The Sometimes Daughter

by Sherri Wood Emmons

  “God, what if you’re pregnant?”

  I hadn’t thought of that. I know it sounds crazy, but I hadn’t.

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  I sat a moment, letting it sink in. What if I was pregnant?

  “Your dad would shit a brick!” Lee Ann said. “I mean, seriously, he’d die. First you get arrested, then you get pregnant? What the hell were you thinking?”

  I stared at her. What had I been thinking? What the hell had I done?

  “Oh, God,” I said, collapsing onto the bed. “Oh my God.” Rufus yelped as I squeezed him to me.

  “Okay, look, you’re probably not,” Lee Ann said, taking my hand. “I mean, my God, what are the chances? It was your first time. It never happens on your first time.”

  “Really?”

  “Sure,” she said. “I don’t know anyone who got pregnant their first time. It’s like there’s some cosmic rule against it.”

  “That’s not what they said in health class.” I shuddered, remembering the cheesy movies we’d seen on teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

  “Yeah, but they’re just trying to scare us,” she said.

  “I hope so.” I scratched Rufus behind the ears.

  “Me too.” Her voice was small.

  “The good news is, Matt saw you leave with him,” she said.

  “Really?” I rolled onto my side to look at her. “Did he say anything?”

  “No,” she said. “He watched you leave and then he got his coat and left. I think he was pretty pissed.”

  “Good.” So the evening hadn’t been a complete waste, after all.

  We spent the next few days ice skating at the park and shopping for Christmas gifts. I didn’t take much time with my shopping. I bought a poinsettia for Grandma and Grandpa, some guitar music for Daddy, and a cheap gold-plated bracelet for Treva. Lee Ann spent days looking at things before deciding on a blue and red tie for her dad and a tiny silver locket for her mom. She put a picture of herself in the locket.

  “What do you think?” she asked, handing me the locket.

  “It’s pretty,” I said, my breath catching in my throat.

  I held the locket for a minute, wondering if Mama would wear something like that, wishing for ... I wasn’t even sure what. Then I put it back in Lee Ann’s hand. “Your mom will love it.”

  I hadn’t heard from Mama since the letter in September. Nothing more had been said about her coming to visit. Probably she had decided not to come. I hoped so, anyway.

  On Christmas morning, Grandma, Grandpa, and Treva arrived early. We ate pancakes and sausage and opened presents by the tree.

  I got a pretty green sweater from Grandma and Grandpa and a new boom box from Daddy. I handed out my gifts then. Grandma kissed me and said she loved the poinsettia. Daddy liked the sheet music.

  Then Treva opened her box and held up the bracelet. “Oh,” she said, smiling. “How cute. Thank you, honey.”

  One box still lay under the tree, a long shallow one in silver paper. Daddy pulled it out and laid it on my lap. It was from Treva.

  I tore off the paper and opened the box. Inside was a beautiful bolero-style leather jacket, black and soft with gold trim, kind of like the one Madonna wore in Desperately Seeking Susan.

  “Wow,” I breathed. I pulled the jacket from the tissue paper and held it up. “Wow.”

  “Do you like it?” Treva asked. “We can exchange it for something else if you want.”

  “It’s great. Thank you!”

  She smiled at me, and I was surprised to see tears shining in her eyes.

  I felt bad about the cheap bracelet. Seeing her there, sitting by Daddy smiling at me, I felt bad about a lot of things. Treva might be annoying, but she tried. She tried really hard. She’d put up with my sulking and whining when she and Daddy first started dating. She’d put up with my smart mouth when I came back from California that last disastrous trip. She’d put up with everything I’d thrown at her, and she was still here, sitting on the couch crying because I liked the present she’d gotten me.

  It hit me then, it hit me hard like a slap, that Treva had been my de facto mother for a long time. She’d been more of a mother to me than Mama ever was. Even when I’d tried to push her away—and I had tried hard—she never left. It took my breath away, seeing her there, loving me.

  I rose and walked across the room, bent down, and hugged her. It was the first time I’d ever done that, and I think it surprised her almost as much as it surprised me.

  “Thank you,” I said over the knot in my throat. “Thank you for everything.”

  Daddy hugged both of us for a minute, and then I felt weird about what I’d just done. So I retreated back to my chair and began shoving wrapping paper into a trash bag.

  “So,” Grandpa said, leaning back in the recliner, “one more week till the big day.”

  “Yep.” Daddy grinned. “It’s finally going to happen.”

  “How many folks will be here?” Grandpa asked, looking around the living room.

  “About twenty,” Treva said. “Just you all and my folks and my brother and his wife and a few friends.”

  “You gonna leave the Christmas tree up?” Grandpa asked.

  “Yes, we’re going to get married right there.” Treva pointed to the hearth by the tree.

  “That will be beautiful,” Grandma said. “Do you have everything you need for the wedding and reception?”

  Treva nodded. “Everyone is bringing a covered dish,” she said. “So it won’t be a lot of cooking. And we’ve ordered the cake.”

  “Are you sure I can’t bring more?” Grandma asked. “I could make a fruit salad or a Jello mold.”

  “Mom, you’re doing enough,” Daddy said, hugging her. “Your chicken and noodles will be the hit of the party, I’m sure.”

  Grandma smiled at him and patted his arm. “I’m just glad you’re finally going to be happy.”

  “Me too,” he said, smiling from her to Treva. “It’s about time this family had a little bit of happy.”

  I swallowed hard. My period was two days overdue.

  “Judy, why don’t you try on that jacket?” Treva said. “Let’s see if it fits.”

  On the morning of New Year’s Eve, Lee Ann waited while I peed on a stick. Then we sat staring at it, watching as a tiny blue cross appeared.

  I was pregnant.

  “Shit,” Lee Ann breathed. “Holy shit.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed for a long minute, then opened them, willing the blue cross to be gone. But it was still there.

  “What are you going to do?” Lee Ann asked, putting her hand on mine.

  “I don’t know.”

  And truly, I had no idea what to do. I’d never thought about being pregnant. It was never a worry or even a thought, because I’d never had sex. I had watched Lee Ann freak out one time when her period was a couple days late. And a girl in my algebra class had gotten pregnant last year. But I had never had to worry about it.

  “It’s not fair,” Lee Ann said. “Your first time ... God, it’s just not fair.”

  I lay back on the bed, my arm over my eyes, trying hard not to cry. My stomach churned.

  “I can’t have a baby,” I said. “I’m only sixteen.”

  “Amy Hodgins had an abortion,” Lee Ann offered. Amy was a year older than us.

  “I didn’t know she got pregnant,” I said, uncovering my eyes.

  “Like I said, she had an abortion.”

  “Where?” I asked.

  “I’m not sure,” she said. “I can ask her, though.”

  “Okay.”

  She lay down beside me on the bed and held my hand.

  “I know it cost her three hundred dollars,” she said.

  “Where am I supposed to get three hundred dollars?” Most of the money I had made from the business had gone to pay Daddy back; the rest I’d used for Christmas presents. I was broke.

  “I’ve got seventy,” Lee Ann said. “You can have it. And
I’ll bet if you ask Patrick, he’ll give you the rest. His family is loaded.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t ask him for money. I don’t even know his number.”

  “We could look it up,” she said.

  I just shook my head again.

  “Look,” Lee Ann said, sitting up. “This is his fault. He took advantage of you while you were upset. Why shouldn’t he have to pay for the abortion?”

  I stared at the ceiling.

  “I can’t ask him.”

  She sighed and lay back down beside me.

  “When you talk to Amy, ask if she had to have permission from her parents,” I said.

  “Okay,” she said. “Are you going to tell your dad?”

  “I can’t,” I said, finally letting the tears stream down my cheeks. “I can’t tell him right after I got arrested. And he’s getting married today. God, Lee Ann, what am I going to do?”

  She squeezed my hand. “Do you want to tell my mom?” she asked. “She’d probably help you.”

  “No,” I said. I couldn’t imagine telling Mrs. Dawson that I was pregnant. I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in her eyes, after she’d been so good to me.

  I couldn’t imagine telling anyone. I couldn’t imagine it was true at all.

  “Maybe you’ll have a miscarriage,” she said. “Lots of women have miscarriages. My mom had three.”

  “Maybe,” I said. “But I can’t count on that, can I?”

  “Okay,” she said, sitting up and pulling on her boots. “I’ve got to go home. I promised Mom I’d go shopping with her today. We’re buying your dad’s wedding gift. But I’ll call Amy before we go and ask her that stuff.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Judy, it’s going to be all right.” She smiled at me as she pulled on her jacket. “We’ll figure out something.”

  I tried to smile back, but all I could manage was a small grimace.

  After she’d left, I lay on the bed, my mind spinning with doubts and fears. Why had I gone with Patrick in the first place? Why had I let him take me to his house? Why had I kissed him? And why, oh, God, why had I had sex with him? He didn’t force me. I could have just said no.

  “Judy?” Daddy knocked at my door. “You in there?”

  “Yeah,” I said, wiping my eyes and turning to face the wall.

  He opened the door and said, “What are you doing?”

  “Taking a nap.”

  “You feel okay?”

  “Yeah, just tired.”

  “Okay,” he said. “Well, Treva and I are going to the mall. We’ve got a few things to pick up for tonight. Do you want to come?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  He stood a minute longer, then closed the door. I rolled onto my back and stared at nothing. My boyfriend had broken up with me, my dad was getting married, I was sixteen, and I was pregnant. It wasn’t fair.

  Lee Ann called later that afternoon.

  “I talked to Amy,” she whispered. “She had it done at a clinic right across from Community Hospital. It cost three hundred dollars, and her mom went with her.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  “You okay?”

  “No,” I said. “I’m not okay. I’m screwed.”

  45

  “I, Kirk, take you, Treva, to to be my lawfully wedded wife.”

  Daddy’s voice shook a little as he said his vows. He held her hands and looked straight into her eyes while he spoke. Then she said hers, looking straight back at him.

  After the ceremony, everyone crowded around to hug and kiss them both. Daddy looked very handsome in his dark blue suit, and Treva was beautiful in a cream-colored cocktail dress.

  Lee Ann and I headed for the kitchen to start putting out the supper. Crock-Pots and casseroles lined the counters and filled the table. We had enough food for an army.

  “How do you feel?” Lee Ann asked.

  “Okay.”

  “No morning sickness?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “Just ... I don’t know, kind of panicky.”

  She nodded. “I’ll bet.”

  Her mom walked into the kitchen carrying Treva’s flowers. “I’m just going to put these in a vase on the table,” she said, smiling at us. “What are you two doing in here?”

  “Treva put us in charge of the food,” I said, waving my hand at the array.

  “Need any help?” she asked.

  “No,” we said in unison.

  She walked into the dining room with the flowers.

  “She probably would help you, if you asked her,” Lee Ann said. “She’s weird sometimes, but she’d probably help you.”

  “I know.” I sighed. “You’re so lucky to have a mom like that.”

  “Yeah,” she said. “I know.”

  We handed out plates and dished out food and poured drinks for the next hour, then retreated up to my room with our own loaded plates.

  “God, I love your grandmother’s chicken and noodles,” Lee Ann said. “They’re so good.”

  “I like your mom’s chicken thing.” Mrs. Dawson had made chicken and broccoli in a cream sauce.

  “Do you have your stuff packed?” Lee Ann asked.

  “Yeah.” I pointed to my duffel bag, sitting at the end of the bed. I was staying at Lee Ann’s house for a few nights while Dad and Treva took their honeymoon. They were going to stay in a cabin at a state park.

  We ate in silence for a few minutes.

  “Was that the doorbell?” I asked.

  “Sounded like it.”

  “I wonder who’s here?”

  I walked down the hall to the top of the stairs, arriving just as Daddy opened the door. Mama stood on the porch, bundled in a big blue parka.

  “Hi, Kirk,” she said, smiling. “Is this a bad time? It looks like you’re having a party.”

  “Cassie,” he said, “why didn’t you call first? This is a bad time, actually. I ... that is, Treva and I, well, we just got married.”

  “Oh,” she said. “Oh, I’m sorry ... I mean, that’s great. Congratulations.” She hugged him briefly.

  “Oh, hi,” she said, looking over Daddy’s shoulder. “You must be Treva?”

  Treva nodded, looking from Mama to Daddy.

  “I’m Cassie,” Mama said brightly, before Daddy could say a word. “Congratulations on your marriage. I hope you’ll be very happy.”

  “Thank you,” Treva said, putting her arm through Daddy’s. “I think we will be.”

  “Cassie, like I said, this really isn’t a good time. We have people here and ...”

  “Okay,” she said. “I’ll come back tomorrow. Is that okay?”

  “No, actually, it’s not,” Daddy said. “Treva and I are leaving tonight for our honeymoon and Judy is staying with a friend.”

  “Well, then, just give me the number for her friend,” Mama said. “I’ll call her and set something up.”

  Behind me, Lee Ann coughed. I turned to shush her, but it was too late. Mama looked up the stairs and saw me.

  “Judy,” she cried, holding open her arms. “Oh, my beautiful girl. Look how much you’ve grown up.”

  She started toward the stairs, but Daddy stepped in her way. I ran to my room, Lee Ann just behind me, and slammed the door. From inside, we could hear Mama arguing with Daddy.

  “I just want to see her, Kirk. Just for a little while. I need to talk to her. I need to make things right.”

  We couldn’t make out what Daddy said in reply, his voice was low. Then Mama began pleading and Daddy’s voice rose. Finally, we heard the front door slam and I exhaled a huge breath.

  “Wow,” Lee Ann said. “What’s she doing here?”

  “I don’t know.” I sat on the bed, shaking all over.

  “Poor Treva,” Lee Ann said. “And your poor dad. What a psycho, coming to their wedding like that.”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Judy?” Daddy knocked at the door. “It’s me. Can
I come in?”

  “Okay.”

  He opened the door and came to sit beside me on the bed.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, pulling me into a hug.

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “She’s gone now. I told her she’d have to wait until I get back on Sunday, so we can talk. I told her she’s not to contact you, that you obviously don’t want to see her. And I didn’t tell her where you’re staying.”

  “I bet she knows it’s with Lee Ann,” I said.

  Daddy sighed. “Maybe Treva and I shouldn’t go,” he said.

  “No, Daddy.” I put my hand on his arm. “It’s your wedding and you deserve a honeymoon. I’ll be okay at Lee Ann’s.”

  “She’ll be okay,” Lee Ann chimed in. “My dad won’t let Judy’s mom get anywhere near her. He’s got a gun.”

  Daddy laughed. “I don’t think he’s going to need a gun,” he said. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? You can stay with Grandma and Grandpa, if you want.”

  “No,” I said. “I’ll stay with Lee Ann. It’ll be all right.”

  He kissed me and stood.

  “Daddy, I’m sorry she ruined your wedding.”

  He smiled. “She didn’t ruin it, honey. She couldn’t if she tried.”

  I smiled back at him. “Is Treva okay?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “Treva’s fine.”

  He paused at the door. “Thanks, honey.”

  “For what?”

  “For asking about Treva. For caring if she’s okay.”

  I shrugged, but I could see he really was pleased.

  Later, I kissed them both good-bye before they climbed into Daddy’s car. We had all changed into jeans and sweaters, but Treva still wore a gardenia in her hair. Lee Ann and I stood with her mom in the driveway and waved as they drove away. Then we walked to Lee Ann’s house. I carried my duffel bag. Lee Ann’s mom carried her nearly empty casserole dish. Lee Ann carried a huge chunk of the wedding cake.

  We changed into our pajamas and settled in front of the television with the cake to watch the New Year’s countdown. I remembered the first year Treva had joined us for New Year’s Eve. It seemed like such a long time ago.

  “Is it weird, knowing your mom is here in town?” Lee Ann asked.

  I nodded.

  “Where do you think she’s staying?”