LUCIEN: A Standalone Romance

by Glenna Sinclair

  Damn this! Damn all this!

  Why did Harrison have to come into our lives? Why did he have to complicate everything? We were doing just fine before him.

  Really.

  Not really.

  I ran my fingers over JT’s jaw, feeling just the hint of a teenager’s beard. I’d failed him. I’d failed to keep him safe and well provided for. And those were the things Harrison wanted to do for him. I never doubted that he could. I just…I was just thinking of myself. Maybe it really was time to think more of JT. Maybe what I’d done this morning really was the right thing.

  JT deserved so much more than I could give him. Maybe living with Harrison was the answer.

  They moved JT up to the surgical floor a few minutes later. I stayed with him as long as they would allow, but then the surgeon came and told me I would have to go to the waiting room.

  “The procedure will take a few hours,” the doctor explained.

  He was an older man with kind eyes. He stood close to me, his hand on my elbow as he quickly, but patiently explained the procedure. JT had what they called a compound fracture that protruded from the skin. They would have to expand the open wound and push the bone back into place, then apply metal plates that would hold the bone in place and keep it strong until it healed.

  It sounded incredibly complicated to me. I wasn’t even sure I understood it all.

  “Like I said, it should take a few hours, but I will come find you the moment we’re done.”

  I nodded. “Thank you, doctor.”

  Just as the doctor turned to leave, I felt hands on my shoulders. I turned, and Harrison was there. I half expected to see accusation and anger in his eyes, but all I saw was concern.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I told him to stay home. I told him—”

  “It’s okay. Sean was downstairs. He told us what happened.”

  Before the word ‘us’ could register in my head, a blonde woman I vaguely remembered from the courthouse appeared beside us.

  “Hello, Penelope,” she said softly, a big smile on her lips that just seemed so inappropriate to the moment. “I can’t tell you how lovely it is to see you again.”

  I glanced at Harrison. He stepped back slightly to include this woman in on our intimate circle.

  “This is Julia. Julia Castiano Rowell.”

  The birth mother.

  My heart seemed to stutter in my chest as I caught a look between her and Harrison that just seemed too familiar. I remembered her. Remembered meeting her as a child. I’d thought she was so beautiful then.

  Now? I just thought she didn’t belong here.

  My knees seemed to grow weak. Lack of sleep was catching up to me.

  Harrison wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me to a chair in the small waiting room. He sat beside me, not removing his arm. I leaned forward, trying to take a few deep breathes. An image of Harrison with Julia passed through my mind. She was exactly the kind of woman I’d imagined he would date: tall, thin, model-like, and blond. Don’t all billionaire playboys date blondes?

  Why was I thinking about this now? I should be thinking about JT, thinking about his surgery and the chances that he would never be able to walk without a limp, let alone play football again.

  “Did you get to see JT before they took him to surgery?”

  I turned my head, resting my cheek against my knee for a second before pushing myself back up into a sitting position.

  “Yeah.”

  “How is he?”

  I shook my head. “They have him on some pretty strong painkillers. He was asleep most of the time.”

  Harrison nodded. “That’s what they said downstairs.”

  “Downstairs?”

  “Harry harassed the entire ER staff until they found someone who could tell him what was going on with JT.”

  A beautiful, dark-haired woman appeared in front of me, dressed quite stylishly in a tan suit that fit her figure perfectly. She wasn’t straight and boyish like the birth mother, but she wasn’t as curvy as me, either. She had a nice smile and green eyes that were so much like Harrison’s that there was no way I could mistake for anyone but a relative.

  “Penelope, this is my sister, Libby. Lib, this is Penelope.”

  Libby. I’d seen that name on his phone. I’d assumed it was a girlfriend.

  That’s what I got for making assumptions.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Libby,” I said.

  “I just wish it was under better circumstances,” Libby said. She touched my shoulder lightly. “Is there anything I can get for you? Anyone I can call?”

  I was touched that she would be so considerate, considering I was currently embroiled in a custody battle with her brother. I forced a smile.

  “I don’t think there’s anything to do now but wait.”

  Chapter 20

  Harrison

  The wait has got to be the worst part of a crisis. And everyone seemed to have a different way of handling it.

  Julia picked at her nails for about forty minutes, then she slipped out, disappearing for the better part of two hours before she came back with lukewarm coffee for everyone.

  Libby sat quietly in one corner of the room, texting on her phone almost the entire time.

  Nick came up to check on Penelope four times before I finally suggested he would be helping out much more if he’d just go back to the bakery and make sure everything was running smoothly.

  Sean and his mother handed me a phone number and left.

  My mother was nowhere to be seen.

  Finn smoothed things over with the judge and went home, promising to bill me three times his normal fee for the aggravation of coming here without actually doing anything. As far as he was concerned, the hearing was just delayed until JT was better. I hadn’t told him about Penelope’s legal forfeiture yet.

  Penelope remained glued to her seat, barely moving and not talking. I could feel the tension rolling off her shoulders. I desperately wanted to do something to relieve it, but I didn’t know what. Watching her struggle to stay calm only reminded me of all she’d already lost with the deaths of her parents, and how much more she stood to lose if I followed through with my fight for JT.

  Not that there would be much of a fight if I took her up on her offer. But, right now, it didn’t seem right to even consider it.

  The doctor finally came out after about five hours. I stood too quickly, my back protesting after sitting in that hard, plastic chair for so long. I turned to Penelope, but she was already out of the chair and ducking around me to speak to the doctor.

  “He came through the surgery like a champ,” the doctor was saying as I moved up behind Penelope. “The break was a little more complicated than we originally believed. We had to insert four sets of plates in order to stabilize it.”

  “I assume he’ll need rehab,” I said. “How soon can he start?”

  The doctor looked at me, his eyes darkening just slightly. I could see the hesitation in the way he looked at Penelope. I was about to give this doctor an education, a sudden wave of exhaustion shortening my fuse. But then Penelope said, so softly I almost couldn’t hear her, “It’s okay. He’s JT’s biological father.”

  That was the first time I heard those words leave her lips. It was like someone had shoved cotton in my head, I was so lost in the wonder of her words. I almost missed the doctor’s next words.

  “He’ll need extensive rehab. I would suggest waiting until the bones have begun to calcify, about six to eight weeks. After that, he will require months of therapy. It will be a long, drawn out process.”

  Penelope’s shoulders sagged. “And football?” she asked.

  The doctor shook his head. “It’s unlikely he’ll ever play again.”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t accept that.

  “He’s young. If works hard at rehab—“

  “The break was significant,” the doctor said, looking me in the eye. “The chances are slim that he’ll be able to walk without a limp
, let alone play something as rough as football.”

  “You don’t know JT.”

  Penelope glanced back at me. I half expected her to be annoyed by the fact that I was arguing about something she could legitimately say I had no knowledge of. Instead, there was gratitude in her eyes.

  I’d actually done something right for once.

  They let us visit JT the moment he was moved to a private room. I stood at the end of the bed and gazed down at the son I didn’t even know I had until a few months ago. He was pale, an IV still attached to his arm, bandages wrapped around his arm and head, a splint on one wrist. And his leg, covered from foot to knee in plaster, was slightly elevated, his toes a slightly purple color. It was difficult to look at him, to know how much pain he would be in when he finally woke. But what was more difficult was watching Penelope hold his hand and stare at his sleeping form. I wanted to take this from her, to lift the burden that was making her shoulders curve inward. But I couldn’t. All I could do was sit beside her and try to share it.

  Libby came into the room after a while and stood at my shoulder.

  “Did they say how long he’ll have to be in the hospital?”

  Penelope glanced back at her. “He’ll have to stay until he finishes the course of antibiotics the doctor ordered. Probably three days.”

  There didn’t seem to be much more to say after that.

  A heavy silence settled in the room, unbroken despite the low volume of the television that hung on the front wall.

  Libby touched the back of my neck. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

  Penelope didn’t even look up as I stood and followed my sister out into the hallway.

  “I talked to mom. She wants to go home in the morning.”

  I dragged my fingers through my hair. “I’ll call the pilot.”

  “I think I might go with her.”

  I took her arm and pulled her into my arms, resting my chin on her head.

  “I’m glad you were here.”

  “Me too.”

  She slipped something into my pocket before she stepped back. “I got everyone hotel rooms at that place where Julia and mom are staying. There’s keys for you and Penelope.”

  “Thank you.”

  She nodded as she reached up and ran her fingers over my jaw. “Don’t stay too much longer. You need to get some rest.”

  I kissed her forehead and turned her away, pushing her gently down the hall. Leave it to Libby to think of all the small details.

  I walked back into the room to find Penelope pretty much unchanged from when I left. I stayed with her a few hours more, watching as the nurses came every once in a while to check JT’s vitals. Penelope was clearly exhausted. She rested her head on the edge of JT’s bed, and her eyes began to close. I ran my hand over the center of her back and she immediately sat up again, moving over just slightly so that I’d get the message that she didn’t want to be touched. I dropped my hand to my lap, trying not to let disappointment and frustration turn to anger.

  “My mom and sister are flying back home in the morning. I need to make the arrangements, get a little rest before I drive them over to the airport.”

  She didn’t even look at me.

  “Libby arranged hotel rooms at Overton.” I took one of the key cards out of my pocket and laid it on the bed beside her hand. “You should get some rest. You won’t do JT any good if you don’t take care of yourself.”

  Again she didn’t respond. I lifted my hand to touch her, but let it fall to my side instead.

  I walked out, but stopped by the nurse’s station to make sure they had my number so they could call me if anything happened. I also left arrangements for a taxi should Penelope decide to take my advice. Then I left, feeling completely useless. It was not a feeling I liked.

  I lay awake for a long time, half hoping Penelope would come knocking on my door. It was a ridiculous thought, really. She didn’t know which room I was in. But I figured there were ways she could find out.

  It was stupid. I was driving myself crazy over a woman who clearly wanted nothing to do with me. And why would she? I marched into her life and turned everything upset down. I likely wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me, either. In fact, I would probably do everything I could to hurt the person who was ripping my family apart.

  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  I finally fell into a restless sleep a little before dawn. When my phone’s alarm went off, I felt like I’d spent the night drinking instead of tossing and turning. A quick shower took care of a few of the aches and pains, but not all. Then I grabbed my keys and went in search of my mother and sister.

  “You should eat, Harrison,” my mother said the moment she spotted me crossing the busy restaurant dining room toward her. “You don’t take good enough care of yourself.”

  I ignored her in favor of straddling a chair beside Libby and stealing a few swallows of her hot coffee.

  “How’s JT?” she asked.

  I shrugged. The nurse I spoke to this morning said he was awake, but groggy.

  “And Penelope?”

  I shrugged again. I hadn’t asked the nurse that, but I wasn’t sure she would have told me anything, anyway.

  “Who’s Penelope?” Mother asked.

  I glanced at her, but I kept my thoughts to myself. I knew if I said what I was thinking, it would only blow up into this big fight and I really wasn’t up for that today.

  “We should go. The pilot should be waiting.”

  The drive was quiet, all of us lost in thought. I felt guilt for not being at the hospital. I don’t know why. I was restless when I was there, but I was restless when I wasn’t. I needed to be able to fix this, but I didn’t know how.

  “It’s going to work itself out,” Libby said, reaching over to touch my hand.

  I glanced at her, but I couldn’t agree or disagree. I just didn’t know yet.

  The plane was sitting on the tarmac, the flight attendant standing in the doorway as we pulled up. Mother stepped out of the car immediately, walking like a member of the royal family to the waiting steps. I watched, not sure if I should be offended by her lack of a goodbye, or not.

  “She thought she was doing the right thing,” Libby said softly.

  “I know. That’s what makes it so much harder.”

  I said my goodbyes to Libby, promising to be home as quickly as possible. I went out as soon as the plane was in the air, heading in the general direction of the hospital. But I remembered that I left my laptop in the hotel room, and I might as well get some work done while I was sitting at JT’s bedside. I only meant to rush in and out, but Julia knocked on the door, making my heart skip a beat at the thought that Penelope had finally come.

  “I’m headed out,” she said with a soft smile. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

  “Don’t you want to see JT? Talk to him for a few minutes?”

  The bright smile that had lit her eyes began to fade. “I thought I wanted to,” she said. “On the flight down here, I was actually excited about it. I kept imagining what that moment would be like. But then, when everything happened yesterday, when I saw Penelope in that waiting room…it just felt selfish.”

  My eyes must have darkened because Julia suddenly grabbed my wrist, pulling herself closer to me.

  “That’s not what I meant. What you’re doing is honorable, Harrison. You were never given a choice and if you had…well, maybe things would be different. But I knew what I was doing.” She squeezed my wrist lightly before she let go. “I made my choice sixteen years ago.”

  “That’s what it always comes back to, isn’t it?” I asked. “Who had a choice and who didn’t.”

  Her eyes fell to the floor for a minute. “I heard part of what your mother said to you yesterday. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but…”

  I stepped back slightly. “It must have sounded pretty bad to you.”

  She looked up, tears shimmering in her eyes. “You have no idea how many times I wondered what it woul
d have been like if I’d told you myself and you had come back to New York. If you had chosen me and the baby over…whatever. I always imagined this great, adventurous life. But I don’t suppose that’s the way it really would have been.”

  “I don’t know what it would have been like, but I would have chosen you, Julia. You should know that.”

  A tear spilled down her cheek. “I know.” She stepped closer to me as she wiped the tear away and pressed both hands to my chest. “But I also know something else. In your mother’s position, back then, I never would have done what she did. But now? With my children? I’m not so sure.”

  I stiffened. “You think she did the right thing?”

  “Maybe not the right thing, but trying to protect your child is never the wrong thing, either.”

  “Hiding my child from me was cruel and—“

  “And her way of protecting you.”

  Julia slid one hand up my chest and caressed my throat lightly, like she used to do all those years ago when we were lovers. I pressed my forehead to hers, not wanting to understand what she’d said, but remembering JT lying broken in that hospital bed and my need to take the burden of it from him, from Penelope. I hadn’t been a father for long, but I was learning what it meant to truly care for someone.

  I still didn’t forgive my mother… but I could see Julia’s point of view.

  “We probably won’t see each other again,” she said, her breath sweet as it washed over me. “But I want you to know that I never forgot you. And I still hold on to some of those what-might-have-beens.”

  “Me too.”

  She lifted her chin and our lips touched. It was a soft, sweet kiss that lingered a beat longer than it should have. Then she stepped back, wiping a few more tears from her cheeks, lifted a hand, and walked away. As I stepped out into the hallway to watch her go, I found myself staring into Penelope’s exhausted face.

  And then she turned away.

  Chapter 21

  Penelope

  The nurses told me JT would be in and out of consciousness all day. The pain medication they had him on was pretty powerful, and it would be another day before they began to reduce the dosage. So I should go get some sleep.