Family Ties (Hidden Secrets)

by Belden, P. J.

  I got a text from Tobey, but I just couldn’t bring myself to read it. It hurt enough just seeing his name show up on my phone. I was half tempted to delete it but then I knew when I could handle seeing his name on my phone, I would always wonder what it said. I would read it later when it wouldn’t hurt as bad.

  Tonight a week since I left Tobey, I ventured outside and sat on the porch swing. The cool evening air was nice and gave me a moment of peace. Just a moment. Taking a deep breath, I lean my head on the back of the swing and just tried to shut off my brain.

  “Hey.”

  My head snapped up. “What?”

  “I, uh, was just checking on you.”

  “Well you checked now go away.” I snapped.

  “Mary, please-”

  “Elijah, I don’t want to see you.”

  “Marebear.” He walked toward me.

  “Shut up, Eli! I was happy. I was happy for the first time in my life! But you couldn’t butt out of my life long enough to let me be happy! You’re just as bad as he was. I hate you!” I yelled before storming into the house and slamming the door.

  “Mary Elizabeth Williams! You bring your butt back here right now!”

  Stopping my hurry to get upstairs and away from each other, I walked back over to the door. When I got by the door, I could see Eli just standing there. He looked broken. The pieces of my heart sank in my chest at the sight of him.

  “We have been tip toeing around you for a week now. Not wanting to upset you or make matters worse. I’m sorry you’re hurting. Really I am. It breaks my heart to see one of my children hurting, but blaming Eli is not helping matters any.”

  “Do you know what he did, Mom? He investigated him. Eli investigated Tobey because he feels I can’t take care of myself! It is his fault I’m hurting right now. Tobey lied to me and hurt me too, but had Eli just stayed out of my life for one damn second I might still be happy right now!”

  “Mary Elizabeth!”

  “Forget it! If I’m so in the way…” I don’t even finish my sentence.

  Turning, I stormed upstairs and grabbed my bag that I didn’t even unpack and walked out the door with my mom yelling behind me. As I shoved past Eli, he grabbed my arm stopping me.

  “Take your hands off me Eli! I’m done. I’m in the way. Apparently I’m not hurting properly for all of you. Or not enough for some of you,” I glare at Eli. “I’m leaving.” I finished, yanking my arm from Eli’s grasp and run down the road.

  Honestly I had no idea where I was going to go, but I just couldn’t deal with the looks from my family anymore. I walked for a long time. Soon I found myself in front of Carson and Colleen’s house.

  “Mare? Are you okay?” Carson said groggily when I came inside.

  “I’m fine. Just wanted to check in on Colleen. Sorry didn’t realize the time. I’ll call her tomorrow.” I said as I started heading to the door.

  “No hun, I’m awake. What’s going on?”

  “Can,” I swallow hard. “Can I stay here tonight Curry?” Trying hard not to cry.

  “Of course. Why aren’t you at mom’s?”

  “Please don’t ask me. It’ll only be tonight please.” I was on the verge of tears and prayed he agreed before I started crying.

  “Mare you don’t have to ask. You are more than welcome here. I’ll set up the guest room.” He kissed the top of my head, took my bag, kissed Colleen and left the room.

  “Come here,” Colleen said holding out her arms.

  I went in for a hug. Well the best I could give her. The minute she wrapped her arms around me the tears started to fall. I had managed to keep them in while at mom’s. I don’t like people seeing me cry. I feel stupid.

  “Shhh, it’s okay. I have you. Just let it out.”

  After a few moments, she led me over to the couch where she held my hand and looked at me with concern.

  “Do you want to talk about?”

  “What’s there to say? I hate them both.”

  “Eli and Tobey.”

  “What the fuck did Eli do?” Carson says coming into the living room.

  “He did his normal nose into my life thing only he took it a little too far this time.”

  “What happened?” Carson asked sitting down.

  So I explained everything to both of them. I saw the tension in Carson as I explained everything that happened between me and Tobey then about what happened a week ago. My heart ached just talking about him. God I missed him. I hated myself for it, but I did.

  “Jason too?” Colleen asked shocked.

  “Yeah they were both there.”

  “Has he contacted you since you left?” Colleen asked.

  “He sent me a text message, but I haven’t read it.”

  “You loved him, didn’t you?” Carson asked.

  “Love. I love him Carson. How can I shut it off?”

  Colleen leans forward and holds my hand. “Honey, why would you want to shut it off? Love is a wonderful thing.”

  I look down. “You can say that because you have Carson. He said all the right things, made me feel things I’ve never felt before but you know what the worst part of it all is?” I ask looking up at them with tears burning my eyes.

  “What?” Colleen choked out, seemingly just as emotional as me.

  “I felt safe with him. Like no matter what, as long as I had him nothing could touch me. Then he’s the one that hurt me. He hurt me more than Kyle ever has.”

  “What do you mean?” Carson asked stiffening in his seat.

  “God, Eli’s slow. Hell I’m surprised Tobey didn’t tell everyone. Kyle’s been beating the shit out of me for a while. Happy? He did this to my face the night that Eli and Jason decided to come and ruin my happiness.”

  Carson flew up out of his seat screaming ‘what!’ accidently pushing Colleen forward. “Oh shit! I’m sorry angel. Are you okay?”

  Colleen laughed. “I’m fine.”

  He turned back to me. “What the hell Mary! Did you learn nothing from Kayla? Why the hell didn’t you tell us?”

  It was my turn to fly off the couch. “For this very reason! It’s not your problem to solve damn it! This isn’t like Kayla. I can handle Kyle!”

  “Yeah because you’ve been doing a bang up job so far!” Carson yelled in my face.

  “Fuck you!” I screamed then stormed upstairs to the room he was letting me stay in and slammed the door.

  Looking around the room, I spotted a radio. Turning it on, I walked out onto the balcony. It was cool out tonight, but it wasn’t the peacefulness I’ve been used to out on the ranch. The peacefulness I found in the eyes and arms of a man that wanted to hurt me. The song registered through my thoughts. It was Christina Aguliera and Blake Shelton’s Just a Fool. Boy did this song fit how I felt right now. I was just a fucking fool for ever believing anyone could love me. Turning around, I shut the radio off and crawled into bed.

  ** *** *** ** *** *** **

  Waking up, I hear voices carrying up the stairs. Once I jumped in the shower and dressed, I grabbed my phone and called a cab then headed down stairs. When I walked into the kitchen I set my bag down. Walking out into the living room, I saw Carson, Colleen, Kayla, Jason, and Jackson.

  “Hey I’m headed out. Thanks for letting me crash here guys.” I turned to start walking out when Kayla grabs my hand.

  “Not going to say hi?” She smiles sweetly at me.

  “Hey Kay. I really have to get going. I’ll call you later.” I look at Jackson. “Hey Jacks. I’ll call you later too.” I turned to start heading out.

  “What am I invisible?” Jason joked.

  “To me you are,” I said without turning around.

  Just as I bent down to pick up my bag, Jackson pulled it from my hands. “I need to get those stitches out.”

  I huff. “Whatever. Hurry up. I have a cab waiting for me outside.”

  Sitting on the stool, Jackson started working on removing the stitches. “I talked to him, you know?”

  “Who
? When?”

  “Tobey and a couple of times now,” he said but doesn’t explain.

  Waiting for him to elaborate, finally giving up. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “You always looked up to me. Always trusted my judgment.”

  “What’s your point?” I sighed.

  “The point is little sister,” he squated down in front of me, “I truly believe he never meant to hurt you. I think even if he hadn’t fallen in love with you,” he puts his fingers under my chin, “and I honestly believe he loves you. I don’t think he’d have gone through with it anyway.”

  I scoffed at him. “Why do you think that?”

  “Because when I talked to him the night Kyle beat you up, he was upset that he didn’t protect you. That you got hurt and he wasn’t there to stop it. Then when I talked to him yesterday…”

  That grabbed my attention. “You talked to him yesterday? Why would you talk to him?”

  He smirked. “Well I went by to take your stitches out and he told me you weren’t there. Honey that is a broken man. If he didn’t care about you, I doubt he would have looked like that.”

  “Why are you defending him? He wanted me for revenge Jack! Revenge. Not just sex or something like that. He intended to hurt me. That was the sole reason we met.”

  “You keep holding on to that and you’ll lose the happiness you long for. Trust me I know what I’m talking about.” He stood up, walked over to his bag, pulled a package from it, and then handed it to me. “He wanted me to give this to you. Oh and just so you know, he’s lost more than you over this. The guys left him too. They continue to work, but won’t have anything to do with him.”

  Staring down at the package he handed me, I looked up at Jackson as he started to walk way. “Jackson?”

  He turns. “Yeah?”

  “Why?” I looked up at him then.

  “Because I love you and I don’t want you missing out on a great thing.” He smiled sadly.

  Placing the package in my bag, I say my goodbyes to everyone and head outside. Kayla yelled behind me. “You’ll be at my wedding in a month right?”

  Turning around I smiled sadly at her, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world hun. Even if I’m mad at my brother-in-law.”

  Climbing in the cab, I drove off. Telling the cab driver to head to the nearest car dealership, I sit back in my seat and think about what Jackson just told me. It was funny actually. My brother seemed to be a crusader for everyone else to be happy, but himself. He thinks no one notices his sad eyes when someone falls in love or looking at our siblings that have their happily ever after, but I see them. Though I’m most curious as to why he trusts a man that broke me so much.

  “Ma’am? You’re here.” The cab driver said breaking me from my thoughts.

  “Oh thank you.” I climbed out paid him and walked around the lot looking for exactly what I needed. That’s when I saw it and I knew what I needed to do.

  An eager salesman walked up then. “What are you in for miss?”

  “I want that,” I said pointing to the Super Duty Super cab Ford F350 standard bed pickup truck then walked inside giving him no time to laugh at me for my choice.

  Once I squared everything away with the truck, I drove off on a mission. He may have lied to me, may have even broke my heart but I’ll be damned if I let him take the one thing from me that I have always dreamed of doing.

  A few hours later, I stood on my own property. My own ranch in the making. Taking a deep breath I spun around with a smile on my face for the first time in a week. Love may be out of the picture, but I will have work to put it all out of my mind. Turning around, I looked at the shack on the property. I call it a shack because it was barely big enough to really live in.

  The realtor told me that it was temporary housing for the last people that owned it while they had their main house built, but they ran out of money before they could do it. I walked up on the porch, unlocked the door and walked inside.

  It was small, but it would do for now until I could come up with an idea of what I wanted. Actually I kind of liked it. It was big enough that I didn’t feel cramped, but small enough that it gave no illusions that more people could show up or stay. There was a living room area, a small kitchen, a bathroom and one bedroom. Smiling, it would do just fine.

  Walking to my bedroom, I placed my bag on the bed and opened the small closet finding hangers inside. Opening my bag I began to hang my clothes. It was reaching in my bag that I remembered about the package that Tobey had Jacks give me. Sitting down, I stared at the package like it was some kind of ticking time bomb. I guess in a way it was considering whatever was in here could really break me.

  Just as I was about to open it my cellphone went off. Grabbing it quickly, I answered without paying attention to the caller ID.

  “Hello?” Nothing was said. “Hello?” I said again.

  “I didn’t think you’d answer,” came a shaken voice on the other end.

  Pulling the phone away from my ear, I looked at the ID. I didn’t need to look to know who was on the line. It was Tobey. Just hearing his voice had tears pooling in my eyes. Dammit! I’ve cried so much lately. It is so unlike me to get this worked up.

  “I didn’t look at the caller ID,” I answered honestly.

  “Yeah I kind of figured,” he said sadly.

  “Look I need to go. I’m real busy.”

  “Please Mary wait. Please.” He pleaded and it damn near broke my heart more.

  “What Tobey? What do you want?” I answered irritated.

  “I just want to make sure you’re okay. I, uh, sent you a text a week ago. I-”

  “Yeah I saw that you sent it. I haven’t read it and I’m not sure I will.”

  He sighed heavily. “Yeah. Okay.” He paused. “Mary?”

  It was my turn to sigh. “What?” I asked barely holding my tears at bay.

  Just hearing his voice was enough to do me in, but hearing how sad he sounded killed me more.

  “I’m so sorry. Every day I hate myself more and more for what I’ve done. Hurting you kills me inside. I miss you so much.” His voice falters. “I love you, Mary.”

  “I have to go.” With that I hung up the phone, clutching the phone to my chest and cried.

  Once I had gotten myself under control again, I went about cleaning my house.

  ** *** *** ** *** *** **

  A very long two weeks have passed since buying my ranch. I still couldn’t bring myself to come up with a plan for a house. I have however bought a horse. I’ve named him Secrets. It is a reminder to what they can do to you. In the two weeks I’ve lived out here, I’ve made amends with my mom, Jason and Eli. Though I told them that it would take time for me to get past it completely, I’m at least talking to them again.

  Today I had set that I was going to run the property fencing to make sure it was all intact before I considered buying more horses or even some cows. I haven’t fully decided. But when I woke this morning I was just not going anywhere but to the doctors.

  I was very adamant about making it to the doctors if I was sick because that meant I wasn’t able to work. And if I wasn’t working, my nightmare happened. So I made my way into town to the doctors.

  For the first time in a long time, I was in and out rather quickly. Usually it was sit in the waiting room for a few hours, see you for two minutes then send you on your way kind of appointment. Not today.

  As I walked back into my house I was just stunned. As if my life wasn’t in shambles already, let’s add this on top of it all. Shaking my head, I tried to wrap my head around what was happening. Was someone laughing at me right now? My heart is in shambles, I’m barely making it through a day so let’s make me pregnant by the guy that broke my world apart.

  “Dammit!” I screamed loudly.

  Sleep. I just need to go to sleep. Crawling up in bed laying my head down, the tears silently fell dampening my pillow. It was in the blur of my tears that I saw the box still sitting on the floor that I ha
d yet to open. On shaky legs I walk over, grab it, before climbing back into bed. Before I could talk myself out of it, I ripped open the box. What I saw inside made my tears fall faster.

  An iPod. With a note that said, I can’t fix everything I broke, I know that but I’d like to try anyway. I love you. Tobey

  That had me reaching for my phone. If I’m going to put myself through hell it might as well be all at one time, right? Reading through the message, I found it hard to catch my breath. It wasn’t until I reached the last part of his message that the gut wrenching sobs I have held in since walking away from Tobey emerged.

  I hope you read this. I can’t explain how sorry I am and how badly I miss you. Every bit of pain, sorrow, loss and loneliness I feel from this day forward, I deserve but you don’t. Please don’t keep yourself from being happy because I screwed up. I love you. ~Tobey~

  God I missed him. For the first time since I left, I opened up his pictures I had on my phone. Sob after sob escaping, “I love you Tobey.” I ended up falling asleep clutching my phone with his picture up and the letter that he sent with the iPod.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Tobey

  Sitting down at the table, I stared down at my bowl of oatmeal. I refused to allow myself to eat anything good. I stare at my phone and pray she’d write. When I sent that text to her yesterday, I knew she wouldn’t write but it didn’t stop me from hoping.

  Everywhere I looked in my house I was reminded of her for one reason or another. But it was the worst in the kitchen. It was where she shined. She helped begin and end our days here. Mary is an amazing woman and I won’t forget her anytime soon. Hell I won’t forget her at all. My heart ached for her and my soul yearned for her.

  My life was just completely empty without her. How could I have been so damn stupid? Maybe if I would have told her about it all, she might still be here? It was the same questions I’ve asked myself since she left. Honestly I’m not sure how much sleep I’ve gotten since I watched her drive away. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her or felt her. It was just unbearable.