by Angela Drake
“I’ve got to make a short trip down to Austin for a couple days. I could do it over a weekend and take Kim with me.”
“Not hardly.”
“Why not? I know she gets out early on Friday. She’ll love it.” He began to mentally tick off all the other things they’d be able to do.
“No.” The tone of finality in her voice popped the balloon of elation, raising a challenge within him.
“This isn’t just about you anymore Stephanie.” He spoke more firmly than he intended. Trying to control the emotions whirling within him he continued. “She’s my daughter, too and I have rights.”
A mask of fear covered her face yet he couldn’t stop the words that followed.
“We can settle this ourselves or let the courts decide.”
“You wouldn’t?”
“It’s your call Stephanie. One way or another I’ll be a part of Kimberly’s life. Think about it.” Rising to leave, he stopped to kiss her cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
* * *
“You did what? Dad, are you nuts?”
He stood leaning against a window frame in Jennifer’s office. Looking out across the valley he felt inclined to agree. He hadn’t meant to bring up the possibility of settling things in court but the realization that he had another daughter blindsided him.
“You aren’t seriously considering a custody battle, are you? Because if you are, I’d have to side with Stephanie on this.”
Turning from the window he saw the look of apprehension on her face. Didn’t he have a right to expect to be able to spend time with Kimberly? Brendan knew that he did and he wasn’t going to wait until she was eighteen for it to happen. He’d been down that road before.
“You’ve been in her place. What do you think?”
She got up from the chair and came around to wrap her arms around his waist in a hug. “When I was twelve years old, I wished for only one thing.”
“And that was?”
“For the three of us to be a family. I didn’t get my wish, but you can make Kim a very happy young lady.”
“Stephanie won’t even consider that as long as I’m on the road. Touring is what I do and I can’t give that up.”
“No Dad, performing is what you do. You have alternative ways of doing that.”
“Speaking of performing, I’m going down to Austin to sit in on a recording session with J.C.”
“What about Thanksgiving? Or the wedding?” A hint of panic rose in her voice and she stepped back.
“It’s only for a couple of days. I’ll be back in time to walk you down the aisle, I promise. I just need to get away for a while.” Pulling her into a hug, he kissed her on the forehead. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Dad. Be careful.”
Chapter 12
“Look what Jennifer brought you, Max.” Stephanie pushed a red button on the square box. A rotund little bear popped from under the matching lid. In a child-like voice, a recording said, ‘my vest is red’. “Try this one.” She pointed to a different color.
“Don’t want to.” Max tucked his chubby little hands under his arms while his lips formed a full-on pout. “Want Bedan.”
“I know sweetie. We’ll see him soon.” She reached over and stroked his chestnut curls, trying to comprehend her baby was now three years old.
So much had happened since the day she found out he was growing inside of her. While the rest of her world seemed off-kilter, he had become her compass on their new path. Just as Matthew had been her guide when she carried Kimberly. Like father, like son.
Because of his love and support she had not followed her heart and gone back to Brendan or told him about the baby. At the time she didn’t think he was capable of changing, but she loved him. While she knew love wasn’t enough, not being with him left an ache in her heart. Gradually, Matthew had changed her world.
Matthew hadn’t offered her anything more than his friendship and protection. He had accepted Kimberly as his own even before she was born. The day she entered the world, he had been the first to hold her and kiss her tiny, wrinkled forehead before handing her to Stephanie. Even before that first blessing, he had become her dad and the only child he would ever know. He would have loved both of them equally.
The tantrum Max threatened now was a prime example of what she’d feared would happen. Brendan’s job would take him away for weeks at a time, leaving her to clean up in the aftermath of her son’s stormy moments until his return. Now that she knew the truth, Kim’s attachment was understandable. She was also old enough to understand there were times when Brendan would not be around. Max was another issue. Her baby had grown attached to Brendan very quickly, being the only male to be in his life to make a connection. She couldn’t explain to Max how his new best friend’s life worked. She wasn’t going to put either of her children through this emotional roller coaster. Brendan was going to have to make a choice.
Trying to derail an impending tantrum, she pulled another birthday present from the pile. “This one’s from Kimmie.”
With encouragement from his sister, he tore open the paper to reveal a drum. Stephanie groaned audibly as he began to beat on the instrument, grinning broadly. Well, she wanted a distraction.
Stephanie raised her voice above the racket. “Kimberly, you’ve created a monster. Why don’t you take him upstairs to play while Jennifer and I finish dinner? David is trying to watch the game and I’m sure he’d appreciate being able to hear it as well.”
“Okay. Come on squirt. We’ll make a recording of your first performance, like Brendan does.”
Gathering up the shreds of wrapping paper and bows, Stephanie took them to the garbage then began the final preparations for dinner. Jennifer was just taking the turkey from the oven.
“Hey Stephanie, sounds like Max made quite a haul.”
“He liked the drums the best. Kim said your dad helped pick them out.”
She knew it would take some time before she could refer to Brendan as dad where Kimberly was concerned. He had always been Jennifer’s dad.
“Have you heard from him?”
Stephanie shook her head. “No, and after our last conversation, I see it as a blessing.”
“He didn’t mean it. Dad just wants to spend time with Kim and have a part in her life.”
“I know. I just don’t know the best way to go about it.” She wasn’t sure there was a good way. He’d proven her point by taking off for the recording session. She couldn’t allow him to be around when it suited him and gone the same way. The children needed stability and routine in their lives.
“We never talked about that trip to Branson.” Stephanie took a large platter from the cabinet and sat it on the counter next to the roasting pan.
She had avoided the conversation until she had the chance to sort things out. She knew Jennifer hadn’t meant any harm. Maybe by agreeing to his scheme, she had been trying to please her dad as she’d not had the opportunity growing up. Stephanie gave a silent shrug as she stirred the gravy a last time then turned off the burner.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about him discovering the truth. He just wanted to see if he could do the ‘dad’ thing.”
“You were matchmaking?” Stephanie attempted a smile.
“Mad?”
Stephanie got the gravy boat down and proceeded to fill it. “I should be.” She smiled at Jennifer. She could never be mad at the young woman who had been through so much in her life and still optimistic that dreams could come true. “I guess a part of me really wanted it to work.”
“There’s still a chance. Have you talked to Santa?”
“Oh you.” She playfully threw the potholder at her friend. “Go tell David we’re ready for him to carve the bird.”
The last time she had asked Santa for something, she had sat on the man’s lap in their small-town pharmacy following the Christmas parade and asked him to not let her mom die. While in her heart she knew that wasn’t something the pretend Santa could de
liver, a small part of her had still been the girl wanting desperately to believe there was a real Santa and he could make it happen.
While she believed in what the jolly man in the red suit represented, she knew if things were to work out, she and Brendan were both going to have to give somewhere. Could he give up life on the road and find another way to keep his career on track? Would she be able to entrust him with their daughter? He had never had a hand in raising Jennifer, always the playboy bachelor turned entertainer. Would he know what to do if she got sick? Or what if she became a young woman?
Kim was nearing that age and they’d had the talk so she was as prepared as any young girl could be. Kim was better prepared than she had been when her first cycle came. But how would Brendan handle the situation? Stephanie shook her head as she picked up the gravy boat and headed for the dining room. These were things they needed to discuss when he got back. His couple of days in Austin had turned into almost two weeks.
The combination Thanksgiving and birthday dinner passed without a word from Brendan. Jennifer’s attempt to lighten the somber mood fell flat. The jokes David told failed to bring the laughter response they usually received until he finally gave up. Kimberly picked at her food, surreptitiously eyeing the place where Brendan usually sat. How could one man make such a difference in such a short time? Family dinners had taken on a new life over the past few weeks.
From that first Sunday dinner invitation, he had become a member of their circle. He always brought something to the meal and helped with the clean-up afterward. Some nights he would read a story to Max and tuck him in before joining her on the sofa for tea. All of that seemed to evaporate with the news that Kimberly was his daughter. Stephanie felt as if she’d lost another part of herself as well. Just like when Matthew died. Putting the last of the leftovers in the fridge, she turned in time to see Kimberly in the doorway. Her sullen face speaking volumes.
“Honey, he’ll be back.”
“I know Mom. But I keep remembering what you said.”
“What nonsense thing was that?”
“About having Brendan for a Dad not being all that I thought it would be.”
“What do you mean?” Stephanie paused in wiping off the counter to look at her.
“He goes on tour a lot and won’t be here much. Dad tried to go to my stuff at school and he never missed a holiday dinner.”
Taking the suddenly grown-up young lady’s hand, Stephanie drew her to a chair. “I’ve done something wrong in not telling you about him.” Kim started to interrupt but Stephanie raised her hand. “Let me finish. I’ve kept him out of your life long enough. I can’t do that anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“When Brendan gets back we’ll talk some more. He’s right, you two do need to spend time together; see what his life is like.”
“What about you? And Max? Brendan’s become like part of the family, Mom.”
“I know sweetheart. I also know what you’re thinking but I don’t know if that will ever be possible. Let’s just take this one step at a time, shall we?”
“Okay.”
“Let’s make some cocoa then curl up with a Christmas movie.”
After Kimberly had gone to bed, Stephanie sat on the couch enjoying a second cup of cocoa. The tree they normally decorated on Thanksgiving sat dark and forlorn in the corner, mimicking her feelings.
She couldn’t remember having a tree after her Mom died. Not at home. Since she spent Christmas Eve at Brendan’s and the following day at his folks, the holiday tradition didn’t seem important. She doubted if Dad even noticed the absence of either her or the tree. There hadn’t been stockings or gifts. The one gift she had purchased for him with her tip money, a new wallet, he’d barely looked at before tossing the box on the coffee table before going into the kitchen to refill his shot glass. He always drank from a shot, thinking he was moderating his intake. By the time he’d consumed half the fifth, she was headed to Brendan’s.
She and Brendan decorated a small tree, but it wasn’t the same. None of the ornaments held memories. Just colored baubles to reflect the lights. He wasn’t Dad in any sense, but drinking was a constant. Hanging ornaments and drinking was not a great combination but at least Brendan made it fun. While most of the glass spheres wound up on the tree, she and Brendan wore more tinsel than they hung.
For the past week, Stephanie had pondered how best to deal with Brendan’s suggestion that they go to court. She knew that wasn’t the way to decide what was best for their daughter. As adults, she and Brendan should be able to come to an agreement they could all live with.
On the plus side, being at the peak of his career, Brendan would be on tour a lot. That meant nothing would really change here at home. She had her job, Kimberly would be in school, and Max needed a preschool or playgroup. Brendan’s visits would be few and far between.
The challenges would come when he wouldn’t be on the road. Would things be as they’d been these past three months? With her going about her business and he’d drop in whenever it suited him? No, that arrangement wouldn’t work. They’d have to come to some type of cohesive agreement. Visitation rights, maybe.
With a heavy sigh, she unplugged the tree and went upstairs to bed. Now if he’d just come back so they could talk. Home. His if he chose. The love she’d had for Brendan all those years ago had aged like a fine wine. A part of her still yearned for the ‘mushy’ love she’d explained to Kimberly. But the mature woman in her wanted a man to love and hold again. One who would love her in return; caring for her and the children as Matthew had done. Not just any man would do. Her heart had always belonged to Brendan. He’d been gone only a couple of weeks and already she felt his absence. She’d spent most of her adult life missing him and it wasn’t how she wanted to grow old.
* * *
“Sounded good. I think I like using the steel guitar better than the flat top.” Brendan clipped his mic back into the holder.
He’d been in Austin with J.C. a couple of weeks producing the new album. As long as he was in the studio, Brendan could focus on the music instead of Stephanie, but the off time drove him crazy. Several times he’d thought of calling her but remembered their last conversation and put it back in his pocket without pushing a button. How could he explain to her that he hadn’t meant what he said? He just wanted to have time with Kimberly. She was the daughter he never got to raise. This was his chance. Like the internet, he knew anything he said on the phone could be misconstrued. No, they needed to sit and talk face to face.
“Why don’t you just go home?” J.C. leaned his guitar in its stand. Retrieving a pack of gum from his pocket, he offered a piece to Brendan. “I don’t know a lot about women but do you see a gold band on this here?” He held up his left hand. “I don’t think so. And do you know why?”
When J.C. didn’t continue, Brendan knew his friend was waiting for him to ask. “No, why?”
“Because I know enough to not let one get under my skin. Problem with you is, that gal was already under yours before you got into the business.”
“You’re right, J.C. So what am I supposed to do? I don’t want to hurt her; I just want the chance to be a father to Kim. If I have to take legal action to do it, I will.”
“Dang it.” The barreled man slapped his leg in agitation. “Why don’t you just do what you want? Marry the gal and get it over with.”
“She won’t marry me as long as I’m touring.”
“So don’t tour. It ain’t no skin off my nose if you let your future son-in-law build you that theater he has in mind. That lot across from my place in Branson is still for sale.”
“I don’t know…” His voice trailed off as he began to pace the sound cubicle. He had little room but to turn and face his friend. “What if she won’t have me?”
“Won’t have you? Man, what do you think the woman is waiting for?”
Brendan laughed for the first time in days. “J.C. I don’t know what I’d have done without you all t
hese years.”
“Don’t get all gooey on me. Just get your tail in that jeep and back to that little gal and her kids where you belong.”
Brendan had not hesitated taking J.C’s suggestion. They had run through one more track then he’d tossed his go bag in the back of the Cherokee and headed north. He’d made a mandatory stop in Ada Oklahoma for much needed sleep. While people around the country enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner and football, he had driven all day. Now, he sat parked in front of the little cottage. A large teddy bear kept him company from the passenger seat. The bear had listened to his ramblings all the way from Austin.
J.C. had made a valid point, echoing Jennifer’s sentiment of his career wasn’t on the road. He was a performer. He could do that anywhere. The war within him raged with each passing mile. Would people come to Branson to see him? At this point in his career could he afford to drop off the touring circuit for more than a handful of dates a year?
On the other hand, he knew Stephanie would not stand for less than commitment from him. She didn’t want, nor did she deserve a part-time figure in her life or that of Kim and Max. He knew she would settle for him being in the kids’ life and not ask for anything from him for herself. She had never asked anything of him. Only when he hadn’t offered the love she desperately wanted, had she given up and walked away. He didn’t want her walking away again. Things were different. He was different. Now he had to prove to her… and to himself… where his priorities lay.
He reached for the door handle in time to see Stephanie switch off the porch light. She had given up on him again, at least for the night.
“Let’s head to the hotel and get some sleep, Teddy.” He ruffled the teddy bear’s ears. “Tomorrow is going to be a long day and you have a new friend in your future.”
Chapter 13
“Bedan!”
Max broke free of her hold and nearly tumbled off the bottom three steps in his haste to get to his friend. Brendan caught the toddler, swinging him high in the air. Her son’s giggles bounced off the ceiling, sending them around the front hall in a stereo effect.
