Beasts & Geeks

by Joe Ballarini

  Clang! My sword hit against the thick exoskeleton around her legs. Agile as a ballerina, Serena’s claws shot out at me in a flurry. I could barely deflect them. It was like fighting a killer sewing machine.

  “That’s the best you can do?” Serena sighed again.

  “Adaaaaa,” I heard Baby Theo coo.

  Across the chamber, Theo bounced happily in his cocoon as Victor cut the baby loose with a silver dagger. He was trying to shush Theo, but the little turtle was excited to be free.

  “No!” shrieked Serena.

  “Run, Victor!” I shouted.

  Serena dove toward Victor. I swung down, sailing after her, like Tarzan on a silky vine.

  Clutching Theo, Victor scrambled across the webs. Serena shot a jet of thread at him, catching him in the back. Victor flew like a yo-yo with Theo in his arms into Serena’s clutches.

  “Let us see if you taste as sweet as you look,” she mused with a cackle.

  39

  Victor writhed, but Serena’s threads looped around him tighter and tighter. I scrambled toward them. Serena locked eyes with me.

  “Say good-bye,” she sneered.

  “Don’t, please,” I begged.

  She sank her fangs into Victor’s jugular vein.

  “Victor!” I cried.

  He shuddered and flopped in her clutches. As she filled him with toxic venom, she never broke eye contact with me. Victor’s head slumped forward. I screamed, but nothing came out.

  Serena plucked Baby Theo from his grasp.

  In a rage, I hoisted my sword. But she blocked it with her giant limbs. Theo wailed in her arms as she battled me in a graceful dance of death.

  She swung from her thread like an evil Spider-Man. I grabbed a web and flung myself into the air, vaulting across the sweeping chamber. In midair, four of her legs kicked me in the stomach. I gasped and fell onto a single spider thread, barely able to keep my balance. I felt like a tightrope walker. Perched on a line, Serena stalked toward me. I noticed one of her legs was hanging limply, tucked behind her gown.

  “You’re good, Kelly,” said Serena. “But not good enough. I can make you amazing.”

  She held out her hand sparkling with jewels.

  “Never!” I screamed.

  She shook the line, and I slipped back into the cavern, catching a thread and dangling over the echoing darkness as she stood over me. “Never say never, darling,” she taunted.

  “Surrender, Kelly,” said Victor, feeling the pulsing spider bite on his neck. “We can finally be together. All of us. Just one big happy family.”

  “No, Victor,” I cried. “Not you. Please not you.”

  Serena leaned down to my ear. “Your friends can’t save you. Neither can your family. They all belong to me now.”

  She snapped her fingers. Across the spiderwebbed chamber, the door flew open. Serena’s masked trolls and Professor Gonzalo dragged Kevin and Liz inside. They were bound up in rusty iron shackles.

  Serena smiled at my terrified face.

  “Sorry, newb,” Liz said with a shrug.

  Kevin let out an apologetic roar.

  “Quiet, you hideous little beast,” said the Professor. “You are in for a lifetime of torture.”

  I struggled to hang on to the line, but my fingers were slipping. I lifted my arm to swing the sword, but Serena shot a glob of goo, knocking it from my hand. My only weapon was gone.

  Serena held up the baby, showing him to me like a trophy.

  “You see? You hold nothing. And I hold the world’s greatest hope for destroying monsters. This little turtle. But I’m afraid his short little life is over.”

  Her fangs sizzled with delight as they sank toward the child’s neck.

  Ding-a-ding! Like a flying sparkler, Penelope flew toward Serena, bells screaming. The pixie had been tucked away, waiting for her moment of attack, her final chance at pixie resistance, and this was it. She flew, dagger aimed at Serena.

  Without looking, Serena’s hand shot out and grabbed the pixie in midair. I gasped as she glowed furiously in the Spider Queen’s fist.

  “Penelope!” I cried.

  Serena took one look at the little pixie and then shoved her into her mouth, gobbling her up with one large swallow. Crunch, crunch, crunch.

  My stomach seized. Serena chewed and felt around her mouth with her tongue before finally spitting out the tiny crooked dagger.

  “You monster!” I screamed.

  “I take that as a compliment,” Serena said with a grin. “Soon you’ll be just like everyone else. And you’ll never worry if you’re good enough or not. Because I will take wonderful care of all of you.”

  I heard the wail of the people trapped in the ballroom. My mother and father. I heard Mama Vee calling out to me down below with Cassie and Curtis. Berna and Wugnot howled at me too. They had all been bit.

  “They are all under my dominion,” said the Spider Queen. “And they will help me launch my greatest attack against humanity. My brother wanted an army of nightmares, but I now have an army of humans. And there is no better or more destructive force than that.”

  My breath felt heavy, as if a stone was sitting on my chest. The empty nothing feeling surrounded my every move.

  I’m just a kid. Hardly a babysitter. She’s taken everyone from me and turned them against me. And now she’s turning me against myself.

  “There is no hope for you, Kelly Ferguson. It is time.”

  Hanging there, I was filled with horrible thoughts of giving up. My best was not nearly good enough.

  “Okay,” I said, bowing my head.

  Serena seemed pleasantly surprised. “Okay?”

  “Only if you promise to let Theo go,” I said weakly.

  Serena cackled. “I always keep my promises.”

  I leaned my neck out, offering it to her. Serena’s eyes sparkled. At last she had me. Her legs hoisted me up, bringing me close to her pale, flawless skin.

  I looked at Baby Theo, who was in the clutches of Serena’s sixth leg. His beautiful eyes looked up at me with wonder and pure love.

  “Adooo,” whispered Baby Theo.

  “Good-bye, little turtle,” I whispered lovingly.

  Serena’s cold shadow loomed over me. I felt the sting of two sharp needles sinking into my skin. Her warm lips wiggled around my neck. I shivered as I felt her latch on and begin to draw my blood into her mouth. My heart skipped and pumped quickly, as if it was hooked up to a vacuum. I felt my life draw up toward the sweet sting in my jugular.

  Mmmmph mmmmph, Serena grunted.

  I grabbed the back of Serena’s head and held it tightly as I stood on my tiptoes, thrusting my neck deeper into her mouth, arching my back. I wanted her to drink fast and to get this whole thing over with.

  Bubbles filled my brain, and suddenly, dark spots covered my vision, and my body went limp.

  “Aaaaaah!” Serena sighed, throwing back her head. She wiped my blood from her lips with the back of her hand and licked her fingertips. “Blood of the babysitter. There is no finer wine in all the world.”

  I watched hazily as Serena threw her arms up to the sky.

  “Brother! You are avenged!” she cried. “Kelly Ferguson, by the Order of the Boogeymen, and in memory of the great Grand Guignol, I hereby pronounce you my slave. You may now kiss my ring.”

  She held out her slender, magnificent hand. A giant diamond insect sparkled.

  “And you may now kiss my butt,” I whispered weakly.

  Grabbing her hand, I pulled myself up off my knees, slowly rising to look into her eyes.

  Serena’s smile froze into a peculiar wince. She cleared her throat.

  “Your blood. Something is wrong with it,” she hissed, touching her trembling lips.

  Serena clawed at her neck. Her eight knees wobbled as she tripped over her web. She threw back her head to howl, but it sounded like the honk of a dying goose. Her tongue lashed around like a desperate flag of surrender.

  “What have you done?” she asked, s
taggering forward.

  “I am the antidote,” I said with a smile.

  Her eyes bulged in horror.

  “You thought I’d given up? Babysitters never give up!” I shouted.

  Serena doubled over. Theo fell from her grip, and I caught him in my arms.

  The skin on her face sagged off her skull, and she cried as her human mask flopped onto the ground. The hideous features of a giant spider with two dripping fangs stared down at me.

  “Look what you’ve done to me,” she said, grabbing at her skin, trying to hold up her monstrous mask.

  The flesh around her hands drooped and fell like loose gloves to the floor. Her precious jewels skittered from her fingers and neck. She clawed at them, but they scurried out of her grasp into the shadows.

  “Look away! Look away!” she shrieked.

  I didn’t look away. I held Theo against my chest, our hearts thumping together. I felt kind of bad for Serena. All that vanity and talk about beauty and money; it was just a cover-up for an insecure, fragile bug. Her arachnoid mandibles clacked.

  Enough chitchat. Get Theo out of here.

  I started to climb across the web, but I stopped. Dizzy. Serena had drained so much of my blood I was going to pass out.

  No. Not now. Stay awake, Kelly. Keep moving!

  Holding Theo, I stumbled on the webbing. Serena raised a lethal limb over me. She was going to kill me. Her spiky, hairy leg rose and then stopped suddenly. It twitched, as if she were a malfunctioning robot. Shaking, Serena’s legs curled together, closing around her, like a flower closing its petals for the winter. The hairs on her face and legs grayed and then drained of all color and life. Her spider exoskeleton dried into large flaky scales and wrinkles. Her years of living caught up fast. The Spider Queen withered into a crusty ball and then stopped moving.

  The mass of petrified limbs was rigid, silent. It looked to me like a giant, dead pupa. The kind that a caterpillar bursts out of in the spring.

  “Hideous child!” shrieked Professor Gonzalo from the doorway. “The others will not stand for this. They will come for you!”

  “Bring it,” I mumbled, too weak to argue.

  The sniveling Professor and the trolls vanished into the halls of Hargrave Manor.

  Holding Theo, I managed to drag myself off the web and onto the chamber floor, beside Liz and Kevin. I was so cold and so tired. I just wanted to sleep forever. And ever.

  The moans and wails of Serena’s people-puppets trapped in the ballroom were gone. I could hear the astonished cries of my friends, family, and neighbors waking up from a deep, dark spell.

  “You broke Serena’s hold, newb,” Liz said.

  “Don’t call me ‘newb,’” I said as I drifted away into a bright white light, knowing everything was going to be okay for everyone but me. And I was cool with that, even as the world went blank. . . .

  Nice knowing ya. In the immortal words of Porky Pig: Th-Th-Th-That’s all, folks.

  “Kelly? Kelly, por favor.”

  Something warm touched my lips. Heat radiated down my neck and body. I was pulled from the angelic white light and back to the squalor of Hargrave Manor.

  My eyes fluttered open to see Victor’s face against mine.

  He was kissing me.

  Victor is kissing me!

  I gasped and jolted up, knocking my forehead against his. Not exactly the smoothest reaction to being kissed, but I was in major shock. One, I think I, like, died. And two, I was being kissed by Victor.

  Victor smiled and rubbed his forehead. He had a big smile on his face.

  “Get a room you two,” Berna groaned. She winked down at me and giggled.

  “Seriously, that’s very unprofessional,” said Curtis.

  “I think it’sh romantic,” said Cassie, casting her eyes on Curtis.

  Mama Vee crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows.

  “See what happens when you break Law Number Three?” she said.

  I looked at Victor, and my nearly frostbitten cheeks flushed. I realized we were holding hands, our fingers interlaced. Not exactly how I imagined my first kiss would happen, but I would always remember it as the kiss that brought me back to life. I guess some fairy tales are true.

  “You guys are okay?” I said.

  “After you passed out, Wugnot picked the locks on our cuffs, and we escorted everyone outside,” said Liz, rubbing her wrists.

  Amazed, I looked around. We were outside of Hargrave Manor, surrounded by a mob of family, friends, and neighbors, huddling together in the snow: the once-spellbound police, Tammy, Deanna, Victor’s family, and my mom and dad had clear eyes—even if they were totally terrified.

  “What about the Professor?” I asked.

  Liz grimly shook her head. “Escaped with the trolls.”

  That made my stomach churn.

  “Theo? Theo!” I heard a motherly voice call out. “My baby? Where’s my baby?”

  Everyone parted and made way for Dawn to rush forward. Her eyes sparkled with life. Mama Vee held Dawn’s crying baby in her arms. Dawn scooped up her boy and kissed away the tears on his face.

  “My baby boy,” she whispered, rocking him back and forth as she pressed his chubby red cheek against her. “My beautiful, little angel. Mommy’s here. Mommy’s right here.”

  The little turtle nuzzled his face into his mother’s neck. As mother and child were reunited, the storm winds stopped. Gray clouds dissolved into the sparkling starry night. The crowd circled Dawn and her baby with so much love and adoration I thought they were going to start singing “Silent Night.”

  “Thank you, Kelly,” Dawn said to me. Her eyes were shimmering with tears.

  I gently rubbed Theo’s leg. It was warm and full of life. He was thriving in his mother’s arms.

  “Just doing my job,” I said.

  “Kelly?” my mom shouted. “What on Earth are you doing here?”

  “Um” was about all I could think to say.

  An animal control vehicle, the kind they send to pick up stray dogs, screeched to a stop. A figure stepped from it. She was wearing khaki pants and a crisp white shirt under a snazzy cargo jacket. It was Madame Moon. She held up a badge that made it look like she worked for the city.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” Madame Moon barked into a megaphone. “If I could have your attention, please.”

  The crowd looked to Madame Moon. Stunned. A dozen ambulances, lights flashing, screeched around us. Paramedics rushed out, covering us with blankets, ushering us to the warmth of their vehicles.

  “How did we all end up here?” asked Officer Muntz.

  While a thousand questions flew, I saw Tammy watching me. The makeup had been washed from her face. She had a knowing look in her eye as she saw me standing with the babysitters.

  “You have suffered from an outbreak of Arachnidia narcolepsia. The sleepwalking snow spider,” said Madame Moon as she opened a notebook to a picture of one of Serena’s spiders. “The state of Rhode Island recently had an infestation of them, and I’m sorry to say that all of you have been bitten by it. That’s right. Reach up, feel your neck. There are probably nasty little bites on your jugular.”

  My parents felt the tender bites. Victor’s mom screamed as she felt hers.

  “These are extremely rare spiders with a highly toxic venom that can cause outbreaks of sleepwalking in the victims. Apparently, some concerned citizens saw you all wandering the streets and thought it would be best if you were contained together and kept out of the storm. I would thank them all if I were you. They saved your lives.”

  Madame Moon gestured to the babysitters and me. She applauded. The other people slowly applauded. They didn’t know what to believe. As our neighbors clapped and thanked me and the sitters, Mama Vee gave me a grateful nod.

  “Kelly, you saved our lives?” asked my mother, perplexed.

  “Guilty,” I said with a shrug.

  My parents saw the babysitters standing nearby. A look of admiration spread across their faces.

/>   “Well, well,” my mother said, a proud smile upon her face. “I guess all that babysitting paid off. Seeing as you had to babysit your father and me.”

  Hugging my mom and dad, I saw Hank, Liz’s father, peering into the darkness beyond the crowd. A flash of red light swept across the shadows, illuminating Liz and Kevin for just a moment. Kevin’s silver eyes glistened, looking back at his father. Hank’s mouth opened in awe, as if he finally recognized his son in his beastly form.

  Another sweep of red light, and Kevin and Liz were gone.

  I looked over at Victor, who was holding his family close. Victor was beaming at me, and I guess I was beaming back at him.

  40

  The next day was a snow day.

  No school! Dreams do come true!

  The nor’easter had dumped about five feet of glorious, powdery snow across Rhode Island. There was so much snow, all the major highways were closed, which meant my mom and dad had the day off work, too. It was like the world was covered in whipped cream.

  Lying in bed, I got a text from Victor:

  Think we can ice-skate on Milton’s Pond?

  Heck yes!!!

  Even though my body ached, my heart would not let me lie in bed.

  “You’re not going anywhere until you eat breakfast, young lady,” said my mom, standing in my doorway.

  “Yes, Mother.”

  I took down three waffles, six sausage links, four eggs, two glasses of juice, a Pop-Tart, the chicken leftovers we had in the fridge, and a glass of milk. Having my blood drained gave me quite the appetite.

  As if I were from an alien planet, my parents watched me as they chewed their toast and sipped their coffee.

  “What?” I asked.

  My mother shook her head and smoothed her napkin. I had hidden the truth from them for only a month, and it had had terrible consequences. I needed to come clean.

  “Do you remember anything about last night?” I asked.

  They shook their heads.

  “You don’t remember inviting someone over for dinner?”

  They laughed, shook their heads.

  “I think I’d remember that,” my dad said.

  “You don’t remember serving someone you called the most beautiful woman in all the world?” I pressed.