SGT. STIGLITZ
And at this range, I’m a real Fredrick Zoller.
MAJOR HELLSTROM
Hummm… Looks like we have a bit of a sticky situation here.
LT. HICOX
What’s going to happen, Major, is you’re going to stand up and walk out that door with us.
MAJOR HELLSTROM
No, no, no, no, no, no, I don’t think so. I’m afraid you and I both know, no matter what happens to anybody else in this room, the two of us aren’t going anywhere.
MAJOR HELLSTROM
(pointing at the table behind him)
Too bad about Sgt. Wilhelm and his friends. If any of you expect to live, you’ll have to shoot them too.
(pause)
Looks like little Max is going to grow up an orphan. How sad.
BRIDGET
Then, Major, I implore you. For the sake of those German troops, will you please leave with us?
MAJOR HELLSTROM
Oh, Bridget, your concern for German troops gets me…
(pointing at his heart)
… right here. You mean for the sake of your whore legs, don’t you? You can’t afford to get any bullet holes in them. You’re not finished spreading them for all the Hollywood Jews.
Lt. Hicox picks up his thirty-three-year-old single-malt scotch and says:
LT. HICOX
(ENGLISH)
Well, if this is it, old boy, I hope you don’t mind if I go out speaking the king’s?
MAJOR HELLSTROM
(ENGLISH)
By all means, Captain.
The English film critic commando picks up the thirty-three the Nazi major bought him and says:
LT. HICOX
There’s a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. And seeing as I might be rapping on the door momentarily …
He downs the stuff.
LT. HICOX
(to the Nazi major)
I must say, damn good stuff, sir.
He puts the glass down.
LT. HICOX
Now about this pickle we find ourselves in. It would appear there’s only one thing left for you to do.
MAJOR HELLSTROM
(ENGLISH)
And what would that be?
LT. HICOX
Stiglitz.
STIGLITZ
Say, “auf Widersehen” to your balls!
STIGLITZ
FIRES into HELLSTROM’S BALLS…
As does HICOX, HITTING not only Hellstrom, but BRIDGET as well.
HELLSTROM
FIRES into HICOX’s BALLS and KNEECAPS.
STIGLITZ
then JUMPS over the table and begins STABBING HELLSTROM with the DAGGER.
HICOX FALLS to the floor… DEAD.
BRIDGET FALLS to the floor… SHOT.
WICKI
brings his weapon out from underneath the table and BEGINS FIRING across at the GERMANS at the table, who, unaware, were still PLAYING THE GAME.
WINNETOU
is SHOT IN THE BACK, before he even knows what is happening.
EDGAR WALLACE is SHOT by WICKI.
SGT. POLA NEGRI
FALLS to the floor in the confusion.
FEMALE SGT. BEETHOVEN and STIGLITZ bring their guns toward each other and FIRE. They BOTH TAKE and GIVE each other so many BULLETS it’s almost romantic when they collapse DEAD on the floor.
WICKI and MATA HARI
both ON THEIR FEET, FIRING WILDLY at each other. MATA HARI is HIT THREE TIMES. WICKI is HIT ONCE.
SGT. POLA NEGRI
comes off the floor with a SUBMACHINE GUN and SPRAYS the whole other side of the room, WIPING OUT WICKI, ERIC, MATA HARI, and THE BARMAID.
The SHOOTING STOPS… THE SMOKE caused by the gunfire… starts to DISSIPATE… The only one in the room left alive is the young German sergeant with the machine gun.
WE HEAR the feet of the soldiers outside reach the basement entrance.
The door opens…
The German sergeant sends FIFTY BULLETS in the door’s direction…
No one goes through it.
What we have here is a rabbit-hole-like situation. No one inside is getting out. No one outside is getting in.
The young German sergeant YELLS in ENGLISH to the outside:
GERMAN SERGEANT
You outside! Who are you? British, American, what?
Aldo’s voice YELLS down the hole:
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
We’re Americans! What are you?
GERMAN SERGEANT
I’m a German, you idiot!
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
You speak English pretty good for a German!
GERMAN SERGEANT
I agree! So let’s talk!
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Okay, talk!
GERMAN SERGEANT
I’m a father! My baby was born today in Frankfurt! Five hours ago! His name is Max! We were in here drinking and celebrating! They’re the ones that came in shooting and killing! It’s not my fault!
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Okay, okay, it wasn’t your fault! What’s your name, soldier?
GERMAN SERGEANT
Wilhelm!
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
That’s the same name as one of the guys you just killed!
WILHELM
They attacked us!
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Okay, Wilhelm… is anybody alive on our side?
WILHELM
No!
We hear a VOICE OFFSCREEN yell out:
BRIDGET’S VOICE (OS)
I’m alive!
Wilhelm spins in the direction of the voice.
On the floor, with a bullet in her BLOODY LEG, lies the still-alive Bridget von Hammersmark.
The German sergeant points the muzzle of the machine gun at the German celebrity, with hate in his eyes.
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Who’s that?
WILHELM
(to BRIDGET, low)
Make a sound, whore, and I spit!
Meaning the muzzle.
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Wilhelm, who is that?
WILHELM
Is the girl on your side?
Pause.
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Which girl?
WILHELM
Who do you think—von Hammersmark!
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Yeah, she’s ours!
WILHELM
(to Bridget, LOW, in GERMAN)
I thought so. So you run with the Americans now, huh? Now times are bad?
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Is she okay?
WILHELM
(to Bridget, LOW, in GERMAN)
You despicable traitor.
(to Aldo)
She’s been shot, but she’s alive.
(to Bridget, LOW, in GERMAN)
For now.
We hear the Basterds curse their luck offscreen.
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Okay, Wilhelm, what’d ya say we make a deal?
WILHELM
What’s your name?
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Aldo. Wilhelm, can I call ya Willi?
WILHELM
Yes.
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
So, Willi, you know we could lob three or four or five or six grenades down there and your little war story ends here. But good fer you, bad fer her. You die, she dies. So what say we make a swap?
WILLI
Keep talking!
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Okay, Willi, here’s my deal! You let me and one of my men come down to take the girl away! And we take the girl and leave! That simple, Willi! You go your way, we go ours! And little Max gets to grow up playing catch with his daddy! So what ‘ya say, Willi, we got a deal?
Willi thinks…
Bridget watches Willi think…
WILLI
Aldo?
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
I’m here, Willi!
WILLI
I want to trust you… But how can I?
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
What choice ya got?
WILLI
I could kill the girl!
ALDO’S VOICE (OS)
Well, now, Willi, that’s true enough. But something you need to know, so you don’t get the wrong idea. Ain’t none of us give a fuck ‘bout that girl. But, admittedly, if you kill her, it would fuck up our plans. But you’ll be dead by then anyway, so what’d you care? And let’s not forget that little Katzenjammer Max, growin’ up without a pop. So in the spirit of gettin’ you home to him, we got a deal, Willi?
WILLI
Okay, Aldo. I’m going to trust you! Come down, no guns!
Aldo and Hirschberg come down the stairs, showing open hands.
Willi keeps his machine gun trained on them.
Aldo, with his hands up, says:
ALDO
Hey, Willi, what’s with the machine gun? I thought we had a deal.
WILLI
We do have a deal. Now get the girl and go.
ALDO
Not so fast, Willi. We only have a deal, we trust each other. A Mexican standoff ain’t trust.
WILLI
You need guns on me for it to be a Mexican standoff.
ALDO
You got guns on us, you decide to shoot, we’re dead. Up top, they got grenades, they drop ’em down here, you’re dead. That’s a Mexican standoff, and that wasn’t the deal.
WILLI
Just take that fuckin’ traitor and go! See? Now you’re down here— Now you get tricky—!
ALDO
—No tricks!—Ain’t nobody gittin’ tricky, Willi! I swear to god, I’m too damn dumb to get tricky. But
(meaning Hirschberg)
him and I lived up to the deal. We came down without guns. Now it’s your turn. No trust, no deal.
Willi pointing the gun at them… thinking…
ALDO
I know you’re scared. I’m scared, he’s scared, we’re all scared. So what’s it gonna be, Willi? Either we got a deal or you might as well just shoot us now.
Willi decides…
He puts the machine gun down on the bar.
WILLI
Fine. Take that fucking traitor and get her out of my sight.
ALDO
Danke, Willi, danke. Okay, Hirschberg, you grab her shoulder—
WHEN…
From behind Aldo and Hirschberg, Bridget lifts up Major Hellstrom’s WALTER and EMPTIES the remaining bullets into Sgt. Willi, who FALLS to the floor, DEAD.
Aldo and Hirschberg spin around, shocked.
From the floor, the bloody, sweaty, and in excruciating pain (she’ll probably lose that leg} German movie star says to the two American soldiers she’s just meeting for the first time:
BRIDGET
He was an enemy soldier who knew who I was. He couldn’t live.
INT—FRENCH HOUSE IN COUNTRY (BEDROOM)—NIGHT
An OLD MAN lies asleep under the covers of his blankets, in his bed, in his bedroom…
WHEN…
… . OFF SCREEN the sound of a DOOR BEING KICKED OPEN…… . . The SOUND of what sounds like EIGHT DOGS BARKING… and the sound of FEET RUNNING TOWARD US…
his bedroom door is THROWN OPEN, and Sgt. Donowitz RUSHES IN, grabbing the old man in his bed and putting a .45 automatic to his head.
SGT. DONOWITZ
(ENGLISH)
Doctor? Doctor?
OLD MAN
(FRENCH)
What? What’s happening?
Donny SLAMS the .45 hard against the old man’s head, shocking, scaring, and bringing the old gent to attention.
SGT. DONOWITZ
(ENGLISH)
Doctor? Are you a fucking doctor?
He nods his head, yes.
SGT. DONOWITZ
Andiamo…
Donny YANKS/DRAGS the old man out of bed, in his almost comical nightshirt (which makes him cuter, thus the brutality against him hurts more) toward the door…
INT—DOCTOR’S EXAMINING ROOM—NIGHT
… Into a doctor’s examining room built into a French country house, with an examining table and medical instruments.
However, it’s obviously the medical examining room of a veterinarian.
Along the walls are different cages with eight BARKING dogs in them.
The soldiers are putting the shot-in-the-leg, bleeding, and in excruciating pain Bridget on the examining table.
Donny, still holding onto the Old Man, points in the girl’s direction…
SGT. DONOWITZ
(ENGLISH)
She’s been shot. Shot. Bang, bang…
(pointing at his leg)
… in leg… understand?
OLD MAN
(FRENCH)
No, no, no, I don’t speak English.
Donny jams the barrel of his .45 into the thigh of the old man.
SGT. DONOWITZ
(ENGLISH)
BANG, BANG—in the leg, understand!
The old man nods his head, yes.
OLD MAN
(FRENCH)
But I’m a veterinarian… animals… I take care of animals…
Bridget screams from the table…
BRIDGET
(ENGLISH)
He’s a fucking veterinarian, you imbecile!
SGT. DONOWITZ
He’s still a doctor. If he can get a bullet out of a cow, he can get a bullet outta you.
LT. ALDO
Right now, we just need morphine.
Donny yells at the old man:
SGT. DONOWITZ
Morphine! We need morphine!
The old man tries to explain in French that he’s not a human doctor…
Donny takes the .45 and SHOOTS one of the DOGS in the cages.
Everybody jumps.
Donny SCREAMS at the old man:
SGT. DONOWITZ
MORPHINE!
BANG
He SHOOTS another dog…
SGT. DONOWITZ
MORPHINE!
The old man begs him to stop and goes to get the morphine.
CUT TO
The BODY of Gestapo Major DIETER HELLSTROM dead on the floor.
INT—LA LOUISIANE—NIGHT
We’re back in the basement tavern. Col. Hans Landa stands over the corpse. He moves over to the next corpse, and a smile breaks out on his face.
He says in GERMAN SUBTITLED IN ENGLISH:
COL. LANDA
Ahhh, Hugo, you’ve moved up in the world, I see. Lieutenant. And with your record of insubordination.
Truly remarkable.
A Nazi soldier named HERRMAN joins the S.S. officer.
COL. LANDA
And that one’s…
(pointing at Wicki)
… name is Wilhelm Wicki. He’s an Austrian-born Jew who immigrated to the United States when things began turning sour for the Israelites. They are the two German-born members of the Basterds. They’ve been known to don German uniforms to ambush squads.
FLASH ON
three Nazi soldiers walking toward a company of other German soldiers. The three soldiers’ back are to us. Dried, bloody bullet holes cover the backs of the three uniforms.
The SERGEANT of the German company yells to the trio:
SGT. GERMAN COMPANY
What brings you all the way out here?
The TRIO NOW DOWN the GERMAN COMPANY with their machine guns.
BACK TO LANDA
COL. LANDA
But that doesn’t look like this. This is odd.
Inglourious Basterds Page 11
