Just A Man (The Porter Trilogy Book 1)

by Shannon Youngblood

  I exited the elevator and strolled through the reception area. I was determined not to look like I was taking the walk of shame. I’m pretty sure every available pair of eyes were staring at me, including a fluffy white poodle being held by an older lady wearing a pink wool suit and standing at the concierge desk. God, even a dog was judging me now. I lifted my chin just a little bit and marched straight to the front door. My mind was swirling with emotions ready to burst forth.

  I needed to get to my car, so I picked up my pace and staggered out into the California sun. I took a breath, the first one I had truly taken since I had entered this God forsaken building, and handed my ticket to valet. When he pulled the car around, I gave him a substantial tip for his haste and hopped in. I barely made it half a mile before the tears started rolling down my cheeks.

  **********

  When I finally pulled into my spot at home, my eyes were swollen and my face was flushed and wet from tears. I had had to get off the freeway twice to compose myself because I couldn’t see anything in front of me. The shame and regret welling up inside of me was unbearable. All I could see were the mistakes I had made as a teenager, and then I realized I hadn’t learned from my mistakes at all. I let him do all of those things to me without even trying to get him to stop. I’d known him one week and he had seen almost every inch of my body, and felt it as well. I knew that what had happened to me at sixteen wasn’t strictly my fault, but I had been living with the shame of that for over eight years now. I was starting to accept what had happened to me back then and this encounter launched me back into a person I didn’t want to be again. One step forward, ten steps back.

  I unlocked the door to my apartment and stepped in, listening for Danny. When I heard nothing, I breathed a sigh of relief and walked to my bedroom, throwing my clutch onto the bed and walking towards my bathroom. I needed to wash this feeling from my skin with the hottest water I could stand. I wanted to get rid of my shame.

  I stood under the water until it turned cold, replaying the entire encounter with Alex Porter; The shock of seeing him in the gym, the fall down the stairs, the careful first aid, and the mind blowing orgasm. Every time I got to the end of our rendezvous, all I could see was his eyes; filled with disgust and penetrating me with fiery scrutiny. It got worse every time I played it through, until, finally, I had to scramble out of the water and set my thoughts to something else. Hours ago my body had burned with lust and satisfaction, and now it burned with mortification and shame.

  After my shower, I didn’t bother with drying my hair. I’d regret it in the morning, but I just couldn’t feel the urge to care. The entire shower was excruciating on my knee and I welcomed it. I was sinking into that pit of despair that I had been clawing my way out of for eight fucking years. I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head, blocking out the sunlight and the world.

  I must have immediately fallen asleep because what felt like a short time later I was being shaken awake by Danny. He was sitting on the bed next to me, looking at me. I probably looked a frightening mess. I rolled over into him and pulled him down to wrap my arms around him and cry into his chest. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to. Danny had been there countless times for me during crying fits. He let me blubber all over him while he stroked my back, until I was all cried out again, before he lifted my chin to look me in the eye.

  “What’s the matter, baby girl? I’ve never seen you like this,” he said, his worry etched all over his face. I felt bad for making him worry, but I couldn’t stop the steady trickle of tears cascading down my cheeks.

  “I’m sorry Danny, I must look frightening,” I sniffled.

  “Hey, hey, stop that, you know you’re the most beautiful girl in the Inland Empire,” he grinned at me. He always told me that. Of course I’d never believe him, but it was nice to hear every once in awhile, especially from someone I loved so dearly.

  “I did something really stupid Danny, with Mr. Porter,” I all but whispered out to him.

  “Your boss?!” he shrieked, clearly shocked by my admission.

  I just nodded my head at him and let him process my words as I laid my head back down on his chest and fingered his chest curls.

  “Was it good?” I could hear the smile in his tone. Leave it to Danny to ask the most inappropriate question ever.

  “Danny!” I playfully swatted at his chest. He really always knew how to cheer me up. I wasn’t anywhere near happy, but he had lightened the mood a little bit for me, which made me smile.

  “It was amazing, Danny. The before and after were terrible but the middle was ah-may-zing!” I proceeded to tell him about the burglar, and the tumble down the stairs, the gentle first aid and what happened in bed. He listened to me and didn’t say a word, but I could tell the cogs were turning in his head.

  “So, he just got up and walked out and didn’t say a word?” he asked, clearly as perplexed as I was.

  “Pretty much. I wouldn’t have been shocked if he had reached into his wallet, pulled out a $20, and laid it on the bed next to me.” Danny’s shocked face spoke volumes. “That’s what I felt like, Danny. An extremely cheap hooker. How will I ever face him on Monday?”

  “He’s an idiot, baby girl. A fucking idiot. You’re going to go to work on Monday with your head held high and with some new clothes. Tomorrow we’re going to go shopping and pamper ourselves, and, before you protest, it’s on me. I got paid for the watch ad.”

  I couldn’t refuse him. I had tried many times before and it never worked. He always got his way when it came to cheering me up. Even though he had never heard the full story of what happened to me when I was younger, he knew when I needed a pick me up, and he always delivered. He was the best friend a girl could ever ask for.

  “By the way,” he started, getting off the bed and walking to the door. “Thanks for the introduction. Jerry’s sweet. I’m going to call him later to set up a date.” He gave me a wink and walked out, leaving me feeling much better than I had when he first woke me up. Danny was the tape needed to temporarily fix the shattering of my soul.

  Thinking about Danny and Jerry getting together really did a lot to lift my spirits. I guess, if I ended up getting fired or leaving the job, their potential relationship and the friendship I had made with Jerry and Brigitte was worth it in the long run. I wanted to see Danny happy more than anything else and the spark between he and Jerry proved to be something that might make Danny happy. Danny deserved to be happy.

  I fell back onto my pillows and imagined double dating with Danny and Jerry. I saw the two of them sitting across from me at a table, looking radiant with love in both of their eyes. There was a figure next to me, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Danny and Jerry. They spoke with each other in low whispers and laughed. Danny ran his fingers over Jerry’s knuckles in a loving way as they caught each other’s gaze. When Jerry gave Danny a soft kiss on the cheek, I sighed, in euphoric bliss. “They make such a cute couple,” my companion said. I knew that voice? When I looked over, a pair of amber eyes bored into me.

  I bolted upright in bed, grabbing my chest and dripping with sweat. My breathing was ragged and I rubbed my eyes to see clearly. I didn’t even realize I had fallen asleep again. What the hell was that man doing to me! I couldn’t go one moment without my waking brain, or my sleeping subconscious, thinking of Alex Porter. I knew I was in over my head, and it terrified me. Somehow he had creeped into my life and I couldn’t shake him, and, after the events of earlier in the day, I didn’t think I was ever going to get over it. What was I going to do?

  Chapter 11

  I was petrified on my drive to work on Monday. I got no sleep the night before and I was up and ready thirty minutes before my alarm had even gone off. Yesterday out with Danny had helped loosen me up a little, but the nerves had come back with a vengeance when I returned home and thought about the impending start of the work week. How could I ever face him?

  Danny had first taken me for lunch down by the plaza. We talk
ed and laughed all through our burritos and genuinely had a great time. I didn’t think about my boss at all. My brain felt at peace. I knew it was a short lived reprieve, but I was grateful for it none-the-less. Then, he whisked me away to a spa in Riverside where I got a massage, a mani/pedi, but, even though the stylist suggested a small trim for my ends, I couldn’t bear to cut my hair. The boys who had violated my body when I was sixteen had violently chopped it all off in an attempt to make me scream. It had worked. I hadn’t cut it since.

  Last on our list for the day, he took me to the movies. We watched some sappy love story and shared a bucket of buttery popcorn. Danny knew how much I loved movie theatre popcorn with extra butter. I think he took me there just for the popcorn and not even the movie. Honestly, it was exactly what I needed. Leaving the theatre I felt refreshed, but with every passing hour until dawn, the knot returned to my stomach, threatening to make me sick.

  I wish I could have brought the serenity from yesterday with me into work, but I couldn’t hold onto it. I was wound up so tight that, when I stepped off the elevator onto my floor at 7:18am and saw Alex Porter walking into his office without a shirt on, I nearly collapsed into a puddle inside the lift. I did notice he was wearing some earbuds, which explained why he didn’t turn at the notice of the opening elevator doors.

  I took that impossible step off the lift and walked over to my desk. I punched the available button on my phone, which would signal to Mr. Porter that I had arrived, so he wouldn’t feel the need to come waltzing back out without proper attire on. I put my fully stocked purse into my desk drawer and flipped the on switch for the computer. I decided that I needed some coffee if I was going to make it through the day and I should probably go ahead and grab Porter’s his as well. I wasn’t looking forward to our first confrontation, but maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if I had his liquid gold in hand. I also relished in the courage a cup of java might bring me.

  When I got back to my desk, coffee in each hand, I pressed the intercom to buzz Mr. Porter. I received his usual grunt of a response before I proceeded into his office. He didn’t even look up when I set his coffee on his desk and walked towards the door. When I reached for the handle, I turned around and gasped. He was staring a hole into my back and I felt the familiar buzz within my skin and felt a shiver run through me. I opened up the door and walked out, collapsing into my chair, not even caring about the cameras. It was going to be a long day.

  **********

  By lunchtime I had not seen or heard from Mr. Porter and my unease had lifted almost completely. I was so wrapped up in my work that I barely remembered he was just a few feet from me. I phoned down to see if Brigitte or Jerry wanted to do lunch, but they were both quite busy and said they weren’t able to, although Brigitte invited me to go clothes shopping after work and I readily accepted. I would apologize to Brigitte for my drunken behavior on Friday, and maybe Jerry as well, if Brigitte talked him into going with us.

  I pushed the intercom and waited for his grunt to let him know I was going to lunch. When he didn’t answer I pressed it again. He’d never not answered me before and I knew he wasn’t on the phone since the light to his line was dark. I decided to take a sneak peek into his office. What if something had happened to him? I knocked lightly on the dark glass and pushed the door open, peeking my head in.

  The office was dimly lit. The blinds had been closed to allow for almost no natural light, but I could see his outline at his desk, staring at his computer screen with his hands in his lap. I blinked a few times to acclimate myself to the contrast in lighting from my brightly lit receptionist area to the dark of his office.

  “Excuse me, Mr. Porter, I was just going to step out for lunch, can I get you anything?” I squeaked, hoping he heard me.

  “Come here, Charlotte,” came his raspy voice, which immediately made my insides quiver. I’d heard that voice before, on Saturday. He was turned on, and just thinking about him that way turned me on. I mentally tried to slap myself. I promised I wouldn’t let my treacherous body make decisions for me anymore when it came to this man. I would be strong. I didn’t feel very strong though. I could feel the lust rolling off of him in waves.

  “S-Sir?” I stammered out. He knew I was nervous because, even in the shadows, I could see his lips turn up in a smile.

  “You heard me, Charlie. Come here,” he said, his impatience evidence in his voice.

  He called me Charlie. He’d only ever called me Charlie when his mouth and fingers were in me, seducing my body. My name on his tongue sounded like liquid silk pouring from his lips. I stood there, staring, with the door shutting behind me. I mentally wasn’t prepared for any of this, but my body had other ideas. I walked over to his desk on shaky legs and looked at him through the dark.

  “Come on this side of the desk,” he whispered, and my body complied. My brain tried to tell my body to run away, but it just wasn’t happening. His voice was intoxicating and it dulled my senses, leaving my brain in a constant fog that I couldn’t pull out of.

  When I reached his side of the desk, my gaze swept down his body, noticing the large bulge inside his pants. He was lightly stroking it through the material and I almost shattered right there in front of him. Who knew just watching this man pleasure himself could trigger my own release. His eyes were hooded as they stared at me and I was so hot and so turned on, I was pretty sure I was panting. I probably should have been mortified with my actions, but they way he looked at me had me mentally begging him for more.

  “Closer, Charlie, I need to touch you” he quietly demanded, lifting his hand out to me, silently beckoning me with his eyes and his words.

  I took another step closer, and then another, until I was mere inches from his knees and his erection, which he was still fondling. He reached for his belt buckle and I took an involuntary step back, but he reached out his hand and took hold of my wrist.

  “Stay, please,” he murmured, almost pleading with me.

  I nodded my head and resumed where I had been standing. I didn’t know why I didn’t run. I should have. But the tingling sensation got stronger with every inch I moved closer to him. It put me into a drug like state. I watched as he unhooked his belt and undid the button on his pants. He looked up at me before continuing.

  “I’ve been watching you all day,” he said, glancing at his computer screen where I could clearly see my desk on the monitor. “What are you doing to me, woman?” he asked, more to himself than to me.

  I had no idea what he was talking about. What I was doing to him? He was making my brain an addled mess. He was initiating things between us. He was the one getting naked in front of me in his office. What was I doing? I had no fucking clue, but at the moment I didn’t care. I just wanted to be near him. To hell with the consequences.

  “I’m sorry about Saturday. I was cruel. Can you forgive me, Charlotte?” I looked up, surprised by his seemingly sincere apology. His eyes locked with mine and, for the first time, I saw regret mingled with lust in them. He was truly asking for forgiveness and I knew what my answer would be.

  I nodded my head at him. I really couldn’t speak. My vocabulary was non existent, as were any thoughts. I was just sort of there, floating between pleasure and mystery, utterly frightened of the beautiful man sitting in front of me. I may have forgiven him for his actions, but I never agreed to forgiving myself. I knew what was happening and I still let him do whatever he wanted. It wasn’t his fault I accepted his advancements, it was mine for letting it happen and not listening to my better judgement. I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be the last time it happened.

  He reached out, taking me by surprise, to grab the back of neck and lower me onto his lap. He gingerly took his thumb and rubbed it along my bottom lip. I closed my eyes to enjoy the sensation. Anytime I was near him I felt a little hum on my skin, but now, sitting on his lap, my skin was on fire and singing. He looked up into my eyes and then back down to my lips before he guided my face down with the hand still gripping the back of my
neck.

  When our lips met, the electricity that rocked through my body nearly toppled me to the floor. If it hadn’t been for his arms holding me to him, I would have embarrassed myself yet again. It took no time for him to force his way into my mouth with his demanding tongue. I felt like a woman starved as our tongues wrestled for domination in each other’s mouth. He nipped my bottom lip lightly, which caused me to yelp and attempt to wrestle free from his hold.

  A tiny part of my mind was screaming at me to disengage and run like hell. I kicked her under the rug again. I wanted this. I wanted to feel him underneath me. He unearthed things within me that had been dormant for far too long. I wanted to live on the wild side just a little bit. I knew this would end badly, me without a job or my dignity and probably with a shattered heart, but, in this moment, in this blissful moment, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

  I wanted my mouth all over him. I wanted to show him that I didn’t care right now. I pushed him slightly away and he gave me a confused and hurt look before he saw my intentions. I leaned in and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, and then the next five, until the shirt was completely opened. Once he saw I wasn’t leaving, he leaned back in his chair and let me take control. His eyes told me I wouldn’t be in control for long, so I needed to work quickly before he stopped me, or my nerves gave out.

  I worked my hands under the collar and slipped the material from his shoulders to pool between his chair and his back, trapping his arms. I leaned in and placed a hesitant kiss to his collarbone. He tasted amazing. I could smell the sandalwood on his skin and it was a heavenly scent. I worked my way from his collarbone to his nipple, grabbing the small tight bud in my teeth and grazing my tongue across it.