that was some time ago. In all your born days, has a rat ever caused you to be sick a day in your life? I propose to you, any disease a rat could spread a squirrel would equally carry.

  Yet I assume you don’t share the
same animosity with squirrels that you do with rats, do you?

  PERRIER

  No.

  COL. LANDA

  Yet they are both rodents, are they not? And except for the fact that one has a big bushy tail, while the other has a long repugnant tail of rodent skin, they even rather look alike, don’t they?

  PERRIER

  It is an interesting thought, Herr Colonel.

  COL. LANDA

  However, interesting as the thought may be, it makes not one bit of difference to how you feel. If a rat were to scamper through your door this very minute, would you offer it a saucer of your delicious milk?

  PERRIER

  Probably not.

  COL. LANDA

  I didn’t think so. You don’t like them. You don’t really know why you don’t like them. All you know is, you find them repulsive.

  (lets the metaphor sink in)

  What a tremendously hostile world a rat must endure. Yet not only does he survive, he thrives. And the reason for this is because our little foe has an instinct for survival and preservation second to none. And that, Monsieur, is what a Jew shares with a rat.

  Consequently, a German soldier conducts a search of a house suspected of hiding Jews. Where does the hawk look? He looks in the barn, he looks in the attic, he looks in the cellar—he looks everywhere he would hide. But there are many places it would never occur to a hawk to hide. However, the reason the Führer brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me.

  Because I’m aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity.

  (changing tone)

  May I smoke my pipe as well?

  The farmer’s cool facade is little by little eroding.

  PERRIER

  Please, colonel, make yourself at home.

  The Jew Hunter removes both a pipe and a bag of tobacco fixings. The pipe, strangely enough, is a calabash, made from an S-shaped gourd with a yellow skin and made famous by Sherlock Holmes.

  As the Nazi colonel busies himself with his smoking, he continues to hold court at the Frenchman’s table.

  COL. LANDA

  The other mistake the German soldiers make is their severe handling of the citizens who give shelter and aid to the Jews. These citizens are not enemies of the state. They are simply confused people, trying to make some sense out of the madness war creates.

  These citizens do not need punishing. They simply need to be reminded of their duty in wartime.

  Let’s use you as a example, Monsieur LaPadite. In this war, you have found yourself in the middle of a conflict that has nothing to do with yourself, your lovely ladies, or your cows—yet here you are.

  So, Monsieur LaPadite, let me propose a question. In this time of war, what is your number-one duty? Is it to fight the Germans in the name of France to your last breath? Or is it to harass the occupying army to the best of your ability? Or is it to protect the poor, unfortunate victims of warfare who can not protect themselves? Or is your number-one duty in this time of bloodshed to protect those very beautiful women who constitute your family?

  The Colonel lets the last statement stand.

  COL. LANDA

  That was a question, Monsieur LaPadite. In this time of war, what do you consider your number-one duty?

  PERRIER

  To protect my family.

  COL. LANDA

  Now, my job dictates that I must have my men enter your home and conduct a thorough search before I can officially cross your family’s name off my list.

  COL. LANDA

  (CON’T)

  And if there are any irregularities to be found, rest assured, they will be.

  That is, unless you have something to tell me that will make the conducting of a search unnecessary.

  (pause)

  I might add also that any information that makes the performing of my duty easier will not be met with punishment. Actually quite the contrary, it will be met with reward.

  And that reward will be your family will cease to be harassed in any way by the German military during the rest of our occupation of your country.

  The farmer, pipe in mouth, stares across the table at his German opponent.

  COL. LANDA

  You are sheltering enemies of the state, are you not?

  PERRIER

  Yes.

  COL. LANDA

  You’re sheltering them underneath your floorboards, aren’t you?

  PERRIER

  Yes.

  COL. LANDA

  Point out to me the areas where they’re hiding.

  The farmer points out the areas on the floor where the Dreyfuses are underneath.

  COL. LANDA

  Since I haven’t heard any disturbance, I assume that while they’re listening, they don’t speak English?

  PERRIER

  Yes.

  COL. LANDA

  I’m going to switch back to French now, and I want you to follow my masquerade—is that clear?

  PERRIER

  Yes.

  Col. Landa stands up from the table and, switching to FRENCH, says, SUBTITLED IN ENGLISH:

  COL. LANDA

  Monsieur LaPadite, I thank you for your milk and your hospitality. I do believe our business here is done.

  The Nazi officer opens the front door and silently motions for his men to approach the house.

  COL. LANDA

  Madame LaPadite, I thank you for your time. We shan’t be bothering your family any longer.

  The soldiers enter the doorway. Col. Landa silently points out the area of the floor the Jews are hiding under.

  COL. LANDA

  So, Monsieur and Madame LaPadite, I bid you adieu.

  He motions to the soldiers with his index finger.

  They TEAR UP the wooden floor with MACHINE-GUN FIRE.

  The little farmhouse is filled with SMOKE, DUST, SPLINTERS, SCREAMS, BULLET CASINGS, and even a little BLOOD.

  With a hand motion from the colonel, the soldiers cut off their gunfire. The colonel keeps his finger in the air to indicate silence.

  UNDERNEATH THE FLOORBOARDS

  The entire Dreyfus family lies dead. Except for sixteen-year-old SHOSANNA, who miraculously escaped being struck by the Nazis’ bullets. With her dead family surrounding her, the young girl goes for freedom (represented by a wire-mesh vent).

  COL. LANDA

  hears a movement underneath the floor, looks down, and sees a SHAPE moving forward between the planks in the floor.

  COL. LANDA

  It’s the girl. Nobody move!

  VENT

  is KICKED open, the girl SPRINGS out.

  COL. LANDA

  as he crosses the floor, sees the young girl RUNNING toward the cover of the woods. He unlatches the window and opens it. Shosanna is perfectly FRAMED in the windowsill.

  SHOSANNA

  RUNNING toward the woods. Farmhouse and Colonel in the window in B.G.

  FILTHY BARE FEET

  SLAPPING against wet grass.

  CU SHOSANNA’S FACE

  same as an animal being chased by a predator: FLIGHT—PANIC—FEAR.

  SHOSANNA’S POV

  the safety of trees, getting closer.

  COL. LANDA

  framed by the window, takes his WALTER, and straight-arm aims at the fleeing Jew, cocking back the hammer with his thumb.

  COL. LANDA POV

  of the fleeing Shosanna.

  CU COL. LANDA

  SLOW ZOOM into his eyes as he aims.

  PROFILE CU SHOSANNA

  mad dash for life.

  COL. LANDA

  changes his mind. He yells to the rat fleeing the trap, heading for the safety of the woodpile, in FRENCH SUBTITLED IN ENGLISH:

  COL. LANDA

  Au revoir, Shosanna!

  SHOSANNA

  makes it to the woods and is gone.