Dancing Through the Flames

by Rebecca Bardelli

  Dancing

  Through

  the

  Flames

  Dancing

  Through

  the

  Flames

  Rebecca Bardelli

  Dancing Through the Flames

  Copyright © 2017 by Rebecca Bardelli

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or conveyed in any form or by any means without the permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. Please refer all pertinent questions to the author.

  ISBN: 978-0692862469

  Cover Photo: Copyright © fotolia 55218621

  Life can be painful,

  but we must dance

  through the flames.

  We must endure the flames. We must dance through the flames. We must accept that we are perfectly unique. We must learn to extinguish the flames so that we can enjoy this gift of life. We must do it. And we will do it because we are survivors.

  DANCE WITH ME

  Dance with me.

  Let's pirouette

  with arms up high –

  whirling together

  as we kiss our pain goodbye –

  twirling with toes pointed

  painting beauty in the sky.

  I wrote this for you.

  I wrote this for me.

  I wrote this for us.

  Table of Contents

  CHAPTER 1: FLAMES 10

  CHAPTER 2: DANCING THROUGH 30

  CHAPTER 3: PERFECTLY YOU 54

  CHAPTER 4: EXTINGUISHING FLAMES 63

  CHAPTER 5: AFTER THE FLAMES 92

  CHAPTER 1: FLAMES

  FIREPLACE

  Ruby tears I cry

  that stain my face,

  and instead of leaves

  flames fall from the sky –

  transforming this forest into a fireplace.

  ECHOES

  I am dancing

  in the dark

  to the echoes

  of my screams.

  HAS ALL THE WORLD GONE MAD?

  As I dance from lily pad to lily pad,

  I see so many things I wish I hadn't had.

  Why do numerous people seem so sad –

  while others do detestable things

  just to make them glad?

  I hope it's just a fad.

  But still, I wonder if all the world has gone mad.

  EVANESCENCE

  Is she wandering away or forward –

  For she does not know – her mind is altered.

  She's lost inside and her heart is tortured.

  She walks in the foggy, dying orchard.

  Her dreams evanescence –

  Desires suppressed –

  Insomnia – no rest –

  Half awake – at best.

  With a mask of beauty, she hides her pain,

  But inside she's drowning from the storm's rain.

  She's weighed down by an invisible chain

  And battles her thoughts again and again.

  Everyone else thinks they know what's right,

  But she doesn't see things that black and white.

  She tries to be shiny, happy and bright,

  But she's tired of the fight – she's not alright.

  DEATH

  Death was all around me.

  There was just no escape.

  It kept appearing like a vampire

  With red eyes and a black cape.

  It just watched me each time

  As I withered and cried

  Before I was ready

  To say goodbye.

  It haunted me in real life

  And while I was sleeping in bed.

  I wanted to kill it,

  But it was already dead.

  After so many funerals,

  I became accustomed to black,

  And I was always left wondering

  When death would attack.

  PAIN

  And some days

  I say I do –

  but I don't really want to

  fall from the black sky –

  I just want it to transform

  into an orange poppy sky –

  to take the pain away

  and dry my misty eyes.

  - I don't really want to die.

  BLEEDING

  I took

  my heart

  and r i p p e d it out –

  t h r e w

  it on the floor.

  It is clearly bleeding,

  so why is it still

  holding on

  and beat – beat – beating...

  LAST KISS

  She knew

  that last kiss

  would be her death,

  but she couldn't resist

  that moment of bliss,

  so she forever bleeds black

  instead of red –

  walking among

  the living dead.

  HEART OF GLASS

  My heart of glass has shattered into a thousand shards

  in spite of my many safeguards.

  It is easily pained –

  and instead of clear – it is bloodstained.

  Along the way, some pieces have mended

  while new pieces continue to crack –

  I'm left wondering if this heart will ever be intact.

  YOU DON'T GET TO DANCE WITH ME

  You don't get to see me cry.

  You don't get to see me at all.

  We were dancing on the clouds

  when you sat back and watched me fall.

  In fact, I think you pushed me

  to protect your sanity,

  but now you have to live with

  your chosen reality.

  YOU HAUNT ME

  I feel my bones crack

  and my pulse race.

  Why do you

  whisper in my ear?

  I feel my eyes strain

  and my insides scream.

  Why must you

  appear out of thin air?

  I lose my balance

  and shiver to the core.

  How do you touch me

  if you're not really here?

  TIME TO HEAL

  I've turned into a fire eater –

  swallowing words that sting,

  and I teeter through rings

  aflame with meteors

  to escape actions

  that cause internal bleeding.

  It takes my body time to heal.

  How am I supposed to

  just snap out of how I feel?

  I'm tired of feeling like I am in hell.

  Oh well – oh well – oh well.

  SOME USE LOVE TO STEAL

  Love is a beautiful gift,

  but some use it to steal

  rather than to heal.

  I found out the hard way

  that many weren't a merman

  but rather a deceiving eel.

  With fancy words

  and a kiss to seal the deal,

  many use love to steal.

  Watch out for their sly tactics

  and their dance around

  the word “no” game.

  They try to hide

  their true intentions

  although it's crystal clear –

  they know not how to love

  and only how to steal.

  THE PAST

  My past came back to dance with me –

  it consumed my thoughts –

  spun me in nonsensical circles

  while leaving chaotic footprints

  of worry in the back of my mind –

  just enough to taunt me –
r />   to keep me seeing black –

  only allowing me to see

  a trail of purples and pinks

  out of the corners of my eyes.

  I WANT TO

  I wake up

  to hear

  the sound

  of birds chirping,

  and in this

  despondent state

  it brings me

  both delight

  and sorrow –

  for I too want to

  wake up with

  such zeal.

  MOTHER NATURE

  Some days I want to

  melt into nature –

  wrap myself

  in the blankets of the earth –

  let clovers caress me

  while roses protect my sanity

  - for some days she seems

  kinder than humans.

  DROUGHT

  I see the clouds cry

  with such ease,

  and I too

  want to weep –

  to release the pain –

  to know I am still human.

  I am left to wonder

  if I've flooded my eyes –

  used up all my tears –

  that I must now

  endure a drought.

  DIZZY

  And sometimes

  my mind races with itself –

  thoughts bolting like lightning –

  spinning me dizzy

  - as if it has something to prove.

  STRAWBERRY SKY

  Strawberry sky,

  please put me

  under your spell.

  Ease my mind

  with your beauty –

  help me kiss

  my worries farewell.

  CHAPTER 2: DANCING THROUGH

  DANCING WITH CANDLES

  I danced in the candlelight.

  It was a beautiful display.

  All seemed perfect

  when life darted flames my way.

  With the melted wax and ashes,

  I beautified my skin

  to show that there is redemption in suffering

  and that I won't let my hardships win.

  DADDY'S GRAVE

  On that cold, dark day –

  I left footprints

  to my daddy's grave.

  I went through the motions –

  too numb for any emotions.

  Only years later

  could I retrace those steps

  and truly accept

  that he was at rest.

  DANCING WITH DARKNESS

  I'm dancing with darkness –

  it loves me so.

  It whispers in my ear

  that I'm nothing more than a shadow.

  It tells me I'm not worthy

  of love, light or rainbows.

  It screams that the dreams I've been watering

  will never, ever grow.

  The darkness dips me and clips my wings,

  but I remember

  that they always regrow.

  The darkness loves me –

  but I don't love it so.

  DANCING WITH LIGHT

  I'm dancing with light –

  I love it so.

  The sun has recharged me

  so that I once again glow.

  My wings are strong

  and can withstand tornadoes.

  I can do anything

  while I'm part of this light show –

  that is until the darkness comes

  and tells me I must go.

  I'll give the dark its dance

  but I already know

  that it won't last forever

  even though the dance feels slow.

  REBORN

  I've died a thousand deaths

  in the course of days.

  This depression wants

  to claim me as its own,

  but I know better

  and will keep dying

  until I am once again reborn.

  PART OF THE DANCE

  I've been to hell

  and back

  and back

  and back

  so many times

  that nothing

  scares me anymore.

  - It's all part of the dance.

  CLOUDBURSTS

  The cloudbursts

  come my way –

  without warning

  in a violent rage.

  The skies scream

  as lightning strikes,

  and the clouds

  drench me in tears.

  I'm left to dance

  in a chaotic state,

  and although

  these cloudbursts

  may cause suffering

  for days –

  or even days upon days,

  they never stay.

  - I come out stronger in the end.

  DANCING ACROSS CINDERS

  I will keep dancing across these cinders –

  I will not let them hinder me.

  As I dance on them with my bare feet,

  I will tell myself I feel the ocean floor

  rather than scorching heat.

  When I am finished,

  my feet will have permanent tattoos

  to serve as a reminder of all that I can do.

  BREAKING THROUGH BLACK

  I broke through the black

  by walking until I saw gray,

  so I began to dance

  with arms up as if to fly –

  knowing that

  the colors of the atmosphere

  would soon enter my sight –

  if only for a moment.

  And when they did,

  I would pull them from the sky –

  grab them with such force

  that they would

  never leave my side.

  I DANCED WITH DEVIOUS THINGS

  My light was once blanketed

  By an endless velvet night –

  An eclipse that blocked

  All that was pure and white.

  My thoughts gave in,

  And I danced with devious things –

  They seemed angelic

  But flew with black wings.

  Finally, the veil was lifted

  So that I could see –

  I was enlightened

  And freed from what was beastly.

  From time to time –

  I see glimpses of gray,

  But I meditate on iridescent colors

  Until the clouds fade away.

  LIFE-CHANGING PAIN

  I kept repeating the same thing –

  it felt like a familiar dream –

  a subtle sting.

  Each time – I stepped into the same waters

  surrounded by jellyfish

  that caressed my skin

  and magnetized me with a poisonous kiss.

  I grew so accustomed

  to the pleasure and the pain

  that I thought they were

  one in the same.

  Until I was stung with such force

  that my insides screamed

  and the waters lit up

  so that I could see

  such beautiful artistry –

  the pieces that it stole from me.

  I swallowed the salty water

  until I couldn't ingest anymore,

  and I soaked in the life-changing pain

  just long enough to take me

  to the brink of going insane

  so that I could be sure

  I would never step foot

  in those waters again.

  MOMENTS OF WEAKNESS

  In moments of weakness,

  we will always be able to find

  someone to tell us

  what our vulnerable side

  wants to hear.

  In moments of weakness –

  when we are not thinking clear,

  we must be aware

  that not everyone

  has our
best intentions at heart.

  The sad truth is –

  not all people care.

  This is where

  we must come in

  and hold ourselves dear.

  We must know who

  we can show our weaknesses to

  and to whom we must appear

  to be confident, strong

  and of good cheer.

  WORKING TOWARD

  I know I was just dreaming –

  but it was so vivid

  and left my insides screaming.

  I am awake now –

  but the memory remains,

  along with stirred up emotions

  that I never wanted to feel again.

  But still, I do feel

  that the dream helped me

  arrive at a place of peace

  where my conscious and subconscious

  are in one accord,

  which is something

  that I've been working toward.

  GUARD

  A promise can be broken.

  Feelings can be faked.

  Words can be a lie,

  and eyes can say one thing

  yet mean another

  while they look you in the face.

  - I've learned to guard my heart.