Lost Before You (Heart's Compass Book 2)

by Brooke O'Brien

  “Have you seen Kaleb?” I ask, enunciating the words, hoping he can read my lips. He doesn’t bother trying to say anything, instead, uses his hand to point toward the stairs, signally he’s up there.

  He must read the confusion on my face. Furrowing my brows, he nods his head, reassuring me I understood him correctly. I can’t ignore the dread and uneasiness that fills the pits of my stomach as thoughts race through my mind.

  No one goes upstairs at these parties except for one reason, and it’s not to use the bathroom. With a nod of my head, I continue to push my way through the crowd of people toward the stairs. Sweat is trickling down my face and neck, making me instantly regret my decision to wear a sweater.

  Once I make it to the top of the stairs, I’m thankful when I find it much quieter. Having people pressed against me right now is putting me on the edge of a panic attack.

  Taking a deep breath, I amble down the narrow hallway. Dean and Seth have always made it clear their rooms are off limits, so I don’t even bother checking, knowing the doors will be locked.

  Knocking on the door to the bathroom, I hear a woman’s muffled shout that she’ll be out in a minute. I don’t bother waiting as I continue down the hallway, checking the doors as I go, finding each one locked. I’m one step away from turning on my heel and ceasing my search when a loud moan pierces the air, halting my movement.

  “Harder, harder.” I hear the words chanted through the sound of skin slapping causing my heart rate to pick up.

  It’s as if everything clicks into place and I know what’s going to come. I press my back against the wall as I squeeze my eyes shut. My heart feels like it’s about to pound its way out of my chest. The dread and fear seeps in.

  The familiar sound of Kaleb’s deep grunts spurs something inside me, lighting a fire, tamping down the foolishness I felt a moment ago. I feel the heat rise up my neck as I clench my fists.

  With all my strength, I push the door open. The force behind it causes the wood to slam against the wall. Immediately, my eyes fall on Kaleb’s as I clench my jaw. His eyes go wide with shock and surprise.

  It’s still not enough to stop him as he continues to thrust his body into the bleached blonde bent over the bed in front of him.

  All this time Kaleb has promised me I could trust him, but it was nothing more than a lie.

  “Brea.” The sound of my name on his lips while he hands grip her hips cause bile to rise in my throat.

  “What’d you just call me?” the blonde tramp asks, turning her head behind, her only to find his eyes firmly planted on me.

  My feet are weighted, planted firmly on the floor. I can’t move as much as I want to leave and erase the visual before me from my sight and my mind forever.

  “You’re a lying son of a bitch,” I spit, feeling the anger rise in my throat. “I fucking hate you for doing this to me!” I shout. “I fucking hate you, you hear me? I won’t ever forgive you! Don’t you EVER talk to me again!”

  My hands are shaking, and I feel like my throat is burning through the hoarse shouts of my hatred for him. Forcing myself to move, I bolt.

  Once again, I’m reminded to be careful who you trust. Not everyone is who you believe them to be.

  As soon as I hit the bottom step, the dam breaks and I can’t control the surge of tears. Searching through the hordes of people, I seek out Lissa in hopes I can find her, but it’s no use. Darting across the kitchen toward the door leading to the patio, I keep my head lowered and make my way through the crowd.

  For a moment, I consider heading toward the front door and running to my car. The urge to drown my sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s is strong at that moment.

  Swiping a bottle of whiskey from the counter, I open the sliding glass door and step onto the wrap-around wooden porch. With tears streaming down my face, all I want is to be alone.

  Keeping my head trained on the ground, I race across the deck and down the stairs, headed for the walking trail that lines the property. Knowing my only path is through the crowd of people who also take the trail, I jog my way down the graveled path.

  Once the people and music are far enough away, I slow to a steady walk. Sliding my phone from my pocket, I open the camera app to do a quick once-over of my face. I’m relieved to find while the tears left my face looking red and puffy, my waterproof mascara has done its job.

  Letting out a slow breath, I stare into the night sky. The darkness has fallen, leaving the dimly lit path hard to navigate beneath the stars. The only light guiding me are the small solar lights lining the walkway.

  The quietness surrounding me allows the swirl of my thoughts to invade my mind. I feel disgusting and embarrassed over what I just witnessed, as the fear of whether this is something he’s done before fills my stomach. Taking a swig of the whiskey, I squeeze my eyes shut, focusing on the burn as I swallow the alcohol.

  How can someone you’ve spent the past seven months of your life with, whom you’ve opened yourself up to about your goals, dreams, and fears only turn around and throw all those things in your face?

  The one thing Kaleb knew he could do to hurt me was make me feel like I was living a lie. After what my father did to my mom, and what I just witnessed, the reality it has happened to me weighs heavily.

  A small wooden pergola holding a table and chairs sits off to the side of the trail. The sound of gravel crunching beneath my feet fills the silence. I take another drink, this one much smoother. I already feel the warmth of the alcohol rushing through my bloodstream.

  I take a seat at the patio table, letting out a huff as I fall back into the chair. The chair is surprisingly comfortable, and I think about hanging out here by myself until Lissa is ready to leave. At some point, I’m going to have to break it to her that it’s up to her to drive us home.

  Pulling up Facebook, I spend a few minutes checking my notifications and scrolling through my newsfeed. It’s full of people enjoying their spring break, and I feel envious of how happy everyone looks in their photos.

  So much for having a relaxing and fun weekend off. Opening my text messages, I decide to tell Lissa I’m ready to go home when I hear Mason’s laugh filter through the air. It’s the kind of throaty laugh I could spot anywhere.

  I can tell he’s close, but I’m unable to pinpoint where it’s coming from, causing me to look around for the location of the sound.

  “Brea.” My name sounds more like a question, as if he’s wondering what I’m doing here by myself. I can’t help but wonder the same thing.

  “Hey, what are you doing back here?” I ask.

  His feet kick the loose gravel. By the looks of the beer bottle in his hand, he’s likely a few beers past tipsy, although he looks like his usual self.

  “The guys and I were out in the shed over there,” he says, pointing with his thumb over his shoulder. “They wanted to set off some fireworks.”

  “Sounds like an accident waiting to happen,” I joke.

  Walking closer, he moves to take a seat on the bench next to me. The closer he gets, I see the question written on his face.

  “Why are you here all by yourself? Everything okay?”

  “I guess I just needed a little bit of time to myself. I’ll be fine eventually.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I’m just learning not everyone is who they say they are, at least not to your face. If we were all honest with our feelings, to ourselves, and each other, maybe we’d save all the heartbreak. What’s the point of going through life living a lie?”

  He doesn’t say anything right away, but I feel his eyes track my movement as I take another drink. Maybe he’s not sure what to say. Instead, he only nods his head.

  “Is this about something specific?”

  The words come out hoarser than the last question. Mason picks up on the change in his tone of voice as he lets out a hoarse co
ugh, as if clearing his throat before taking a drink of his beer.

  “Kaleb was cheating on me,” I spit, choosing a poor time to make the announcement. Mason works to swallow back his beer, but instead it sends him off in a string of coughs, choking on his drink.

  What’s the point of easing right into it? Honesty and all of that.

  “Wait, what?” Mason asks. I feel the heat of his gaze as he turns to look at me, but I don’t turn to face him.

  “Yep,” I say, enunciating the ‘p’ with a pop. “So much for thinking you know someone.”

  “What a fucking prick,” Mason sneers, turning his head away and facing forward into the night sky.

  “This is the universe’s way of reminding me relationships are a joke. You’ve been doing it right all along, Mase,” I sigh. “I’ve never been one to sleep around or have a night of meaningless sex, but why not? There’s no need for trust or commitment when you’re in it for the sole purpose of having someone fuck your brains out. Right?”

  “You can’t be serious right now,” Mason says, wrapping his hand around my forearm. “Look at me, Brea.”

  I feel the hot tears welling up in my eyes, all my emotions rising to the surface. Breathing in through my nose, I force down the feelings raging through me. Maybe it’s the alcohol, or maybe this is how I feel, but I don’t want to see the look of pity on his face.

  “This is not who you are,” he commands, moving to take the bottle from my hand. “Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you, all because some piece of shit doesn’t know what he had.”

  I roll my eyes. Shrugging my arm from Mason’s hold, I let him take the bottle. He sets it down on the table as I stand, planning to head into the party.

  “That’s sweet of you and all, Mason. Still, it doesn’t change how I feel about relationships. Maybe if I let myself get lost in someone else for a night, I will be able to ignore the disgusting feeling I have in the pit of my stomach.”

  By the sound of the gravel crunching behind me, I know he’s not too far behind.

  “Wait, Brea. Will you just stop and talk to me?”

  “What more is there to talk about? I’m going to find someone to spend the rest of my night with,” I say, turning to face him. “Unless, of course, you want to be that person? I know how skilled you are in the pleasuring women department. Maybe you can show me what it is about you that has all the women falling over themselves for a night with the illustrious Mason Reid.” I laugh. “Maybe you can be the one to make me forget.”

  His arm wraps around my waist and pulls me into him. It happens so fast, I don’t even realize what happened until his arm is pressed against my lower back. Using his hand beneath my chin, he tilts my head until my eyes find his.

  “Is this really what you want?” he asks, his voice low. There’s an edge to it I’ve never heard before.

  “What?” I ask, looking at him beneath the soft glow of the lights lining the path. It’s hard to read the expression on his face.

  “You want to know what it’s like to have one night with me?”

  I nod my head. “I want to know what it feels like for one night to forget everything else and get lost in someone. You don’t have to worry, Mason, I know what one night with you means. I promise it won’t change our friendship, and I won’t even make you cuddle with me when you’re done.” I laugh.

  I see the curve of his lip tilt up in a smirk.

  “C’mere,” he says, tangling his hand in mine, leading me back to the pergola. He takes a seat in the middle of the bench. Peering up at me, I can see the cocky grin on his face.

  He’s so confident and sure of himself as he drags me into his lap. He runs his hand along the side of my face, pushing the strands of hair away. Tracing his thumb along the edge of my cheek, I watch with bated breath as his eyes consider my lips.

  I silently beg for him to make the first move because as much as I said I wanted this, I can’t be the one to initiate it. Pulling me closer still, I feel the air sucked out of me when his lips connect with mine.

  Clutching onto his shoulders, I let out a quiet whimper and feel my body relax into his touch. I don’t let myself over think it. Instead, I focus on the way my body feels under his touch.

  Sliding his hand over my chest, he cups my breast with his palm. I lean into his touch, letting him get a better feel. The movement causes his eyes to spark as the corners of his mouth curve up.

  Sliding his hands down my arms, he pulls the sleeves of my sweater with them and tosses it on the chair next to us. The combination of the alcohol coursing through my system and his fingertips brushing along my skin has a warmth rushing through my bloodstream.

  “Mase,” I whisper. It must’ve been the way I said it by the look on his face as if he’s scared I’ll change my mind.

  “Promise me,” I whisper, swallowing my nervousness. “Promise me this won’t change anything between us.”

  A look of hurt passes over his face, but before I can overthink it, it’s gone.

  “I promise you’ll always be my best friend.”

  It’s what I need to hear from him. Nodding my head, I let out a slow breath as I hold onto his hands clenching my waist.

  Gathering the material from my t-shirt, I raise my arms as he pulls the material over my head. Sitting in front of him, with only the dimly lit lights around us and the stars shining in the sky, I see the desire gloss over his eyes and the way his throat moves as he swallows and his eyes roam over every inch of my chest.

  Leaning forward, I press my mouth to the base of his throat, feeling his heartbeat against my lips. Running my fingers over his torso, I follow his lead and pull his t-shirt over his head, dropping it on top of my sweater.

  “C’mere,” he whispers, pulling me to straddle his lap.

  I feel his cock harden beneath me where our bodies touch. Something about it spurs me on, pressing my pussy against him.

  He lowers his head, pressing his mouth against my chest, leaving kisses along the swells of my breasts. My fingers slide into his hair as I hold him closer to me, earning me a groan.

  “Brea,” he grits out. Just one word, but hearing my name fall from his lips makes me want to hear it from him again.

  I slide back on his knees and slip my hand between us. I thank God he isn’t wearing a belt as I slip off the button and unzip his pants.

  I see his head snap up, looking at me as if gauging my reaction.

  We promised we wouldn’t let tonight ruin anything between us. Slipping my fingers into Mason’s underwear, I fist my hand around his thick length, rubbing my thumb over the velvety smooth tip. I feel the wetness beneath my finger as I let out a small whimper.

  “Fuck me, Brea. You’re gonna kill me with those noises alone,” he groans.

  Tightening my fist, I pump my hand up and down his hard length. I can’t help the overwhelming sense of pride as I watch his eyelids lower and his head tilt back. His chest heaves with every forced breath and his nostrils flare as he works to stay calm.

  “Your hand feels perfect. You’re perfect,” Mason groans, lowering his head to meet my stare. My mouth feels dry from each deep inhale. My tongue darts out, wetting my lips as he lets out a deep grunt.

  Mason runs his palms up my thighs, wrapping his hands tightly at my waist. As soon as I feel his rough skin against mine, I feel my stomach quiver with anticipation.

  “I want to feel you around me,” Mason mutters. The words are coming out more pleading than I think he intended.

  Standing, I ease the button undone and unzip my jeans. I watch as Mason reaches into his pocket for his wallet, slipping out a condom. He’s quick, and for a second, I think about how experienced he is before I push it out of my mind just as fast.

  If this is the only night we have together, I don’t want to focus on thoughts of him with other women. Tonight, it’s just the two of us
and no one else.

  Leaving my thong in place, I resume my position on his lap. The thought of completely baring myself to him out in the open feels too intimate. He doesn’t say anything, and before I know it, his hands are back on me.

  As soon as his thumb rubs against my pussy, I can’t even hold in the moan I unleash.

  “You’re killing me, Brea,” he says as I roll my head forward, looking him straight in the eye. When his thumb slips beneath the lace material, I hold onto his forearm to keep from collapsing on top of him.

  “Please,” I beg. Mason doesn’t say anything, and I’m grateful. Easing myself up onto my knees, he holds his cock in his strong hand, positioning himself beneath me.

  Keeping my hands firmly on his shoulders, I slowly ease my way down, feeling every inch of him fill me. My body craves the way he fits so perfectly inside me as I slam down in his lap.

  “Brea,” he sighs, squeezing my hips.

  The sound of his voice and each moan he makes urge me to continue, as we both chase our release. My body shudders as we fall over the edge together.

  I press my forehead against his shoulder as his strong hands slide up my spine, holding me against him. I feel his breath feather along my heated skin as he presses a soft kiss at the base of my neck.

  It was wrong of me to ask Mason to promise me nothing would change between us because it was a lie. I think maybe he knew it, too. There is no going back, and that’s what scares me the most. I don’t want to ever lose him.

  My thoughts are swirling as I stare up at the blades of the ceiling fan spinning around and around. It’s been six days since I’ve seen or heard from Mason. With each day that passes by, I can’t help but feel like I’m drifting further and further away from my best friend.

  I think back to my conversation with Lissa after my fight with Kaleb. I had never given any thought to a relationship with Mason. For as long as I’ve known him, he’s always been someone I could trust but I knew who he spent his nights with.