Truth and Lies

by Marguerite Valentine

‘And then you had a change of heart, Nixie tells me. What brought that on?’

  ‘Events, experience, the people. I couldn’t stand the greed and corruption, so eventually I dropped out, went to the bank demo and the rest is history.’

  ‘Isn’t that where you met Nixie?’

  ‘Yes, we met after the demo, in Starbucks. She’d told me about Grassroots so I went to one of their meetings.’

  There was a long silence. He felt as if he was under scrutiny, and being interrogated again.

  ‘So how do you think you’ll be able to help?’

  The question seemed innocent enough, but it was the kind of question Mike had asked in ‘The Bricklayers’.

  ‘Well, give me a balance sheet, tell me which politician or financier you’re interested in and I’ll dish the dirt. I’ve got contacts and I can talk the talk.’

  Suddenly he felt anxious, as if that sounded arrogant, but there was no immediate response from Matt. But his next question confirmed his suspicions. Nixie must have told her father he wasn’t involved with the project and that he hadn’t been invited to Pembrokeshire.

  ‘So how come you’re here at Porth Clais, the same time as Nixie?’

  He glanced at Flori. He had to come up with something, something plausible. He thought quickly. He’d use the fact they already had a connection, that he admired her and found her attractive.

  Smiling, he looked at Nixie, he spoke as if he was joking, but he wasn’t. He was serious. ‘Nixie and I had been to the climbing wall in Stoke Newington, and she mentioned she was off to Pembrokeshire. I’d hoped to get an invite, but none was forthcoming. So what’s a man to do, but follow his heart.’ He smiled again. ‘She’d told me she’d be at Porth Clais, and I wanted to see her. So that’s why I was there.’

  Nixie said, ‘But you said you were coming with Jane.’

  ‘True, I did ask Jane. I don’t like being on my own, but she cancelled at the last minute, which, I have to admit, suited me just fine. It left the way clear to see you, which is what I really wanted.’ He continued, ‘But I know now why I didn’t get an invite. The climbing practice was work.’

  Nixie paused and then she said, ‘I can tell you more, if you want, but it’s not definite.’

  ‘Yes, tell me, Nixie, put me out of my misery.’

  ‘I meant about the climb’ She looked at her mother and grinned. ‘Mum, Seb’s such a flirt. He’s an embarrassment.’

  Her mother smiled, ‘Enjoy it while you can, it doesn’t last.’

  ‘You see, Nixie, listen to your mother.’ Seb sighed. ‘It’s tough being rejected.’

  ‘See what I mean? He’s shameless.’

  Her mother laughed, but although his charm might be working with her mother, Matt continued to watch him. It wasn’t obvious, but enough to make him feel uncomfortable. He decided to leave as soon as the conversation lagged. He’d wait for the right moment.

  Fifteen minutes later, he glanced out of the window, and noticing what looked like oncoming rain, he used this as an excuse to make his departure. Thanking them profusely, he set off back over the fields. It had been difficult, especially when Nixie brought up Jane, but he’d managed to blag his way through that. However, right now, he wanted to be on his own.

  He’d crossed over the first field when he heard Nixie calling his name. He turned and waited for her to catch up. She was out of breath from running. ‘Seb, I fancy a walk. Mind if I accompany you?’

  ‘No, of course not, but it does look like rain, so you might get wet.’

  ‘No worries, I’ve got a cagoule in my rucksack,’ she said. ‘I’d also like to see where you’re staying.’

  ‘I’m in a tent.’

  ‘Are you really? I’d assumed you’d be in some posh bed and breakfast.’

  ‘Listen, I’m a reformed character and that means staying close to the ground near to the people.’

  ‘Staying close to the ground. Like being in a tent? Are you having me on?’

  ‘I mean it.’

  She laughed, and then looking serious, she said, ‘Did you mean what you said just now?’

  ‘What was that? You’ll have to tell me more, which bit?’

  ‘You know, about following your heart.’

  He hadn’t realised she’d take him seriously. He stopped and looked at her closely. ‘Does it matter to you?’

  She looked down at the ground and said in a low voice, ‘Actually it does.’ He laughed. ‘Don’t laugh at me, Seb.’

  ‘I’m not laughing at you. It’s just… oh, I dunno, you surprise me. I guess I’m not used to women who care about what I think.’ The truth was, he liked it. So much so, he took a step closer, pulled her towards him, as if to kiss her, but then seemed to change his mind. He abruptly let her go. ‘I’m off,’ he said and walked away quickly. Turning to speak to her over his shoulder, he said, ‘We’re nearly there, but if you want to come any further, it’s up to you.’

  She ran to catch him up. ‘What’s wrong with you? You’ve suddenly become unfriendly.’

  ‘I’m not unfriendly. I’m not sure what to make of you.’

  ‘How do you mean?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. But thanks for the tea, your parents are very sociable.’ He continued at the same fast pace.

  ‘I can’t keep up with you.’

  ‘Sorry, I’ll slow down.’

  They walked in silence until Nixie said, ‘You seem to know your way around.’

  He said curtly, ‘I read maps.’

  They reached the camp site. Since he’d first arrived, more tents had been pitched, but his tent was still well away from the others. It was dark green, a two-person, double-skinned dome, pitched at the bottom of an incline near a stream dividing two fields. A hedge of hawthorn, willow and crab apple grew along the opposite side.

  He said, ‘So this is it. Now what?’ He crossed his arms and looked at her quizzically.

  Nixie walked across to the stream, bent down, and dipping her hand into the water, she looked up at him. ‘It’s pretty here. Shame Jane cancelled.’

  ‘Well, that’s the way she is – unreliable.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  He looked at her thoughtfully, ‘I’m not. It’s not a problem… you’re here. Ever been inside a tent?’

  ‘Of course I have.’

  ‘But not my tent.’

  ‘That’s true, but why would I want to come inside your tent?’ She was smiling.

  ‘That’s what I’m wondering. I assumed there was a reason why you came back with me, other than making pleasant conversation.’ He looked into her eyes. His gaze was neutral. ‘It’s up to you. You’re a big girl now.’

  ‘I take that as an invite, of sorts. It could still rain, so in case it does, I’ll stop off here, that is, if you have no objection.’ She swung her rucksack off her back, bent down to undo the tent’s zip, crawled inside and peeked out at him. ‘Come on Seb, it is going to rain.’

  He looked down at her. ‘You’re surprising me.’

  ‘Why would I surprise you? I’m not a child.’

  ‘That’s becoming increasingly obvious, Nixie.’

  He bent down and followed her into the tent. There was a separate area for storage and just enough space for two people to sleep side by side. With difficulty, he unzipped and opened up his sleeping bag, and spread it out so it was flat and big enough for them both to sit on. It was cramped. They sat side by side in awkward silence.

  He said, ‘Shall I make tea? I can do it outside.’

  ‘No. No thanks, I’ve had enough tea. What about a lager? I can see you’ve got some stashed away in the corner.’

  ‘Sure.’

  He leant forward to retrieve a can, pulled the tab up at the top of the can, passed it across to her, and then opened one for himself. She took a sip. ‘I’m really grateful to you�
�you know, when I climb, I’m hardly aware of the risks… I’ve climbed there before. the rock must have been slippery. Everything was so fast. The last thing I remember was missing my footing, overbalancing, then pitching forward and falling. When I hit the water it was like hitting a wall. I must have passed out. After you’d dragged me to the rock, that’s when I realised I could have died.’

  He lay back. ‘But you didn’t die. You need to be more careful.’

  ‘I was careful.’

  ‘Not careful enough, it seems. Accidents can happen. Life’s full of unknown dangers.’

  ‘I like climbing. I’m not giving it up.’

  ‘So even though you plummeted like a stone into the water, you’re still up for it?’

  She glanced quickly at him, brought the can of beer up to her mouth and, tipping it back, drained its contents and said, ‘I’ve had some training on falling into water, about how to fall, and anyway it wasn’t too high, but I think you’re talking about something else?’

  ‘Your mother mentioned Big Ben. What’s that about?’

  She looked at him thoughtfully. ‘I’m wondering whether I should tell you.’

  ‘Why shouldn’t you?’

  ‘You haven’t been around long enough, not really.’

  ‘You know enough, what more is there to know?’

  ‘There’s something about you, something unknown. I’m not sure what it is.’ She continued gazing at him. ‘Are you frightened of women?’

  He laughed. ‘Why do you say that? Do you think I might be? Nobody has ever said that before, that I’m frightened of women. If anything, the opposite is true.’

  ‘Do you mean you’re a game player and put yourself about?’

  ‘Well, I wouldn’t say that either. Is that what you believe? Here, you need a top-up.’

  ‘Thanks.’ She pulled the tag off and tipped the can to her mouth. ‘Tell me more about yourself. The personal stuff.’

  ‘What do you want to know?’

  ‘What it was like working in big financial companies.’

  He took the lager out of her hands and pulled her down so she was lying beside him and, leaning on his side, studied her face. ‘You know, I find you attractive, very attractive.’ He tentatively put his hand under her tee shirt.

  She was unfazed. ‘Don’t distract me, Seb. I want to know about your work.’

  He removed his hand, sat up, and thought for a minute before he spoke.

  ‘Okay. Canary Wharf, it’s another planet. It’s a private estate owned by a consortium of billionaires, protected by security firms with all the latest technological paraphernalia. Smart restaurants, cocktail bars, privately owned sculpture, fountains with all kinds of water features, yet at the time I hardly noticed. I took it for granted, as if it was God given. I had no idea, about what was really going on.’

  He leant forward, took another lager. The drink was beginning to get to him. He was silent, wary of saying too much, and incriminating himself. Nixie’s eyes were fixed on him. ‘You want to know more?’

  ‘Yeah, it sounds like la-la land.’

  ‘It is, it’s unreal. The people are unreal. Everything is unreal. A concentration camp of wealth, a system based on the haves and the have-nots. But, since I’ve left, I’ve noticed another side. The rough sleepers in doorways, the ever-present violence, the druggies, the poverty, the shit housing – and it pisses me off.’ He lay back down. ‘I’ve said enough, now you talk to me.’

  ‘I’ve got nothing to say.’

  ‘I’m sure you have.’

  ‘I could talk about the economy… the five per cent fall in energy consumption, the eight per cent reduction in the UK’s trade deficit, the collapse of the money markets, but that can wait… I have other things on my mind.’ She looked sideways at him.

  He didn’t respond straightaway. Then with studied indifference, he said, ‘Like what?’ Holding his gaze, she sat up, pulled off her tee shirt, undid and removed her bra. He looked away, to avoid looking at her breasts. Then glancing at her, he said, ‘You’re drunk.’

  ‘So what, Seb. Any objections?’

  ‘No, it’s just that… well…’

  ‘I fancy you. Alright?’

  Before he could reply, she leant over and kissed him. Her mouth tasted of beer.

  ‘Did you like that?’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘You’re playing cool.’

  ‘I take some convincing. Try harder.’ He smiled and closed his eyes. She pulled off her clothes, and lay back. He’d been celibate for too long. She was beautiful.

  ‘Seb,’ she said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Now get your kit off or…’

  ‘Or what?’

  ‘I’ll take them off.’

  He removed his watch, placed it in a safe place, stripped and leaned over her. She was about to speak and got as far as saying, ‘So, you know what…’ but she never finished.

  It was dark and raining when he woke. He lay silently beside her until she sat up suddenly and asked him the time. He glanced at his watch, ‘Eleven,’ he said, ‘We’ve been asleep hours.’

  ‘Christ. I’ll have to go. They’ll been wondering where I am.’

  ‘They’ll guess, I should think.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Are you alright?’

  ‘Of course, why do you ask?’

  ‘You were muttering in your sleep.’

  ‘In my sleep? What was I saying?’

  ‘Couldn’t make it out, you mentioned Big Ben and something about falling.’

  ‘No, really? If you were Mike, you’d say I wasn’t to be trusted.’

  He felt a flash of jealousy. ‘Mike, the one I’ve met, in Grassroots?’

  ‘Yeah, him.’

  ‘Well, lesson one: don’t sleep with strange men, because you talk in your sleep.’

  ‘Strange men…like you?’

  ‘Yeah, strange like me, so what’s your concern about the project?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I am scared I’ll fall. It would make sense, wouldn’t it? But I’m going ahead. I want to do it.’

  ‘Why? Why risk your life?’

  ‘Don’t exaggerate. Why do you think? We’ll get max publicity. It’s a demo. Against the iniquities of capitalism and all that.’

  ‘You must be mad.’

  ‘You think so?’ She pulled on her clothes, rummaged through her rucksack and passed over a crumpled leaflet. ‘Here’s a draft of a leaflet we’re working on. Read it when you have time. I have to go now.’

  ‘Thanks. Like some tea before you go?’

  ‘No time, but thanks.’

  ‘I’ll walk you back.’ He pulled on his jeans and a tee shirt. ‘I’m ready when you are. Tell me a bit more about the project.’

  ‘Well, we’ve got a really helpful Member of Parliament supporting us. She represents Somerset.’

  ‘What’s her name?’

  ‘Freda Arnsberg. She’s great. There’s not that much more to say, actually. It’s still at the planning stage, but I’ll tell you more when it’s firmed up. Are you really coming back with me?’

  ‘Of course. It’s dark and you shouldn’t go back on your own.’

  Nixie laughed. ‘I’m not scared. I’d just like your company.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, really, why the surprise?’

  ‘Dunno. Not used to anyone telling me that.’

  ‘Oh, come on, Seb.’ She grinned at him.

  They walked back in virtual silence and having arrived, he stood awkwardly by the farm gate, as if unsure what to say.

  Nixie spoke first. ‘You seem to know your way across the fields in the dark.’

  ‘I’ve got cat’s eyes.’ He laughed. ‘Check them out. Can you see them? Are they green?’

&nbs
p; ‘You’re taking the piss out of me… Shall we meet again?’

  ‘Yeah, why not… okay, I’ll be off.’

  He observed a look of disappointment cross her face, but she said nothing. He’d almost crossed the first field, when on an impulse, he turned to look over his shoulder. She was standing watching him. He walked back quickly, then drawing her close, he kissed her. It was long and slow. ‘I like you,’ he said, ‘and I mean that.’ Then he left to walk back.

  It had all gone well, he thought, in every way. But it wasn’t the information about the planned demo that was uppermost in his mind, it was Nixie. Her commitment, her indifference to money, her ideals, her drive to change the system, intrigued him. She was different from any other woman he’d slept with and above all, she excited him. But despite trying to push these feelings away, it hadn’t worked. He hardly slept that night.

  — 9 —

  He was to meet Gimp in a safe house in the London Borough of Hackney. The houses were large, terraced and converted into flats or bedsitters and, it would be safe to assume, no one had the time or the inclination to notice who their neighbours were, or what they might be up to. The locality was ethnically mixed, with a constantly shifting residential population, but still not gentrified, even though close to the City, and sharing a border with its comparatively affluent neighbour, the London Borough of Islington. Seb had handed over his wire a week earlier. He’d felt awkward, aware of its content and avoided Gimp’s eyes as he’d handed it over. ‘It’s all there…everything.’

  It was his second visit since the demo. Gimp spoke straightaway. ‘Well, well, well. Congratulations. So you made it. You laid her. So… feeling better.’ He laughed.

  ‘I’m glad you find it amusing.’ It was the type of male banter familiar to Seb. ‘So, what did I think? I get paid for this and it can’t be bad.’

  ‘A good fuck then?’

  That grated. ‘I wouldn’t put it like that.’

  ‘How would you put it?’

  ‘She’s…well, she’s okay. Good looking, lovely actually, affectionate, and conveniently talks in her sleep. ’

  Gimp paused. ‘So job done. A kind of quid pro quo situation. That’s one reason we employed you. You like women and they like you.’