The Sometimes Daughter

by Sherri Wood Emmons

  “Let’s go,” I said, glancing at my reflection in the mirror. “I don’t want to be late.”

  Matt met us at the corner to walk together. His eyes widened when he saw Lee Ann.

  “You look like you’re going on a date,” he said, grinning.

  “You like?” She spun around, her hands on her hips.

  He laughed and nodded.

  “Good,” she said, tucking her hand through his arm. “Now if you could just help me convince Judy to doll herself up a little bit.”

  “Naw,” he said, smiling at me. “Judy looks good just like she is.”

  He offered his other arm to me and I took it, feeling my cheeks grow warm.

  “Don’t forget,” Lee Ann said as we walked in the glass doors of the high school, “meet me at three in the lobby so we can sign up for tryouts.”

  “What are you trying out for?” Matt asked.

  “We’re gonna be Hornet Honeys,” she proclaimed confidently. Howe High School’s sports teams were called the Hornets.

  He looked at her blankly.

  “You know,” she said, “pom-pom girls, the ones who dance at halftime at the football and basketball games.”

  At this he laughed, looking from Lee Ann to me.

  “Seriously?” he asked. “You guys want to be pom-pom girls?”

  I dropped my eyes to the floor. I actually did not want to be a pom-pom girl. But Lee Ann really, really wanted to be a Hornet Honey. And she had pretty much coerced me into doing tryouts with her. I didn’t expect either of us to make the squad. I was not the pom-pom girl type. And Lee Ann, although she looked the part ... well, Lee Ann was a terrible dancer. She didn’t know that, of course. And I wasn’t about to tell her. But I didn’t want her to fail on her own. I figured if we tried out together and neither of us made it, that would be easier on her.

  “Oh, trust me,” Lee Ann said, crooking her finger under Matt’s chin and smiling, “we are gonna be the best Honeys ever.”

  He just laughed. “Here’s where I get off,” he said when we reached the front office. “I’ve got to register for classes. See you guys later.”

  I watched him walked into the office, thinking how nice he was. When I turned, Lee Ann was watching me carefully, a smile on her lips.

  “So,” she said, shoving me with her elbow, “you and Matty O’Patty?”

  I shook my head and tried to smile.

  “You could do worse,” she said. “He’s kind of a hottie.”

  “He’s okay,” I said.

  The first bell rang and we headed in separate directions toward our lockers and a new semester.

  At three o’clock, I stood in the gym in a huge crowd of girls, looking for Lee Ann and feeling completely out of place.

  “Boo!” she said, putting her hands over my eyes.

  “Where have you been?” I asked. “I’ve been here for ten minutes.”

  “Oh.” She smiled. “I was having a little talk with our friend Matt.”

  I stared at her, saying nothing. Matt was in three of my classes, and we’d talked several times during the day. And now Lee Ann was probably going to announce that they were seeing each other.

  “Don’t give me that look,” she said, “we were talking about you.”

  “Oh.” This was even worse.

  “And ...” She drew the word out.

  “And what?” I finally asked.

  “And he likes you!” She sounded triumphant, as though she herself had made this possible.

  “Really?” My voice sounded strangled in my throat.

  “Really,” she said. “He told me so himself. He asked if you were dating anyone, and I said no, and then he asked if I thought you would go out with him.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I told him I didn’t know; he’d have to ask you himself.”

  “Oh, God, Lee Ann, why did you say that?” I felt my cheeks reddening. “Do you think he will?”

  “Uh, yeah.” She said this as though it were perfectly obvious. But it wasn’t at all obvious to me.

  “Attention, girls! Attention, please!”

  Miss Harrison, the teacher in charge of the Hornet Honeys, waved her hand in the air. Eventually, the chatter stopped and two hundred pairs of eyes focused on her. She smiled brightly.

  “Welcome to auditions for the Hornet Honeys,” she said. “We have thirty-two spots available, so there will be a lot of competition this year.”

  I gazed around the gym at all the girls, wondering which of them would take those coveted spots. Several had been on the squad the previous year and were practically guaranteed a place. Poor Lee Ann, I thought, stood no chance at all.

  We divided into groups of twenty, each group under the direction of a senior Hornet Honey. Together we worked on marching steps, with our knees high and our toes pointed. Then we began learning the dance to the school song. I didn’t think it was terribly hard, but a lot of the girls kept getting the steps confused. Lee Ann looked completely lost.

  As we walked home after practice, Lee Ann was mostly silent.

  “Ugh,” I said as we neared home. Treva was just pulling into our driveway. She smiled and waved when she saw us.

  “Hey!” she called. “Come help me with these bags.”

  She had been to the grocery and it seemed like she’d bought the entire store. When we had deposited the bags on the kitchen counter, she turned to beam at us.

  “So how was the first day?” she asked.

  “Okay,” I said.

  Lee Ann shrugged.

  “You’re kind of late getting home, aren’t you?” Treva looked up at the clock and then at me, like she was my mom or something.

  “We stayed for tryouts,” I mumbled.

  “What are you trying out for?”

  “Hornet Honeys,” Lee Ann said. “But we’re not going back.”

  I stared at her.

  “Why not?” Treva asked. “Being on the drill team is fun. You’ll love it!”

  “I don’t think we’ll make it,” Lee Ann said, looking at the floor. “It’s really hard, and some of the others just seem to get it so fast.”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “We’ll do something else.” I wasn’t sure what, but I was relieved she had given up on the pom-pom-girl idea.

  “Oh, no!” Treva sounded emphatic. “You can’t just give up after one practice. Everyone has a hard time at first. You have to stick with it, and it’ll come.”

  Lee Ann raised her eyes then to look at her. “Do you think so?”

  “Yes,” Treva said, nodding. “I’ll tell you what, I was on drill team in high school and in college. I can help you, if you want.”

  “Really?” Lee Ann’s face brightened.

  Oh, hell, I thought. Just what I wanted, to audition for the Hornet Honeys and spend a bunch of time with Treva. Perfect.

  For the next week, we practiced every evening in our backyard under Treva’s careful eyes.

  “Get those knees higher, Lee Ann,” she’d call. “Pop that hip out. Point your toes!”

  I was surprised at how easily the steps came to me, how quickly I picked up even the most complicated routines, and most of all, how much fun I was having.

  Lee Ann struggled mightily, but by the end of the week even she had learned the basic steps of the dance, if not the flourishes.

  “You know what, Judy,” Treva said after dinner one night, “you’re really good at dancing. I think you’re going to make the squad.”

  “Really?” Daddy smiled at me. “I didn’t know you could dance. That’s great.”

  “What about Lee Ann?” I asked, regretting it almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth. I already knew the answer.

  “Well,” Treva said, rising from the table. “She’s trying really hard.”

  “Yeah.” That about summed it up.

  The next afternoon, we waited in the gym for our turns to display our marching skills, numbers pinned to our fronts and backs. Then we performed the school song in gr
oups of twelve. This was the first cut. Half of us would not be asked to come back to perform the jazzy dance routine.

  I watched Lee Ann march with her group. She was concentrating hard. I could see her lips moving, counting out the patterns. She forgot to smile. I didn’t watch her perform the school song routine. I couldn’t.

  Oh well, I thought when it was my turn. It was fun and now it’s over.

  I didn’t feel nervous at all. I wasn’t coming back for the second audition, after all. I was just doing this to help out Lee Ann.

  I marched and spun and remembered to point my toes. I danced to the school song with confidence, smiling at the sheer fun of the dance. When I had finished, I went to sit on the bleachers beside Lee Ann to watch the last of the groups audition.

  We waited on the bleachers for forty-five minutes after the last group, while the seniors and Miss Harrison retreated to another room. When they returned, they had a list of numbers—the girls they wanted to return for the second audition. Everyone in the room leaned forward a bit, each girl waiting to hear her number called. There were cries of triumph and tears of despair. Lee Ann clutched my hand so hard it hurt, then released it as they passed by her number without calling it.

  “Let’s go,” she said, pulling me to my feet.

  “Seventy-four,” Miss Harrison called just then.

  Lee Ann froze and turned to look at the number seventy-four pinned to my chest. She turned and walked straight down the steps and across the floor, toward the door. I stood where I was, frozen. I knew I should follow her. But I had no idea what I would say to her. How could I make it better for her, if I had been chosen and she hadn’t?

  “Congratulations, Judy!”

  Sarah Martinson hugged me and smiled. “I knew you’d make it. Do you want to come to my house tonight and practice?” She had made the first cut, too.

  “Uh,” I said, not sure, my eyes following Lee Ann as she left the gym.

  “I know,” she said. “Heather didn’t make it either.” She pointed to the retreating figure of her best friend. “But you did. And I did. And ... well, we should practice. Right?”

  “Okay,” I said.

  Okay? Really? What was I doing, agreeing to practice for an audition I wasn’t going to?

  “Come to my house at seven,” she said.

  “Actually,” I heard myself saying, “why don’t you come to my house? My dad’s girlfriend is a really good dancer. She’s been helping me.”

  Good Lord. Had I really just said that?

  “Great!” Sarah hugged me again. “I’ll see you at seven.”

  I walked home alone. Lee Ann was nowhere to be seen.

  Treva was waiting on the front steps.

  “Hey!” she called. “How did it go?”

  “I made first cut,” I said.

  “Lee Ann?”

  I shook my head.

  “I’m sorry, hon,” she said. “I know that sucks. But ... you made it. That’s great! When is second cut?”

  “On Friday.”

  “So, we have three days to get that routine down pat,” she said, smiling. “That’s plenty of time. You’ve already got most of it.”

  “I’m not sure I’m going,” I said.

  “What? Oh, Judy, you have to. You’re good at this! And you like it. I can tell you like it.”

  I shrugged.

  “Look,” she continued, “I know you started out just because Lee Ann wanted you to, but you are really good at this. You can do drill team and still be her friend, right?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe.”

  “Of course you can,” she said. “You and Lee Ann have been friends too long to let something like this get in your way. Besides, once she gets past the disappointment, she’ll be happy for you. She’s your best friend.”

  “Maybe,” I said again.

  “So,” she said, rising, “do you want to start practicing?”

  “Can we do it after dinner?” I asked. “I think another girl is coming to practice with us.”

  She smiled at me. “Sure,” she said, “the more the merrier.”

  Sarah arrived at seven and we began practicing the jazz routine in the backyard while Treva and Daddy sat on the back porch, watching. Treva called out suggestions from time to time. Daddy just watched us and smiled.

  When we had finished the entire dance, Treva switched off the boom box.

  “Nice work,” she said. “You guys are both doing a terrific job!”

  “Thanks, Treva!” Sarah beamed back at her.

  “So, same time tomorrow?” Treva asked.

  “That would be great, thanks,” Sarah said.

  “Judy, is that okay for you?”

  “Sure, I guess so.”

  Sarah gathered her things to go home.

  “So, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said.

  “See you.”

  I walked with her to the front of the house, where her bike was parked. She waved as she pedaled away. I waved back.

  And then I saw Lee Ann, standing in the next-door neighbor’s yard, watching us.

  “Hey,” I called.

  She didn’t say anything, just turned and began walking up the block toward her house.

  “Hey!” I called again, running after her. I grabbed her arm and she turned to face me.

  “So,” she spat, “you and Sarah are practicing together. How nice for you both.”

  “Come on,” I pleaded. “Don’t be mad at me. It’s just ...”

  “It’s just what? You made it and I didn’t. And now you and Sarah can be Hornet Honeys together and best friends and whatever. I don’t care!”

  “Lee Ann,” I started, but she cut me off.

  “You didn’t even want to do it! I had to drag you to the tryouts. And now ... you get to do it and I don’t. It’s not fair!”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry you didn’t make it.”

  “Then quit!” she yelled.

  I stood still, just staring at her. Her eyes were red, her skin blotchy. She was my best friend, the only one who’d known me for so long.

  “I can’t,” I said. The truth was, I didn’t want to quit. I loved the dancing. I loved feeling the beat of the drums in my feet. It was exciting and natural at the same time.

  “Then fuck you!” she yelled, pulling her arm from my grasp.

  She walked away from me, not looking back.

  “Hey, you okay?” Daddy’s hand was warm on my shoulder.

  I shook my head, feeling my throat constricting.

  “It’ll be all right,” he said. “She’s just upset, but she’ll get over it. You guys are best friends. She can’t stay mad at you.”

  We walked into the house, where Treva was settled on the couch with a cup of tea.

  “So, that was fun,” she said. “You and Sarah both did really well.”

  I stared at her, then ran upstairs to my room.

  35

  The next morning, Lee Ann did not come by on the way to school, so I walked alone.

  “Hey,” Matt called to me as I passed his house. “What’s up?” he asked as he fell into step beside me.

  I shrugged.

  “Where’s Lee Ann?”

  “She’s mad at me.”

  “What for?”

  “She didn’t make first cut for drill team.”

  “So why is she mad at you? That’s not your fault.”

  “I made first cut.”

  “Oh,” he said. “Still, that’s no reason to be mad at you.”

  I shrugged again.

  “She doesn’t want me to do it,” I said. I glanced at him to see if he agreed with her.

  “That’s crazy,” he said. “Just because she didn’t make it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it if you want to. Do you want to?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I kind of do. I didn’t think I would, but it’s fun. And I’m pretty good at it.”

  “Well, she needs to get over it, then.”

  He smiled at me. I smil
ed back.

  “What are you doing after school?” he asked.

  “I have to stay for practice. Second cut is on Friday.”

  “What about after dinner?”

  “Sarah Martinson is coming over to practice. She made first cut, too.”

  “So, you’re going to be pretty busy this week?”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

  He stopped and took my hand. “Well, how about Saturday? Are you busy on Saturday?”

  “No,” I said. “I don’t think so.”

  “Do you want to go see a movie?”

  “Sure,” I said. “That sounds like fun.”

  “Okay.” He grinned at me and I felt light-headed, like I was a little high.

  Lee Ann didn’t sit with me at lunch, so I sat with Sarah and her friends. I could see Lee Ann across the cafeteria, sitting with some other girls. She never once looked in my direction.

  After school, I walked to her house and knocked on the door. Mrs. Dawson answered.

  “Hi, Judy,” she said, smiling. “Lee Ann’s up in her room. But I have to warn you, she’s in a foul mood.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. Dawson.”

  I climbed the stairs and knocked on her bedroom door.

  “What?” she yelled.

  “It’s me,” I said.

  Silence.

  I knocked again.

  “Lee Ann? Can I come in?”

  The door swung open and she stood in the doorway, blocking the way in.

  “What do you want?” she asked, glaring at me.

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “Are you still doing tryouts?”

  “Yes, but ...”

  She slammed the door in my face.

  “Come on, Lee Ann,” I called, banging on the door.

  “Go away!” she shouted from inside the room.

  Sighing, I turned and walked downstairs. Mrs. Dawson was waiting at the bottom.

  “Don’t worry,” she said, patting my arm. “She’s pretty disappointed, but she’ll get over it. I told her she’s being ridiculous, but she’s in a mood.”

  “Thanks,” I said, looking back up the stairs.

  I walked home slowly, wondering if I should just not go to the tryout on Friday. I hated having Lee Ann mad at me. But I really did want to make the drill team.