by Brown, Tara
She walked out. “No. Must be lost.”
“Why does God hate me? Why can’t I ever just have nice things and be happy?”
She turned back. “You need Lakeside again, for perspective.”
“I could actually go for some old-people medicine.”
Linna came into the room. “We’re leaving now.” She was clearly exhausted. I was exhausted. I’d been up all night gaming. When they had come in the room at five a.m. I hadn’t even noticed I hadn’t slept yet.
I noticed it there in the hallway.
The drive over to the school was weird. They were both unusually chatty. Jess had hated Linna for a long time for what she had done, and Linna was pissed she was dating Aaron. But they were working together to help me.
When we got to school, I frantically searched my bag for my phone as we walked up the stairs. “I just don’t know where I could have left it.”
Linna grabbed my arm and turned me sharply to the right. “Let’s just go this way.” I paused and observed the smoke pit she was pulling me to. I pulled back. “Dude. Why do you wanna go hang with the pit kids?”
Her face was flushed and she gazed back nervously. “I just really want a smoke.”
“I thought you were quitting.”
“I am. New Year’s res and all.” She strode over and held her hand out. One of the boys gave her a smoke and lit it. I looked down my nose at them all. I didn’t mean to, but it was a social class thing. Pit kids were druggies and smokers who skipped a lot and did drama.
I never, ever, went to the cafeteria where the freshmen hung in a cluster. They clung to each other for safety. I also avoided band lounge. No one wanted to be mistaken for a band or glee freak. The lounge might have been a cool place at one time, but when the glee club started, they took it over for rehearsals and then it became their haven.
No, I hung with the rest of the kids like me at the Starbucks down the road or in the courtyard where smoking wasn’t permitted.
One of the girls gave me a sneer and flicked her smoke near where I stood. She flashed a creepy grin at me and stalked off. I gave Linna a look. She laughed. “Okay, we can go.”
“They’re like savages.”
She sighed. “I know. But if I buy a pack, I smoke a pack.”
I nudged her. “You have to quit.”
“I think I can smoke socially like the French do.”
“I don’t think that’s a smart plan. You’ll end up smoking more and more or during stressful times. Just quit.”
“Yes, boss.”
I laughed and we walked into the school from the pit entrance. The pit was an old parking lot that was only ever used for overflow parking. The side entrance led to the gleek lounge. We walked through, wincing from the singing and laughing going on. They were practicing for the assembly they were no doubt putting on for us all.
I laughed and clutched to Linna’s arm as we rounded the corner to jock hall. “Oh my God, we have to skip that. I can’t do any more crooner numbers.”
We stopped just before we walked into the chest of a guy. He was blocking the way. I didn’t have to look up to know who it was. My heart pounded just from the scent of his cologne. My mouth went dry and it felt like the walls were closing in on me.
I opened my mouth but Linna saved the day. “We’re in a hurry.” She pulled me to the side but Aiden stepped that way too. “I need to talk to you.”
“No thanks. I’m full up on crazy right now.”
“Yeah.” Linna pointed. “Sell that shit somewhere else. She isn’t falling for it again.” Linna didn't know why I was angry, just that I was.
I couldn’t make eye contact with him until he tilted my face upward and I saw it. He was wearing a weird badge on his coat and there were men standing behind him, lots of them. They were in suits and looked scary, Russian-mob scary. Had he come as a prince? Was he outing himself for me?
Linna’s head jerked my way. “What’s going on? Who are they?”
I gave her a nod. “It’s okay. I can talk to him for a second.”
“No way. This is a bad idea.”
“Just wait over there. I’ll be one second, literally.”
She sauntered away muttering, “I am coming and taking you in two minutes, Fin.” She stood with her back against the display case of trophies.
Aiden spun back toward the men. “Give me a minute.” They nodded and went to stand with Linna which made her even less comfortable.
Aiden turned and his eyes were stormy like they’d been at Peggy’s Cove. They sucked me in. He tried to smile but it was pathetic. “I owe you a lot of explaining and apologies and begging and everything else.’’
“No.” I folded my arms across my chest. “I don’t really want to hear it. At all.”
“I know that. When Jack gave me the ring, I should have known what the stupid thing was for. I’m an idiot.”
“Look, if that’s the part you’re worried about, don’t bother. I don’t care that you gave me the whore ring. I never gave you a reason to think that of me. I never acted like a whore. I’m not worried about it.”
He reached out and took my hand away that was firmly gripping my arm and pulled it to him. “I know. That’s the thing I think I like the most about you—lo-lo-love the most about you. You knew who I was and you never tried to manipulate the situation.”
“What?” I stepped back.
“You say that word a lot.” He bit his lip like he was struggling and then just said the thing brewing, “You didn't try to force something between us.”
“You mean like get pregnant on purpose?” His cheeks flushed and my heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vise. “You think because I’m not royalty I would throw my life away by getting pregnant and forcing someone to be with me?”
His eyes widened. “No. That’s not what I mean. I like that you aren’t like that.”
“Why would I be?”
“Well, American girls of your social status are known for climbing the—”
“Whoa!” I put up a hand. “What the fuck did I ever do to you to be treated like this? You know, my New Year’s ressie last year was to stop saying the word ‘fuck,’ but you have me slipping all the time.” I walked past him, turning back, hating how he made me feel. “Just so you know, my mom got pregnant by my father by accident and died in a marriage she couldn’t be herself in. She was miserable because she was trapped in that life.” I held my hand out for Linna and walked away. My heart was pounding in my head.
I wanted to cry, but my inner bitch was done with crying over him.
“So why the mobster henchmen?”
I laughed instead of crying. “He’s a prince.”
“He’s a dick.”
I glanced at her. “No. For reals, in real life, he’s a prince. That ring he gave me used to belong to his ancestor Henry the Eighth.”
Her jaw dropped. “Go back. He loves you. I can tell. Go back and beg him to take you back.” Her blue eyes were wild.
“Are you high? He essentially just said all girls like me are social ladder climbers and money-grubby whores.”
“We are. Go back.” She stopped walking and pulled on my arm.
“No.” I ripped it from her grip. “You think I should act like Sheila because my life will be filled with jewels and secret trips and fancy things?”
“YES!”
“He doesn’t want to be with me publicly, Linna. He wants it to be a secret. He’s ashamed of me being—a peasant.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re hardly a peasant. Your dad is in banking and your house is huge. Your family is rich. It doesn’t matter anyway—who cares how he wants it? Just the fact that a prince—a real prince—wants you is awesomesauce.”
“I need a drink.”
She beamed at me. “We can drink tonight and you can tell me all about Mr. Prince.”
I gave her a look. “He was just ‘new guy’ like five minutes ago.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh my God. I completely forgot t
o tell you. We got another new guy. He’s like mad hot but Carter says he’s gay. I plan on converting him tonight if I can.”
“Dude!”
“I want princely stories later, bitch.” She laughed wickedly and waved as she strutted away. I turned and walked into class. My chest felt empty. I was pretty sure my heart was sitting in my throat.
Carter came and sat beside me. “You look hot. Did you get a boob job?”
“No.” I scowled. “I’ve gained a little weight lately, but thanks for bringing it up, ass.”
He winked. “Me likey the extra pounds, Fin.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I know. But I’m still that idiot who wants to scre—”
“No”—I put my hand over his mouth—“don’t say that. Screw is a dirty word, and I might have to kill you if you say that.”
His eyes sparkled with mischief as he pulled my hands away and kissed both palms softly. “I would let you kill me, but I choose how I die. Death by sex.”
“Oh my God, you are a cheesy dork. That can’t possibly work on girls.”
“I’m having my end-of-year Christmas party tonight. You can come and let me know if it works.”
“I’ll come to the party. I could use some eggnog. But I am not letting you kiss me under the mistletoe just for that.”
He nudged me. “You will and we both know it. You’re still as flirty as ever.”
I didn’t think that was true anymore but it didn’t matter. I was moving on. I’d seen Aiden. I’d told him to eff off. I loved him but that would go away, eventually.
Every minute of the day turned into a struggle. My brain worked against me, taking the things he’d said and making them somehow not bad. I thought about him constantly, but I pushed on. I made myself think about other things and to be present in my last day.
At the end of it, Jess met me in the hall. “You want a ride home with me and Aaron?”
I was beat from not sleeping and the whole Aiden thing, but I needed a walk. I shook my head. “No, that’s cool. You go on.”
“You coming to Carter’s?”
“Yeah. I’ll meet you at the house and head over with you guys.”
Jess’ eyes twinkled. “Did he come here today, for real?”
“Yeah.”
“The whole school knows he’s a prince now, huh? No more ‘new guy.’ Now he’s ‘that prince Finley screwed.’”
“I guess.” I laughed. “I think it’s the other way around, but awesome. Everyone is going to be like Linna about it and tell me I should settle for whatever he can give me. I should be grateful he chose me to be in love with and ashamed of it in the same breath.”
She winced. “Screw them. And if he doesn’t shout it from the rooftops and tell the world, screw him.” Her cheeks brightened. “I mean, don’t screw him.”
“I’m not going to.”
I left the school and walked along the sidewalk. The air was cold. Mid-December usually brought us snow. I wasn’t worried about snow. I was worried about never getting past him.
It didn’t help that he stood in his pea coat and dress pants, looking sexy and conflicted, under a tree in front of me.
I stopped dead in my tracks. “Come on, seriously? Did you forget to mention another mean thing? Your parents don't approve ‘cause a scamming whore of an American isn’t enough for you?”
“Wait”—he put out a hand—“I have to say something. Just let me try to get it all out, before you interrupt and think I’m saying something horrid.”
I took a step back for every one he took forward. I was shivering cold, but I didn’t want to be near him. He sighed. “Okay, I’ll remain here and you there, and I’ll speak and you’ll listen. I won’t move so long as you listen.”
“Fine, but hurry up. I’m cold.”
“I have always known how my life would be. I imagined it like Cinderella’s prince. A list of eligible girls would be presented and I would pick from that.”
“Gross.” I scowled, making him laugh.
“Let me finish. Having grown up so close to Jack, I knew it didn’t have to be that way. He denied his birthrights and chose a girl no one would have thought suitable. He ran a successful business after the war and made himself a very rich man on his own. The entire time, he was madly in love with the girl he married. It is a rarity in my world, but it happens. Not without great sacrifice and the possibility of being disowned, but it happens. Because Andorra’s monarchy is so young and fragile, I knew I didn’t really have that option. I knew what was expected of me and what I would do to ensure my family’s reign was a success.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. “I know you like the long way, but can you shorten this up? I’m cold and I don’t give a rat’s ass about your family’s shit.”
His eyes burned. “I can’t choose you over my country. I don’t have that luxury. I am second in line for the throne and I have to act like it.”
I took another step back. “I don’t want to know about your troubles, okay? I don’t have room for this in me.” I stepped back again. He walked toward me, quickly.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his embrace. “The thing I’m trying to say, and failing at miserably, is that I want to make it so you are a viable option for me. I want to be with you. I want both—you and my country. I want us to date and for the world to know, and for it to be no different than any other prince dating a beautiful girl.”
I pushed back. “How could that happen?”
“You would need to learn how to fit in and be one of us.”
“So you want to change me, mold me into one of you?”
“It’s educating you in the mannerisms of my world.”
I laughed bitterly. “That’s changing who I am but saying it in your fancy Shakespeare way.”
He smiled down on me, staring at my lips. “I never want to change you. I lo-love you exactly as you are.”
I sighed. How could I argue with that? He lowered his face and pressed his mouth against mine. It was that held-back kiss again, but I’d missed the feeling of his self-control wavering when he kissed me. His fingers dug into my back, pressing me into him, but his lips lightly roamed mine with a delicate kiss. When I opened my eyes, snow was falling around us.
He kissed my cheek. “Be my girlfriend.”
“Okay.” I nodded against his kiss. “Okay.”
I suddenly noticed the guys standing off to the side. “Who are they?”
He looked back. “Ignore them. They are something you will have to get used to.”
“Are they your chaperones?”
He chuckled. “Bodyguards.”
“Creepy.”
He kissed again, taking in a deep inhale of me when he did. “You have no idea. It’s going to get a lot creepier, and you’re going to want to do your typical run-away thing, but you have to try and see everything past how it appears”—he pulled back—“including me. You have to know things between us will look one way and be another.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”
He kissed my nose. “It means that I have to be a certain way in the eyes of the people. I have to maintain my composure. And so do you.”
I gulped. “What about the video of me fighting and stealing the lip gloss?”
He smiled. “I have the lip gloss one from the security guard and the copy he made of it for their records. But I can’t do anything about the one of you fighting. Fortunately, it is impossible to see who the girl is. We will just have to deny anything that comes out about it.”
“You mean lie.”
He tilted my chin. “Don’t tell me you’re above lying to the press who would want to ruin you? Think of them as Sheila. They make more money if you are ruined.”
“I’m cool with lying. I just need to know who and what I’m allowed to be, I guess.”
“My girl, and that’s all that matters right now.” He encircled me with his arm and led me down the road. The snow was starting to build, making the r
oads quiet. The first snowfall always silenced our city. I leaned against him and let him walk me home, with the two weird-looking dudes following us like we were important people.
When we got to my house, I went into my closet and got out the ring. I turned and passed it to him. “I can’t keep this though. It makes me feel weird.”
He looked at it and me through his inky lashes. “I am truly sorry for that. I had no idea.”
“It’s whatever. I just want it gone.”
He took it and placed it in his pocket and then lifted my hand and kissed it.
“Why do you keep stuttering when you say ‘love’?”
“I used to stutter when I was younger. My mother said it ran in the family. I had to go to speech therapists in secret. I only do it when I’m really nervous. Well, only around you. Otherwise, I haven’t stuttered in ages.”
A slow smile lifted my lips. “You stuttered when you were little?”
He seemed pained. “I don’t like the way you’re saying that, like I’m an adorable little boy and you might pinch my cheeks.”
“It’s just cute, and I like that you only do it around me.”
“Yes, me as well. I always dreamt that one day I would meet a girl and fall in love with her and then stammer my way through every sonnet I spoke.”
“Oh, I missed your Shakespeare impersonations.”
His eyes had the same look as when we watched Joe Dirt. He reached down and lifted me into his arms and carried me to my bed. He laid me back and kissed my cheek, so close to my lips I could taste the kiss.
“No matter what I say, don’t let this get too far. You have to be the voice of reason.” He pulled off his coat and got up. He locked the door to the room and switched off the light. It was late afternoon and still snowing so the room was just light enough to see his beautiful face as he lowered and pressed his mouth against my neck. I wrapped around him, getting lost in the embrace.
His lips ran down my neck to my chest as his fingers slipped up the back of my blouse. I started to undo the buttons, but he grabbed my hands. I kissed him, sucking his bottom lip. “I want you, Aiden.”
He didn’t wait for anything else to be said. He pulled off his sweater and undershirt. We hadn’t ever swam together or seen each other without anything on. I pulled back, running my hands over his bare chest and muscled stomach. “Impressive.”
