Much Ado About Magic

by Mette Ivie Harrison

  “I’ll go get Claudio and meet at your place,” I said soberly.

  “Make it as fast as you can,” said Pedro.

  I drove like I was going to rescue Beatrice from a fate worse than death, and I got there in ten minutes flat.

  There was another car in Pedro’s driveway, a beat up truck I didn’t recognize, but looked eerie in the dark, with only the lights from the garage on.

  “Did he tell you what this was about?” asked Claudio.

  “Something about the clan and the money spell,” I said. “And that it’s important.”

  We got out of the car and knocked on the door. Pedro was waiting right there and ushered us into the front room.

  “Who—?” I started to ask, but Pedro introduced the man who was waiting in the front room, literal hat in hand. He was about fifty years old, with a big stomach that he rested his hands on, and eyebrows that had more hair than was left on the rest of his head.

  “This is Dogberry,” said Pedro. “He’s Paduan, reporting to the World Council on magic spells. He finds people using spells they shouldn’t have.”

  Dogberry nodded to us, but didn’t say a word.

  I thought instantly of the man in Italy who had knocked Pedro over and then gone into the jewelry shop. The police had let him go because Pedro had said that he had stolen his money, but it was a lie. Did this have something to do with that?

  “He thinks he’s found a renegade using the money spell right here in town.”

  Here? I didn’t think that the man from Italy would have come all the way here to use the spell. “When is this supposed to have happened?” I asked.

  “Last night or early this morning,” said Pedro. “Probably at the dance.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked. Could they track spells like that? The truth spell wasn’t one of the spells that was stolen often, so I wasn’t sure if it could be tracked, but I suppose after centuries of the money spell being stolen, they had figured out ways to counter the problem.

  Dogberry’s expression was such that I didn’t ask him how it was done. Maybe if he told me, he’d have to kill me. And I wanted to live, now that I had found Beatrice—and love. But first, I had to deal with this.

  “But you didn’t use the spell at the dance last night, did you, Pedro?” I asked.

  “In fact, I did use it,” said Pedro. “While you were dancing with Beatrice.”

  “Then it has to be someone who was around you then.” Though I didn’t know why he was using the money spell in the middle of a school dance.

  “That’s the problem. There were lots of people around me at the time. A hundred or more. And even if we can find out who it was, it still makes me look bad to be so loose with the spell, especially as a demi-head of the Arrogans. ” said Pedro.

  I thought about how often he had said the spell in Europe when other people were around, not just me and Claudio. He was trying to warn us off saying anything like that to Dogberry, but I did wonder if this was all his own fault. Neither Claudio nor I would ever be so careless with our clan spells.

  “That is a separate issue which will be dealt with later,” said Dogberry.

  It sounded ominous.

  I glanced at Claudio and he looked a little sick, too.

  It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t we enjoy being in love for a few hours before something like this happened? Suddenly I was wondering if we were going to be disappeared, all three of us, even if we were demi-heads of clans. But surely not. They wouldn’t want to give so much warning, would they? Except that they did have to figure out who had stolen Pedro’s money spell first. Then maybe it would be bye-bye for the three of us, too.

  “Um, how did you get here so quickly? If you’re really from the World Council?” I asked. They were located in Switzerland, as far as I knew.

  “I have been here for some weeks,” said Dogberry.

  “What?” said Pedro. “But why?”

  “There are some other—anomalies—that the council is concerned about in this general vicinity.”

  “Anomalies with the money spell?” asked Pedro.

  “With other spells, as well,” said Dogberry.

  “Which ones? Where? How?” I asked. Was this good news or bad? Did it mean we were off the hook or more on it?

  Beatrice, Beatrice, I thought—why did it take me so long to figure out how I felt about you? Were we doomed to be forever unhappy?

  Dogberry shook his head. “I can’t tell you that, sir. That’s not the way it works. I’m the one to ask questions and you’re the ones to answer them, eh?”

  Pedro nodded, then looked at me and Claudio. “Sure, anything,” we both said.

  “I’ll need to speak to you each separately,” said Dogberry. “To see if your stories about the night of the dance are the same.”

  “Is that really necessary?” asked Pedro.

  “You could protest formally and demand a lawyer,” said Dogberry. “But I don’t recommend it. The World Council frowns on it, and it makes you look guilty.”

  “Right,” said Pedro. “Then speak to us separately if you need to. We have nothing to hide.” He spread out his arms. “Do we?”

  Claudio and I murmured our negatives.

  Dogberry glanced at Pedro first, then at me, then at Claudio. Claudio was the only one who looked away. Why did he do that?

  Dogberry seemed to notice it, too. “Claudio, I’ll speak to you first. This way.” He nodded to the formal dining room, which had doors that closed. He took a recording device out of his pocket. “If you don’t mind,” he said to Pedro, since it was his house.

  Claudio glanced up at Pedro and I could see the worry in his eyes.

  “Don’t worry,” said Pedro. “Just tell him the truth. All of it.”

  So Claudio went into the dining room with Dogberry and Pedro and I were left outside.

  Pedro waited a moment and then nodded at me to follow him. We went into his father’s office which was off the front room, to the side. He slouched into his father’s big leather chair and I got to stretch out on the couch. Pedro’s parents were world travelers and hardly ever around.

  “Should you call your parents and tell them what is going on?” I asked.

  “Maybe at some point,” said Pedro. “But they’re busy people. And besides, if I call them now, they’ll start thinking of me as a kid again. I sort of like the fact that they’ve treated me as an adult for the past couple of years, leaving me alone for months on end.”

  “But this is important,” I said.

  “We’ll see,” said Pedro. “I’m innocent, after all.”

  “Yeah,” I said, and I wished I thought that mattered more.

  We could hear the gentle rise and fall of Claudio’s voice in the dining room, though not the sense of it. Of course, we knew what he was saying. We’d all been there.

  I felt a little embarrassed at the thought that the World Council would hear all about Beatrice’s and Sarah’s wooing on the dance floor. But no matter what happened, I was always going to remember last night as the best night of my life.

  After a few minutes of waiting for our turns with Dogberry, Pedro turned on the television. There was a banner scrolling down the front “Breaking News: American banks close doors across country as money spell is used indiscriminately by renegades to clean them out.”

  “Still think I shouldn’t worry?” asked Pedro.

  This was a lot bigger than whatever happened last night, I realized. That had been only one incident. “We’ve been in Europe all summer. Surely that means we couldn’t have had anything to do with a long-range plan.”

  “Unless I gave the spell to someone before we left,” said Pedro. “Either accidentally or on purpose, it could have happened. Maybe someone was at the dance last night waiting on purpose for me to slip up, using a recorder of some sort. Did you see anything?”

  I shrugged. “I was thinking about Beatrice,” I said. And Claudio and Sarah before that. I hadn’t been thinking about worldwide banking proble
ms or the money spells. Or any magic but love.

  “Well, it was nice while it lasted,” said Pedro.

  We both watched the TV screen as his senior picture suddenly flashed across it. He looked great in it. Too bad it was superimposed with the words “Clan Traitor.”

  Chapter 11: Bee

  The next morning, we all met up for breakfast at Margaret’s house and of course, we talked mostly about the dance.

  “Claudio looks young enough to make you look the elder, Sarah,” Margaret teased. “How will you feel about being asked if you like to rob the cradle?”

  Sarah blushed prettily.

  “And you, Bee. Don’t think you’re going to escape from our teasing. What happened to the firm skeptic? The man hater? The woman who could see nothing fine in any face, and especially not in Benedick’s?” said Ursula.

  “I don’t think I’ve changed so much,” I said, leaning back on the couch. “I can still see flaws in Benedick.”

  “Then tell us!” demanded Margaret. She and Ursula sat at my feet and I stood up on the couch, towering above them.

  “Give me that scepter,” I said, pointing at an old cardboard role of wrapping paper in gold. “And I need an orb, as well.”

  Ursula went out into the garage and came back with a basketball.

  “I will now hold court and describe the faults of all men.”

  Ursula and Margaret hooted at me, shaking their fists. “Men!”

  “But Bee, I think Claudio should be reserved from this. And Benedick. I thought you were in love with Benedick.”

  “Am I in love? If so, I am not blinded by it,” I said.

  More hooting.

  Sarah looked sick.

  “Claudio and his faults, then. Shall we start with him, Sarah?”

  “If you must,” she said softly.

  “I think, then, Claudio is too kind. That is his first fault. And his second is that he is too much like you, Sarah. Quiet and watchful, slow to anger.”

  “These are his faults?” said Sarah, a touch of a smile tugging at her lips.

  “And are they not grievous ones? A man who is kind is a man who cannot be trusted. He must be hiding something. And a man who is slow to anger may be slow in other ways, as well.”

  Sarah went bright red at this.

  Margaret and Ursula made a few rude gestures that I will not describe fully here. Needless to say, they were in agreement with me.

  “What of his eyes?” I said.

  “He has nice eyes,” said Sarah. “Very blue.”

  “Blue, yes. What sort of man has blue eyes? Blue as a sapphire, a man whose eyes you could pluck out and wear on a necklace. Such eyes do not belong on a man. It is unfair that any man should have such beautiful eyes. He has taken them from a woman, no doubt, in some bargain with fate or with the gods.”

  “He has long, dark lashes,” added Sarah. I could see she was getting into the spirit of this now.

  “And thus proves himself unable to see clearly. How can you trust a man who says he loves you if you know that he cannot see clearly? It is an insult of sorts. He should tell you your faults, and if he does not, you cannot believe him.”

  “Oh, yes, a man who tells me my faults. That is exactly what I want. I should swoon over such a man,” said Margaret sarcastically.

  I stared at her. She was supposed to be encouraging me. “As for Claudio’s lips—” I said.

  “Pink and full. Like a pig’s,” said Ursula, warming to the game.

  “Like a pig’s exactly. What if he is mistaken for a pig and is taken to the slaughterhouse? How shall he escape death? And then you shall be left to mourn his carcass.” I made a waving motion with my hand to indicate Claudio’s finely shaped backside. “Finely formed carcass as it is.”

  “Delicious,” said Ursula.

  Sarah could not help it. She giggled at that.

  “His chin,” I said.

  “It is hairless,” said Sarah, a finger stretched out. Now she was joining in, as well.

  “Hairless, like a child’s bottom. And how do we know it is his head and he is not walking around upside down?” I asked, and leaped down onto the floor, doing a walking handstand. My dress had already flipped up over my head and I was wearing a thong. I put my butt right next to Sarah’s and made kissing sounds.

  She pushed me down and I fell over the coffee table, but I didn’t get hurt.

  “I want to hear about Benedick!” said Margaret.

  “Yes, let’s list the faults of her beloved,” said Sarah.

  “My beloved? When did I call him that?” I said.

  “Your nemesis then,” said Ursula.

  “Yes, that is a proper name for him. He has defeated me and made me look a fool. He is my enemy,” I said.

  “His legs!” said Sarah.

  Ursula and Margaret chanted backup for her.

  “His legs. Let me think.” I climbed back up on the couch, with my orb and scepter in hand. “His legs are thin and hairy. And they allow him to run away. I cannot like legs on a man.”

  “His nose!” said Ursula.

  “Ah, his nose.” I mimed the size of it, for Benedick had a large Roman nose. It dominated his face. “I need not worry that he will struggle to breathe, at least,” I said. “And if he means to kiss me, I will always have forewarning, in case I would rather turn away. All in all, I must praise him nose and commend the parents that gave it to him. I like his nose well indeed.”

  I thought of Benedick’s whole face for a moment, and felt a little dizzy. Was I really in love with him like Sarah was with Claudio?

  “His beard!” said Margaret.

  “His beard. As blonde as the hair on top of his head. To tell us that it is real and not the product of some chemical produced in a laboratory somewhere. So, I approve of the beard for that. But otherwise it scratches and nibbles at me like small teeth.” I could feel myself flush at the memory of his last kiss, and the way that his stubble had rubbed against my cheek. It left a warmth even after the kiss was over.

  “And now, it is my turn to think of a criticism. I think I shall speak of his—mind. For a woman likes a man who loses his mind with her. And I think that Benedick is just stupid enough to prove that he truly loves me. Yes?”

  “Very stupid,” Margaret and Sarah and Ursula agreed.

  “Also, his toes,” I added.

  “Toes?” said Sarah. “How did you see his toes?”

  “I did not and that is the point of the criticism. I must imagine his toes to be very ugly indeed. Otherwise it would be unfair how the rest of him is perfection. A man who is so handsome must have some black spot on his features or he could not be human. He would be a statue or a god, and could never be warm enough to love.”

  “His teeth!” said Sarah.

  Yes, Benedick’s crooked teeth. I put my teeth over my front lip in exaggeration of his slight overbite. “Hungry teeth. Passionate teeth. You will see the marks of him on me like a vampire in future days. If my blood appears to be draining from me, call the police and have him taken away. A man with teeth to kiss with is a man who will devour a woman whole.”

  I slid down the couch and let go of my false orb and scepter. “Oh, Benedick,” I whispered. I wanted nothing more than to be with him right then. My friends seemed to pale in comparison. Was that love?

  “If he hurts me after this, I swear I will make him regret it,” I said softly. I did not trust him. I could not trust him. Why should a woman ever trust a man?

  “But he loves you in return. Beatrice, he is good at heart. He will not hurt you,” said Sarah.

  I smiled at her fierceness. “How can he not? He hurts me at this moment by not being with me. And if he were here with me, it would still not be enough. Is that love?”

  Sarah nodded. “That’s love,” she said.

  But what did she know?

  “Enough about the pains of love!” said Ursula. “Let’s talk about something else. Clothes? Shopping? Food? Homework?”

  We all groa
ned at that.

  “I’m going to turn on the television,” said Margaret. So she did.

  She was flipping through channels when there was a photo of Ben, Claudio, and Pedro up on screen. “Wait, what’s that?” I said.

  She went back to the news channel and turned on the sound.

  “What? That’s impossible,” said Sarah.

  I stared at the screen and felt my heart go very cold. There had been a leak of money magic to some renegades and Ben, Claudio and Pedro were at the heart of it. I should have known it was too good to be true.

  “They’re saying the money spell was illegally used late last night or early this morning,” said Margaret. “That was probably at the dance. While they were trying to set you two up with Claudio and Benedick. Maybe Pedro was distracted and let it get stolen because of that.”

  But who had stolen it? I thought about Benedick’s sudden declaration of love for me. It had been so hard to believe then. What if it wasn’t true? What if he had done it all to distract Pedro long enough to get out a recorder while Pedro was saying the spell and steal it?

  “The World Council is currently interrogating Pedro Arrogan and all his known associates,” said the newswoman.

  Margaret turned off the television and there was a long, terrible silence.

  Sarah broke it. “I don’t believe Claudio or Benedick had anything to do with it,” she said stridently. “We should do something. Tell the World Council. Be witnesses or something.”

  I shook my head. “I should have known. Benedick in love with me? With Beatrice, who has always hated him? What a joke that must have been, when he thought of it!” How he must be congratulating himself that he was able to pull it off.

  “You shouldn’t assume the worst. We should call Ben and Claudio and ask them about it,” said Sarah, pulling out her cell phone.

  I reached over and grabbed it from her, closing it up before the call could go through. “If it is Ben, he will only lie about it,” I said. Isn’t that what Paduans did? They made everyone else tell the truth, and they lied every time they opened their mouths.