by Brown, Tara
I rolled my eyes and slipped up the stairs to my room. I called Hattie right away, forgetting it was a four-hour time difference. She answered, sounding groggy, “Hello?”
“Hi. You said to call when I got in.”
She sighed deeply. “That’s just something people say, kid, like how are you.”
I laughed. “Did you give Aiden my journal?”
“Yup. He seemed really excited.”
“Is Millie okay?”
“She’s a trooper.”
I smiled. “You wanna go back to sleep?”
“Yup. Night.”
“Night, Hattie. Thanks again for everything.”
“Name your firstborn after me.” She clicked the phone off before I could say no. It made me smile. I was never having kids. And Hattie wasn’t a cool name. Not at all.
I lay back on my bed and surveyed the room. Everything was the same. My phone was on the dresser, my laptop was on the desk, and my clothes were neatly put away. Nothing had changed in almost seven weeks. But I had.
Summer was nearly over, senior year was about to start, and I didn't know who I was anymore.
I got up and grabbed my cell. I wanted Aiden’s email or his text or his phone number. I wanted to talk to him. I drummed my fingers against my phone. There was nothing to do. I could Google him. I turned on the phone and checked my Twitter. My FaceTime went off with a call from Aaron.
I answered, “Hey.”
He smiled. The room he was in looked dark. “Hey. You home?”
“Yeah. Just got home.”
“I’ve been trying your phone at five-minute intervals for two hours.”
I laughed. “That’s bananas.”
“I’ll be there in five. Bring a swimsuit.”
“Okay.” I jumped up and threw on my white swimsuit. My bag smelled like Hattie’s house. I smelled the stuff and closed my eyes. I just wanted to go home, back to Hattie’s.
I ran from the room and opened Jessica’s door. Her room was a disaster. All her shit was smashed and broken. My jaw dropped. The mess was awful, but in the middle of the room was her bridge. She had won the contest in drafting for bridge building. I had drunk my ass off with Linna and skipped it. I failed the class, but I remembered Jess being nerdy excited about the bridge. She was on the floor, holding the pieces of it. She gaped up at me. “She knows. She went for the heart of the room.”
“Who cares? Get your swimsuit on. We’re leaving now.”
She didn’t hesitate. She got up and started rifling through the piles of her ripped clothes and torn keepsakes. I closed the door and she was out in a moment, dressed and ready to go.
We ran down the stairs and out the door. We were getting close again. It had taken her a while to catch up in some ways, but I think the most growth had come from me.
I waved at Aaron, but he jumped out of his truck and ran to me, scooping me up. He nestled his face in my neck. “I’m so sorry, Fin. I had no idea Linna was such a scheming whore.”
I patted his brawny shoulder with my flat hand. “It’s cool. Really.” I just didn't want to talk about it.
He put me down on the cement and pulled me back. “I missed you so bad.”
The smile on my face was pasted there. I didn’t know what to say—I hadn’t missed him. I’d had a blast and met people who’d made me feel like we were family.
His eyes were full of something. “You’re okay, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You seem different.”
A peacefulness floated across my face. “I know. I’m different. I’m happy.”
He seemed hurt, but his happiness had never been my responsibility or my concern. I couldn’t change the fact I’d transformed inside and out. He gave Jess a nod. “Hey.”
She waved. “Hey.”
“Well, I’m just glad you’re back.” He nodded at the truck. “Let’s go.” We climbed in. He kept trying to touch me—resting his hand on mine, brushing his leg against mine, and reaching for things, connecting with me.
I ignored it. I didn’t want to encourage him.
“So your mom is evil, huh?”
“Yeah. She’s lost it. She doesn’t do defeat, not well anyway. She’s hiding in the house.”
He winced. “Yikes, dude. I heard the maid was spying on her and Suzzy. That’s brutal. Who expects their maid is gonna launch a campaign against them?”
I laughed and angled back toward Jess. She still looked sick. "The poor woman lost her job."
He whistled as he turned to the right and parked in Carter’s driveway. “I should hope so. That’s seriously bad.”
I stopped listening to them both. My stomach was on fire.
I was returning to the scene of the crime. My mouth was dry and my head spun, but I forced myself to climb out after Jess. She and Aaron talked while I walked to the bright-red rosebushes off to the side of the house. I looked down at the scar still marring my wrist and then at the bushes.
“It was this one over here.” Carter, pointed at a huge rosebush with bright-orange roses.
I winced. “I’m so sorry for breaking them.”
“Not your fault, Fin. You were drugged by your mom and Linna, dude. No one blames you for that night. You got a raw deal.” He walked over and wrapped his huge arms around me, kissing the top of my head. “You look good, chica.”
I smiled into his chest, “Thanks. You look exactly the same.”
He pulled me back. “What? I gained five pounds of beef, baby. Not to mention, I got a tan.”
“Sorry, you’re sexy as ever.” It was creepy how fast I was slipping back into flirty mode. He was a safe person to flirt with though. We joked about things, Snapchatted, and messaged, but it was always in fun.
“Come upstairs and I’ll show you where I gained the five pounds.”
“Gross.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re a loser.”
He picked me up over his shoulder and carried me to the pool.
“DON’T DO IT!” I was midair when I screamed it. The water wasn’t even that cold, but it was the shock of being tossed in that made me scream. I came up, grinning and splashing. “DICK!”
He laughed and jumped in, cannonballing right next to me, sending water shooting at me. I tried to swim away, but he grabbed my leg and pulled me under. I kicked and swam away, laughing and swimming for my life.
He surfaced with a shit-eating grin. “Somebody’s been working out.”
“Working my ass off, not working out.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “For real?”
“Yeah. I got sent to my aunt’s and she made me work all summer.”
He whistled. “Dayum. Your dad must have been pissed when he found out the truth.”
“Maybe.” I glanced at Jess chatting with Aaron still. “But less pissed than I would have thought.” When I looked back at him, I could see he had missed my drift.
He wagged his eyebrows. “Let me test those muscles for you.”
I laughed and swam to the stairs, but he had my foot and was dragging me back to the deep end before I could even try to get close to escaping.
Carter flashed me a cute smile. “Where’d the ring come from?”
I looked down at my finger. “An antique shop in Nova Scotia.”
He wrinkled his forehead. “Where?”
“It’s in Canada, just above Boston. Same accent almost. I got it at a shop there.”
He folded his beefy arms. “So not from a guy then?”
I folded my arms too. “Why?”
“I don’t know. I was just wondering if you happened to meet a dude.”
I winked. “I’ll never tell.”
“Oh, I know that about you, Fin.”
We climbed out and he got me some dry clothes, since mine were soaked. He passed me a letter when we were alone in his kitchen. “This came for you by courier today. The guy made me describe you and the incident with the rosebush before I could sign for it for you.”
I took the envelope and opened it, knowing w
hy he was asking about a guy.
Finley,
I can’t believe you left and I can’t believe I behaved the way I did. I’m sorry, and I know words won’t make up for the way I acted. I was a jerk. Millie had literally just told me about her illness when you knocked on the door. I didn't know what to say or do. I was devastated. I am so sorry.
When Hattie brought your journal I was crushed because I had assumed the worst. I was an idiot. I thought I had foolishly put myself out there and you had rejected me. I can’t tell you how happy I was when I saw the ring. Seeing it on your finger makes me feel like the whole country between us is nothing but hallway.
I have something I really, desperately want to tell you. I’ll be there shortly. It has to be face to face, but I can’t leave while Millie is this sick. She sends her love by the by.
As does Jack.
As do I.
Yours,
A
I ran my fingers over the writing. He always pressed so hard.
“So the guy, what’s his name?”
I questioned Carter, “Why would he bring it here?”
“Courier said he couldn’t take it to your house in case your stepmother burned it.”
I nodded. “That’s legit. She would’ve.”
“Name of dude?”
I gazed down at the letter again. “Aiden. Aiden Sorenson. He’s English. I think he’s older than us, not sure though.”
Carter gave me a puzzled look. “And he writes you real letters?”
I beamed back, like a complete moron. “He does.”
“He’s gay. You chicks are so bad with gaydar.”
“He is not.”
Carter passed me a beer from the fridge and walked out to the patio. “He so is.” I took a sip of the beer. It made my stomach tingle instantly, like I was making a poor choice. But I couldn’t be scared of liquor for the rest of my life, and besides, I’d been drinking those Tom Collinses with the bridge brigade and never had an issue. I took a huge swig and followed him out.
He sat down next to Aaron and Jess and a girl named Jasmine I used to think of as a close friend. Carter announced loudly, “Fin’s in love with a gay dude.”
My mouth hung open. Jessica shook her head. “I’ve seen him. He’s not gay. He’s sweet.”
Aaron’s cheeks were burning and his eyes had something lingering in there I didn’t want to see. Carter slapped me on the leg. “He writes her letters, by hand.”
Aaron held up his drink. “You had me worried someone else was gonna get to that prize of dating you before one of us, but yeah, handwriting means he’s gay.”
“Whatever.” I drank my beer with my cheeks burning.
But Jasmine laughed. “How do you know he hasn’t already?”
Carter and Aaron both looked at me. I laughed. “You’ll never know.”
Jasmine laughed harder. I winked at her. Jess laughed, but I could see she was unsure about laughing about something so private. She was the only one with class in the group.
The party was starting. It was the same as the last time I was there, minus Linna. Girls in bathing suits, twerking and grinding against each other.
They were the same, but I was different. Jess was too. She was outraged once the dancing started. She gave me a grimace. “Can we go?”
“Yeah,” I replied and went on the hunt for Carter. I found him in the kitchen, telling stories about football camp.
“I’m outta here. I need to go deal with shit.”
“So early?”
“Yep.”
“Okay.” He raised a brow. “See ya tomorrow maybe?”
“Yeah. Thanks for the letter.”
His charming smile claimed his face. “Anytime. I got no prob hooking up a gay dude with the girl I want.”
I shoved him. “You’re an idiot.” I turned and left, stumbling upon Aaron dancing with a girl and running his hands up and down her ass. His hands lifted immediately. “I’ll text you tomorrow, okay?”
He gave me the thumbs-up, but I could tell he was upset. I didn’t know why he thought we would ever hook up. He’d hooked up with Linna. Ho code eliminated him from my options at the dude buffet. There was no way I was dating a guy who had dated my BFF. Even if she was a Mean Girls version of a BFF.
Jessica and I wandered down the road. She wrapped her arms around herself. “Aaron likes you.”
“Yeah. Well, he dated Linna so that’s not really an option.”
“I wonder where she is?”
“I don't know. I’m curious too. She totes owes me a major explanation—major.”
Jessica nodded, but she seemed distracted.
In the streetlight, I noticed a funny look on her face. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I guess,” she groaned and covered her face, embarrassed. “Can you twerk?”
“Is that seriously what’s bugging you?” I laughed. “Yeah, but you gotta practice. Everybody acts like it’s their first time, but all those bitches are practicing.”
“For real?”
“Yup.”
She popped her butt a bit. I laughed harder. “You got typical skinny-girl ass. You gotta work twice as hard as curvy girls.” I popped it for her.
“That was pretty good.”
“Practice.” I felt a bit sad when I said it. “Linna and I practiced a lot.” I realized how hurt I was then and there. She had stabbed me in the back for a dude. A dude I didn’t even want.
“There’s something I need to know.” I turned and headed toward Linna’s house. “I’ll meet you at the house.”
“No way am I walking home alone.”
I glanced back. “Be prepared to see a cat fight.”
“Oh my God.” She rolled her eyes. We both knew what a wuss I really was.
All my brave talk was wasted. When we got to her house I grumbled, “All the lights are out. She’s not even home.”
“Why would you want to talk to her anyway?” Jess nudged me as we turned and started walking home.
“I need to know. I’m never going to say I’m a good person. I think fighting with your mom my whole life has made sure I’m not a good person. But I never would have done that to Linna.” It broke my heart to say it aloud, even to Jess.
“You are a good person—”
“Jess, you don't have to do this.”
“Fin”—she grabbed my arm—“you’re a good person. Hattie saved you. My mom tried to make you turn out like her but Hattie rescued you. I’m almost glad she did that to you because now you’re you again.”
I saw myself in her eyes, with the reflection from the streetlight above us. “You’re right. Had I gone to Hattie’s under any other circumstances, I would have been an arrogant asshat. But I was crushed when I got there. Hattie did save me.”
“And I’m glad to have you back. It was lonely in the house without you.” She hugged me. I closed my eyes and hugged her back.
I hadn’t realized how hard it was being Jess in a houseful of assholes.
When teenaged girls throw down they pull hair, tear leggings, and throw pumpkin spice lattes.
Chapter Nine
Catfight and a Broken Heart
September—so close to just being me again
My phone buzzed with the notification from Starbucks that the pumpkin spice lattes were back. September first had hit and I still hadn’t seen Linna. She hadn’t been home any of the dozen times I’d stopped by. Her parents had no idea where she was. I assumed it meant they were covering for her.
Skeezy ho was avoiding the scrap we both knew was coming. I was gonna tear out her weave, all Jerry Springer style. Well, that's how it was playing out in my head. In reality, it would probably be me shouting at her and then both of us crying like babies.
I lay on my bed, staring at the stars my dad had put there when I was little. Half had fallen down, but they still made me smile.
One of them started moving. I blinked, but it was still moving. “Oh God, she’s drugged me again.” I remembered when She
ila threatened to poison my food with narcotics. Damn, and there I’d been thinking we were doing so well. She hadn’t left her room to face me and Jess yet. It had been bliss.
I sat up, but through the window I could see where the light was coming from. I sighed and got up, stumbling. I opened the window. “Aaron, not funny.”
“Aaron?” a British voice answered back.
I froze, leaning out. “Aiden?” Was I high or was he actually here?
“Would you prefer it were Aaron?”
”You have seriously low self-esteem for such a hot guy.”
He chuckled. “You coming down then or shall I come up?”
“If you climb up, I expect the whole ‘But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun,’ but you have to say Finley, not Juliet, because then you’ll see my low self-esteem.”
He laughed and I reveled in it. Watching him laugh was bliss. “Well, since I not only have an English accent but also know Romeo and Juliet from start to finish, are you certain that is the scene you would like spouted as a declaration of my most ardent infatuation with you? I fear I would be considerably theatrical with the performance.”
I sighed and leaned on the railing. “Everything you say is like Shakespeare.”
“I wish that were true.” His smile faded, and I suddenly had a bad feeling about his being free to come to see me.
I turned and ran from the room, hurrying down the stairs and out the front door. “Millie?”
His head lowered. “I’m afraid she has passed.”
My lower lip popped out. “She has? So Jack is all alone?”
He smiled. “Of course not. It would not be much like Jack to linger without her. He passed the morning after. I have no doubt he had an arrangement worked out with someone.”
Devastation crushed me. My chest tightened and I couldn't fight the tears or running to him, wrapping my arms around him. “I’m so sorry.”
“Jack was nothing without Millie. They are together. I cannot be sad about that.” He sounded sad, incredibly sad. I was too. My heart hurt for him and for Jack and Millie. I wasn't sure I believed in an afterlife so there was a distinct possibility they were just gone, separated from one another forever. The thought made me grip Aiden firmer as tears poured from my eyes.
