by Candy Nicks
I would prefer you willing. Like this you are a sad burden, Tian.
Please, Wolf.
Be happy again, Tian. I told you to have him and stop this mooning about. Go to him now. When you are done with him, change back.
Of course. Have I ever denied you?
A brief and vaguely uncomfortable pang of guilt gave it pause. No, you never have. It trotted to the tree bearing Tian's coat.
Tian emerged, arms wrapped around her legs in a tight, shivering ball. She sucked in lungfuls of the sharp clean air. Dizzy with the relief of being human again. The world blurred to shapes of light and shadow. Blind then, but mercifully free. No longer suffocating within the depths of the wolf.
She snatched at the coat and wrapped herself in the damp material.
"Wolf, lend me your eyes. I promise I won't stay long."
Sorry, Tian. The way you gaze at him ... Better you do not see.
"I understand,” she said, too grateful to argue. Sol's heavy footfall had her fumbling for the coat fastenings, raking unsteady fingers through her hair while she told herself she didn't care one jot how she looked.
Without sight, her other senses became razor-sharp. The footsteps stopped short of the tree-line, Sol's large shape hovered uncertainly. Exercising restraint when, for once, she needed him to make the first move.
"Tian?"
His voice held relief, not censure. Carefully, she slid her bare feet over the cold stony ground, dismayed at the unfamiliar tenderness of skin grown soft with disuse.
"Sol."
"I was..."
"Leaving? Yes, I saw you packing up."
"No, not leaving. I was beginning to think you'd forgotten me."
"I ... came to see how you were faring.” She tested the words on her tongue. Good to hear her own voice rather than the whine and growl of the wolf. Good to speak. If only she had something to say.
"Come inside,” Sol said. “Or to the porch at least. Warm yourself with a hot drink. You look cold."
"Do I?” She ground her teeth together to stop from shivering and took another tentative step. Sol moved too quickly for her to react, hoisting her up with one of his arms under her knees, the other curled around her back. The world tipped and she had no option but to cling on as he strode towards the hut. To struggle now would lose her the little dignity she'd managed to salvage. He set her down, taking one of her hands and placing it on the porch side-rail. She nodded her gratitude, curling her fingers around the wood for stability.
"Your shoulder?” she asked, hearing the small grunt—the only concession to his injury.
"Healing well. Wait there.” His tone invited no argument and at that point, she had none for him. The thought of hot coffee, if he had any left, made her insides clench.
"Wolf,” she said, when Sol's footsteps receded. “Without your eyes, I am weak, when I need to be strong. Sol will take the advantage. Allow me to see."
The wolf flashed in and out. She was human again before the coat could fall to the wooden deck and before Sol had the chance to witness her silent battle.
"All right,” she conceded. “We will play to your rules."
Have him, the wolf said. I will give you that. Sate your curiosity or you will spend the rest of your life wondering how humans mate.
"I don't think it happens so fast,” she replied. “I cannot just..."
"Here."
Sol's deep rumble of a voice made her start. Warm metal touched her palm, along with strong fingers.
"Get that inside you,” he said wrapping her hand around the tin mug. “It's only lukewarm, but it will revive you while I make a fresh brew."
Was it weakness to accept Sol's kindness? Her mother had tended her out of concern and love. That had somehow felt different from this. When Sol seated himself beside her on the step, she slid away.
"You still don't trust me?"
"I trust you. My wolf doesn't."
"You feel vulnerable without your sight?"
"Wouldn't you?” She took a long sip of the coffee and savoured the bitter taste, the heat warming her insides. He was too perceptive. Oh Goddess, what is he doing now? He'd moved away; she heard his footfall on the wooden boards, then returning.
"Your feet are like ice,” he said and promptly engulfed one in both of his hands, kneading the flesh until the blood flowed more freely and heat spread through the numb tissue. She sat in stunned silence, biting her lip to stop from groaning at the pleasure of his capable fingers bringing her foot back to life.
"Found these in the forest,” he continued keeping his tone light and conversational. He slipped a fur-lined boot onto her foot and then applied himself to the other one.
"Thank you,” she said in a slightly cracked voice.
Have him now, her wolf urged. Can't you smell how much he wants you?
Her face heated. A blush crept over her cheeks. It's different for humans.
Be careful, Tian. The wolf circled inside of her. Poised and ready to spring if Sol made one false move. See how quickly he assumes control when you show weakness.
Then give me sight. Why do you allow him that advantage?
So you may learn man's true nature. Sol's requests will all too soon turn into commands.
"Fresh coffee is ready. Tian?” Sol touched her lightly on the arm. “Wolf giving you a hard time?"
"I can't stay long.” She tilted her head towards the sound of his voice. “I owe my wolf and I will stand by the promise I made.” She reached for the boots. “These are making only me soft. Reminding me of things I no longer need."
"No, Tian. Leave them on. Don't freeze for the sake of pride."
She stilled. “Pride has nothing to do with it. I am merely being practical."
"Leave them on because it pleases me, then."
"You're ordering me?"
"No, asking. Big difference. Tian, I know it's hard when you can't see me. Or what I'm doing."
"It is an uncomfortable feeling, I must admit."
"Pah! That's because you can't gaze at my handsome face."
"You do have pleasing features, yes."
"Tian—I'm joking. Trying to lighten things a little. I'm not very good at it, I must admit. My brother Tallin is the joker of the family. He's teased me relentlessly for as long as I can remember because I keeping my hair long in the Eagle tradition. Likes to call me Sola. I'm better at complimenting women on their beauty. And you, Tian, are very pretty when you blush. Wait, I'll fetch fresh coffee."
"I'm blushing?” Mortified, she turned away, skin heating.
"Like a virgin on her wedding night."
She swallowed hard. Heard his chuckle as he took her mug and sauntered away to fetch more coffee.
Ask him, the wolf urged.
Ask him what? How could one man fill a space with so much ... presence? From across the yard, the colours in Sol's aura pulsed with a strong, confident beat. How well he played this game of give and take. If he was agitated over her long absence, and her sudden reappearance, he masked it well.
Ask him if he would allow you use of his body. You still want him? Sol will not refuse your offer. He is a man, Tian, and unable to resist.
"I don't know. This close ... the prospect is a little overwhelming."
"Hot coffee,” Sol announced. “Sitting here, taking coffee with you. Getting to be quite a ritual. Shall we go inside?"
"No. Too many memories,” she added, to soften the sharpness of her tone.
"Don't burn yourself,” he said without missing a beat. “Have you reconsidered?"
"About whether to go or stay? No. I merely came to see if you had healed. How is the shoulder?"
"I can ride, if that's what's you're asking."
Sol's aura spiked, a sign of the agitation under the surface calm. The energy mingled with hers, giving her a tantalising glimpse of what the two of them could be, together.
"If you can ride, you can go home."
"I would very much like to take you with me. Your father will find
you. One day, probably sooner rather than later, when you're not looking, he will find you. He's very good at getting what he wants."
"Sol, please..."
The aura spiked again, this time in agitation. His thigh, now pressing casually against hers, tightened, then relaxed. Instinctively, she turned to the large blurred shape sitting beside her, wishing she could see the expression on his face.
"I've come to say goodbye,” she said. “To release you from your promise. So you may leave."
"With your father in the mix, I have to stay."
"The horses..."
"Will have to be sacrificed unless you come with me now."
"That's not fair.” She heard a growl and clamped a hand over her mouth, embarrassed at the wolf's reaction.
A cage with no bars, but a cage just the same. She remembered the wolf's words. Attempted to breathe away the panic of being backed into a corner—and failed.
"When the snows come, I'll set them free. It's not my first choice, Tian. Balan won't go until he's desperate and starving and that will be hard to watch. I must do it because the Goddess wills it. You can save them."
Wolf, I need your eyes. Please. To see if he speaks with guile, or truth.
Without visual clues they were two voices suspended in an empty space and suddenly she felt dizzy and disorientated. She clutched at the porch rail to ground herself. Sol's arm slid around her shoulder, holding her steady. His hair brushed her face.
"When did you last eat?” The words were a whisper, as if he didn't want to alarm her further. “As a human?"
"I've hardly been human since I left."
"Tian, it doesn't work that way. What were you thinking? Be still. I'll fetch you food."
She nodded and let go her death-grip of the porch rail. Somewhere in the trees a bird piped a thin melody. Her stomach cramped, demanding nourishment. Sol continued to hold her while the world spun gently to a halt. His warmth seeped through the damp cloth of her coat, into her flesh and bones. His patience soothed her troubled spirit. Why did lying in this man's arms feel so comforting?
"Better?"
"Apart from the hunger, yes. Although I really should leave."
Sol's grip tightened, briefly. She was acutely aware of the fingertips barely grazing her breast. Of the solid bulk of him at her back. All her life, she'd accepted responsibility for her own destiny. Her mother had taught her to stand proud and survive this hard life through her own efforts.
She had also left a dying wish that her daughter not be alone. Would her mother rest easy if she ignored that wish?
"Hush,” Sol said. “Put down your burden. Let me carry it for a while."
"I should go,” she repeated without making any effort to move. “A life with humans would be like living in a cage. You, my father. It's all the same thing."
Sol's palm drifted over her cheek. “And if you stay, you will be caged within your wolf. You are a Lupine, Tian. Neither wild nor tame. You need human contact, your wolf needs space to roam and hunt. And however greatly you protest you need protection. Wolf's Valley will give you all of this."
The words were too beguiling. In her mind she saw the buildings and bustle revealed by the Magic Crystal. The mountains framing the Settlement. The Lupine once more in balance.
Tian, change! the wolf demanded.
"A little longer,” she whispered in reply, surprised she had the power to resist its insistent call. “This is ... good."
"What did you say?” Sol's lips touched her hair, like down floating on the wind.
"I was talking to my wolf.” She sank deeper into Sol's embrace. Abdicating or seizing control? Each movement of hers brought an equal reaction from Sol. He knew instinctively how this human dance worked. Soft lips touched her forehead, seeking permission, asking a question. She had no need of sight when their bodies spoke so eloquently.
Tangling her fingers in his hair, she pulled him down and sought his mouth in an awkward, urgent joining. A learning that turned into a slow slide of lips and tongues as they found their pace and dipped and tasted with the wonder of the new. She twisted his hair around her fist. He tightened the arm about her back. When she lay down on the hard step, he followed without hesitation.
The contrasting sensations excited her; his stubbled jaw scratching her cheek, the gentle stroke of his tongue against hers. He pinned her down with his heavy weight and she let him. If she couldn't trust Sol, who could she trust in the world of man?
Breathing and kissing. Kissing and breathing. Sol asked nothing more from her in this tentative first step. She moved beneath him, marking herself with his scent, covering him with hers.
Was it possible to have this undeniable pleasure and remain free? Was it something only she and Sol could make together?
Tian let herself be gathered up. Held as if she were precious. If she could ask for one more thing to complete the moment, it would be the ability to see the man who held her with such care.
Not a cage, she realised. A safety net. One which would protect her from life at times of need. If only she had the courage to reach out and take what Sol so generously offered. If only her wolf would allow it.
[Back to Table of Contents]
Chapter 6
With the taste of her lingering on his lips Sol took refuge in the hut. Their chemistry was undeniable. Another question answered, although many remained.
He dribbled honey from a stone jar onto a chunk of newly-baked bread, all the while reciting the alphabet ciphers in reverse order. Everything below the belt screamed at him to go take her while she was helpless. Give her a taste of what she would be missing if she grew old and lonely on this mountain. He dropped the bread into an earthenware bowl, appalled at the thoughts coursing through his mind. How would he forgive himself if he took advantage of her? Especially since she'd given no indication she would be leaving with him.
Through the foggy glass he saw her sitting demurely, hand on knees, lips moving in conversation with her wolf. The ways of the Lupine were no mystery to him. The ways of this particular Lupine? A discovery that might occupy a man for the whole of his life.
She half-turned, and then rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand. He watched her shake her head and finger-comb her hair. Ducked out of view when she turned around completely to stare directly at the window. How terrible it must be to lose the harmony she'd taken so much for granted. Poor Tian. Stuck in the middle of two opposing forces, each determined to have her. She'd tried to tell him something with that kiss. Precisely what, he hadn't quite worked out.
He recited the ciphers once more. Giving Tian a breathing space in which to decide whether to stay or bolt for the safety of her wolf. This passive role tested him to the limit. Silently, he thanked his mother for the pragmatism bequeathed to him through her Moon-Child heritage.
He would defend Tian, provide her with a shoulder to lean on. However, only she could fight the battle raging within her.
When he opened the door, Tian had disappeared. Sol cursed and placed the dish on the porch. Having denied her humanity for so long, the wolf would be strong and dominant. He sighed out a frustrated breath. If he appealed directly to the beast would it be seen as a challenge? At least this time it had taken the coat.
The mare's soft whickering caught his attention. On the far edge of the clearing, he spotted Tian, hands flat against the animal's flank. He approached, stepping carefully, not wishing to spoil the moment. Balan lifted his head in acknowledgement, then continued cropping the grass. Tian tilted her head, listening to his approaching footsteps, with her hands still caressing the horses’ side.
"She's yours,” he said. “A gift from the House of Faylar."
"Your family name?"
"My father's house, yes."
"My mother was from the Southern province of Imara. My father promised to show her the world. She discovered quickly he wished only to use her."
"I'm part Eagle, part Moon-Child. A very rare combination, I'm told."
Tian
continued to stroke the mare. “Why rare?"
"Years ago their peoples were at war. The peace between their tribes is fragile at best. My mother and father met while they were slaves in the City."
"I would never allow myself to be taken as a slave."
"I'll tell you their story some time. Why did you kiss me?"
"Curiosity, nothing more."
Her studied indifference didn't fool him. “And are you still?"
She looked down, covering her reddening cheeks with the fall of her hair. “A little."
He was almost grateful to the wolf for denying her sight. The thought that she wanted more sent the blood surging through his veins. He felt himself hardening again. Wanted to reach out for her and draw her into his arms. He took a step back.
"What are you saying, Tian?” Her fingers ran delicately through the mare's mane. He shivered, despite his noble intentions, imagining the same fingers sifting through his own hair.
"My wolf has given me permission to perform an act of mating with you. For one time only,” she added, the words tumbling out as if she wanted to say them before she lost her courage. “Not for life, you must understand.” She swallowed heavily and turned away from him. “I should like to experience it this once."
He almost choked at the words. When he'd recovered his breath, he closed the gap between them and carefully pushed the hair from her face.
"You do me a great honour,” he began. How to say this without making her feel rejected? “But it would be very wrong of me to take advantage or your ... curiosity."
Cheeks flaming with embarrassment, she held herself steady. It must be easier, he supposed, if you couldn't see whom you were addressing, although the sight of her valiantly hiding the hurt of his rejection made his gut clench.
"Let me rephrase,” he said quickly. “I want nothing more than to make love with you. It would be good between us."
Tian returned her attention to the mare. “Then why do you refuse? My wolf says you want me. You must know I can sense every change in your aura and scent. That even at this distance I could beat out the rhythm of your heart in perfect time. I am offering you free use of my body without consequence. My mother led me to believe men prefer it this way."
