Silent Love_Part 1_Forbidden Series

by Kenadee Bryant

  “I come here sometimes to think and get away from things,” Gage said facing forward.

  “It’s nice here.” I looked around, although I couldn’t see much. I turned up my head upward toward the sky. We had to be kind of far from the city because I could see the stars. The city smog was gone. The stars twinkled, like they were winking at us, like they knew something we didn’t.

  I had always been fascinated with the stars. Something so beautiful and so far away was almost baffling. How could we see them when they were well over five million light years away? How they were little balls of gas lighting up the sky and one day they just burn out; but there are stars up there that are already burned out but didn’t die until years later.

  “The stars look amazing out here,” I breathed. It was so cool how you could only see the stars once you got away from the city. If you lived downtown your whole life, you’d never know there were so many stars visible.

  “That right there is Ursa Major.” Gage pointed up and to the right a little bit to a cluster of stars. There was one bright star surrounded by little ones that weren’t as bright.

  “Is that Orion’s Belt?” I pointed to the line of stars straight up.

  “Yeah.”

  Both of us were silent as we sat there staring up at the starry sky. The silence between us was nice, comforting. Gage hadn’t tried getting me to tell him what happened; he was going to wait and let do it at my own pace. He knew his distance and I respected him for it.

  We talked about stars for a little bit longer before I knew I had to explain the situation to him. I didn’t know where to start, so I just let it all out—well, not all of it; I had to keep some secrets to myself.

  “I watched the guy I have had a crush on for years kiss another girl right after dancing with me,” I blurted out. After it slipped from my lips, I wanted to facepalm. Really? I had to say it like that? “I mean, we were dancing, having a great time, and right when the song ended, some slutty girl had to come grab him and steal him away. I wasn’t mad about that until he just completely forgot about me and let her kiss him.”

  I flopped onto my back, keeping my legs crossed in front of me. While I kept my eyes trained on the sky, I felt Gage look over at me.

  “I know it is pathetic to get so worked up over, but I couldn’t help it. I’ve been in love with the guy since I was in high school, and the one moment we get a chance to actually be close, it is ruined. The worst part is, he forgot about me the second the girl grabbed him. I flew out of his head so fast I’m surprised something didn’t happen.”

  “I mean, how can you forget the girl you just danced with? And he asked me to dance! Sure, he saved me from a sleaze ball that asked me to dance, but that doesn’t mean he has the right to just leave me.” I shook my head at myself. “I’m just so fucking stupid.” I clenched my fists for a second before letting them go.

  “Is he the reason you asked me to teach you how to get a guy?” Gage suddenly asked.

  “Unfortunately, yes. And you were right; it was a stupid idea.” He was quiet for a minute before he lay down beside me.

  “Carter, if he doesn’t realize that you are in front of him, then he isn’t worth it. Maybe he doesn’t deserve you,” Gage said. I turned my head and looked at him. Was Gage Harper giving me love advice, and why was it good?

  “Try telling my heart that,” I muttered.

  “Carter, sometimes what feels like the right thing is the wrong thing. Sometimes what you think you want is not what is good for you. And maybe, sometimes, in order to realize that, we have to slowly let go.” I let his words sink in. Was Gage right? What if loving Ethan wasn’t good for me? Or was I just letting my sadness take control of my thoughts at the moment?

  “Falling in love is like giving someone a gun, letting them point it at your heart, and trusting they won’t pull the trigger,” Gage whispered into the night.

  Why did Gage sound so broken when he said that?

  Chapter Seventeen

  Hours passed. Gage and I made light conversation, not really going into anything deep; I didn’t think either of us were ready for that. What surprised me the most was Gage telling me a lot about the stars. He would point out certain ones and tell me the name and how it was named after gods and goddesses of Greece. I never pegged him as someone who knew astronomy or liked it. Gage always seemed to surprise me every time I saw him. In that moment, I never felt closer to Gage.

  “Did you know that in about a month the moon is going to turn green?” Gage asked suddenly. I turned my head to face him.

  “Really? Green?”

  “Yeah, first time since 1879. Something about how the moon, the sun, and Mars will pass over each other, making the moon glow green.” I looked back up at the almost full moon right above us.

  “Wasn’t there an eclipse just a few months ago?” I asked.

  “This year so far has been the most there ever has been of eclipses and stuff like that. More shooting stars have been recorded this year as well.” Who knew Gage Harper had useless amounts of trivia in his head?

  “Do you ever wonder what it would be like without the moon? Would every night be pitch black, or would something else take its place to be our light source? You know the world is dependent on the bond between the sun and the moon. What would happen without it? What would happen with the sun?” I questioned.

  I could tell it was well past midnight just by our questions. It seemed like after midnight questions and conversations turned serious and thoughtful. At 11:59 you could be texting your best friend about a guy you saw earlier at the store, and at 12:01 you are talking about what came first, the chicken or the egg. It was like after midnight an inner part of you came out, the serious part. The one that wanted to know about things that are unexplainable.

  This always happened whenever Macey and I stayed up really late. One second we were laughing about something on YouTube, and the next we were being serious talking about the future.

  “My opinion is during the daytime we would be fun, but at night it would be total darkness. No light of the moon, but you could see the stars a little more. But I don’t think the world would end with no moon. I mean, look at Mars; it’s doing just fine,” Gage commented.

  “Yeah, but Mars doesn’t have people on it,” I pointed out.

  “Soon, though. Studies have shown that soon living things may be able to survive on Mars.” He went off, sounding excited and fascinated. I looked over at him and smiled. I could only see the side of his face, but I could make out a smile and I bet his eyes were wide open.

  I continued listening to him ramble about people on Mars. Why was Gage here with me? Why did he leave a party just to bring me somewhere he goes regularly? The Gage I thought I knew before tonight never would have done this; he would have just let me run away by myself. This was a Gage I liked; a Gage that I could actually see myself being friends with.

  “It is just so mind-blowing.” I came back to the conversation as he said that. I smiled softly over at him, even though he couldn’t see it.

  “So, tell me, which planet is your absolute favorite? It can anything but Earth and Pluto,” I said.

  “Why not Pluto?”

  “Cause it’s not a planet. So which one?” I could practically see him rolling his eyes at me, but he didn’t reply with a smart-ass comment.

  “Well, while I like Mars, I personally like Neptune. It is the eighth planet away from the sun, and is the fourth largest planet. While it is made of gas, it is mostly made up of water which gives it the nickname ‘The Ice Planet,’ along with its twin Uranus. It was named after the Roman god of the sea, and it is even the color blue which is cool.”

  “But why? It can’t be because it is blue.” He was silent for a few minutes, possibly thinking over his answer.

  “Because it is the least known. Everyone knows Saturn, Mars, and Uranus because of its unfortunate name, but the others are left out. Along with Jupiter, Mercury, and Venus, Neptune is just forgotten. I mean, it i
s still there in people’s minds, but because it is so far away from the sun no one really cares about it. No one knows much about it. It is like a ‘dark’ planet that has so many hidden things that, no matter what, no one will understand them. It is the forgotten planet among all the others.”

  I couldn’t help but feel that he meant that in a different sense. Almost like it coincided with personal feelings. Although I wanted to know more, I refrained from asking. Gage was actually talking to me, not just throwing in snide comments here and there, but giving me an actual conversation. I did not want to ruin it.

  “I’ve always like Venus,” I commented randomly.

  “Why?” It was his turn to ask and look my way.

  “Because of its name,” I joked, but with a look from him I explained. “I know it’s the second planet from the sun, making it the hottest. I also know it was named after a Roman goddess for love and beauty. But I like that you can see it in the sky at night. It is like a constant ‘star’ that will always be visible. I can almost see it as a beacon showing that no matter what happens in your life, it will be there. Even if you aren’t with your family and are alone, you can look to the sky and know someone somewhere is looking at the same thing you are.”

  Gage turned away from me thinking of my answer. I honestly hadn’t even known I felt that way toward a planet. It seemed like being with Gage and hearing all this astronomy stuff brought out a different side of me.

  “I didn’t know you were really into astronomy,” I blurted out suddenly.

  “Ever since I was young.” He shrugged. “I used to look up at the sky and try to figure out how far away the stars were, and which constellations were which. I would go to the library and get books to learn about astronomy.”

  “Are you majoring in it?”

  “Currently, yes. I don’t know what I can do with an astronomy major, but at the moment I don’t care,” Gage said. I held back a smile. I knew he was lying when he said he didn’t know what he was majoring in. I liked that he was going into something I never would have thought. Made him even more mysterious than before.

  “Man, we are being way too serious right now.” Gage interrupted my thoughts a second later. I let out a laugh totally agreeing with him.

  “Yes we are. Damn, we got really deep right there.”

  Silence once again wrapped around us as we lay flat on our backs, enjoying the moment. It was perfect. I closed my eyes, breathing in the air and letting everything wash over me, getting rid of everything else that has happened tonight, getting a fresh start.

  “We should probably get going. It’s pretty late,” Gage said. I nodded although I wished we could stay here longer. Leaving this place would mean I’d have to get back to reality and quite possibly, well more like for certain, see Ethan tomorrow.

  Sighing, I sat up already dreading going home. I didn’t know what time it was, but I doubted Macey was home yet; she tended to stay as late as she could. It wasn’t like I was worried about her getting mad at me for leaving. I knew once I told her the reason she wouldn’t be mad.

  I stood up and to the side as Gage folded the blanket. It was the sweetest gesture. We silently made our way back to the car, not really having anything to say. The silence was comfortable.

  “Are you okay to go back home?” Gage asked once we got in the car and started it up.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Macey should be home soon anyways.” I glanced at the clock on the dashboard to see it was nearing three in the morning. We really had been out in the field forever. I didn’t feel that tired, oddly enough.

  “The question is if you are going to be okay going home? I know you’ll miss me terribly,” I teased over. He scoffed at my comment.

  “Yeah, right. You are definitely mixing me up with you, princess.”

  “Whatever you say. I know you’ll still miss me tonight.”

  “Did you know you are annoying?”

  “I wouldn’t call it annoying, more like entertaining,” I replied. He didn’t reply, but I’d bet he rolled his eyes at me.

  As we continued on our ride back to campus, I stared out the window listening to the music playing through the radio. Because it was three in the morning, nothing was open and no one was out and about. The streets were empty making it seem almost eerie outside. They said New York is the city that never sleeps, but right now everyone was asleep.

  It didn’t take us long to get back to campus and before I knew it, Gage was parking his car and turning it off. We both sat there not moving; it was like we both didn’t want to leave. The silence was starting to drag on a little bit longer than I liked, but before I could say something stupid to break it, Gage opened the door. Inwardly, I breathed out a sigh in relief. I knew that if he hadn’t made the first move to leave the car, I would have said something equally embarrassing and stupid. It was something I was terribly good at.

  I met him at the front of car and started walking in the direction of my place. I had no idea where Gage lived, but I didn’t want to ask making him think I wanted to come over. I wasn’t that desperate not to be home.

  As we walked, I wrapped my arms around myself feeling a small cold breeze; a telltale sign that fall was almost here. What was slightly weird was that we hadn’t passed anyone the closer we got to my building. I would have thought we’d see a least one person coming back from the party, or even someone doing the walk of shame from someone else’s place, but nope. It was just Gage and me.

  I was really aware of how close he was. I could feel the heat coming off him, making me shiver either from the cold or something else, I wasn’t sure. I still couldn’t wrap my head around Gage right now. Everything he had done in the last few hours baffled me. I had not known Gage was so…sweet, if I could even say that. I almost wanted to say he was drunk and that was why he was acting so different with me, but I couldn’t. Gage was very much sober at the moment.

  I hadn’t even realized we were in front of my building as I was lost in thought. A soft nudge on my arm jerked me out of them and back to the present. Gage was looking right at me, his eyes reflecting the light from a lamp nearby. All I wanted in this moment was my camera. I wanted to snap a photo of Gage so bad that I even found my hand reaching for my cell phone. The way he looked with the soft light hitting his face made him look beyond handsome. The slight stubble on his chin and jaw made me want to run my hands over it to see if it was prickly. Because of his harsh cheekbones the light made him look like he was hiding in the darkness. He didn’t have his hoodie to block his face or cover his head, so I could see his hair that looked soft. It was in that moment I noticed just how handsome Gage Harper really was.

  “We are here,” Gage said, his voice rough. I cleared my throat, trying to fight off all the images going through my mind at the moment.

  “Oh, uh, thank you for walking me here.”

  “No big deal.” He stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets, making his wide shoulders curve in a little bit.

  “And thank you for tonight. I didn’t apologize or thank you before, so…” I trailed off.

  “Princess, it’s okay, as long as you are fine now.”

  “Y-yeah, I’m good.” We stood there staring at one another. A part of me wanted him to walk me all the way inside to my door, but I knew that wouldn’t be the wisest decision. If Macey was home, she would not hesitate to grill both of us as to why we were together. That was something I did not want to deal with at three in the morning.

  “I better go,” Gage said, gesturing back the way we had come.

  “Yeah, it is late,” I commented stupidly. Gage turned to walk away, but I found myself telling him to stop. “I…uh…we are friends, right?” I asked.

  “Friends?”

  “Yeah. Like are we past that ‘I hate you, you hate me’ thing?” He was quiet for a minute, just looking at me. It felt like an eternity before he finally answered.

  “Yeah, we are friends.” The word seemed slightly foreign in his mouth. I couldn’t stop the wide grin gr
owing on my face.

  “Good.” I smiled at him. “Goodnight, Gage.” I watched as a smile spread across his face. And it wasn’t a half smile, half smirk. It was a full-blown smile that instantly made my knees weak. My heart took that moment to sputter in my chest and pound making me feel like it would burst free from my chest.

  “Goodnight, princess.” Gage grinned back at me. I stood there smiling right on back at him before I started walking backwards. I knew I should walk away now, but my body wasn’t listening to me. My gaze was locked onto Gage’s, a big weight feeling like it had lifted off my chest.

  I finally was able to force myself to wave to him before turning and practically running inside the building. Once I had made it inside and around the corner, where I couldn’t see Gage anymore, I slumped against the wall. Although tonight was slightly terrible, Gage changed it for me. I had a great time tonight, even if I didn’t want to admit it out loud. Gage made me feel better and now we were friends. Well, not totally best friends, but I felt like this was a step in the right direction.

  Gage Harper was my friend.

  Maybe this year wouldn’t be as bad I thought.

  ***

  Gage

  Friend.

  That word was kind of foreign to me. Sure, I had Dylan as my best friend, but he was my only guy friend and friend in general. It had been years since I made another friend, let alone a girl as a friend. When I was in high school I had plenty of girlfriends who were considered my friend, but never one who didn’t want to sleep with me. Carter sure was different than most girls. She had not thrown herself at me, not even once. If I wasn’t so shocked, I would be hurt.

  Ever since I met her, she had continually surprised me. She wasn’t like other girls who tried to hide how smart they were, didn’t eat nothing in front of people because she didn’t want to become fat, and she was someone who stuck up for herself. Whenever I was around her, she wasn’t afraid to voice her thoughts and that was something I liked. It got boring easily when a girl always agreed with what you said. Something different was a good thing.