LUCIEN: A Standalone Romance

by Glenna Sinclair

  Her hair was shorter, a slightly different shade of blonde than it had been sixteen years ago. The shape of her face was a little rounder, her jaw softer. But her eyes were still that incredible pale blue I dreamt of for years after that long ago summer. My first love. She wasn’t my first affair, but she was the first girl who broke my heart.

  I crossed the room without thinking about it, leaning against the arch that separated the lobby from the dining room with a casualness I was definitely not feeling.

  “Julia?”

  She looked up at the sound of her name, a smile exploding in her eyes when she saw me.

  “Harry!”

  She laughed as she threw herself into my arms. I slid my arms around her waist, my mind noting the few differences in her body even as my heart noted the familiarity.

  “I can’t believe it’s you! It’s been so long!” She stepped back and stared up at me, her fingers brushing my jaw. “I never thought I’d see you again.”

  “It’s been a long time.”

  “Too long.”

  “Are you meeting someone? I mean…” I stepped back and gestured toward my table, “I’d be happy for you to join me.”

  “I was actually just going to make an order to go. But I have nowhere to be. I’d be happy to join you.”

  I immediately slid my hand over the small of her back and led her to my table, acting the gentleman by pulling out her chair and helping her settle in. Then I gestured to the waiter, arranging for another wine glass and putting in her food order.

  When we were settled across from each other, I found myself staring at her, my eyes moving slowly over her familiar face. We’d only spent two months together, but it felt like a lifetime, as those young affairs often do. I remember waiting for weeks after I went back to college, jumping each time someone called, hoping it would be her. But it never was.

  “You look great,” she said, her eyes doing the same as mine, taking in every subtle change in my face.

  “You, too.”

  She shrugged, but the blush on her cheeks told me how much she appreciated the compliment. “I take care of myself.”

  “It shows.”

  She reached over and touched my arm, her fingers cool as she flipped my wrist and touched the tattoo—an infinity symbol—that she’d seen emblazoned there.

  “You still have it.”

  “The other one, too,” I said, flipping my other wrist to show her the cross that adorned the other wrist.

  She laughed even as she reached over to touch it with her other hand. Her left hand. That’s when I saw her wedding ring and the impressive diamond engagement ring that went with it. I lifted her hand, my thumb rubbing against the jewel.

  “You got married.”

  “Yes. Ten years ago.”

  “Is he good to you?”

  She nodded. “He works on Wall Street. We live pretty well.”

  “Good. You deserve the best.”

  “What about you? Did you ever get married?”

  I shook my head even as I continued to stare at her ring. Why did it bother me so much that a girl I hung around with sixteen years ago was married? But, somehow, it did.

  “Did you become a teacher?”

  I looked up, a little ache awakening in my chest. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  I let go of her hand and picked up my wine glass, taking a long swig as I formulated my answer. “I was close. I was just a few months short of earning my master’s degree. But then my father got sick and things just fell apart in a matter of weeks.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I shrugged, pretending that it no longer mattered. But it did. There was still that little bit of resentment that hung on all these years, hating my father, my brother, my sense of responsibility, and the circumstances that took my dreams from me. As much as I wanted to get past it, it still lingered just like the memories of the summer I spent with Julia lingered.

  “It was cancer. He died less than four months after they found it. And my brother…he was not prepared to take control of the business. But someone had to. My mom and sister needed someone to take care of them.”

  “So, you stepped up.”

  There was admiration in her tone. I looked at her, the desire to kiss her almost overwhelming. I took another long swallow of wine, feeling the heat of the alcohol finally having an effect.

  The waiter arrived with Julia’s salad, promising our entrees would be out in a few minutes. I watched her eat for a minute, remembering how we met. My friends and I had only been in town for a few days when we wandered into this late night deli. We were drunk and acting a little more obnoxious than necessary. And she was the put-upon waitress who had to deal with us. She ended up joining us, sitting on my lap while I fed her little pieces of my bagel. The taste of cream cheese still makes me think of the taste of her kiss.

  “Are you happy?” she suddenly asked.

  I shrugged. “I’ve taken my father’s little furniture business and built it into a pretty impressive corporation that sells everything from end tables to furniture polish to woodworking tools.”

  “Really?”

  “Ashland-Philips Corp.? I’m sure you’ve heard of it.”

  Her eyes widened. “That’s you? My husband was just talking about that company the other day. That’s you?”

  “That’s me. And my sister. She helps run it these days.”

  “Cool that you get to work with family.”

  I nodded. It was the only bright spot about it.

  Silence fell between us as we once again began to study each other. I could see the fine wrinkles at the corner of her eyes now, the slight sag to the skin under her chin. But I would forever remember her as that beautiful girl with the tight, sexy skin I caressed and admired day in and day out over that all too short summer.

  “Do you have kids?” I asked to distract myself from my thoughts.

  “Two with my husband.”

  “Two? Boys or girls?”

  “Two girls. The other was a boy, by the way. I wasn’t sure you would want to know, after what the lawyer said, but he was a beautiful little boy.”

  There was a sadness in her eyes as she spoke. I had no idea what she was talking about, but the way she said it made a chill run down my spine.

  “Who was a boy?”

  “The baby,” she said, looking up at me with tears in those perfect blue eyes. She kind of laughed as she reached up and brushed a tear away. “Sorry. Every time I think I’m over it…I think it’s just seeing you again.”

  I shook my head even as another chill joined the first and settled in the pit of my stomach. “I’m sorry,” I said slowly, “but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  A twist of confusion filled her expression. She opened her mouth to speak, but the waiter chose that moment to arrive with our entrees—shrimp scampi for me and chicken parmesan for her. It smelled amazing, but my stomach was suddenly so twisted into knots that I wasn’t sure I could take a single bite.

  “I tried calling you. Over and over, I called. But they always said you weren’t available.”

  “Who said?”

  Julia frowned as she stared down at her plate, her fork tearing at the breading on her chicken. “I don’t know. Whoever answered the phone at the number you gave me.”

  I tried to remember what number I gave her. The one at the dorms, probably. Or the house? I couldn’t quite remember.

  “Why would someone say that?”

  She shrugged. “I called Tommy. He said he’d get a message to you, but I never heard back.”

  Tommy. He was a childhood friend, one of the guys who came to New York with me that summer.

  “He never said anything.”

  “And then the lawyer went to your house. He said he spoke to you. That you told him yourself that you didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

  “I never spoke to a lawyer. When did he go to the house?”

  Julia thought about it for a seco
nd, her fork still tearing at that innocent chicken. “It would have been about February or March.”

  “I was still at Stanford then.”

  Tears filled her eyes again. “You never knew, then?”

  “Knew?”

  “I was pregnant, Harry. When you left, I found out a couple of weeks later.”

  It was like she’d doused me with freezing water. Every nerve in my body just went numb. I stared at her, unable to truly comprehend what she was saying.

  “Pregnant?”

  “We were so careful. I couldn’t figure out…something broke or maybe that night in the shower…I don’t know. My parents hit the roof. My dad wanted me to have an abortion, but my mom grew up Catholic. She wouldn’t let that happen. I wanted to keep him, but they refused to help me if I did that. I would have been on my own, and I couldn’t make enough money with my job at the deli to take care of kid.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I gave him up for adoption.”

  I felt seriously ill then. My head was spinning and my stomach felt as though someone had deposited a hot rock there. I leaned forward a little, trying to relieve the pressure that I knew, logically, was all in my head. Then I poured another glass of wine and swallowed a healthy slug, but that sat even heavier on my stomach and made the pressure worse.

  “You signed the papers. At least, the papers the lawyer came back with had your signature on it. And I picked this great couple. They had a little girl they said was so excited to have a little brother. It seemed perfect. I’d been an only child and I didn’t want my son to grow up that way…”

  She was babbling now, her words high pitched and so quick that I could barely keep up with her. I reached across the table and took her hand.

  “Who were they? Where do they live?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know much about them. I was only given their first names—Dale and Robin. They lived in upstate New York then, but it was fifteen years ago.”

  “Fifteen years?” I shook my head, trying to imagine that I was a father. And that my child was fifteen years old.

  It was overwhelming.

  I stood up and tossed a handful of bills on the table before walking out. I made it to the corner before I lost what little I’d eaten on the sidewalk.

  I was a father. I had a child out there somewhere and someone chose to hide that information from me.

  I knew who it was. My father. He’d never wanted me to teach. He’d never wanted me to have a normal life. He groomed me from the time I was a toddler to take over the business, to become the CEO I was now. He had all these grand plans for his children. My brother, Randy, let him down from the very beginning. So he put all his hopes and dreams on me. And his death—if I didn’t know it was impossible, I might suspect he got sick on purpose.

  My father did this. He hid my child from me.

  If he hadn’t, how different would my life be now?

  “You have to go find him,” my sister, Libby, told me a few days later when I poured the whole story out to her. “He’s your kid. You owe it to yourself to know he’s okay.”

  And that was exactly what I planned to do.

  Chapter 1

  Penelope

  I rushed into the house, yelling at the top of my lungs.

  “JT, get up! We’re late!”

  There was no response. But I hadn’t really expected there to be.

  JT was my fifteen year old brother. And, since I go to bed at eight o’clock every night because I have to get up at three to make donuts at our family owned bakery, he’s pretty much left to his own devices most night. And he takes advantage of that. He usually stays up until one or two o’clock, watching horror movies and eating everything in the house. The evidence of his late night escapades were scattered around the living room in the form of empty potato chip bags and several dishes with everything from congealed butter and melted cheese stuck to their surfaces.

  I gathered dishes as I made my way through the house, dumping them in the sink with aloud clatter.

  “JT, seriously,” I muttered as I shoved open the door to his bedroom a minute later.

  “Penny, get out!”

  I stared at him a second, surprised to see him up and nearly dressed for once. “Sorry,” I mumbled as I backed out of the room.

  JT and I had been on our own for three years now, ever since our parents died in a late night car crash on their way home from their weekly date night trip into the city. I had to give up my fledgling career and come home to take care of JT and take over the bakery. It was my mother’s dream, you see, the reason why they moved from New York to this small town in the middle of farm country in Texas. A bakery that served everything from donuts to fancy cakes to simple gingerbread cookies. I worked in the bakery all through high school, but I was determined to have a life in the city, working in anything having to do with art. I was an artist. Not good enough to have some show in a fancy gallery dedicated to my work, but good enough to work in a Fifth Avenue advertising firm. And then the accident and everything changed.

  “Hurry up, JT. We have to leave in like five minutes. I have this huge cake I’m supposed to deliver in two hours and we just started on the fondant.”

  “I’m right here. You don’t have to yell.”

  He brushed past me and burst into the kitchen, searching the pantry for something…Pop Tarts, I suppose. But we didn’t have any. That was another thing I needed to add to my to-do list. Grocery shopping.

  “Are you coming to the bakery after school today?”

  “I have football practice.”

  “After that.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. Sean said something about hanging out at his house tonight.”

  “Did you do your homework?”

  He shrugged again. That seemed to be the only way to communicate with him: reading the subtle messages in his gestures.

  I sighed, wondering what kind of trouble he and his best friend, Sean, were getting themselves into every afternoon. I’d heard rumors I didn’t want to believe. It was a very small town, there wasn’t much he could do that I didn’t eventually hear about. But I hoped that some of the rumors—like tagging the neighboring town’s scoreboard the day before the big rivalry football game—weren’t true.

  I didn’t know what to do with JT half the time. He was a good kid. But I barely had time to spend with him between running the bakery and attempting to get a decent amount of sleep every day. But if the bakery failed, we would be financially ruined. But if I didn’t stop spending so much time at the bakery, JT might end up in juvenile detention. It was one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t situations.

  We jumped into the bakery delivery van—the one with my mom’s smiling face on the side under the words, The Happy Bakery—and sped off for the high school across town. We had only gone a mile or two when my cellphone began shouting at me.

  I slid it out of my pocket and recognized the prefix for the high school.

  “What have you done now?” I asked, shooting a glance at JT.

  He simply shrugged once more.

  “Hello?”

  “Mrs. Monroe?”

  “Penelope.”

  There was a slight hesitation. Then a clearing of the throat.

  “This is Mr. James, JT’s English teacher?”

  “Yes, Mr. James,” I said, pronouncing the name with emphases so that JT couldn’t miss it. “What can I do for you?”

  “I was wondering: could you come up to the school and discuss JT’s performance in my class?”

  “Today?” I asked, already running my schedule through my mind. I wasn’t sure I could fit it in even though I knew it had to be important or else the teacher wouldn’t be calling.

  “Yes, ma’am. My conference period is from eleven to noon. Or I could see you after school.”

  “It’ll have to be after school.”

  “Great. I’ll see you at four.”

  He hung up before I could say anything else. I gla
nced at JT again.

  “What’s going on in English?”

  JT shrugged. “Don’t know.”

  “There must be something going on or he wouldn’t have called.”

  JT just stared out the window.

  “I really don’t want to go in there without some sort of idea what’s going on. Are you failing? Did you do that essay he assigned last week?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you sure? Maybe you forgot to turn it in.”

  “I didn’t forget.”

  “JT…”

  But we had pulled up to the school by then. He grabbed his backpack and jumped out of the van before I even had a chance to pull to the curb. I groaned as I watched him rush off toward the main doors, high fiving several of his friends as they came over to greet him.

  JT had always been something of an enigma to me. I remembered the adoption process. I was nine when my parents first met with his birth mother. That day sticks out in my memory because my mother was crying when they came home and my mom never cried in front of me. She showed me a sonogram picture the woman had given her, talking about the little brother I would soon have. And, sure enough, two months later, my parents disappeared in the middle of the night and arrived home with a screaming little baby wrapped in a heavy blue blanket. I wasn’t the kind of little girl who played with baby dolls, so I wasn’t terribly impressed with JT—Jonathon Tyler. As time went on, and JT took up more and more of my parents’ attention, I liked him even less. And then we moved and I was forced to leave my school, my ballet classes, my friends, my house…I had to leave everything. I was heartbroken. And I blamed it on JT.

  Sometimes I thought that resentment toward JT is what brought me to this place. I mean, I learned to tolerate him as I matured. By high school, I was pretty much okay with having a little brother. I was relieved to go to college and be on my own, but I was okay with JT. But then, just as I started my own life, I had to come home and take custody of him. If not for him, if not for the bakery my mom loved so much, if not for all the regret and guilt that settled on my shoulders along with the grief, the loss, the pain of their deaths, I might have stayed in New York. But I owed it to my mom and dad to make sure their dreams stayed alive in both the bakery and JT. They wanted JT to have the experience of growing up in a small town like they had. Both my parents were from small towns—my dad from a small town in Florida and my mom from here, this little town in the panhandle of Texas—and both had wanted that for JT. So my dad quit his job as a literature professor at the State University of New York at Albany and we moved here. And I spent the next eight years trying to get back. And I did. And it lasted eight months.