by Brown, Tara
Oh God.
I carried the funny-smelling bags to the trunk. She laughed at the sour look on my face. “You know, your mother might not have ever wanted to marry your dad, but she wanted you. Lord knows the only time I ever saw her happy after they got married was when she was holding you. She loved you. So stop being a brat and be the kid she loved.”
I wrinkled my nose and climbed into the car. “I can still smell that place.”
She rolled her eyes.
When we drove into the driveway, there was something I hadn’t expected to see. Or rather someone.
I jumped out of the car, excited, which was weird. “Jess!”
She smiled. She looked exactly as she had when I left: blonde hair in a messy bun with thick glasses and a super-pretty face. There was something about her blue eyes though. She was worried. I pointed. “Hattie, this is Jess. She’s my sister.”
Hattie nodded once. “Nice to meet you. Grab a bag from the trunk.” Jessica gave me a weird look. I laughed and grabbed a bag, passing it to her. “What are you doing here?”
She bit her lip. “I just really wanted to see you.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “So you came to Canada?”
She nodded quickly. Hattie gestured toward the step. “Leave them there and go take Peaches for her walk. She’ll be antsy to go.”
I knew what she was doing and I was grateful. I had a feeling Jess and I needed a walk. I grabbed the dog from the backyard and walked her around to the front.
“Is everything okay?”
“No.” Silent tears slipped down her cheeks.
“Oh my God.” I grabbed her arm. “Are you okay?”
“Mom and Linna drugged you on purpose so Frank would send you away. She took the call from Linna when you fell into the rosebush and cut yourself.”
My guts started to burn. I had forgotten how toxic my world was. I had forgotten how much my stomach had ached all the time, but it was back. All the shame and anxiety of home was back. “How do you know?” The wind had been sucked out of my sails, like Mae always said.
“I heard her telling Suzzy and laughing about it. Linna wanted Aaron, but he wanted you, and Mom wanted you gone and ruined. She figured Frank would send you to rehab, not here. She wanted you abandoned by any good schools. I don't understand why she’s trying to ruin you.” She grabbed my hand desperately. “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t.”
I gripped hers back. “I trust you. I suspected something was up anyway. I knew I didn't cut myself, and I couldn't believe I’d done drugs.” I didn’t want her to know how much I was hurting. Peaches pulled me along, reminding me how bad she had to go. I picked up the pace. “I’m just shocked, I guess. Not at your mom, but Linna.” The knife in my back was brutal.
“Are you going to come back?”
“I don’t know.”
She nudged me a little. “I left your dad a copy of the confession.”
I turned my head sharply. “What?”
She smiled wide. “Yeah. I recorded it with my phone and sent it to his email at work so Mom can’t hack it. Then I hacked her Twitter and tweeted the link to a blog I set up with the confession on it. Mom, Suzzy, and Linna are going down.”
Stunned wasn’t the word, but I didn’t have another. “Are you kidding me?”
“No, screw them. Who does something like that to someone they’re supposed to care about? It’s messed. They had it coming.” She bent down and rubbed Peaches’ back.
“Thank you.”
She looked up, giving me her nerdy smile. “You’re my family, Fin, even if it doesn't feel like it. You act like you’re the only one who’s alone, but you’re not. I’m alone too.” I had never known loyalty like that before. Linna’s blade sticking into my back hurt less. “I have a ticket for you to come home with me.”
For the first time since leaving home, I was worried about it. I didn’t want to go back, but I knew I needed to face the people who had screwed me over. “What time is the flight?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Okay, but I want you to meet some people first, okay?”
She rubbed Peaches’ cheeks and glanced up at me. “The people who made you look so different?”
“I don’t look different.”
She nodded and we continued to walk. “Yeah, you do. You look crazy different. You’re so tanned and skinny. Like you’ve been running your butt off. Your eyes are so bright. The light shines like it’s coming out. You look happy and your hair is so much lighter. Did you get streaks?”
“No.” I shook my head. “Just swimming in the salt lake every day and lying in the sun and working lots. I have to carry trays, serve food, and climb a billion stairs, and I walk tons.”
“Clean living suits you.”
I laughed. “I literally have been clean for a while. Clean of drama, hate, anger, mean people—all of it.”
“You even sound different. Less shitty.”
“Wow, don’t hold anything back.”
“Sorry.” She blushed and pushed up her glasses. “You were just always hungover or drunk or tired or bitchy ‘cause you and Mom were fighting. You even talk differently. You look more—clear and you sound like an adult.”
“I feel clear and a little bit like an adult.”
She glanced around. “Canada doesn’t look the way I imagined it would.”
“I know, right? No snow. I guess the winters are deadly though. Summer and fall are good.”
“Who is the boy?”
My face lit up. “What boy?”
“There’s a boy. I know there is. There always is with you.”
I winked. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Don’t tell me if it’s a secret. I don’t want to accidentally spill the beans.”
“Fine, be that way.” I laughed and we walked back to Hattie’s. That night, Hattie drove us over to the home. Jess looked really awkward and weirded out. Hattie sighed. “You two are more alike than I thought.”
“Why?”
She smiled. “That’s the same face you had when you first arrived.”
Fear covered her face. “It’s a lot of old people at first.”
“At first?”
“Yeah. After a while, they just become people. You don’t see the old anymore.”
Hattie laughed. “I think I might make a human out of you yet.”
I grabbed Jessica’s arm and dragged her to all my favorites. The ladies at the bridge table were nice, too nice.
The old guys in the corner of the sunroom, who argued about everything, were funny. They told her jokes and showed her where they hid the cookies.
The kitchen staff were friendlier to her than they were to me, ever. And Mae even hugged her. I snarled, “You never hugged me when you met me.”
She laughed. “Aye, I never knew what to expect. Figured ya had a shiv on ya at all time to go with your drug addictions.” She winked and I sighed at Jess. “Your mother’s stories have reached far and wide.”
She winced. “Sorry.”
“Whatever.” I gave her a look. “I saved the best for last.” I pulled her down the hall and knocked at the door. Jack answered after a minute, “Finley Roze, how are you, my dear? I was just speaking of you.” He opened the door wide, making it clear why they had been speaking of me, and with whom.
My heart stopped.
Aiden.
He didn’t meet my eyes or smile. In fact, we appeared as if we were strangers. Like I wasn't wearing a ring he had given me on my friggin’ finger.
I smiled at Jack, but my lips pressed tight. I held out a hand. “Jack, I wanted you and Millie to meet my sister.” The tears began so I looked down. “Jess, these are my favorite people, here in this room. All of them.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “But I can see you’re busy. I just wanted to say good-bye. I’m going home tomorrow.”
Aiden’s back straightened, but I buried my face in Jack’s shoulder and hugged him. A tear escaped. “I’ll miss you.”
He
smiled back, wiping my tear with his shaking thumb. “And I you. You have made this the best summer we have had here. Thank you for letting us know you.” He turned to my sister. “It is so nice to meet one of Finley’s sisters. She is so wonderful.”
Jess nodded. “I know. She is. It’s nice to meet you.”
Millie shuffled over to the door and hugged me. “Good-bye, my sweet girl.”
I sniffled. “Thank you for teaching me backgammon.”
“Thank you for letting me win.” She chuckled and pulled Jess into the room. “Jess, why don't you come with me?”
“Excuse me.” I ran for the office and closed the door and locked it tight.
Why was Aiden in their room? How long had he been there? Why hadn’t he called me? Why hadn’t he smiled or even met my eyes when I came to the room?
I slumped into the chair and did something I hadn’t done in weeks. I Googled Facebook. Linna’s page was gone, but I had over a hundred notifications. My page was full of people who had guessed I was in rehab or juvie when it was Linna’s page. Now on mine they were telling me how sorry they were for me.
It didn’t make me feel better. I signed out and went to her Twitter. Her feed was filled with people saying cruel things about her. The people who had laughed it up with her about my social demise were loving hers. Aaron’s status was “heartbroken” and I almost gagged.
The doorknob twisted back and forth, interrupting my train of thought. “Fin, open up.” Aiden’s voice was different. He was angry. Why was he angry?
I couldn’t look at the door and I didn’t move. The knob clicked for a couple of seconds and then it opened. He walked in, looking no different than he had when he left, and closed the door. His eyes searched my fingers, landing on the ring. I eyed the red stone. It felt like it was burning my finger. I pulled it off and tossed it at him softly. “I can’t keep this. It’s too much.”
He let it hit his abdomen and fall to the floor. “I would have called, but it was an emergency trip. I hadn’t planned on coming over, and I wasn't certain you wanted to see me.”
What did that even mean? Of course I wanted to see him. Why was he being so weird? I shrugged as if it was all nothing. “It’s cool. You don’t owe me any explanation.”
His eyes flickered to the computer behind me, his gaze narrowing as it went back to me. “Is this because of him?”
I glanced back at Aaron’s Twitter page. “Is what?”
“The reason you’re acting so weird.”
“I’m acting weird?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “You’ve acted like you liked me more than that even. You planned out crazy field trips for me and got me that ring from the antique store. You handwrote me letters. You set up dinner between your cousin and me. And then you can’t even be bothered to call or get Hattie to tell me you’re here? I go to the door and you can’t be bothered to look me in the eyes or even just say hi or introduce yourself to my sister. I could tell you didn’t want me to find you here. You wanted to pretend you were in England still.”
“I’m not—”
“Stop!” I put up a hand. “I don’t care.” I got up and walked to the door. He stepped in my way, blocking it. My tone was flat. “I need to go home.”
“Why didn’t you write me back?”
His eyes were filled with emotion. I didn’t understand him at all. “I have to go.”
His jaw tightened and his gaze stayed focused on my lips. “There is something I have to do first.” He dropped to his knee and picked up the ring. He took my right hand and slipped it on. “I want you to keep this.”
I cupped his face, regardless of everything else, and pulled it up. I closed my eyes and let the feeling of his soft lips against mine take away everything else.
He parted my lips gently, pressing his face into mine more. His tongue caressed my lips, tickling against them with soft caresses.
The kiss was soft and sweet and slow. I felt his need for me in his hands. His fingers pressed into my back, pulling me into him. My hands slid up his warm cheeks to his hair. There was no sound but our desperate hearts beating against each other’s chests. I whispered against his lips, “I have to go.”
I brushed past him and left the office. There were too many things going on. I walked back to the main foyer to find Jess and Hattie. They both gave me a sad look. I smiled. “Let’s go.”
In the car, Hattie sighed. “Millie is dying. The nurse just told me. She’s being taken to the hospice side of the home tomorrow. They think she is in liver failure. She refused to go tonight. Probably because Aiden is there. She’ll want to have one last night with him.”
That was why he hadn’t looked at me. He had just learned Millie was dying.
I felt sick. I wanted to tell her to turn the car around, but I knew he needed to spend the time with them. I knew what I needed to do.
When I got to the house, I went to my room to pack. I grabbed the journal I had been writing in and carried it down the hall to Hattie. “Can you give this to Aiden for me tomorrow?”
She glanced at it. “What is it?”
A smile crept across my lips. “Well, I started to write him back after the first letter, and I didn’t know where to stop. So I just kept writing. It’s like one stupidly long letter. I just don’t want him to think I didn’t write back.”
“I’d be happy to. I know he was upset about it.”
“How did you know that?”
“His Uncle Jack told me.”
I paused. “Jack’s his uncle?”
Hattie seemed lost. “He never told you he was here visiting them?”
“I thought he worked there.”
She laughed. “Oh my. You are a funny girl. No. Jack is his uncle—”
“It doesn’t matter. Can you just give it to him?” My heart was breaking. He had just learned his beloved aunt was dying, and I was pissed he didn't run and hug and kiss me. I threw his ring at him? I was an asshole. I hated that.
Hattie winked. “Of course.”
The sign of a true teenaged girl is the amount of hours spent learning to twerk while acting like it is your first time trying.
Chapter Eight
Et tu, Linna?
The plane rides home were quiet. Jess sat looking like she might cry, and I felt like I might get sick. She was pretty sure her mom knew she was the one who leaked the recording. I knew I would miss Hattie. I had agreed to work at the home next summer but was worried about who would be left and sad that my last kiss and hug from Millie would really be my last. Millie was dying and my heart was breaking about that. It felt bigger than flying home and confronting everything.
I hoped that my journal would mend the hole I had created by not writing Aiden back and throwing his ring at him. I felt awful that he was so angry about it. That was the problem with social media; you believed you were part of people’s lives even when you weren’t. I forgot how gratifying it had been to receive something physical from a person. Everything was gift cards and instant messaging.
People didn’t send you things anymore. And I never realized there was an appropriate response time, but I hated that I’d hurt him when he was already hurting so bad.
When we landed, my dad was at the airport. He looked worn and old. His eyes darted from me to Jess. “I owe you both an apology.”
Jess looked at me. “Me? Why?”
He exhaled loudly and spoke to me, “I never should have let her make me send you away, Fin. Can you forgive me?”
“Sure, it’s nothing.” I lied. I wasn’t sure I could actually forgive, but I could move on. I had been having a blast in Canada. In fact, the minute I saw my dad, I missed it, like it was my home. I missed the old people who had made me feel so loved and wanted, like I belonged to a family there.
His eyes darted to Jess. “Your mother has ransacked your room. I should have stopped her. She is acting crazy. She thinks it was you that leaked the recording of her and Suzzy.”
Jess gulped. “It was me.”
&n
bsp; He winced. “Why would you let that go viral?”
I stepped forward. “Are you kidding me? Sheila has people on the East Coast thinking I cut myself and do crack. Screw her.”
He sighed. “My life is hard enough right now.”
I started laughing and turned to Jess. “Let’s just go home.”
He put up a hand. “I’ve fired the maid and told your mom it was her who did it, not you. She believes me but your room is trashed, what with not having a maid anymore.”
Jessica sighed and walked past him. I followed.
I couldn’t lie. Knowing Sheila had done that to me, I had been hopeful he that he had kicked her out. I’d had a small glimmer of hope that he would choose me.
What did it matter?
When we got home, I felt ill. I reached over and took Jess’ hand. “Thank you.”
Her blue eyes were filled with tears and her lower lip trembled. “If she kicks me out will you come with me?”
“I will and he will pay for it.”
Dad turned around. “I will.” He climbed out of the SUV, leaving us sitting there like we were the guilty ones.
Jess sighed. “I can’t believe he wouldn’t just leave her.”
“Me either. I’m assuming she has something decent on him, and he has no choice.”
“Do you love that Aiden guy?”
“I think so.”
“He’s hot.” She looked down at my hand in hers. “Did he give you that?”
“Yeah.”
“It looks like a locket ring—one of those old ones from the Victorian age where they snuck secrets to each other.”
It made me smile. “He found it at an antique shop in Nova Scotia.”
She opened the door. “At least you have Hattie’s.”
“No.” I grabbed her arm as she stepped out. “We have Hattie’s. She would never turn you away.”
She smiled. “I’m going to go and see if Mr. Stinky is okay.” I winced. If Sheila harmed one piece of fur on that cat’s back, I was murdering her.
Fortunately, when we got inside, Mr. Stinky was fine. He was meowing like he might be starving, but beyond that, he was good. Suzzy had gone back to New Mexico and Sheila was hiding in her room. She was sobbing and devastated that someone would take a fake video like that and make her look evil. Dad spoke quietly, “She’s actually ashamed you would believe such a thing of her.”
