by Brown, Tara
“You have to know, when you came with your sister—”
I cut him off. “I got your note. I’m so sorry I got mad. I acted like a dick. You just are so built up in my mind.”
“As you are in mine.” He kissed the top of my head, pausing there, breathing on my hair.
“What are you doing?” I sniffled and wiped my face.
“Breathing you in. I’ve been missing you.” He was possibly the sweetest person I had ever met. He peered down on me, tilting my chin up. “I have something I really have to tell you.”
“No.” He was too serious. It scared me. “I don't want to know whatever it is. Let’s just go take a walk and you can tell me how you and Jack are related.”
“Hattie?”
“Yeah, she told me he was your uncle, which makes sense. When I met you, I thought you worked at Lakeside.”
“Worked there? I played cards and visited with the patients. Not a very good worker.” His eyes lit up.
“Well, you’re charming. In my world, that is considered work. In reality we all go to a great private school and get the best education, which of course we—what is that word?”
“Squander?”
I laughed. “Yeah, that's the one. We squander it and then our parents have to use their connections and influence to get us into college because we’ve basically got a tenth-grade education at best. But the thing that we have is charm, most of us. It’s a job to be charming here, because really we’re awful. So to hide that fact we have the ability to talk and seduce and avoid obligation. My friends know every teacher’s coffee order and which bakery is their favorite. We have expectations for the life we will have and the people we will marry and know all the easiest ways to get them so we don't have to work very hard, when in reality we worked very hard at not working.”
His arm slipped from my shoulders and his hand slid around mine. “Then we have the same life, only in a different place.”
“Your parents have expectations for you too?”
He squeezed my hand. “You know what? You were right. Let’s not speak of this now.”
“Okay.” I gave him a smile. “Sorry about the whole journal thing.”
He laughed. “Yes, I meant to ask, are you in therapy?”
“So mean.” I shoved him a little.
He laughed harder. “The reason I ask is that you clearly have some odd feelings about men in top hats.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know what? It scared me. I thought I might be going to some weirdo circus act. Shit, that is not my thing.”
“Your letter was more like a journal entry. You realize that, right? You do understand the basic concept of a letter—convey a message, not every feeling and thought you have all at once.”
“Whatevs. I wrote you back. Be grateful.”
He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. “I am.”
“Don’t say that. I was kidding.”
He spun me around and looked down on me through his inky lashes. “I am grateful.”
I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed the back of it. “Me too.” I laughed at the shiny lip gloss coating his hand. “Sorry. Just rub it in. It’s moisturizing and plumping.”
“Plumping?” He grimaced. “Looks like I was kissed by a slug.”
I winked. “I do believe slug slime is in the ingredients list. It’s where they get the shine from.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t doubt it.” He lifted his hands to my face, cupping it like it was the most precious thing he’d ever held, before lowering his lips onto mine. Again, the kiss was soft and delicate, but it was like a war. I grabbed at his face, trying to kiss harder, but he pulled back and only allowed a soft brush of our lips.
He pulled back completely, making a growling noise almost. “God, I want you, Finley. I want all of you. I want you to come to my school and live in my house and be by my side at all times.” I cocked an eyebrow, but he laughed. “If you only knew how much less creepy I meant that to sound.”
“It did sound a little creepy, a little ‘it puts the lotion on,’ ya know?”
He looked confused. “I don’t think so. No.”
I slapped his chest lightly. “You know, he lowers the lotion into the hole in the ground? You don’t know Joe Dirt?” I could see he didn’t.
He was the one with the cocked eyebrow and puzzled look. “Joe who?”
“Oh my God.” I squeezed his hand as we walked down the road and filled him in on all he had been missing. “So Americans ‘movie talk.’ This means we always use movie lines to add funny things to the conversation. Joe Dirt is amazeballs. It starts off with this guy who, when he was a kid, him and his family went to the Grand Canyon . . .”
Two hours later, after a lot of confused faces and laughs that I was fairly sure were forced, we were in my room with Joe Dirt playing on my laptop. It was the scene with the serial killer and Aiden howled so hard I thought he might pee my bed. I loved watching him laugh and smile. It was genuine and sort of funny how he lost all of the composure he worked so hard to maintain. Hattie called it his stiff upper lip.
He saw me watching him and stopped laughing. The tension and seriousness in his eyes became horrifically apparent, even in the glow of the movie. He shoved the laptop to the side and swept me into him in one fast movement. His arm encircled me, pressing me into him as he hovered over me. He brushed my hair from my face, running his fingertip down my jawline.
My lips were parted, ready, but he never moved. He stared. It was awkward the way he remained frozen and conflicted about something. I reached up, running my hands up his broad shoulders to his neck and pulling him down on me.
The kiss wasn’t the same as before. Our mouths collided in passion. Our lips moved against each other in sync. We both wanted it to go further than it should. His hands ran down my back to my butt, cupping it and grinding my body against his as his tongue slid against mine.
I moaned into the kiss as his hands kneaded me. He pulled away suddenly, out of breath and looking wild. “I’m so sorry.”
My eyes darted about. “What?”
“To kiss you like that. I don’t think you’re like that.”
“I’m not. I like you, so what’s the problem?”
He exhaled. “I don’t want to ruin what we have.”
The annoyance of breaking off the best kiss I’d ever had mixed with the thick feeling of rejection I was drinking down. It made a bad combination in my stomach. “I think I’m confused about what the hell we are.”
“I know. I am sorry.” He got up and left my room. When he closed the door, I buried my face in my pillow.
I didn’t understand anything that was happening.
I fell asleep clutching my pillow and I woke in the same position. Jess was smacking me on the butt. “First day of school. Get up.”
I pried my welded eyelids open and glanced at her standing next to my bed. “What?”
She nudged me again. “School today. Get up.”
“Oh seriously?” I moaned. “Why does God hate me, Jess?”
“You don’t believe in God, Fin.” She turned and walked out of the room.
When I saw my reflection, I winced. I needed plastic surgery to look normal. I jumped in the shower and did the hot-and-cold rotation until I felt close to normal and then washed my hair.
What had happened the night before? Why had Aiden stopped kissing? Was he a virgin? That would be weird because I was too, but really who cared? I needed to talk to him and find out what his deal was.
I pulled my school uniform out and grimaced, recalling last year and the way it ended with me getting sent to Canada. Thinking about Canada warmed my heart a tiny bit as I got dressed and finished my makeup. I looked normal after about an hour of effort. When I got downstairs, Sheila was in the kitchen. Her eyes flashed on me, but she never spoke. I cocked an eyebrow. “Out of the cave of shame already, Sheila?”
She put out a hand. “Truce?”
I narrowed my gaze. “I paid the maid to record you a
t all times. I knew eventually the truth would come out.”
Her jaw dropped. “It wasn’t Jess?”
“Of course not.” I shook my head. “Still want that truce?”
Sheila pulled her hand back and placed it on the counter. “You set up the blog and then hacked my Facebook and Twitter?”
“I did.”
“I have to give it to you, that was smart. Smarter than I thought you capable of.”
I shrugged. “I learned from the master.”
She smiled and I wasn’t sure if I imagined it or not, but there was a glimmer of admiration in her eyes. “You better hurry. You don’t want to be late for the first day.”
Jessica walked into the kitchen, fully dressed. “Dude, we gotta roll.”
Sheila turned and wrapped her thin arms around Jessica’s neck. “I am so sorry, honey.”
Jessica gave me a look. I winked. “I told her how I paid the maid to record her.”
Jess was obviously furious, but I shook my head and darted my eyes to Mr. Stinky. Jess gave in. “I told you it wasn’t me, Mom.” She didn’t sound or look convincing, but Sheila was too busy plotting my death to care. “And you ruined my prize-winning bridge.”
I walked to the front door. Jess grabbed my arm when we were outside. “Why? She’s gonna gun for you now.”
I shrugged. “I don’t care. What can she do to me that she hasn’t already? You have something you can lose. I don’t. Mr. Stinky would be an innocent target, and we both know that cat’s days are numbered.”
She got into the passenger side of my car. “I know, but I don’t like this. She won’t rest until she’s paid you back in full.”
I started the car and it died instantly. I tried to start it again and again, but it was dead. I slumped. “Wow, she works fast.”
Jess eyed the window. “She probably did this earlier, still thinking it was me. She knows how I hate being late for school.”
I lifted my head to see a shiny black Mercedes SUV in our driveway. I felt sick when I realized it was Aiden. “Shit!”
Jess looked over and smiled. “Hey, it’s Aiden. How did he get here?”
“In a friggin’ Mercedes, apparently.”
I got out as he did too. He seemed conflicted again. It was a face I was fairly tired of seeing. He smiled at Jess. “Jessica, how lovely to see you again.”
She waved. “Hey.”
Sheila opened the door. “You girls need a ride to sch—” She stopped short.
Aiden opened the passenger door. “Allow me.”
Her jaw dropped. I could see something there, something evil. She smiled her best money-grubbing whore smile and blushed. “Oh, I didn’t realize the girls had a friend to offer them a ride.”
Jessica held out her hand. “Mom, this is Aiden Sorenson. Aiden this is our mom, Sheila Roze.”
Aiden gave an odd little bow almost. “Lovely to meet you.”
Sheila blushed brighter. “You as well. How do you all know each other?”
Jessica sighed impatiently. “We have to go.”
“Of course you do.”
I walked over to the passenger door he held open and continued past him to the backseat. I climbed in, watching his jaw tense. Jess gave me an awkward look and climbed in the front seat. “Thanks.”
Aiden nodded and closed the door. He waved at Sheila. “Have a splendid day.” He climbed in and backed down the driveway.
I didn’t want to talk to him in front of Jess so I just looked out the window and answered texts from Aaron, Carter, and Steph. Everyone was so excited about senior year and I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
Aiden and Jess chatted, but I could sense the tension between them. When we parked, Jess jumped out and ran for her life. “Thanks!”
I opened the door before he could get out, but he moved faster in the morning than I did. He pinned me inside the door, blocking my escape. “We have to talk.”
“We don’t. I think you made your opinion of us pretty clear last night. It’s cool. I get it. You want to be flirty and fun friends who kiss and tease. That's my jam, trust me—I get it. It’s how I roll too. I just thought we were more.”
He scowled as his blue eyes filled with anger, the same expression he’d had at Peggy’s Cove. “I am an idiot. I shouldn’t have attacked you like that. It wasn’t something a gentleman would do.”
“Are you a virgin?”
His face flushed, but I could see in his eyes he was not. He exhaled slowly. “No.” He swallowed like there was a boulder in his throat.
“I have to go.” I pushed on his chest, feeling him flex under my hand and maintain his stance.
“Are you?”
I glanced at the ground and sighed. I shook my head. I didn’t want him to know I was. I didn’t want to be undesirable or explain my nerves at having sex. Not after what happened to my mother. She’d gotten pregnant and ended up with an asshole who’d sucked out her soul.
“You aren’t?”
I shook my head again. “Can I go now?”
He tilted my chin. “You don’t have to lie to me.”
My face was on fire. “Is it so hard to believe that someone would want to have sex with me?” I shoved him and stomped past to the school stairs.
He followed. “Fin, wait. That’s not what I meant.”
“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at your school?”
He stared at the entrance. “I am at my school.”
I moaned, “Oh, that’s great. If you want to make my life even worse than it is now, there’s a girl named Linna—date her and everything will be perfect for me.” I turned and walked inside. All eyes were on me. I stalked to my locker, feeling the burning on my face. Steph waved me down. “Hey.”
I moaned. “Tell me this year’s almost over.”
She laughed. “It’ll get better. You guys just need to see each other and you’ll be cool.”
“Yeah, I don't think so.” I rested my head against the locker. “God hates me. I swear it.”
She nudged me. “Who is the hottie?”
“Oh, no one.” I glanced over, seeing Aiden striding toward me, pulling on his school jacket.
I suspected he was angry, but he kept his head high. He leaned against the locker next to mine. “Let me walk you to class.”
Steph beamed at him. Her bright-blue eyes flashed all sorts of hints. “Hi. I’m Steph.”
“Hello. I’m desperately trying to get your friend to give me a chance.”
Steph shoved me. “Stop being such a hater. Look how adorable he is, and he has an accent.” Her eyes flashed back on him. “You have any brothers?”
He laughed. “I do. I have one older brother and two younger.”
Steph winked. “Get me some numbers.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
The knowing expression on her face and the way she was nodding her head at him made me laugh, even past my anger. She waved. “See you at break.” And then she abandoned me.
Aiden gave me a sweet smile. “I am an idiot. I thought you were innocent, and I didn’t want to take advantage.”
“Of what?”
“You.”
I whispered roughly, “How can you take advantage when I’m freely offering?”
His face froze.
“Oh God.” I winced. “I don’t mean it like that. I’m not offering. Not anymore, anyway. I mean I wasn't,” I groaned and turned to walk down the hall, slamming my locker shut.
He grabbed my arm. “I am an idiot. Give me a chance to make it up to you.”
“No.” I cocked an eyebrow. “I’m seriously not offering you anything, so if that’s why you’re wanting a second chance, it’s not happening.”
He lowered his face and brushed his lips against my cheek. “I’m not asking for anything but a chance to finish the movie. Because I am a gentleman and I don't want to rush you into anything.”
“Okay. I have to go though.”
“I know.” He smiled. “We have lit toge
ther right now. I made sure I have all the same classes as you.”
“How did you do it? Maybe you are a stalker. Do you have a cage somewhere with my name on it?”
“Yes, I do. It’s a hole in the ground. Cozy.” He offered me his arm.
“Whatever. After this day is over I might just jump in the hole myself.” I linked my arm in his and walked to lit. When I got there I caught my first glimpse of her face. My stomach rumbled with the savage anger inside me. Linna’s blue eyes pleaded with mine not to make a scene as they drifted from my face to his. Her eyebrows lifted and her cheeks flushed. Of course next to her was the only seat available. Because why wouldn't it be?
I looked up at Aiden. He was looking at me. It made my cheeks flush like hers were. I took a seat next to Jess and Aiden sat next to me. People were whispering and staring at us, all of us. I tried not to notice, but it was intense. Our teacher entered the room and instantly started in on Hamlet.
Aiden sat perfectly still, listening attentively. The teacher kept staring at him when she spoke. I spaced out, but Linna’s eyes were burning the side of my head. I turned around to see her nodding her head for the hall. It was code for let’s leave this lame-ass class.
Deciding it was time to have this out, I got up and grabbed the hall pass for the bathroom. My heart pounded and my chest tightened. The whole Linna thing was driving me insane so if she wanted to talk, I was for sure into it. I leaned against a locker as she came out a moment later. Her eyes were already welling. “I’m so sorry, Fin.”
I couldn’t be sorry for her and her tears. I was devastated and that was my moment to finally be free of it. “How could you do that to me?”
Her glossy lip quivered. “I was an idiot. I thought the only way to get Aaron to notice me was to make it so you were gone. Sheila knew I liked him. She knew he liked you. She told me you would spend the summer abroad, in Europe. She said your dad would ship you off to travel with Cheryl all summer.”
