Alexander, Kortny - Love, Interrupted (Siren Publishing Classic)

by Kortny Alexander

  The woman standing before him did not look like the joyous, bold, and confident woman he was used to seeing before she tore his heart out. The woman standing in front of him now looked a mess. She looked like she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a while. Good. Now she at least had a taste of how he was feeling.

  Staring at him curiously, she hesitated. When Raiden only stared back at her she let out a deep sigh and quietly sat down.

  Raiden opened a folder that was lying on his desk and pretended to skim the contents. He had to do something while he handled his emotions. He didn’t expect Hitomi to handle the follow-up appointment. Although he wasn’t sure who would have shown up, he sure as shit didn’t expect to see her anytime soon. She had returned to town and had not contacted him. He was surprised when she walked through the door.

  The moment his office door opened, the scent of her perfume hit him before he had the chance to look up. After his stomach turned into knots he did not want to look up. Anger, heartache, and love all battled to be at the forefront of his emotional stance. He still wasn’t ready to confront her. The woman he never wanted to see again. The woman he was angry with. The woman who hurt him. The woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The woman he couldn’t stop thinking about. The woman he still loved.

  Get your shit together, man! Let’s see what she has to say first. I’m still pissed off at her and I will make her pay. First I make her squirm.

  “The authorities were called in and I eventually received every dime stolen from me…”

  “I’m sorry.” A sniff followed the whispered confession.

  Finally looking at her again, he asked, “What did you just say?”

  “I’m sorry, Raiden. I’m sorry for the pain I caused you. I’m sorry for the cowardly and screwed-up way I ended our relationship. And yes, I did know it was perfect.” Her eyes were glued to her lap. He watched as she took a few deep breaths before she started to continue.

  “Hitomi, none of this is necessary. I accept your apology but let’s just get through this meeting. Please.” The last word was forced out through gritted teeth. He wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it. He had been miserable as hell, and being this close to her was confusing. As much as he wanted to hug and kiss her he was still mad as hell. “You were at the recital.”

  Raiden watched her squirm uncomfortably in her seat. “You were at the recital, and you didn’t have the decency to talk to me. Kimi went on and on about the engraved chopsticks you placed in her hair before she went onstage. The moment I saw them in her hair I knew it was you. I hoped it was you. Even though you had no desire to talk to me or let me know that you were back, I’m glad you did talk to Kimi. She has been asking about you.”

  “I don’t understand why you insist on reprimanding me like a child. I am trying to apologize and your attitude does not help one bit. Can you please give me a few minutes of your time? Just let me get this out, and I will leave. I will send Duran to handle the follow-up.”

  “Okay. I’m listening.” He was doing a bad job of trying to sound angry. But he would hear her out. The look on her beautiful face was so defeated he didn’t know if he had the strength to keep up the facade. After the dinner he had with her friends and Cage, Raiden had finally figured out what was going on with Hitomi, but he wanted her explanation. He had to hear her out.

  “I miss you with all my heart. I miss you and Kimi. I should have just opened up to you the way you did with me. You trusted me enough to share things that were close to your heart, and I shoved your trust to the side. I–I guess I didn’t want you to know how messed up I was. After I share with you why my marriage ended maybe you will understand. Shoulda, woulda, coulda won’t fix anything now but you deserve an explanation for my behavior…for everything.” She took a long, deep breath before speaking again. “I’m not a fan of rehashing the painful memories of my divorce or the reasons for it. Whether you take me back or not, you still deserve the truth.”

  By the pained look on her face, he could tell this was not an easy topic for her to rehash. He was proud she was finally willing to open up to him.

  “I fell in love with you.” She twisted her fingers in a nervous manner. “The weekend of my birthday—the one we spent together in college—is when I realized how much I loved you. How much I was in love with you. How much I am still in love with you. It only took one weekend. One weekend of firsts for the both of us. My heart wanted something my mind was not ready to grasp. I was young and afraid. Afraid of my feelings for you. You were my friend—one of my closest friends. I didn’t know how to handle things once reality set in. So I ran. And after graduation, I ran as far away from you as possible. I promised myself to never allow anyone access to my heart again.

  “After I married Daniel I figured I would eventually fall in love with him, but I did not. I cared for him, and we had a strong bond, a strong friendship.” She paused and retrieved a water bottle from Raiden’s mini fridge. After a few sips, she settled back down and continued to bare her soul.

  * * * *

  When Hitomi and Daniel were dating, they had discussed having a family all the time. They couldn’t wait to start one after they were married. They had already picked out numerous names for either sex. Three months from the day of their honeymoon she had found out she was pregnant. That night they called both of their parents, including her godfather in Japan. A week later, she lost her first baby.

  The loss was extremely difficult for them both. Daniel managed to handle it better than Hitomi. Hell, someone had to be strong for the other to lean on. They gave it some time before trying again. The second pregnancy was a welcomed surprise for both Hitomi and Daniel.

  She was four months pregnant and had felt the baby kick for the first time when she was driving to work one morning. She had to share the exciting news with Daniel. She quickly called him. He was ecstatic and told her he would come by her office at lunchtime to celebrate.

  As she was about to turn into the parking garage where her office was located, the driver two cars behind her was apparently speeding and did not notice the brake lights in front of them. A chain reaction occurred. That car rear-ended the car behind her, which in turn slammed into Hitomi’s rear bumper. Forcefully slamming into the steering wheel caused immediate pain to her abdomen. Heather was called by the lobby’s front desk receptionist in their building, who witnessed the entire incident. By the time the ambulance weaved its way through the morning traffic, Hitomi was already bleeding while lying in the backseat of her car holding Heather’s hand. Her willpower and excitement at starting a new family was slowly beginning to dwindle.

  Pushing doubtful thoughts from her mind, Hitomi’s third pregnancy was a surprise and a blessing. As a couple, they felt confident in this baby making it to term. Hitomi had made it to her six-month mark and things were going great. The baby was kicking and moving around and seemed to be progressing well. Even her doctor was starting to breathe a sigh of relief. Hitomi had even talked to Natalia about being their baby’s pediatrician. She was finally beginning to breathe a sigh of relief.

  In the middle of the night, she woke Daniel after feeling a few stabbing pains which quickly increased, giving her the impression that she was going into premature labor. The pain was immense and the sight of the bed was ghastly. The white sheets were stained with a reddish-pink liquid. Daniel raced her to the emergency room, still unclear of what was happening to his wife. After twelve hours in the hospital, the baby’s heartbeat could not be found. That was the final straw. And it was also the night Hitomi decided to end Daniel’s torment. She didn’t want to stand in his way of having a family since it was clear in her eyes she was broken, defective. Unable to give him the family they had discussed back in the beginning when she was still full of hope. Hitomi knew her husband was deeply in love with her, but she could no longer return the love she had for him. How could she when she could no longer love herself? It sickened her when she thought ab
out how defective her body was.

  Daniel fought tooth and nail to stop Hitomi from leaving him. He tried to get her to consider in vitro fertilization or adoption as alternatives with no success. Hitomi would not have anyone think for a moment she didn’t love her husband with all of her heart. In her eyes, she had failed herself and Daniel by not being strong enough to carry their child to term and felt she would only hold him back when it came to having children of their own. She hated looking at herself naked…especially her stomach.

  Daniel, being the great man he was, tried his best to convince her they didn’t have to have children, he just wanted her. He was hell-bent on making Hitomi understand that just having her in his life was enough. They still loved each other and made love right up until the papers were finalized. Hitomi learned from Natalia that Daniel had finally realized there was nothing anyone could do to make Hitomi realize she was not defective and worthy of still having a loving family. Regretfully, Daniel stopped fighting.

  Two months after her divorce was final Daniel moved to another state. Guilt over ending her marriage just about brought her to her knees. She could not handle the looks of pity or encouraging words if she had stayed with him only to lose another child, nor did she want Daniel to feel guilty for something he had no control over. It was all her fault, and the decision to let Daniel go was best for both of them.

  Hitomi swore off marriage and gave up any hopes of ever having children. This was the reason why she dove into her work, avoided relationships at all costs, and almost alienated her friends and family in the process. Giving up, she made a personal declaration that she’d just love on the children of her friends and family. She felt as if her body was defective.

  Chapter 17

  The room was silent. The only noises heard were sniffles from both Hitomi and Raiden. Hitomi continued on, sharing the dreams she’d had, each and every one in detail. She was on a sharing roll and figured there was no need to stop now. When she had finally finished baring her soul and then some to Raiden, tears were tumbling down her face like a river, yet her heart felt lighter. A weight had been lifted. And she felt as if she would throw up.

  She just hoped he didn’t turn her away after her overwhelming revelations. She prayed he was not disgusted or disappointed by the fact that she could not have children.

  Finally lifting her head up, Hitomi let out a small gasp at the sight in front of her. Raiden was no longer sitting at his desk but standing in front of her, leaning against his desk, eyes red from crying. She had brought the man to tears. There was no hint of disgust or disappointment in his eyes as he stared at her. The only things she saw reflected in Raiden’s gaze were compassion, sadness, understanding, desire, and love. There was no shame in his gaze. His emotions were easily displayed for her to see.

  Raiden reached down for Hitomi’s tear-dampened hands and helped her to her feet. After long moments of holding her gaze, he began kissing away her tears. Raiden began placing soft kisses on her eyes, nose, cheeks, and chin as he brushed back the moist, tear-soaked hair sticking to her face.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. I know there’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better or ease the hurt.” He hugged her body close to his and held her tight, listening as Hitomi let out a small sigh and laid her head on his chest. This was enough for her. Just being held in his arms, feeling the acceptance, helped.

  She tried to speak, but her mouth was pressed against Raiden’s chest. He pulled back as he stared down at her, smiling. “You were talking to my chest, sweetheart. What did you say?”

  She lowered her head before she began to speak.

  “No, Hi.” He lifted her chin with two fingers. “Talk to me. That’s the problem now. Baby, you’re going to have to trust me enough to handle whatever it is you need to talk about. I will not judge and definitely won’t speak without thinking first. Now, talk to me, please.” Raiden’s voice was calm and low.

  After a long pause, she spoke. “Do I disgust you? Do I disappoint you because I can’t give you more children?” She knew the answer, but hearing him say the words would make her feel a little better.

  Still holding her gaze, refusing to let her look away or feel pity for herself, he answered her. “Baby, I don’t feel that way, and I never will. Never. I just wish you could have trusted me enough in the beginning enough to share something so personal and close to your heart with me.” Letting go of her chin, he caressed her hair with one hand and pressed her body back to his with the other, lost in thought for a few moments as silence surrounded their intimate moment.

  “Hi, I want to ask you one question and then we drop the topic altogether.”

  Raising her head, crinkling her eyebrows, she was worried she wouldn’t be able to answer his question. “Okay. What’s your question?”

  “When did the doctor finally tell you that you physically could not have children?” For a few silent moments, she thought long and hard. “Well, they never actually said that. I…” Raiden’s lips covering hers stopped any further conversation. His kiss was soft and sensual. Welcoming his tongue into her mouth, she clutched him tight as he explored her mouth thoroughly. When her fingers cupped and kneading his ass she felt the low groan rumble through his chest.

  She, in return, did the same. He tasted of mint and spiced tea and all Raiden. Flavors she missed. The moment her hands began to roam and she deepened the kiss, Raiden eased away from her, breaking the kiss but not the embrace.

  “I’m not letting you go again. You understand this, right?”

  Her lips curved into a small smile, eyes gleaming with excitement and relief of not being rejected. “You’re n–not?”

  “No, Hi, I’m not. You broke my heart, but I’m not letting you walk out of my life again.” He kissed her cheek before he continued, “Actually, you’re not walking out of this building tonight. I believe you have some making up to do. What do you think?”

  Although her eyes were gleaming with excitement, her face was serious. “I will do whatever to make the pain I caused you to go away…”

  Grabbing her gently by the arm, Raiden headed toward his apartment, cutting off her sentence. A sneaky smile claimed his lips as they walked the few steps across the room. “I’m glad we are in agreement, baby. You hurt me. You hurt me big time.” Walking her into the apartment, he pointed to the bed. “Have a seat, baby. You’re going to be punished first.” When she sat down, she noticed Raiden walking back out of the apartment. He left the room and closed the door behind him. She heard a clicking sound as if he had locked the door. Then there was a faint knocking sound as if he had put something against the door.

  Hitomi kicked and pounded on the door, demanding that he open it. She was confused and a bit frightened by the odd turn of events. She thought they had made up and were about to make up. The last thing she thought was that she would be locked inside of his apartment with him on the other side of the door. The buzzing of the phone beside the bed caught her attention. Hitomi stopped banging on the door and answered the phone. She knew it was him.

  “What!”

  “Sweetheart, you have no reason to be mad at me. I believe I’m the injured party here.”

  How the hell did he sound so calm and cool while she was on the edge of having a panic attack?

  “Raiden, I swear I’m going to kick your ass when you open this door!”

  “Promises, promises. You say the sweetest things, baby.” After he let loose a chuckle, Raiden continued, “I have to call Cage so he can pick up Kimi, and I need to finish up a few things before I’m officially done for the day. I will order dinner for us—”

  “As soon as you open this door, Raiden—”

  “Hush, woman. Anyway, you should realize you’re not going anywhere, Hi. Stop interrupting me. The longer it takes me to finish, the longer it will be before I open the door.” He paused, and Hitomi remained silent. “Why don’t you go in the bathroom and take a soothing bubble bath. All the things you like are under the cabinet, and I filled the
dresser drawers with the panties, bras, and other underthings you favor. I won’t be too long.”

  Hitomi wasn’t sure how to take Raiden’s behavior and attitude. She was nervous as hell. “I’m sorry, Raiden,” she whispered.

  A deep chuckle flowed through the phone again. “Oh baby, I know you are. Now go run your bathwater, and I want you to remember two things, Hi.”

  “Y–yes.”

  “You left me here to pick up the pieces after you left. You have no idea the hell you have put me through.”

  * * * *

  The line went silent as she continued to hold the phone a little longer. This was not the Raiden that she knew and loved. Quietly placing the phone back in the cradle, Hitomi walked to the bathroom to run a bubble bath. After undressing and slipping inside of the bathtub, she started the Jacuzzi jets. Her mind was racing a mile a minute as she replayed the events that had occurred in Raiden’s office.

  She knew Raiden would not hurt her, but it sounded like he was going to throw one hell of a temper tantrum. Hitomi also knew she deserved each and every bit he threw her way, so she figured it was best to enjoy this bath in silence and take her punishment like a big girl.

  Once she finished her bath, wrapped in an extra fluffy towel, Hitomi went searching through the drawers and gasped as she thumbed through two drawers filled to the rim with matching bra and panty sets ranging from lace, silk, and even the lazy day cottons she loved. “Oh my goodness,” she whispered to herself.

  The third and fourth drawers were filled with sleepwear. Sexy sleepwear, camis and shorts, long silk tops and bottoms, and last but not least, her favorite sleepwear, Raiden’s T-shirts. She slipped on one of his shirts and inhaled his scent. Damn, she loved that man. Hitomi walked back into the bathroom to look under the counter and found every product that she used. “Observant.” Lathering her body with the sweet-scented lotion, she wandered into his closet. “Might as well explore while I wait for my punishment.” Stepping into the entrance of the closet, she blinked as motion-sensor lights illuminated the room. It was a well-organized U-shaped closet. The lingering scent of Raiden’s cologne filled the room as she started on her left and slowly thumbed his clothes. Tailored suits and shirts hung on wooden hangers along with a few pair of casual pants. Hitomi couldn’t believe the knot that formed in her stomach as Raiden’s scent invaded her senses. Just standing there in his closet wearing his T-shirt, she felt as if her body had been enveloped in Raiden’s embrace. She could not imagine the hurt she had put this man through.