by Dori Lavelle
I’m sure the walls are closing in on you. Get dressed and meet me for dinner. I got you something to wear. It’s in the car. Nolan will drive you.
Jude
CHAPTER SEVEN
He had reserved the entire restaurant for us. I was impressed and disappointed at the same time. Impressed that he had enough power and money to close a whole restaurant, and disappointed that it was just us. I missed people, missed being in a crowd. But I couldn’t tell him that. At least I was out of the house.
He ordered food for both of us, which was just as well as I would never have been able to pronounce most of the names of the fancy dishes. He also ordered a bottle of wine. Since I didn’t drink alcohol and he drank only sparkling water, it remained untouched. We ate in silence. The only thing he asked me occasionally was whether I was comfortable and if I wanted anything more. I’d been in his house for almost a month, and this was our first meal together.
After a while I relaxed and allowed the soft music to wash over me, the low lighting to calm my nerves.
We were served a seven-course meal consisting of seafood swathed in herbs, succulent meats in juicy sauces, fresh salads, and mouth-watering desserts. My taste buds were still tingling as I reached for another white chocolate lemon truffle.
“Do you want more?” he asked, and I noticed he was no longer eating. He had leaned back in his seat, watching me from under his long lashes.
A blush crept over my cheeks as I reached for a napkin, dabbed my lips. “No, I’m fine. Everything just tasted so good.” I giggled in spite of myself.
“No need to be embarrassed.” He smiled. “I wanted you to enjoy yourself. Mission accomplished?”
I smiled. “Mission accomplished.”
“Good.” The smile disappeared from his lips and his eyes turned serious. “I asked you to stay a month. Two weeks left. Are you ready?”
“Ready?”
“To get out there? Do you think you can manage on your own?”
I looked him straight in the eyes. “Honestly, I don’t know. But I’ll give it my best shot.”
He nodded lightly. “Don’t go back to what you were before I met you. You deserve better.”
“Never.” My cheeks burned, and I averted my gaze.
“Don’t,” he said softly. “Don’t do that.”
My eyes met his. “Do what?”
“Don’t be ashamed. You did what you had to do.” He tipped his head to the side. “The dress looks great on you.”
I ran a hand along the lacey material of the dusky pink cocktail dress. “I’m so sorry. I forgot to thank you. How rude of me. It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever worn.”
“I’m glad. Shall we go?” He waved for a waiter and three came scuttling over to fuss over us.
Jude took my arm and we walked out of the restaurant. Nolan was already waiting outside with the doors of the limousine open. Sitting inside it took my breath away for a second time. But it was Jude’s presence that made me forget who I was, that gave me a chance to be someone I didn’t think I deserved to be.
At home, Jude went to his office to catch up on work and I went straight to bed. But I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t. I thought about him, about the circumstances that had brought us together. Abandoning sleep altogether, I sat on the cushioned windowsill with my eyes closed, the gentle wind from the open window caressing my face and whispering in my ears. When thoughts of what I’d done slipped into my mind, I forced them out before they had the power to chip at my heart. I was so focused on blocking them out I almost didn’t hear the soft knock on the door.
It was Jude. The suit jacket and tie were gone and his hair was slightly ruffled but still sexy as hell.
I pulled my satin night gown around me, and opened my mouth to speak but I had no idea what to say. So I waited, waited for him to tell me what he was doing at my door at 11 p.m. Sweat formed on my forehead.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I shouldn’t be here. I apologize for waking you. Goodnight, Haley.” He turned to leave.
I shook my head, confused. “Why did you come?”
He turned around slowly and then he walked back to me, came so close his breath fanned my forehead, drying the sweat. For a moment I thought he was going to kiss me. He didn’t. He just stood there, his eyes assessing me. “I just felt the need to come and see you, to see if you’re okay.” He shook his head. “The truth is, I can’t stop thinking about you, even when I’m away from you. I can’t get you out of my mind. From the moment I saw you, I’ve felt drawn to you. I couldn’t leave you. You were so scared. I wanted to protect you.” He inhaled, waited for me to digest the information, to respond.
His revelation messed with my already confused head. “I…I don’t know what to say.”
“Then, don’t say anything.” He moved even closer, pressing his hard body against mine. He held my head between both his hands, warming my cheeks. “You’re broken, Haley. I can’t help but fix you. Let me fix you.” He pressed his lips to mine.
First I froze, and then I melted to his touch, parted my lips, let him in, tasted him. I wanted to pull away, but currents of desire swept through me and weakened me. As if that was all the invitation he had needed, he swept me into his arms, and pushed the door wider. I wrapped my arms around his neck and surrendered completely to his kiss. Drowning had never felt more wonderful.
Even when he lowered me onto the bed, I felt like I was flying. I was present and at the same time I was somewhere else, somewhere where my problems were just a figment of my imagination.
He undressed me gently, kissed every inch of my body. When he finally slid into me, I was lost completely. Our bodies moved in rhythm, as if it weren’t for the first time, as if we’d done this before. As we rose and fell together, I had only one wish. I wanted to stay lost forever. I never wanted to be found.
CHAPTER EIGHT
It didn’t stop at one night of passion.
For one week Jude and I didn’t leave the house. Sometimes he tried to leave for work but never managed to walk out the door. I thought I needed him, but he seemed to need me just as much. He gave Lin and the cleaners a few days off so we could be alone. Food from his favorite restaurants was delivered at the door and we fed it to each other.
When we were not making love, we watched movies and talked about mundane things. When he needed to work, he pulled out his thin laptop and worked in bed, with me lying next to him.
When I was with him it felt as if a part of me that had been missing for a long time had finally been found and pushed into place. Jude was a drug I couldn’t get enough of. Every time he let me go, a hole formed inside my heart.
Sometimes I’d wake up and find him staring into my face in a way that left me breathless.
We didn’t talk about anything that hurt. When I tried to bring up the fact that I would soon be moving on, he simply kissed my lips and said we should just live for the moment.
When the week came to a close, reality set in. Just one more week and I’d be gone. I’d read in the tabloids that even though many women jostled for position in his life, none of them ever stayed longer than a few weeks. The pain of knowing what we had would probably never last, was almost physical. There was no hope for us. The circumstances that brought us together would someday rip us apart.
He finally returned to the office and left me home to get used to my looming departure.
The night we didn’t sleep in the same bed because he had to work late, the nightmares returned, reminding me I was fooling myself into thinking I could be happy after the sin I had committed. Drenched in sweat, I threw back the sheets and went to the bathroom. I wet a face towel with cold water, wrung it out and pressed it against my burning eyes. The tears were now flowing and I had no idea how to stop them. I was confused and torn.
I sat down on the lip of the bath and leaned forward until my forehead touched my knees. I stayed that way for a long time, forcing myself to breathe, trying to convince myself that I would be all righ
t on my own. I was a survivor.
“Stay,” a voice said from inside my head.
I shrugged the thought off only to realize it had been too clear and too masculine to come from me. I raised my head.
He filled the doorway in a way only he could, with power and strength and a larger than life presence.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and laid the face towel on the bath to dry. “I didn’t hear you come in.” I wiped away the tears.
“You were deep in thought.” He sat down next to me on the bath. “It doesn’t have to be like that, you know. You can stay here for as long as you want.” He laid a hand on the nape of my neck and pressed his head to the side of my face. “I don’t know where this will lead, but I know one thing. I can’t imagine not having you here. I want you to stay. I want to be there for you.”
I stayed, and became the first woman Jude Macknight introduced as his girlfriend.
When people asked how we met, we gave no comment. We had been brought together by tragedy, and instead of pulling us apart, that tragedy was also the glue that held us together.
CHAPTER NINE
One Year Later
I rolled onto my back and sighed with pleasure.
Jude placed an arm around me and pulled me closer. He was warm, hard, and smelled of soap and aftershave. “Happy, my love?”
“I’d be crazy not to be.” I smiled and lifted my hand to the light, studying the diamond engagement ring on my finger. The marquise-shaped diamond caught the South African light drifting in from the open balcony windows of the Oyster Box beachfront hotel and blinked.
When Jude brought me to South Africa four days ago, I thought it would be just another business trip. In part it was. He spent the first two days overseeing the progress of his first South African resort, but after that, it was all pleasure.
Last night, he took me out on a date that started with fresh seafood at an intimate restaurant, moved on to a long walk on Umhlanga Beach, and ended with a proposal on the white sands that stretched for miles outside our romantic boutique hotel. The moon beamed down on us as I jumped into his arms and accepted his proposal.
Of course I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Even though a dark cloud still hovered over me, the happiness radiating from deep within my core managed to shine through to the surface.
When a handsome, stranger shows up in your life, not only ready to protect you, but to offer you a life you never thought was within your reach, it’s hard not to go weak in the knees. For one year, I feared it was all too good to be true. I kept waiting to wake up from my dream, for Jude to tell me that he had played knight in shining armor long enough and the time had come for me to return to my world. He never did. And his proposal meant he probably never would.
With his love, diamonds, designer clothes, and trips around the world, he put me right where I wanted to be. Completely under his spell. I had fallen fast and hard for him.
During the last few months, I did my best to bury my past and the guilt of what I’d done in the deepest recesses of my mind. I forced myself to forget, to live as if it had all happened to someone else. My past showed up in my nightmares, but during the day I succeeded at pretending I was someone else, someone unblemished. I had become an expert at fooling my mind.
“You deserve to be happy,” he said, kissing my earlobe. “I cannot wait for you to be mine.”
I lowered my hand and turned to kiss him. “I’m already yours.”
He rolled me on top of him and held me tight. “I want you to be mine on paper as well. I’ll never let you go.” He slid the palm of his hand down my back until it cupped my naked butt, squeezing it. “Never.”
“I hope not.” I giggled. “I’ll never leave you.”
As Mrs. Haley Macknight, I’d leave behind the bad memories, every one of them. The one thing that mattered was a future with my rich and handsome husband, who would do anything for me, who loved me enough to put his own life on the line. In Jude Macknight’s arms, forever was the only option that made sense.
“Promise?” he asked.
“I give you my promise,” I said. I meant every word.
“Good. I’ll hold you to your word.” With that, he pushed my legs apart and entered me.
Jude didn’t want a long engagement, and neither did I. We got married as soon as we returned to the U.S., in a small ceremony attended only by us, Nolan, and another one of Jude’s trusted employees. The honeymoon was at a romantic Cabo San Lucas resort that was carved into a cliff. He went all out to make me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
With Jude by my side, I could certainly learn to be happy. I was sure I’d never regret my decision to be his wife.
CHAPTER TEN
I gazed into my husband’s eyes over a candle-light dinner in our dining room. It was my thirtieth birthday and he had hired a celebrity chef and two waiters to come and serve us in the privacy of our home.
“You were right,” I said. “That food was amazing.”
He took a swig of water. “That’s why I keep telling you to trust me. I enjoy my job of choosing our meals.”
He did. Every time we ate out together, he ordered for us. I never complained because he always chose food that made my taste buds swoon.
“I rest my case.” I wiped my mouth with a napkin.
Seeing that we were done eating, one of the waiters, a handsome Latino man in his late twenties, came over to our table and started to clear it.
I lifted my plate to hand it to him, but caught a glimpse of Jude shaking his head discreetly. He hated it when I tried to help anyone he paid to provide a service.
He was also against me working. He didn’t understand why I would like to slave away when he was earning more money than we could ever spend. I’d fought him at first until he warned me not to bring it up again.
To occupy myself, I turned to painting, an old hobby of mine. As a child I’d dreamed of becoming an artist one day, to open up my own gallery and be surrounded by paintings of beautiful people and places.
A few weeks after Jude and I got married, I had brought up the idea of me signing up for some art classes. But he told me to drop the idea, and that people studied because they wanted to work. And I didn’t have to work.
I’d hoped painting at home would fill the void inside my heart, but it only reminded me of everything I had lost. So, I gave it up again and concentrated on my job as Mrs. Haley Macknight.
I sighed and attempted to lower the plate again, but I ended up knocking over my glass of water. The glass hit the table with a low thud and a stream of water rushed out of it, down the table, and splashed onto my lap before I could move, disappearing into the chiffon material of my skirt, cooling my thighs.
The waiter quickly reached for my napkin to help wipe the water away, but I placed my hand on his, and looked up at him. “Don’t worry about it, I made the mess, I’ll clear it up.”
While I dabbed the moisture from the table cloth and the skirt of my dress, the man picked up the plates and disappeared out of the dining room.
As soon as he left, I sensed the atmosphere shift, sensed Jude’s fury without even looking at his face. When I finally had the guts to meet his gaze, his eyes were steely, his jaw set.
He didn’t say a word until the chef and waiters had left and we were all alone.
I rose from my chair. He did the same and followed me out of the dining room. He still didn’t say a word when we walked into our bedroom.
A knot formed in my stomach as I watched him shrug off his suit jacket and remove his tie and watch.
I walked over to his side of the bed and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks for a wonderful birthday. And for the diamond bracelet.”
“Why did you do that?” he said, his voice just below a whisper.
“What?” I unzipped my dress. Was he angry because I spilled the water or because I helped the waiter clean up. “I spilled the water, Jude. I—”
He shot me a glance that froze me in p
lace. “I’m not talking about that. Why,” he stretched out the word, “did you touch him?”
I frowned. “Touch him? I didn’t…oh, you mean when I touched his hand?” I placed a hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on, Jude?”
He shrugged off my hand. “Not only that.” His voice was ice. “I saw the way you looked at him.”
I slid out of my dress, shaking my head with confusion. “Why this sudden jealousy, Jude? In one year of marriage, have I ever given you a reason to be jealous? I just helped the guy. What’s the big deal?” I picked up my dress from the floor and turned to walk away, but an iron grip on my wrist halted me. He spun me back to face him. Before I could react, I heard a sharp slap and felt my cheek burn.
“You are my wife. You don’t look at other men.” He said the words through clenched teeth. “You certainly don’t touch other men.” He released my wrist and walked away.
I touched my pulsating cheek and watched my husband disappear into the bathroom. I sank down onto the bed with shock. Had he really done that?
When he reappeared from the bathroom, he rushed to my side and pulled me into his arms.
“I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just that I love you so much. Please forgive me.” He kissed my aching cheek and moved on to my neck.
I still didn’t move, not even when he laid me back against the Chinese silk sheets and made love to me. I didn’t return his kisses, didn’t respond to his lovemaking. I just stared at the ceiling.
Had I just caught a glimpse of the price tag on the life I was living without paying for?
***
To make up for what he had done two months ago, Jude did everything to prove to me just how much he loved me. He told me several times a day, calling me every hour from work just to remind me. Until somewhere along the way, those three little words, valued by so many, lost their meaning and became just words in a dictionary.
Maybe too much of a good thing really is a bad thing.
His slap had caused something to shift inside me, and I struggled to recover. To make matters worse, his jealousy was getting out of control. Every time there was a man around, he never took his eyes off me. The stress of making sure I didn’t do anything to make him feel insecure was unbearable. His jealousy was smothering me. And his love was starting to do the same.
