Against the Tide

by John Hanley

  ‘That’s enough of that. Find your own date.’ Saul presented Rachel with a glass of champagne, placed a similar glass down for himself then extracted a Coke bottle from one pocket and a tumbler from the other for me.

  He sat down between us, pulled our hands apart and offered Rachel her discarded glove. ‘Don’t make me feel like a gooseberry. Here, Jack, do you want to liven that up?’ He reached into his jacket and pulled out a slim silver flask. ‘Best cognac.’

  I shook my head then turned to Rachel, who surprised both of us by nodding. He dribbled some into her glass then poured a good measure into his. ‘Bottoms up.’

  Rachel giggled as the bubbles went up her nose. ‘This is fun. I do hope you are going to let Jack dance with me, Saul.’

  ‘Hey, talking of dancing, here’s one for you. There’s this couple preparing for conversion to the Jewish faith.’

  I groaned. Of course, he didn’t know. I glanced at Rachel but she was wearing the expression she usually reserved for Saul when he attempted to amuse us with one of his stories.

  She considered him over her glass. ‘I hope this isn’t going to be too rude.’

  ‘Relax, it’s pretty clean. Anyway, they meet the rabbi for their final session and he asks if they have any last questions.

  ‘The man asks, “Is it true that men and women don’t dance together?”

  “Yes,” says the rabbi, “for modesty reasons, men and women dance separately.”

  “So I can’t dance with my own wife?”

  “No.”

  “Well, okay,” says the man, “but what about sex?”

  “That’s fine,” says the rabbi, “it’s a mitzvah within the marriage!”

  “What about different positions?” the man asks.

  “No problem,” says the rabbi.

  “Woman on top?” the man asks.

  “Why not?” replies the rabbi.

  “Well, what about standing up?”

  “No, certainly not!” says the rabbi. “That could lead to dancing.”’

  We both laughed though Rachel’s turned into hiccups caused by the bubbles rather than the humour.

  ‘You see. You don’t have to be rude to be funny.’

  ‘Where did you get that one?’ I asked. ‘Your cousin Ruben again?’

  ‘Sure, Jack, he keeps them coming. He’s writing them all down and is going to publish them.’

  ‘Who’s Ruben?’ Rachel spoke through her hiccups.

  ‘My second cousin. Works as a manager at the Hillcrest Country Club in Los Angeles. Most of the members are a bit special.’

  ‘In what way?’ she asked.

  ‘They’re Jewish.’

  She shrugged. I wondered if she was trying to forget her own secret. She was certainly giving no indication to Saul. ‘And?’

  ‘Well, here are a few of the names. You work out the rest. Jack Benny, George Burns, Milton Berle, Groucho Marx… you want me to go on?’

  ‘Surely they wouldn’t tell jokes like that in public,’ she said.

  Saul sighed. ‘Of course not, but that’s the joke. They don’t know that Ruben is writing them down.’

  She still didn’t look too impressed and Saul rolled his eyes at me.

  The band changed tempo again to a quickstep and couples started to return to the floor.

  I stood and bowed. ‘May I have the honour?’

  ‘When you feel my tap on your shoulder that means it’s an “excuse me”, so go and tap someone else or sit down, otherwise I’ll pour your Coke into your pocket,’ Saul cautioned.

  Rachel allowed me to lead her onto the floor. We soon got into a comfortable rhythm and I pulled off some good reverse turns, surprising myself with some nimble footwork as I held her tight and swirled her round. We were concentrating so much on our movements that it was impossible to talk.

  As we pivoted in the corner nearest the gate, I saw Kohler and Caroline arrive arm in arm. I stumbled and we almost fell. Rachel had her back to the gate and didn’t spot them sweep in. Everyone else did and the whole clockwise gyration seemed to pause as all eyes focused on them.

  Caroline was wearing a long clinging gown cut low at the back; her neck shimmered with diamonds. She held Kohler’s arm with casual ease, the pair of them smiling like Hollywood stars. The moment passed and the dance continued.

  Rachel, aware now, stopped and manoeuvred me off the floor. ‘I think I’ve twisted my ankle.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I stumbled.’

  ‘I can see why. Come on, let’s sit down and keep Saul company.’

  Caroline and Kohler swept past us.

  ‘Schiaparelli, if I’m not mistaken. Quite good work.’ Rachel cast her professional eye over Caroline’s dress. ‘Perhaps a little tight round the hips, a trifle loose under the bust; could do with a little alteration.’

  Saul laughed. ‘I don’t think she’ll let you get close enough with your pin cushion, my dear. That’ll have been a few hundred guineas, I’ll bet. He looks a bit like a stuffed turkey though.’

  But Kohler looked completely self-assured. He nodded in our direction. Caroline ignored us and they joined Brewster’s table.

  Now, my stomach was confused. There was no contest really. Caroline was the most beautiful woman there, and she knew it. I had been as intimate with her as it was possible to be and she swore I was her first. I had never been completely sure, had always suspected that there had been others when she was away from the island. Yet, here we were separated by a few feet and ignoring each other’s existence. Who could I ask for advice? Saul? Rachel? I turned to look at her now and saw a face which was a mask of disappointment. She couldn’t have read my thoughts, could she? Was my expression that obvious? I felt helpless.

  Saul kicked me hard under the table and turned to Rachel. ‘May I?’

  She let him lead her to the floor.

  I sipped my Coke and tried to avoid looking at either Rachel or Caroline.

  Saul spun her round as the band struck up the “Blue Danube”. Soon Kohler and Caroline joined them. All eyes, including mine, seemed to be on the two couples and others slid out of their way as they began to compete. Saul was a better lead than Kohler but Caroline, with her flashing diamonds and blonde hair, drew the light and the attention more than Rachel.

  The music changed to another quickstep. Saul shifted gear and took off, leading Rachel in a dazzling display, which Kohler didn’t have the skill to follow.

  He began to look awkward and Caroline found it difficult to anticipate his moves. He faltered and she almost tripped. I knew she wouldn’t stay around to be beaten by Rachel. Sure enough, she pulled Kohler off the floor and sat him down.

  Eyes glittering with the hardness of her diamonds, she strode towards me.

  ‘Get up, darling, and look as though you want to dance with me.’

  Perhaps if Saul and Rachel hadn’t been so dazzling, and my stomach hadn’t been trying to digest the “green-eyed monster”, I would have told her to bugger off, but she’d caught me by surprise again and I didn’t have a rehearsed response.

  She grabbed my arm and tugged. This was insane but I rose and tried to look as though I was in charge and not being dragged onto the floor. I caught Kohler’s eye and was sure it was amusement rather than anger I saw.

  ‘Now dance, darling, show Rudi how it should be done.’

  She pressed hard into me, enveloping me in Vent Vert, Greta Garbo’s favourite. Her breasts jiggled against my chest as I launched us into a pursuit of Saul and Rachel. As we turned, she trapped my thigh between hers and squeezed. ‘Get closer to them.’

  Why couldn’t I stop, dump her on the floor, stamp on her, make her look a fool? But I couldn’t. The world spun as we twirled around. Her breath, the excitement in her eyes, the challenge in her face. The misery of the past few days evaporated like morning mist. All that despair, the sleepless worry, was wiped out. She still wanted me. She couldn’t fake that. I ached for her, wanted to absorb her completely, wanted time to stop.

 
It did. She pulled out of a turn as we closed on Brewster’s table, swung away from me and spun into Kohler’s arms, triumph on her face. She’d won and I had been devoured and then dumped like the wrapper from a candy bar.

  I stood amazed, ashamed, stupid. Others averted their eyes as I shuffled back to our table. Saul was sitting. Of Rachel, there was no sign.

  ‘You clueless bastard. What have you done?’

  ‘Where’s Rachel? ’

  ‘Where do you bloody think? She’s gone home.’

  ‘I must go after her, apologise.’

  Saul grabbed my arm, his fingers digging deep. ‘Oh no you don’t. You leave her alone. Don’t you think you’ve hurt her enough?’

  ‘I’m sorry, but what could I do?’

  ‘You know very well what you could have done.’

  ‘She used me, Saul.’

  ‘Of course she did. She always has. She doesn’t want you, but she doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.’ He stopped and pulled me round to face him. ‘Do you really care for Rachel?’

  ‘Very much, but Caroline has her claws in me. I can’t shake her off.’

  ‘Of course you can. You just have to be strong. You had the chance on the dance floor. You should have dropped her and walked away.’

  I nodded in despair. ‘I should have punched that arrogant Kohler on the nose as well.’

  ‘Kwas, do that and you’ll give Caroline a real victory – make you look like a pathetic, jealous lout. I know you’re angry with her but don’t take it out on him.’

  I slumped in my chair. ‘Have you still got your flask?’

  Saul laughed. ‘Now, that’s the spirit – take it like a man and get sloshed.’ He handed over the flask. ‘Careful now, sip it, don’t gulp.’

  I unscrewed the cap and tilted the flask to my lips. The fiery liquid burned everything on its way to my stomach. I waited for some sensation, for whatever it was spirits did for you. An explosion of warmth shot up as the raw alcohol hit my bloodstream and surged into my brain. I sipped some more and waited for the rush.

  Saul watched me. ‘Look, I’ve invited a few of the gang back to my place. The parents are still away, so we can have a bit of fun. Where did you leave your dad’s car?

  ‘In Cleveland Road.’

  ‘It’ll be safe there. You can stay the night. I tell you what. I’ll go and get Rachel and take her back. You come and join us in about half an hour and you can try to make your peace with her.’

  I nodded again and raised the flask.

  ‘Steady. I think you’d better give that back.’

  ‘No, it’s fine. I’ll be okay. I’ll join you later.’ I clung on tightly to the flask and Saul shrugged.

  ‘If that’s what you want, but don’t slug it back and don’t lose it.’ He got up and wandered around the tables, inviting our friends to his party.

  I watched him walk up the bridge then turned my attention to Caroline and Kohler. They were dancing again, ignoring my brooding presence. I tipped the flask back and gulped a mouthful of cognac, relishing the warmth as it flowed through me. I continued to watch them and noticed that Kohler took the occasional glance in my direction.

  In between mouthfuls, I tried to summon some put-downs I could use for my next encounter with the golden pair. But my library of clever remarks was as jumbled as my head.

  I’d never tried alcohol before, didn’t know what it felt like to be drunk. Surely it would take more than half a flask of whatever this was? I could see perfectly well, my cheeks were burning but that was probably with embarrassment and guilt.

  I should get up and go after Rachel but what would I say? If I couldn’t think of anything clever to throw at Caroline, how could I find the right words to apologise to Rachel?

  I swallowed another slug and rattled the flask. Empty.

  I placed it in my inside pocket and pulled myself up. The table was unsteady. This was silly but it made me smile. I blinked away the fuzziness, stood up straight and surveyed the dance floor. Something Saul had said twirled in my head. It would make a good rehearsed response only I would have to get it in first so it wouldn’t be a response. That would make it a provocation.

  I smiled. That was it, to avoid the embarrassment of not knowing what to say, I should get my response in first. I felt a warm glow of confidence. I’d found the solution. Now I had to share it.

  Everyone was waltzing, spinning round. I aimed for a gap between two other couples but it closed before I could reach it. There was some bumping and apologising then I was through and waltzing behind Kohler. Caroline glared at me but didn’t speak.

  I tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Excuse me.’

  Kohler stopped then shrugged me off but I grabbed his jacket.

  ‘Excuse me!’

  Caroline responded. ‘It’s not an “excuse me”, Jack, please sit down.’

  She peered at me. ‘Have you been drinking?’ She laughed. ‘He has; Jack has broken his vows. He’s taken some Dutch courage. Excuse the pun, Rudi.’ She giggled. ‘Leave us alone, Jack. Playtime is over for tonight.’

  I prodded Kohler’s shoulder again. ‘Excuse me, I wish to dance with the lady.’

  Caroline hooted. ‘Oh, please. Go away, there’s a good boy.’

  ‘You bitch. You used me.’ I said it without anger.

  ‘How dare you speak to a lady like that!’ Kohler turned to face me. ‘Apologise at once, you stupid boy.’

  I felt as calm as I had ever felt, I glowed with calmness. Calmly, I pulled my arm back and punched Kohler on the nose. He stumbled backwards. Blood spurted over his white shirt and sprayed Caroline’s shoulders. He tripped and landed on his backside. Caroline stood speechless, mouth agape.

  ‘Now that I’ve excused him, I don’t wish to dance with you anymore. Good night.’

  Response delivered and, before anyone could react, I walked, in an almost straight line, off the floor, through the gate and up the bridge. I managed the whole length without falling once. See, Kohler, that’s how its done.

  21

  ‘Where the hell have you been? Gotteniu, look at the state of you. Oh no you don’t. Take those sodden shoes off before you ruin the carpets – and those bloody trousers.’

  Saul forced me to remove the offending articles before he ushered me into the apartment. A gramophone was playing in the lounge and I could hear occasional bursts of drunken laughter through the closed door.

  ‘Welcome to the asylum, Jack. Come and have a coffee, you look as though you need one.’

  In the kitchen, Saul reached for the percolator and poured a mug of thick aromatic coffee for me. I’d removed my jacket and now sat in my underpants and shirt on a stool at the breakfast bar. Saul’s parents prided themselves on keeping up with the latest American furnishings and spared little expense on their exclusive apartment. He reached for a bottle of brandy and prepared to drop some into the hot liquid.

  I stopped him. ‘Enough. It’s taken me an hour to get rid of the last lot.’

  ‘That’s what you think. It’ll take your kidneys a lot longer than that to recover, from what I hear.’ Saul grabbed my right hand and examined the bruised knuckles. ‘You really are a prize idiot. I suppose you’ll claim it was the demon drink. Did you bring my flask back?’

  I reached back into my jacket pocket and placed the silver flask on the table.

  Saul picked it up and shook it. ‘Empty; well I hope you didn’t spill any.’

  ‘Certainly not. Is Rachel still here?’

  ‘You have to be joking. She left ages ago. You didn’t expect her to wait while you swam round the island, did you? Just where have you been, as a matter of interest?’

  ‘I went down to the rock pool at la Collette’

  ‘What, in the dark? You’re even madder than you look.’

  ‘I needed to cool off so I stripped and jumped in.’

  ‘You could have drowned, in your state.’

  ‘No I was fine. It was very relaxing, lying back trying to make some sense of
the stars. I had to submerge a few times to stop them spinning though. I even managed to get dressed after, though drying myself on my shirt tails was a bit difficult.’

  ‘So why are you –’

  ‘I slipped as I was leaving and slid back in up to my knees. It was so funny I just couldn’t stop laughing. It’s not easy walking in wet shoes but I thought I had better get here rather than drive home.’

  ‘Too bloody right.’

  ‘What are the others doing?’

  ‘Oh, the usual. The boys turn out the lights, their hands wander around. The girls slap them back, get up and turn on the lights. And so it goes on. None of that lot are going to make it to the bedrooms.

  ‘What did Rachel say?’

  ‘You don’t want to know.’

  ‘Did she find out what happened after she left?’

  ‘Oh, yes. The whole bloody island knows by now. I dare say you will be up before the constable this time. Your best defence is to plead insanity complicated by excessive alcohol consumption.’

  ‘Does anyone know what happened to Caroline?’

  ‘Sure, she, and her bloodied consort, left soon after you and were last seen getting into her car.’

  ‘Christ, what a mess. What am I going to do, Saul?’

  ‘Join the Foreign Legion, seek refuge in a church. How the hell do I know? Just drink your coffee and try to sober up in case the police come looking for you.’

  ‘I’m famished. You got any toast or biscuits?’

  He grabbed a large tin of Huntley’s best and shoved it at me. ‘We need a plan, a bloody good plan –’

  The doorbell rang before he could continue.

  ‘Who the devil’s that? Not the bloody neighbours again, I hope. Sit tight. If it’s the cops, I’ll tell them you drowned and show them your shoes as evidence.’

  He opened the kitchen door and went out into the corridor.

  Perhaps it was Rachel. Oh God, I hoped it was Rachel.

  ‘Out of my bloody way, you moron. Go on, push off.’

  Caroline burst into the room, reached around the table and grabbed my arm. ‘I need to talk to you. Now. Come on, up, out of here.’

  She turned back on Saul. ‘Is there a bedroom here we can lock from the inside? Come on, show me.’