LUCIEN: A Standalone Romance

by Glenna Sinclair

  “You okay?” JT asked as he peeked out from around the corner of the kitchen archway.

  “Fine.”

  He stared at me, his jaw working like he wanted to say something. But then he took a swig of his soda and stepped back as I brushed past him into the kitchen.

  “I met my aunt today,” he said.

  I glanced at him as I stabbed at the steaks and turned them over.

  “Aunt?”

  “Yeah. Harrison has a sister.”

  Another thing I hadn’t known about him.

  “What she like?”

  “She’s really cool. Maybe you’ll meet her tomorrow.”

  “Maybe.” I grabbed my own soda out of the fridge and leaned back against the counter. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

  JT shrugged. “A little, I guess.”

  “It shouldn’t take long. But Jack said we probably won’t get a decision right away.”

  JT didn’t say anything. He just stood there, his crazy long legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned back against the counter across from me. I watched him sip his soda and found myself wondering why I’d never noticed the resemblance between him and Harrison. He really did look like him now that I knew what to look for. His dark hair, the curls that were so unruly when he let it grow out. The shape of his face, the lankiness of his height. It was all so subjective—each of them wore it a little different. But there was enough similarity that it was a little surreal to me.

  “I know this has all been pretty crazy,” I said. “But can I ask you what you think about Harrison? As your biological father, I mean.”

  JT shrugged. “I love Mom and Dad,” he said, raising those pale blues to me. “But there’s always been this thought at the back of my mind… that someone out there decided, even before I was born, that I wasn’t good enough for them.”

  “That’s not what it was, JT.”

  “I know.” He sighed as he ran his finger over the rim of his soda can. “But it was there anyway. And then Mom and Dad died and you came to take care of me, and I knew you weren’t happy about it. You never wanted to give up your life in New York. And that made me feel like I was some sort of burden to you.”

  I shook my head, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of his words. I wanted to know what he thought.

  “And then…”

  He looked up at me, tears glistening in his eyes. “I don’t want to leave you, Penny. But I want to get to know my dad. I want to meet the rest of his family—my family—and I want to know where I fit in. I want to see what my life might have been like if I’d never been adopted.”

  All I could do was nod. I didn’t want him to know the storm he’d just unleashed inside of me. I didn’t want to hurt him even a fraction of the way he just hurt me.

  I turned back to the steaks and pulled them off the grill.

  “Time to eat,” I said in a voice I didn’t even recognize.

  Chapter 16

  Harrison

  Julia opened the door, her hair wet from the shower. She smiled when she saw me, her arms flying open to welcome me into her embrace.

  “It’s always so good to see you, Harrison,” she said against my ear. “I just wish it was under happier circumstances.”

  “Thank you for doing this.”

  She stepped back and nodded, dabbing at a couple of tears that threatened to ruin her eye makeup. “Come in. Tell me about him.”

  I followed her into the hotel room, recklessly thinking that it was sure a step up from the dingy little motel where my friends and I took rooms the summer I met her. There had been stains on the sheets that we joked about before we added to them with late night takeout and…well, other things.

  She took a seat in a straight back chair that looked uncomfortable and crossed her legs, playing with a pen between her fingers as she watched me. I was too restless to sit, so I leaned against the wall.

  “He goes by JT. And he’s…”

  I hesitated, searching for the right metaphors to describe JT. But none came to mind.

  “I bet he’s like you,” she said.

  “Libby thinks so.”

  She smiled. “I didn’t let myself think about him much over the years. But when I did, I always imagined he would be like you. Stubborn. Rebellious. Handsome.”

  I inclined my head to accept her compliments. “Thank you. And, yes, he is a lot like that.”

  “I can’t wait to meet him.”

  She stood up and headed for the bathroom, presumably to finish getting dressed. I cleared my throat to get her attention.

  “My lawyer doesn’t think it would be a good idea for you to meet him before the hearing.”

  Julia paused, her face a mask of emotion.

  “Why not?”

  “Because it could upset him. And he’ll already be nervous about his meeting with the judge.”

  Disappointment danced in her eyes even as she nodded. “That sounds reasonable.”

  I went to her and rested my hands on her shoulders. “You’ll meet him. I promise you that.”

  She rested her head against my chest for a long second and then took a deep breath.

  “Alright. Get out of my way. Let me finish getting dressed so we won’t be late.”

  *****

  The courthouse was as busy as ever. We made our way through the metal detectors and headed upstairs to where our hearing would take place. We stepped off the elevator, Libby on my right, her hand in mine, Julia on my left. I automatically looked for a familiar face: Finn, JT, or Penelope. I spotted Penelope’s lawyer ducking into one of the small consultation rooms. A funny feeling worked its way through my chest as I wondered who he was talking to in there. Were they coaching JT? Were they trying to influence his testimony?

  I couldn’t make myself believe that. But I still felt uneasy.

  And then the elevator door opened again and Finn stepped out. My mother beside him.

  “Harry,” Libby began as tension soared through me, tightening my grip on her hand.

  “What is she doing here?”

  “I called her.”

  I jerked my hand back, staring at my sister as if I could find something there that would explain why she would stab me in the back in this way.

  “I made it very clear—“

  “Yeah, well, she wanted to help.”

  I shook my head. “You had no right.”

  I brushed past her, pushing her out of my way with a brush of my shoulder. It felt like betrayal. It felt like the one person I thought I could trust had just stabbed me in the back. I didn’t want her here. I made that very clear. I didn’t want my mother to testify to what she’d done all those years ago. It didn’t matter who did it or why. All that mattered was that it had happened.

  I followed the corridor around until it ended in a solid wall. I slammed my palm against it, needing some outlet for the anger and frustration and…everything that was building up inside of me.

  “I’m sorry, Harrison.”

  I spun around and found my mother standing several feet away. She looked tired, frail, as she always had. Her dark hair was pulled back into a loose bun at the back of her head, her pale skin unmarked by makeup. She wore thin, gold rimmed eyeglasses that were fairly new, a simple blue dress that was both elegant and practical. Her dress, the way she stood with her hands at her sides, were the definition of who she was. Elegant, practical, pious, obedient, quiet. She was the perfect wife for a religious fanatic.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Libby said you needed my testimony. She sent the jet back for me.”

  I shook my head, refusing the instinct to walk to her, to protect her.

  “I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did. I never imagined you would ever learn about that child’s existence, let alone discover that I was the one who hid the truth from you.”

  I turned away, fighting a battle inside of myself that I didn’t know how to calm. She came up beside me and touched my
arm, but I jerked away, stepping sideways so that I was just out of her reach. I saw the flash of pain on her face, but it wasn’t enough to equal the scales, not enough to take the sting out of her admission.

  “I did it for you, Harrison. I did it to protect you.”

  “Protect me from what? From knowing my child? From living the life I wanted?”

  “To protect you from losing everything you’d always dreamed of doing.” She took my arm again, tugging me around so that I was staring down into her face even if I didn’t want to. “You were such a troubled boy. All the things you did when you were in high school. And then college. That trip to New York…do you know how infuriated your father was? He expected you to come home that summer, to spend the summer learning the business at his side. Instead, you run off to a city he considered overrun with temptation. And then to come home with a pregnant girl following you…? He would have disowned you.”

  “Maybe that would have been for the best.”

  “And what would you have done?” A sardonic smile twisted her lips. “As capable as you are, you were not in a position to finish school without your father’s financial help.”

  “But that wasn’t your choice to make.”

  “I’m your mother,” she said, steel suddenly in her voice. “It was always my choice, just like fighting for your son now was your choice.”

  “It’s not the same.”

  “It is the same. I was protecting you from making a mistake that would color the rest of your life.” She reached up to touch my face, but I reared back. Again that flash of hurt in her eyes. “I know you, Harrison. If you had known about this child all those years ago, you would have insisted on doing the right thing. But then what? Would you have lived in a studio apartment in New York City? Do you really think that would have been the right thing to do with a child?”

  “You never gave me the chance to make that choice.”

  “Because it would have been a mistake. You made a mistake, Harrison. But it didn’t have to ruin your entire life.”

  I stepped back, nearly stumbling over my own feet. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard coming out of my own mother’s mouth. I had thought I knew her, that I knew her beliefs and her thoughts and her morals. But I’d been wrong.

  “His name is Jonathon Tyler Monroe, Mother. JT. And JT is not a mistake. He was never a mistake.”

  I stormed away, bursting back into the corridor outside the courtroom just as the current case ended and the corridor was flooded with lawyers and litigants and observers. Some guy with a phone stuck to his ear happened to look up as I brushed past him, his eyes widening as he took in my expression. He grabbed my arm, tugging me back to stand in front of him.

  “Are Harrison Philips?”

  I wanted to squash him like he was a bug. That was not the moment for a reporter to approach me.

  Julia came to the rescue, snatching my arm and saying, very seductively, “Come on, Thomas. They’re waiting for us over here.”

  The reporter looked disappointed, then dubious, but he let it go. Finn was standing against the wall by the same consultation room I’d seen Penelope’s attorney disappear into earlier.

  “They want to talk to us,” he said.

  “Who?”

  “Penelope Monroe and her lawyer.”

  “Who’s Penelope Monroe?” Julia asked.

  “The child’s sister,” Finn told her.

  I barely heard any of this exchange. I was staring through the glass panel in the door, watching Penelope whisper with her lawyer. He was sitting much too close to her, his hand on her shoulder, saying something in her ear that made her shake her head sharply in the negative. And then she saw me and her expression softened just slightly even as her eyes filled with tears.

  What the hell was going on now?

  Chapter 17

  Penelope

  He was angry.

  It didn’t take a mind reader to see the emotion that had taken up residence in Harrison’s broad jaw and wide green eyes. He was angry, and maybe a little hurt. I wanted to know why.

  I also wanted to know who the blond woman beside him was.

  Was it bad that I was irrationally jealous of a woman who might be his sister?

  Harrison burst into the room, the open door allowing all the noise from the corridor to come in, too. A man followed, saying his name and snatching at his suit jacket. The woman followed, too, and I found myself taking in her expensive dress that was a little tight for the occasion and the perfect makeup that was applied with steadier hand than I would ever have.

  Was this the kind of woman Harrison preferred?

  “What’s going on?” Harrison demanded. “Where’s JT?”

  “Not here,” Jack said, jumping to his feet and moving more toward Harrison as though he was trying to block me with his body.

  “Why not? Doesn’t he have to meet with the judge in a few minutes?”

  I stood, touching Jack’s arm as I did. He looked down at me, his eyebrows furrowed. “It’s okay,” I said softly. Then I focused on Harrison.

  “I don’t want to put JT through this.”

  Harrison’s eyebrows rose. “What happened to all that stuff last night about finishing this?” he asked, his voice raised a little on the last two words as though he was trying to imitate my voice.

  I started to respond, but Harrison’s attorney moved up beside him and grabbed his arm. “I think we should talk about this before we discuss anything with them.”

  “He’s right, Harry,” another voice said.

  A woman, about the same height as the first, made her way up beside Harrison. She had dark hair, like his, and green eyes, also like his. This had to be the sister. Which made the other woman…she turned toward me and I saw, for the first time, that she had pale blue eyes that were so eerily like JT’s that it was a little surreal.

  The birth mother.

  I stepped back just slightly, barely missed smashing the top of Jack’s foot with my heel. I remembered my parents talking about her. I remembered how awed my mother was by her courage to do the right thing for her child, the reverent way in which she talked about her. And here she was, in the flesh.

  She was not what I’d expected.

  “Out!” Harrison suddenly bellowed. “Everyone get out of here. Now.”

  Jack lay his hand on the middle of my back, leaning close to whisper in my ear.

  “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”

  But Harrison was watching me and I knew that if I was ever going to trust him, now was the time.

  “It’s okay.”

  Arguments continued as everyone slowly filed out of the room, but Harrison never acknowledge any of them. And I…well, the only person I had to acknowledge was him. And my eyes never left his.

  It was oppressively quiet when Jack finally closed the door.

  “What’s going on?”

  I didn’t answer right away. I’d been up most of the night, working this out in my head. I’d gone back and forth. It was what JT wanted. But JT was just a child. The promise I made my parents could be interpreted many ways. But maybe JT’s wellbeing was more important than a promise made halfheartedly years ago.

  I wasn’t sure what I was going to do until I went to wake JT and found him sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in the suit I’d bought him for the funeral—which was several inches too small everywhere—chewing the cuticles from his fingers.

  I couldn’t put him through this.

  I sank down into one of the chairs, suddenly more exhausted than I think I’d ever been.

  “Jack drew up a paper that says we acknowledge that the adoption was never legal. But by signing the paper, you agree to allow me visitation with JT a couple of times a year.”

  Harrison made a sound that could have been a groan, but was more like a swallowed sigh.

  “Why?”

  “Because you were right. We shouldn’t be putting JT through all of this.”

  “So you’re just going to
let me walk away with him?”

  And then I groaned. Pain tore through me so quickly that I couldn’t hold it all in. Tears fell, staining the papers Jack and I had argued over all morning. I couldn’t stop them, couldn’t brush them away fast enough to get ahead.

  “Why are you doing this?” he demanded again.

  I looked up, looked at Harrison through a sheen of tears.

  “Because I finally did the one thing that we both should have done from the beginning. I asked JT what he wanted.”

  “And this is it?”

  “He wants to know you. He wants to know the life he might have had if his birth mother hadn’t given him up.”

  Harrison looked away for a brief moment, that tendon jumping in his jaw again. I wanted to go to him, wanted to touch him. I wanted to make the tension go away, wanted to make him forget about all the anger and the hurt and the pain we’d dished out on one another since this began. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t my place.

  I stood and pushed the papers toward him.

  “That’s for you and your lawyer. I’ve already signed it.”

  I started to move past him, eager to go home and hide under my covers for a day or two or ten. I half hoped that Harrison would stop me from leaving the room. But he just watched me, his expression unreadable. I walked out of the room and found Jack waiting at the elevators. The corridor was quiet again, only the two women who were there with Harrison, his lawyer, and another, older woman all sitting together on a low bench. They looked up expectantly when I walked out, but I didn’t know them. I didn’t know what to say to them.

  I joined Jack at the elevator. I thought my knees might give out on me, but I managed to stay on my feet until we got to the parking lot.

  “You okay?” Jack asked.

  I shook my head. But there was really nothing to say, was there? It was over.

  I turned to get into my car when a man suddenly appeared beside me.

  “Are you a friend of Harrison Philips?”

  “Excuse me?”

  The man held a digital recorder near my mouth. “Could you tell me why Harrison Philips was appearing in family court today?”