Changing Habits

by Debbie Macomber

Smiling, Joanna walked to the front of the chapel and straightened the floral displays. After months of careful planning she was suddenly nervous about seeing the other nuns again. This was far different—far more significant—than the high school reunions she’d attended over the years.

  “You’re anxious,” Tim said, sounding surprised.

  “A little,” she admitted. Naturally, every now and again she’d run into other women like herself who’d once been nuns. Most people, however, were unaware of her previous life, and she was reluctant to mention it. If anyone asked what she’d done before she married Tim, she simply said she was a nurse. She knew from experience that the minute people learned she’d been a nun, there would be an awkward silence or worse, a double-take, and then the inevitable questions. Answering those was the hardest.

  Only people who’d lived it themselves could appreciate how important that time had been to her. The woman she was now—the wife, the mother, the nurse, the Catholic—had been created by the years she’d spent as a sister.

  It was for this reason that Joanna eagerly anticipated the reunion. Like her, almost all the nuns she’d known had left the order—the statistics were staggering. The last article she’d read reported that between 1969 and 1980, seventy percent of the order had either died or left.

  Despite her own decision to leave, it saddened her that so many priests and nuns had forsaken the religious life, and that so many Catholics had abandoned the Church. The scandals that had recently become public were devastating spiritually and emotionally to those who’d remained faithful.

  Slowly the Church would recover. Devout Catholics—like her, like Tim—were working hard to rebuild what had been lost.

  “I don’t regret the time I spent here,” she told her husband.

  “Neither do I,” Tim replied. “We never would’ve met otherwise.”

  “Oh, you would’ve married someone else,” she said, confident that one of the lovely nurses who’d pursued him would have captured his attention.

  “I don’t think so,” he said, his eyes serious. “I needed you, Joanna. After Vietnam I came back emotionally empty. I’d turned away from God and anything that had to do with religion. You were the one who showed me the way back.”

  “And you showed me how to love. You taught me that loving a man, a family, didn’t mean loving God any less.”

  “Thank you, Joanna,” he said quietly.

  “Mom.” Andrew stuck his head in the door. “Someone’s here.”

  “Already?” She glanced at her watch with a sense of panic. She wasn’t nearly ready yet! She still had the front table to organize and the food trays to set up and coffee to brew. It would be impossible to do all that and still greet everyone as they arrived.

  “I’ll start the coffee,” Tim said, giving her a chance to greet the first guest.

  Kathleen O’Shaughnessy—Joanna recognized her instantly—walked into the chapel.

  “Joanna?” she asked.

  “Kathleen?”

  With small cries of delight, they hurried toward each other and hugged fiercely.

  “I thought I’d come a little early and help you get ready.”

  Joanna relaxed. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  Kathleen looked around the chapel, and Joanna could see that her friend was experiencing the same emotions she had when she’d first walked inside.

  Oh yes, this reunion was going to be good for them all.

  45

  KATHLEEN DOYLE

  2002

  Kathleen felt such joy to be attending this reunion. “I can’t believe we’re finally here,” she said excitedly.

  “When did you arrive?” Joanna asked.

  “Just this minute. We drove from Seattle. Brian’s parking the car and then walking over to the rectory.”

  The two hugged again. “I’m just thrilled you could make it.”

  “I think that means Joanna welcomes the help,” a tall man said, entering the chapel. Kathleen assumed he was Joanna’s husband. “The coffee’s going,” he said, smiling at his wife.

  “I was hoping I could lend you a hand. It’s wonderful that you’re doing this.” Kathleen had enjoyed her brief correspondence with Joanna and was anxious to catch up with everything that had happened in her friend’s life and the lives of the other sisters she’d lived with.

  “Wait a minute. Doyle? Brian Doyle?” Joanna said slowly. “Wasn’t there a priest at St. Peter’s with that name?”

  Kathleen nodded.

  “You married Brian Doyle, the priest?” Joanna asked, not disguising her shock. “I never made the connection.”

  “Technically Brian is still a priest.”

  “Whoa!” Joanna’s husband held up his hand. “You’d better explain that.”

  “Tim?” Kathleen suddenly grinned. “I remember now—you’re the doctor who came to Mass that one Sunday. Joanna nearly fell out of the choir loft trying to get a better look at you.”

  Joanna blushed.

  “You never told me that,” Tim said with a laugh.

  Joanna playfully jabbed him in the ribs.

  “Explain the comment about Brian still being a priest,” Tim said curiously.

  “He’s a married priest,” Kathleen said. “We never intended for this to happen. He made the decision to leave and applied to Rome, but Rome never responded.”

  “You mean to say it’s more than just his letter getting lost in the mail?” Joanna asked, frowning.

  Kathleen nodded. “Much more. It’s become a political battle of wills. Rome was losing so many American priests that the ecclesiastical authorities decided to ignore requests for the dispensation of vows. Apparently they hoped the priests would ultimately change their minds. In our case, that strategy didn’t work.”

  “I didn’t know anything like that was happening.”

  “Few people do.”

  “Does he continue to celebrate Mass?” Joanna asked. It was a frequent question.

  “Every Sunday. There are so many disenfranchised Catholics in the Seattle area. Over the years we sort of found one another. Brian works a forty-hour week as a loan officer, but on Sunday mornings he’s a priest.”

  “Do you have a meeting place?” Tim asked. “A church?”

  Kathleen smiled. “In a manner of speaking. We have everyone over to the house and our living room becomes our place of worship.” She marveled at how many people had heard about their Sunday-morning Masses. Former Catholics arrived, needing to talk; Brian offered a willing ear and a way to return to God and the Church, even if the road back was a bit unconventional.

  “You actually celebrate Mass in your home?” Joanna repeated.

  “We’ve had as many as fifty people show up, and afterward there’s a potluck breakfast. That way, people get to know each other. It’s really a wonderful time of fellowship.”

  “You must have a huge house.”

  “We have a large family. Once we decided we wouldn’t wait for the dispensation from Rome any longer, Brian and I decided to have our family all at once.” At Joanna’s puzzled look, she explained. “We had a set of triplets and then twins.”

  “Oh, my.”

  “A year and a half apart.”

  Joanna burst out laughing, and Kathleen didn’t blame her. There were no multiple births in her family, but Kathleen had broken that statistic—twice. Those early years hadn’t been easy, but they’d managed and grown close because of it.

  “I don’t know whether to give you my condolences or to congratulate you.”

  “Congratulate us,” Kathleen said. “They’re all adults, all married and we’re already grandparents.”

  “That’s wonderful,” Joanna said.

  “Now.” Kathleen rubbed her hands briskly together. “What can I do to help?”

  “Let’s get the food set up out front,” Joanna suggested.

  Kathleen followed her out of the chapel, but just as she was about to leave, she turned to face the altar, now bare and somehow desolate. I
t’d been years since Kathleen had stepped inside a Catholic church. Years since she’d even thought about this chapel. She smiled at the thought that these days her home was also her church.

  Many of the people who came to their house on Sundays knew she was a former nun and Brian a priest. That seemed to comfort those who sought them out. People felt free to express their own differences with the Church, knowing Kathleen and Brian had experienced similar troubles themselves.

  Turning resolutely away from her past, Kathleen hurried out to the front foyer, where a wooden table had been set up.

  Joanna had everything neatly organized. Under Kathleen’s admiring eye, she brought out a lace tablecloth and together they placed that on the table.

  “Who all is coming?” Kathleen asked eagerly.

  “Sister Martha was the first to respond.”

  “The choir director?” Kathleen could well remember the woman who’d led them in song, who’d insisted it was their duty to provide music for Sunday Masses.

  “That’s the one.”

  “What about Sister Eloise?” She’d had her share of differences with Sister Superior, but she’d always respected the nun who was the head of the Minneapolis convent.

  Joanna set a small bouquet of flowers on the table. She straightened and her face became somber. “Unfortunately, Sister Eloise died in the mid-nineties.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Julia will be here,” Joanna continued. “Judging by what she wrote, she went back to her hometown in Kansas and stayed there. She’s still teaching.”

  “Still?” It had to be in a Catholic school, Kathleen guessed. After leaving, many of them had accepted teaching positions. This time, however, when they stepped into a classroom, they collected a paycheck. Unfortunately many of the parochial schools had closed after the exodus of nuns. It became impossible to keep tuition costs down and still pay teachers a living wage. Until her own children were born, Kathleen had taught first in a Catholic elementary school and when they were older, she’d been a teacher for the Seattle school district. She’d recently retired and now worked for the state in Children’s Protective Services.

  “What about Sister Angelina?” Kathleen asked.

  Joanna shook her head. “I tried to convince her, but she wasn’t interested.”

  “I was afraid of that. I wrote her after hearing from you and I tried to get her to come, too. She never answered my letter. It’s a real disappointment not to see her.”

  “It is,” Joanna agreed. “Remember those fabulous Italian dinners she threw together without so much as a recipe? The woman was a marvel in the kitchen,” she murmured as she displayed a guest book. “Now I know why. Her father owned a restaurant, which Angelina runs.”

  “Doesn’t surprise me. I never ate better Italian food in my life. Not before and not since.”

  The front door opened and Kathleen glanced up to see her husband. They’d been looking forward to this trip; it was a vacation and much more for them. A reconciliation with the past, a chance to visit places that had meant so much.

  “Was there anyone at the rectory?” she asked.

  He nodded. “A young priest from the Philippines.”

  “The Philippines?”

  “Yes, Father Apia is the assistant. And our parish priest is from Nigeria,” Joanna said. “He’s wonderful. We feel fortunate to have them both.”

  “Nigeria,” Brian said, looking to Kathleen. It didn’t surprise her that many of America’s parish priests now came from foreign countries. They’d seen this trend developing when priests started leaving the priesthood at a rate that was impossible for the seminary graduates to replace.

  “Did you learn anything about Father Sanders?” Kathleen asked.

  Regret showed in her husband’s eyes. “He died several years back. Father Apia had heard of him, but didn’t have a lot of information. Apparently he was killed in an automobile accident.”

  Kathleen met her husband’s eyes. Her question was reflected in his. They both wondered if he’d been drunk at the time.

  “It was a sad situation,” Joanna said.

  “He had a drinking problem,” Kathleen ventured, wondering how much, if anything, she should say.

  “Yes, that came out afterward.”

  “Was anyone else killed, do you know?”

  “No,” Joanna said, “and we’re all grateful. Father Sanders was driving the wrong way on the Interstate. Apparently he realized what he’d done and was trying to cross over the embankment. He gathered speed and hit the median at ninety miles an hour.”

  “Dear God.” Kathleen covered her mouth with her hand.

  “He flipped the car and was killed instantly.” Joanna’s mouth trembled. “It was a tragic loss. Father was so well-liked. The entire Minneapolis church grieved for him.”

  “Do you know anything about Father Yates?” Brian asked, a moment later. “The priest who replaced me?”

  “You don’t know?” Joanna asked, sounding surprised. “He became Bishop Yates after Bishop Schmidt passed away.”

  Kathleen couldn’t believe it, and from the look on Brian’s face, he couldn’t, either. On the other hand, Father Yates’s ambitions weren’t exactly a secret, she thought.

  “He wasn’t a popular bishop.”

  “I can imagine,” Kathleen murmured.

  “He died of cancer a couple of years later.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Brian said, and Kathleen knew her husband well enough to recognize that his sentiments were sincere. This generosity of spirit was one of the many qualities she loved about him. Not a day passed that she didn’t thank God for bringing this man into her life.

  Without Brian, she might eventually have married John Lopez. She wondered now if it would’ve been a good marriage. Especially when it was discovered that Kathleen had a reproductive “peculiarity,” as her doctor described it. Not until after the twins were born did they learn that her body released more than one egg at a time. All her births were destined to be multiple.

  For five years straight, Kathleen didn’t sleep through a single night. Neither did Brian. Such demands might have destroyed some marriages, but her husband had been a helpmate in every sense of the word. After giving birth to five children in such a short time, they had no problem resorting to birth control, although Brian had preached against it only a few years earlier.

  “Mom.” A tall, blond young man came in the door. He stopped when he saw Kathleen and Brian. “Hi,” he said, then turned to Joanna. “There’s someone outside. I think she might be one of you guys.”

  “Us guys,” Joanna said out of the corner of her mouth.

  “She’s sitting in her car and I think she’s crying. Maybe you should check it out.”

  Kathleen and Joanna exchanged looks. “Do you think it might be Angelina?” Joanna asked.

  “Oh, I hope it is. She should be here. This day might wipe out thirty years of pain.”

  Joanna started for the door and then came back for Kathleen. “Come with me,” she urged. “She might be able to refuse me, but she can’t say no to both of us.”

  46

  ANGELINA MARGELLO

  2002

  Even now, Angie couldn’t believe she was in Minneapolis. She knew Joanna was right, that unless she confronted the past, she’d never be able to deal with the future. At the last possible moment, with some encouragement from friends, she’d made plane reservations and arranged for a rental car.

  There was a second reason she’d decided to attend the reunion: to visit the Sullivan family. It didn’t seem possible that Corinne had been dead thirty years. Thirty years! Countless times Angie had thought about the girl and wished that things had been different—that Corinne had talked to her, that she’d been summoned to the door when Jimmy came looking for her…

  Normally Angie would have arranged a meeting with the Sullivans well in advance. Years in the restaurant business had taught her the importance of handling situations in a businessl
ike manner. Had she thought this through adequately, she’d have phoned ahead.

  She hadn’t, because she wasn’t sure she had the courage to face Corinne’s parents. Then she’d awakened less than thirty hours ago and realized she’d been given an opportunity to settle the complex issues of her past. As Joanna had said, she’d regret it if she didn’t attend this reunion.

  What Angie should have considered was that the Sullivans might no longer live in the area. In fact, a short investigation had revealed that Bob and Sharon Sullivan had moved to Arizona after his retirement in the late eighties.

  Almost in afterthought, Angie had sought out Jimmy Durango. She’d looked up his name in the phone book and was amazed to find it. He answered the call himself and the conversation had been one of the most cathartic of her life.

  “Sister, I can’t believe it’s you!” he’d burst out.

  She hadn’t bothered to correct him about her status. “How are you, Jimmy? Have the years been good to you?”

  “They’ve been very good. I’m married, and Sandy and I have two kids. Matt’s twenty and Carol Anne’s twenty-two. I ended up doing a stint in the Army a couple of years after Corinne died.”

  “Did you see the Sullivans often?” she’d asked.

  He released a heavy sigh. “No, they didn’t want much to do with me, and I can’t say I blame them. Having a daughter of my own now, I can understand a lot better what they must’ve gone through.”

  Angie felt that was generous of him. She could only imagine the guilt he’d carried with him. He didn’t say it, but she suspected that the Sullivans blamed Jimmy for their daughter’s death. For most people, it was easier, somehow, to deal with tragedy if they could point a finger at someone else.

  “Sister,” Jimmy had said. “I don’t want you to think I forgot Corinne.” His voice wavered slightly. “For almost two years, I went to the cemetery nearly every day. My folks were worried about me. They were right because I felt—I don’t know—that life wasn’t worth living after she died.”

  Angie understood that feeling far better than he realized.

  “Then one day, it came to me that Corinne had loved me. She died loving me. The last words I ever heard her speak were to tell me she was sorry and that she loved me. She wouldn’t want me killing myself because of what happened to her. That would’ve made her death even worse.