I refused to back down from his glower. “We’re not going to be alone.”
“Right, I forgot.”
His narrowed eyes glittered with an unkind amusement, and I could tell my words held no weight with him. He reached across the bar and covered my hand with his. My fingertips hardened into the wood, but despite my racing heart I didn’t move them, not wanting it to seem unnatural. His smile turned bright so he wouldn’t attract attention, and I matched it with my own.
“I’m not going to say it again, Angel, is it? Watch your fucking mouth.” Then he straightened, releasing my hand, and I took in a large gulp of air, not realizing I’d been holding my breath. “And I don’t plan on touching your sister. It was a figure of speech. Just make sure your boy keeps to himself.”
“Aren’t you all ‘boys’?” I air quoted, still trying to act surly despite the race in my heart.
His eyes narrowed and his face dropped its smile. “Not when my girl’s drooling over one of them, we aren’t.”
“She’s just having a good time. Stop acting like you’re a saint.” I tried to drive my hidden meaning into his brain through my eyes.
“What’d you say?” He cocked a brow.
“Nothing.” Losing a bit of my nerve, I shook my head, twisting the cap off the fresh drink and sliding it toward him.
Pushing back off the bar, he watched me over his bottle as he took a swig. “Don’t forget to mind your manners now, beautiful. We wouldn’t want anything unfortunate to happen.”
I swallowed hard as he walked away. Glancing to my right, I caught Blake’s cool eyes. I gave him a small smile, waving my fingers, trying to hide my unease, but something seemed off in his stare. His eyebrows were pulled inward, and his back was straight as a tack. He curled a finger, calling me over.
Oh man. I fumbled with my fingers, hoping I hadn’t given anything away, and tried to think of a cover-up. “What’s up?”
“What’d that asshole say to you? You look upset.” His hand was fisted on the bar as his eyes bore into mine, daring me not to tell him the truth.
“Asshole? I thought you liked him.”
“I don’t like him. I was being polite. Now tell me.”
I toyed with my nail beds for a second, and then dropped them, knowing it was a tell of mine. “I didn’t get upset. He was just being a dick because my dumbass sister can’t keep her eyes off your friend here.” I fought a smile as I motioned to Eric.
With a grin, Eric’s chest swelled. “She knows where it’s at, that’s all.” Then, in a rare moment, Eric grew serious. “Come on, Eva, admit it, I’m so much better than that douche bag. Tell her to move on. And what’s with the ring? She’s seriously going to marry him? That guy’s trouble.” He looked longingly in their direction.
Damon turned, catching Eric’s eyes once again. He shook his head and slid a possessive arm around Abby’s shoulders. She laid her cheek on his chest, then his lips curled in a cocky smile, and he kissed the top of her hair, still staring at Eric.
I pulled his attention back to me. “Trust me, I have. But that douche bag’s a thorn in my side, so do me a favor and hold your horses while he’s around. And what do you mean he’s trouble?”
“We’ve known him a long time,” Eric explained. “Let’s just say if I had a sister, that’s not who I’d let her marry. He’s not exactly the monogamous type.” He relaxed back in his chair and spread his legs.
My body stiffened and I swallowed hard. Of course, I knew that. But what did Eric know? Unease settled deep inside and I clutched the rolls in my stomach trying to tamp them down. How many more were there? I never thought of the prospect of more until this moment. I’d always assumed I was the only one. I pressed harder into the nerves coiling in my belly as I thought of Abby. What else had he done behind her back?
Blake scowled in Damon’s direction. “I still don’t like the way you looked. I’m ready to put him in his place already.”
I so wish you could, Blake.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t.
I shook my head. “Oh no, you’re not. Time and place, remember? I’m working and my whole family is here. Cool your jets. You can’t go all caveman every time someone gets under my skin.”
“Like hell, I can’t.” His eyes were cool, his tone impermeable.
“What happened to polite?”
“Polite goes out the window the second someone disrespects you.”
I had to change the mood. I could see this going down a bad road if I didn’t. “Well, he didn’t. So come on, let’s do a shot. On me.”
Blake rolled his shoulders in an obvious attempt to rein himself in. He dragged his eyes back to mine and slowly moved them down my body, licking his lips. “Which part?”
My cheeks flushed. “Such a naughty boy. What am I gonna do with you?”
He winked. “Anything you’d like. Twice if I’m lucky.”
Eric waved his hands back and forth. “Hello, I’m still here!”
I stayed and did two rounds of shots with them to be sure Blake’s mind was far from Damon, and then answered the calls of the rest of the bar for the next couple hours. When things calmed down a little, I left Jasmine to tend bar and went in search of my sister. My dad was between sets and she, Damon, and my mom were talking to him over his drums.
“Good job, Daddy.” I placed a peck on his sweaty cheek, then turned to Abby. “Come to the bathroom with me.” I didn’t give her a chance to respond as I took her hand and dragged her away. I was scared for her and needed to find a way to tell her the truth, but now was not the time and the way she was acting was only going to create more of a problem.
I pushed open the door and leaned into the mirror, wiping the mess accumulating under my lower lashes as I waited impatiently for the other occupant to exit the stall. She washed quickly, then scooted out.
Once the door closed behind her, I narrowed my eyes at my sister. “What’re you trying to do, Abby? Your boyfriend’s getting all territorial watching you stare at Eric.” Logically, I knew I had no right to be mad at her, but I couldn’t help it. The fucker had me shaking and Blake was moments away from figuring it all out.
She pulled her hair over her shoulder. “I’m trying, all right? It’s not easy. This is the first time I’ve seen him since that night, and I keep feeling his eyes on me. I can’t help myself. I want to talk to him so bad.”
“Well, help yourself. You just got engaged, you nutcase. He’ll go crazy if he finds out you have feelings for someone else. I just can’t understand why the hell you would say yes to him?”
Her posture slackened. “Because I know this is what I want.” Sadness filled her eyes, and they drifted from her fingers straight to the floor. “He’s what’s best for me.”
Gag. Fucking hell.
I touched her shoulders. “Look, I have no idea what’s best for you. I just know tonight’s not the night to figure it out. Capisce?”
She shook her head in agreement, but I could tell her mind was miles away.
My eyebrows knitted together and any selfish thought I harbored flitted from my mind. This was my sister. All I was concerned about was making her feel better. Fixing the mess she’d found herself in. The words fell out of my mouth without thought. “I’m worried about you, Abby and there’s so much to say, but not now. Not here.” I smoothed a comforting hand down her arm. “I’ll come by tomorrow and we can talk. Deal?” Wait. What?
She picked at the label on her beer. “Yeah, you’re right. I just . . . forget it.” The somber look on her face broke my heart. I didn’t understand why she didn’t see the writing on the wall. She wasn’t happy. Probably realizing the same thing, she changed the topic. “Hey, when are you singing? You do it every shift, right?”
I exhaled, pushing all thoughts of this conversation and the one I had in store for me as far from my mind as I could. “I have no clue how Rick maneuvered it, but yes, I do. It’ll be the first time I’m singing with Daddy in public, too. Speaking of which, I’m gonna need an
other shot. Liquid courage all the way.” I winked, trying to lighten the mood. “Want one?”
“Sure do. Can we invite Eric to join?” A teasing smile split her face.
“Abby,” I moaned.
“I know, I know. Come on. Let’s make Mom do one, too.” She looped her arm through mine.
A little while later, the sound of my dad’s voice in the mic sent butterflies knocking around my stomach. “This night will go down in history for me, ladies and gentlemen. For years, I’ve been trying to get my daughter to sing with me and, thanks to that fine gentleman behind the bar, it’s finally going to happen.” He pointed his drumstick at Rick who smiled and nodded back at him. “So, Eva, get your butt up here and sing with your daddy.” The catch of emotion in his voice couldn’t be ignored.
Everyone shouted my name. I blew out a puff of air and looked at Blake. “Here goes nothing.”
“You’ll do great. You always do.” He stood and came to meet me in front of the bar, lacing his fingers with mine. Then he kissed my forehead and handed me off to my dad, stepping back to watch me the way he always did.
“Okay, Dad. You got me here.” I smiled over his cymbals. “I hope you know Demi Lovato because it’s somewhat of a ritual for me.”
He beamed. “Eva, I’ll play whatever you want. I’m just so damn excited you’re actually doing this.”
I was only kidding. I’d already pre-picked Warrior. There wasn’t much background to the song, so it wasn’t hard for them to learn. There was no way I was singing The Rolling Stones. Mick Jagger, I wasn’t. That song choice was a big step for me, and I selected it knowing the chance I was taking.
The keyboard player softly stroked the keys in a solemn tune. I dipped my head and curled my fingers around the mic stand, closing my eyes and letting the enormity behind the song sink into my veins.
In a soft, low voice, I began telling the story I had never told, letting the words pour from my soul. I used the lyrics to get it off of my chest and let it go. Taking back the light Damon had stolen from me. With my lips bowed, eyes still downcast, I told the story of the pain and the truth I wore like a battle wound, liberation fortifying my voice with each word.
When the chorus came, I looked up with a fierceness in my eyes, a stronger voice leaving my throat to exclaim I was a warrior. I pounded my fist at my side, growing sturdier each passing second.
Blake’s arms were slack at his side, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, but I didn’t let that deter me. I needed to get this out. My voice cracked as I sang about the shame and the scars I would never show. Emotions that had been locked inside me for so long burned leaving my throat, but it felt amazing. I needed Blake to know I was a survivor and because of him I would move past this.
The second chorus came around, and the bar was quiet but for the sound of the keyboard and my voice echoing through the speakers. I straightened my spine and looked past Blake, seeking out the eyes I really needed to find. Damon stood in the corner, his eyes wide and a look of horror on his face. He fisted the bottle in his hand and met my gaze. Undeterred, I stared straight at him as I sang about a little girl who had grown up too fast, telling him I was taking back my life. My lips curled over my teeth in disgust as I bit out every word, squeezing the mic stand so tight my knuckles turned white.
He grabbed Abby by her arm and spoke into her ear. My voice was still ringing from the speakers when they kissed my mother goodbye and he dragged Abby from the bar. I was glad he’d gotten the message. He could never hurt me again. I was sure of it. And, after tomorrow, whether I lost my sister or not, I would make sure he’d never hurt her either.
With my newfound thicker skin, a lone tear rolled down my cheek as I said goodbye to the frightened little girl I’d held onto for far too long.
The ending of the song was met with screaming applause and teary eyes, everyone oblivious to the truth behind my performance.
Everyone but Blake.
My dad came out from behind the drums to hug me, drowning me in praise, but I didn’t hear a word he said. Over his shoulder, I watched Blake. His head was cocked to the side as he studied me with a puzzled look on his face. He turned to look at the door Damon had just exited and then back to me. Then he straightened, his eyes widening as if he was putting together the pieces of my tragic puzzle. He took three long strides and stood before me. He took me by my arm as the band started playing again.
“Come with me.”
He pulled me outside the bar, and I wrapped my arms around myself, shielding the cold. Grabbing my shoulders, he bent to my eye level. “What was that?”
I recoiled. “What was what?”
“Were you singing that to him? Is it him?” His eyes implored mine as he squeezed my upper arms to the point of pain.
“What’re you talking about?” I tried to break his hold, but he tightened his grip.
“Tell me, Angel. If it’s him, so help me God I’ll end his life right now. Fucking tell me!” He shook me.
“Blake stop it. You’re scaring me.” I yanked my arms from his grasp and took a step back. “What’s gotten into you? It was just a song.” My voice broke with fear. I’d never seen him this way.
He stepped toward me, and I backed up again. The vein in his neck was pounding as he bit down tight on his jaw. “You’d tell me right? If it was him? You’d tell me?” His eyes pleaded with me. Begging for the truth I’d never given him.
My voice sounded meek in my ears. “I would,” I lied, amazed I could get the words out. I hated deceiving him, but I had no choice. “It was just a song. Please stop before you cause a scene.” My eyes filled with tears. I was slowly losing the strength I’d had only minutes ago.
He closed the gap between us and took me in his arms. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry. It’s just . . . the way you were looking at him . . . I was sure . . .” He blew out a breath into my hair. “All I saw was red. I’d kill him, you know. You’d never have to be afraid again.”
For the first time, I felt like a shell as he held me in his arms. I was used to feeling protected and safe, warm and secure. Right now I just felt empty and hollow. My arms hung limp at my sides, and all I wanted was for him to let go of me so I could leave.
It was hard for me to let that out tonight, and I couldn’t process Blake’s reaction with the buzz in my head. I backed up from him. “I think you should stay at your place tonight. I need to sleep.”
“Don’t do that, Angel. I said I was sorry. What’d you want me to think?” His voice raised an octave.
“It’s fine. I’m not mad. I just need to sleep it off.”
Another lie.
I was confused and hurt and scared, and even though I knew he was only looking out for me, I had to do this my way. On my terms. Once this came out, I could potentially lose everything. I was scared shitless. This truth, this ugly fucking truth had the power to make me lose everyone I loved in my life.
Blake’s voice caressed my fraying nerve endings. “I would never hurt you. You know that right? I was only trying to protect you.”
I knew he was trying to fight for me, to protect me. But what he didn’t understand was I was trying to do the same thing.
“I know.” I nodded, on the verge of tears. “I’m just going to finish up and go home. I’ll have my parents drop me off. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
His eyes gave away his uncertainty, but I could tell he didn’t want to push me any further. He smoothed his hand down my arm. “Okay, baby. Text me when you get home, please?”
I half-smiled. “Sure.”
Another lie.
Pound. Pound. Pound
Drawing in a breath, I turned my swollen eyes to the clock. Five A.M. I’d just gotten in at four and crashed. I stumbled out from under the sheets. “I’m coming!”
Blake stood at the door, resting an arm on either side of its frame, looking a mess with crumpled clothes and hair in the same state. “You never texted me when you got home.”
“I’m sorry, I
passed out. I told you I needed sleep.” I rubbed my palms into my eyes. “Why are you still up?”
“I feel shitty about the way we left things. Can I come in?”
I stepped back, holding the door open.
Blake barged in, raking a hand through his hair. “Angel, I’m trying really hard to be patient with all this, but I need to know the whole truth. I can’t be in the dark anymore. It’s driving me crazy and draining me, the constant fucking wondering. Look at me!” I hadn’t noticed before how deep the worry lines between his eyes had become or how purple the bags below them were. Maybe I was in denial thinking we could go on like this forever, him never knowing the whole story.
But he was right. He needed to know. I couldn’t risk him freaking out again the way he had tonight. “Sit down.”
His eyes widened, and he took a deep swallow, slowly dropping to my couch.
I breathed in deep, scrubbing my palms together and focused on the tread in the carpet. “I thought it was okay. I was young and inexperienced and Damon was just . . . there. He was always there. But the way he watched me after I hit puberty was different. He looked at me like a woman when everyone else still looked at me like a child, and I . . . liked it.” I looked up at Blake’s confused eyes. He sat perched at the edge of the couch, waiting for the blow.
“I could tell right away it was wrong. I felt it in my bones the second he touched me, and I barely made it through. I tried to stop him after that first time, but he wouldn’t. It went on for years behind my sister’s back, and it’s my fault. That’s why getting over it’s so hard. I . . . agreed to it.” A tear slipped from my eyes and, though I felt small and ashamed, I forced myself not to look away.
Blake processed my words, his eyes pinched together, and then a swarm of coldness blanketed them. He stood, his hands fisted at his sides and his jaw tight. “You lied to me.”
Live Me Page 38
