LUCIEN: A Standalone Romance

by Glenna Sinclair

  “That’s right,” he said. “Myra’s words?”

  “Myra’s words,” I confirmed. “Forbidden.”

  Roland laughed. It was still so unexpected to hear him laugh that I had to join him.

  “That makes it sound like there’s something terrifying up here,” he complained. “No wonder everyone’s afraid of me.”

  “And that spiral staircase, over there,” I said, pointing. “That goes into the penthouse, right?”

  “Right again.”

  I stuffed my face with beef and broccoli until my stomach stopped growling.

  “What’s it like to live here?” I asked. “Aren’t you ever tired of work? Seems like you wouldn’t get much free time if you live in the same building as the company you own.”

  “My work is my life,” he said, shrugging over his fried rice. “I don’t like having much free time. If I’m not working, I’m usually thinking. I don’t like to think about Mina.”

  I flinched as if he’d hit me. Of course he didn’t like to think about the fiancée I’d killed. I plummeted from my high, and the steaming food didn’t entice me so much anymore.

  “We never really…talked…after our last late night meeting,” Roland said, his voice tentative. I had spent the past few hours listening to him being concise, decisive, utterly sure of himself. This trepidation reminded me exactly of that last meeting.

  “We really don’t have to talk about it,” I said quickly. We’d had a surprisingly good night together. I didn’t want to ruin it now. I stuffed an eggroll into my mouth and chewed forcefully.

  “Do you mind if I do?”

  Yes, I did mind. I didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that I’d stolen away his happiness. I didn’t want to feel guilty right now, not after feeling so good. I didn’t want him to get any closer to knowing the truth about me, not when things were so good with my life—at long last. Please, I didn’t want any of that, but I couldn’t deny him. If he wanted to talk about it, then I was going to let him. I owed him that much.

  “I just wanted to say that I understood, you know, if you were angry.” He toyed with the sweet and sour chicken, revealing that he’d lost his appetite on the subject, as well.

  “I’m not angry though,” I said, washing down the eggroll with the soda that had come with the order.

  “Why the fuck not?” His rage was quiet but sudden and intense. I nearly choked on my soda. “I ruined your life.”

  “It wasn’t your fault,” I said.

  “It was.”

  “It wasn’t.” Everything was my fault, but I couldn’t tell him that. Not now. Not ever.

  “How can you be so amazing?” he demanded. “Out of all that tragedy, how can you rise and be such an incredible person?”

  “I was living out of a car, unless you’ve forgotten,” I said sarcastically. “I’m not amazing, Roland. I’m stupid. I’ve made mistakes.”

  “Only because I took your parents away from you,” he said.

  “No.” I was adamant on this point. Maybe I couldn’t tell him the whole truth, but I could get really close. “It was the fault of the driver who hit all of you and whatever decisions she made that night. You’re not at fault. You never were. You were just unlucky, Roland. So were my parents.”

  “I’m telling you this to push you away, and you refuse to go away,” he said, gritting his teeth.

  “Push me away?” That hurt more than anything he’d said. “Do you want me to leave your company? Are you firing me?”

  “No, of course not,” he snapped. “You’re an enormous asset—more than I could’ve imagined. To push you away from me.”

  “Why?”

  “I…fuck! For whatever twisted reason, even if I’m practically twice your age…”

  “You’re not twice my age,” I said patiently. “I’m about to turn twenty-two, and you’re thirty-five.”

  “I have feelings for you, Beauty.” He sounded as if he were in agony, and then I realized what he’d said.

  “Feelings…for me?”

  “I’ve taken away everything from you, and somehow you don’t hate me,” he said. “You’ve weathered my moods and been someone I can trust. I don’t know fucking how you do it, but you don’t even cringe when you look at my face. I haven’t felt anything for anyone since—since Mina, but now I have these feelings for you, and…why aren’t you telling me to fuck off, goddammit?”

  “I don’t want to tell you to fuck off,” I said slowly. “I’m…well, if we’re being perfectly honest here, I’m really flattered. Really, really flattered.” I chose my words carefully. “You’re so intelligent and passionate and I could really see how much you cared about this company and what it can do for the world during the conference call. I saw something in you tonight that I haven’t seen before, and it was amazing. You’re amazing.”

  “Just say the ‘but,’” Roland groused. “But you can’t be with someone who looks like me, not when you look the way you do.”

  “That wasn’t what I was going to say,” I said vehemently. “And your scar really isn’t that bad. It’s easy for a person to get used to looking at, though I can’t imagine that it’s easy for you. It reminds you of…of that night. The truth is…I’m kind of seeing your brother.”

  “Daniel?” Roland sounded perplexed. “What do you mean, kind of seeing him?”

  “We’ve gone on a few dates,” I said. “He said he’d like to show me around the city, and I agreed. It’s been…fun.” That was a white lie. It’d been incredible, but I was pretty sure Roland didn’t want to hear all about the intense sexual tension that had been building between Dan and me. We were still taking it slow, but it was a fire all the same. Soon, I didn’t think either of us could control it.

  “I wasn’t aware that you and Daniel were dating.”

  “I hope I haven’t gotten us in trouble,” I said quickly. “He’s assured me that there aren’t any office rules about dating.”

  “There aren’t, really, as long as both parties are consenting adults,” Roland said, looking troubled.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, not sure why I felt the need to apologize. “I kind of thought…well, you two are brothers. I thought he’d maybe tell you.”

  “We’re not that close,” he said. “Daniel’s sexual exploits don’t interest me in the slightest.”

  Wow. That was a clear slap to the face, and both of us winced.

  “You know, I think I’d better get going,” I said, standing up. “It’s pretty late, and I have to be up early in the morning. You want your coffee and newspaper on time, don’t you?”

  “Beauty, I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to say…I’m really glad you agreed to sit in on the conference call. I really do value your opinion on everything. You’re sharp as a tack, and you’re not afraid to tell me the truth.”

  There was one truth I was afraid to tell him.

  “I hope I didn’t ruin our working relationship with what I told you right now,” he said. “I hope you don’t feel uncomfortable that I have feelings for you.”

  “I don’t,” I said simply. And then, because I felt like I owed him something, “I feel for you, too.”

  “You don’t have to say that,” he said. “You really don’t have to pretend.”

  “I’m not pretending,” I said. “I admire you a lot. If it weren’t for Daniel, maybe I’d let you take me around Seattle. I’d like to…even though I’m just your assistant…maybe we could be friends?”

  Roland didn’t speak for so long that I wondered if I should just walk out.

  “You know,” he said, “it’s been a long time since I’ve had a friend. I think I would really like that, if it’s all right with you.”

  “All right with me? It’s better than all right. You know that friends aren’t mean to each other, right?”

  Roland gave a short laugh. “I’m still your boss, Beauty. I’ll tell you when you fuck up.”

  “I hope so,” I said. “Good night, Roland. Thank you for everythi
ng.”

  “Thank you. You’re giving me more than you know.”

  What could be said for the fact that I drifted home feeling like my feet were barely touching the ground? What name could I give to the feeling that a man as great as Roland could think more of me than he let on? And what could I do but despair at the fact that if he ever suspected my involvement in the wreck, it would kill both of us?

  Chapter 12

  I’d gone to sleep late, but the next day, I awoke chipper and excited to get into the office. Even if Roland and I had ended things on a somewhat awkward note, I still felt pretty positive about everything. I felt more confident that even if I did start off being a pity hire, at least I was beginning to prove that I was more than just a pocket to stuff money into. I could be a valuable asset.

  I was dashing around, too excited to eat breakfast—and maybe still a little full from the Chinese food—when my door buzzed.

  “Who is it?” I asked, puzzled. It was so early.

  “It’s Dan. Buzz me in.”

  This was early for Dan. He’d admitted to me that he rarely showed up at the office before ten. I buzzed him in and finished getting dressed. I didn’t want to ignite the smoldering flames between us into a fire neither of us could manage this morning.

  There was a knock on my door and I opened it, kissing him briefly in greeting. This was the first time he’d been back to my apartment since our initial date, both of us agreeing that we shouldn’t tempt each other.

  “To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?” I asked, putting my hand on my hip as I shut the door behind him.

  “I thought you might like some breakfast, since we didn’t get to have dinner last night,” he said, hefting a brown paper sack and a cardboard caddy of paper mugs. “Bagels and hot chocolate.”

  “Perfect,” I gushed. “It’s so dreary outside. Let me take your coat so it’ll dry out.”

  I hung it on a hook on the door before taking the hot chocolate from him.

  “Cream cheese on your bagel?” he asked, opening drawers until he found my stash of silverware.

  “Sure.” I felt a squeeze of my heart and smiled, blowing on the hot chocolate so it wouldn’t scorch my tongue. I burned it anyway at the first sip, too eager for the sweetness. The way we were right now, together, existing comfortably, was like a couple who’d been married for a while. There wasn’t white hot sexual attraction right now, just a mutual pursuit of simple comforts, like shared breakfast on a chilly, rainy morning. It was almost overwhelmingly cute.

  “Here you go,” he said, smiling at me as he handed me my bagel on a paper plate he’d drawn out of the bag. “Breakfast. Most important part of the day, though maybe not the sexiest.”

  “It was so thoughtful of you to bring all this over,” I said. The bagel tasted so good with the hot chocolate—sweet and salty together.

  “I was hoping I’d catch you in a state of nudity,” he retorted, leering and looking glum all at once. “Isn’t it early for you to go to work?”

  “I guess it’s still early,” I admitted, munching. “I don’t know. I got an early start and I have to ride the wave on that.”

  “What time did you end up getting home last night?” he asked, pulling a bagel apart for himself and pinching off a piece rather than biting in.

  “Ugh, I meant to text you—sorry.” I washed a stubborn mouthful of bagel down with the hot chocolate. “It was pretty late. Almost one o’clock.”

  “Long goddamn meeting,” Dan observed. “It couldn’t have been pleasant sitting there with my troll of a brother.”

  “It was actually really exciting,” I gushed. “I don’t know. Your brother’s really good at what he does, you know. He’s not a troll to everyone.”

  “He’s a troll to enough people.”

  “Manners,” I said briskly. “Anyway, it was really neat to be a part of that. Super high-level stuff. I even got to give my opinion after everything was all said and done.”

  “All said and done?” Dan mused, staring off into nothing, pushing his bagel around on its plate. He hadn’t even put any cream cheese on it. “Sounds like it went pretty well.”

  “It did,” I confirmed, taking another sip of my hot chocolate. “Roland has everything well in hand. Everyone really looks up to him.”

  “I don’t know why,” Dan said sourly. “He has a pretty limited vision for what our company is capable of.”

  I opened my mouth to disagree; Roland had so much vision I couldn’t believe what Dan was saying. But then I closed it again. Something in Dan’s demeanor made me hesitate to reveal anything else about the meeting I’d attended last night. Had I already said too much?

  Was it too high level for the vice president of the company to be included? If it really was about the executives, I wondered why Roland hadn’t invited Dan to be a part of it. But if Dan really wanted such a different future for the company, I imagined it wouldn’t look good to people on the outside of Shepard Shipments to hear the brothers disagree.

  I wondered what else they disagreed on.

  “We should keep work talk at work,” I said, taking another bite of my bagel, forcing myself to talk around the mouthful. “Our time away from work should only be for fun.”

  “You’re right,” Dan said, his expression softening. He popped a bit of bagel in his mouth and chewed it slowly. “No work talk outside of work hours. New rule.”

  “That’s a good rule to have,” I agreed.

  “Let me take you out tonight,” Dan said, taking my hand and kissing it. “We’ll go clubbing. You like dancing, remember?”

  I snorted. “Not that kind of dancing, if you’ll recall.”

  “I’m just teasing you,” he said, exasperated. “We’ll drink and dance the night away. How does that sound? Just a night of pleasure. And I want you to see my place.”

  “You want to embarrass me, is what you want to do,” I said. “I’m sure your place is amazing compared to my apartment.”

  “My place might be a little bigger,” he mused, rubbing his beard as he looked around.

  “Might be?” I slugged his shoulder, and he laughed.

  “Okay, it’s a lot bigger,” he said. “But I’d love to show it to you.”

  “After we drink and dance?”

  “Correct.”

  “Is that a good idea?” I peered up at him, then brushed a few crumbs of bagel from his beard.

  “Of course it’s a good idea,” he said. “You trust me to come up with the plans for our dates, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do,” I said.

  “Then what’s wrong with this one?”

  “We’ll have been drinking and rubbing up against each other all night,” I explained. “Then, we’ll go back to your place, which is undoubtedly a sex palace, drunk, our inhibitions lowered, and maybe we’ll do something that we’re not quite ready for.”

  Dan took me in his arms. “Who’s not quite ready for it?”

  When I put my arms around his neck to return his embrace, his erection pressed into me almost painfully.

  “Jesus, Dan.”

  “Can I help how attracted I am to you?” he asked. “Let’s just see where tonight takes us. If you feel like riding the wave, if it feels natural, we’ll just fall into it. If it’s no good, we just won’t do it. Okay? There’s no pressure, understand?”

  “Okay,” I said, and kissed him. “But I have to leave for work, or I am going to be late.”

  “My brother had you all night,” Dan said. “He can wait a few more minutes.”

  He kissed me, and I tried not to think of what Roland having me all night would entail. I knew that it wasn’t a good idea to tell Dan about Roland’s feelings for me. I knew it instinctively. Roland had taken the knowledge that Dan and I were dating in stride, but I didn’t think Dan would be so forgiving to learn of Roland’s feelings for me. Was that something I should pay more attention to—the fact that I was hiding more things from Dan than I was from Roland?

  “Thank you f
or breakfast,” I said, breaking the kiss. “You are a thoughtful individual.”

  “You’re kicking me out, aren’t you?”

  “Yes,” I said sweetly. “I still have a couple of things to do before I leave, and I will see you tonight.”

  “Dress sexy,” he said, sighing as he gave me a last kiss on my forehead and collected his jacket at the door. “It’s a nice club.”

  “I’m sure it’s a nice club,” I said, “and I’m sure I have nothing appropriate to wear.”

  “What about that hot little bikini and thong number you wore at the bar?” Dan suggested, grinning.

  “Alas, molding in some landfill by now,” I said, pouting. “Goodbye, old Beauty. My look tonight will be much classier than that.”

  “I have to admit some disappointment,” Dan said.

  “Go!” I urged, laughing. “You won’t be disappointed, but I’ll get off to a shit start of my day if I’m late. Don’t get me in a bad mood if you want a good dancer tonight.”

  The day passed quickly, interactions with Roland were professional and friendly, and I practically ran out of the office at closing so I could go shopping. I might have clothes suitable for the museum and the Space Needle and the nice dinners Dan had been taking me to, but I definitely didn’t have clothes to wear for clubbing.

  I ended up picking out a gorgeous black shirt, cut up each side almost to my breasts, the lack of coverage all the way up hidden with a thick fringe. The only way anyone would be able to see flashes of my skin was if I was in movement. I was pretty sure Dan would adore it. Paired with a pair of heels and some skinny jeans, I knew I would be the belle of the ball.

  When Dan called for me to come downstairs when he arrived to pick me up, he watched me sashay appreciatively across the sidewalk to the car.

  “You are so hot,” he said, reaching for me as I went to buckle up. “Damn! Does this go all the way up?”

  “It goes up far enough,” I said. “You’ll see, out on the dance floor.”