When she came, it wasn’t like falling off Mount Everest. Pleasure came to her in slow, rich waves, deepened by emotion and the closeness between them. A great shudder ran through Erik as he climaxed, but before she could see his expression, he’d buried his face in the top of her head.
After a few moments with nothing but the sound of their heavy breathing, Erik slumped to the side. Only his hand remained on her, and it was pressed flat against her midsection. The giddiness returned, and she waited for him to say something, anything, but to her utter disappointment, the only sound that escaped him was soft snoring.
Lips twisted by displeasure, she glanced over at him. Her sour expression faded as she took in his face in repose. Finally resting, some of the weariness and all of the tension had vanished. He looked perfectly content, and so damn gorgeous.
With the tip of her finger, she traced his strong brow and prominent nose, and then her fingers curved along his striking cheekbones, down to run along his hard jawline. She tried to imagine what their child would look like, but each time she mashed her features together with his, she kept coming up with a tiny version of Erik, perhaps with slightly darker skin and a bit of curl to its hair. He was such a dominant figure that she thought even his genes would overpower hers, and she kind of hoped they would. That was, so long as their children inherited her temperament.
Children?
In the early days, before her infertility had had her praying “Just one child, and I’ll never ask for anything else, God, please”, she’d imagine herself having three kids, all daughters that looked just like her, except with her husband’s perfectly straight hair.
She didn’t dare hope for more children now, not when one was already complicated enough. She kept her thoughts on having a single, healthy baby, even if it was a chubby little girl with bushy hair and a fiery temper.
***
To Erik, the advantages of having a mate did not seem to outweigh the detriments. He had a weak and vulnerable female to constantly be responsible for, and soon, an even weaker, and even more vulnerable pup to match. And she constantly fucked with his head. He hadn’t been himself since the night they’d met, and it had all gone downhill from the moment he’d first stuck his cock inside of her. But all of that felt more like a challenge than anything else—the ultimate test of his capabilities as an alpha. There was something else about having a mate that drove him to the brink of insanity.
But this morning, he wasn’t thinking of that. He was thinking that if there was one advantage to having a mate that was entirely unique to him, it was that she was rapidly turning him into a light sleeper.
Erik could tell by the still-fresh scent of their mating that it had only been a short while since they’d fallen asleep. His tired eyes glanced towards his mate, expecting to find her awake and urging him to get up. But she was still asleep, her body damp with cold sweat. Unsure what had woken him up, he unfastened his pelt, covered it over her chilled body, and then pulled her close.
She gave a strange cry. Her mouth never opened, but he still heard the cry ring out from somewhere inside her chest. Brows drawing together, he put a hand between her breasts and gave her a gentle shake.
“Astrid. Wake up.”
She was asleep, wasn’t she? Her eyes were closed, but she was still making sounds, now pained whimpers, and her body kept twisting in his hold. He recognized that she was having a nightmare, but no matter how hard he shook her or how loudly he called for her, she wouldn’t rouse.
He glanced around the room for some water to douse her with, but found nothing. After shaking her once more and to no avail, Erik grasped a handful of her hair and forced her head to the side. He lowered his mouth to her neck and bit her.
It was hard enough to draw blood, but he’d sunk his teeth into her farther on several occasions. Still, she awoke with a sharp scream, and he felt hot pain slash the side of his arm. He jerked back to find that she’d also drawn blood and had left four red lines across his forearm. Her fingernails were stained, and as she rubbed her eyes, they left red smudges on her face.
He knew that she was going to start complaining, and he was already preparing his retort when she sat up and threw her arms around him, burying her head in his chest. His arms closed around her reflexively, and her small body trembled in his hold.
“I keep having these horrible dreams,” she said against his chest.
Erik remained silent, not wanting to indulge her too much. It felt strange comforting a grown female over a bad dream, but he decided that he should just be thankful that she wasn’t crying. Besides, holding her was his own indulgence, something that he enjoyed far more than he’d ever admit.
“I know they’re only dreams,” she said. “But they feel so real.” She noticed her fingers, and then gasped. “I’m bleeding!”
Erik closed a hand over hers and lowered it. Flatly, he said, “It’s not your blood.”
She pulled away from him, her eyes assessing his body. When she spied the scratch on his forearm, her mouth dropped open. Then, her chin began to tremble, and Erik felt something inside of him sink.
“I’m fine,” he said quickly.
But it was too late. She started to sob.
“I could have…could have h-hurt you.”
That almost made him laugh. “If I ever die in my sleep, it will not be by your small, ineffectual hands.”
He thought that might cheer her up, or make her angry, but she didn’t seem to hear him over the sound of her own crying. With each second after that, Erik grew more and more uncomfortable, as the need to soothe her built up inside of him.
This was the worst part of having a mate. With any other female that was behaving like this, or having a problem that he didn’t care to solve, he could simply walk away. And with Astrid, he often did walk away—but he could never stay away. No matter what, he was always drawn back to her, over and over, like a dog returning to its master. He hated that, and he hated how nothing else in his life now gave him the sense of fulfillment that she did.
“I really think there’s something wrong with me, Erik.” Her sobs had subsided now, but there were still tears rolling out each time she blinked.
“There’s nothing wrong with you.” Aside from how emotional you’re being right now.
She wiped at her face. “You have no idea what I was like before all of this happened. I haven’t been right since the night…the night at the camp. I thought I was doing better, but after what happened with Sabine, I just… I feel like I’m not in control of anything and I’m afraid all the time.”
“Stop crying,” he ordered, pulling her back against his chest. In a gentler voice, he added, “You have nothing to be afraid of. I’m here, and I won’t leave you alone again.”
He had already decided that while on the run to the den, and that was before he’d known about the pup. Now he couldn’t possibly leave her alone again, and it wasn’t just an instinctual urge to be by her side. He didn’t want her out of his sight. From now on, she would go everywhere he went, and if she protested, he’d find a way to chain them together.
She turned her head to the side, so that her cheek was against his chest. “Maybe it’s hormones messing with my head.” Her eyes appeared bigger than usual as she looked up at him. “You still haven’t said anything about me being pregnant. Are you happy?”
Happiness was not an emotion Erik often associated with himself, but he was definitely something close to that. He had been wondering whether she’d conceived since the night he’d left the den, and had been managing his expectations ever since. He’d briefly forgotten about it after finding out about Sabine’s assault on his mate, and by the time they’d arrived back at the den, he’d assumed that Sten would have already told him if it were the case.
When he’d first caught his mate’s scent, it had felt as though he’d stepped into a different reality, and in many ways he had. He was going to be a father, and he’d begun to understand what his brother had meant when he’d said tha
t things would never be as they were before. And no, that was not such a bad thing.
After some consideration, wherein his mate looked increasingly anxious, he said, “I’m pleased. How do you feel?”
He asked more because he sensed that she wanted to talk more, and that was fine by him. He would talk about anything with her, so long as she didn’t cry again.
“I’m happy,” she said, but then shook her head. “I’m deliriously happy, but that’s another reason why I’m so scared.”
“You’re scared because you are happy?” he repeated dryly. That had to be one of the dumber things she’d said.
“Haven’t you ever been so happy, had so many good things in your life, that you feel like something bad could happen at any moment? It’s almost like the more you have, the more you have to lose.”
“That’s absurd,” he said, his hold on her unconsciously tightening.
She kept babbling. “I mean, this could be my only shot at motherhood. What if I lose the baby? And then other times I think, what if I have the baby? When I pictured being a mom, it wasn’t anything like this. Your world is so dangerous.”
Erik lay back down and brought her with him, resting his mate in the crook of his arm. “If you lost this one, I would give you another. I would do it as many times as it took until you got your pup. And once that pup is here, I will make sure that nothing happens to it.”
Because much like his mate, he would not let that pup out of his sight.
“I already told you,” he said. “You have nothing to be afraid of. I will never leave you again.”
CHAPTER THIRTY THREE
Astrid picked up her shirt and gave it a quick shake before pulling it over her head. She cringed as the woolly fabric grated across her nipples. They seemed more sensitive than usual and she began to muse over it, until she realized that she’d forgotten to put on a bra. She shuffled around in the dim light, lifting bed quilts and tossing aside stitched pelts in an effort to find her errant undergarment.
She could hear Erik and Sten talking in Sten’s living room. When she’d peeked in on them a few minutes ago, they’d both been sitting on the couch. Astrid had made it a point not to look at Sten, mostly because she was mortified. When she’d seen Erik earlier that day, all she’d been thinking of was how much she’d missed him and how badly she wanted him. It wasn’t until some time later, with Erik asleep beside her, his seed still slick between her thighs, that it had occurred to her that Sten’s room—his bed—now smelled like sweat and sex.
Half of her bra was beneath a pillow, and the other half had somehow made it into a vase in the corner of the room. She hadn’t remembered Erik taking it off, and now she could see why. He’d cut it in three places, slicing the back open and both of the straps. Thankfully, the cuts were clean and she’d be able to sew them up. Her other two bras had not been so fortunate.
Astrid put on her pants and stuffed a piece of bra in each pocket. She had half a mind to storm out of the room and chide the alpha, but she knew it wouldn’t do her any good. Even if, by some miracle, he vowed not to destroy her last bra, he wasn’t exactly himself while he was stripping her naked.
“We don’t have the hunting grounds to sustain them,” Erik was saying as she stepped into the room. “They’d be fools to siege our den. We could easily outlast them.”
After her nightmare, she had fallen asleep on Erik’s chest. She wasn’t sure how long she’d slept. The passage of time was hard enough to discern in the arctic, and with the added element of being underground, she had only her body’s internal rhythms to determine her place in the day. And lately, her internal clock had seemed exceptionally jumbled, probably due to hormones. She found it fascinating, if not a little alarming, that her pregnancy was already affecting her so much.
Astrid figured it must have only been a quick catnap, because when she woke, Erik was still awake and Sten had been standing over them, glowering. He’d tossed Erik a pair of jeans before leaving to slump down onto the couch. Erik was still wearing those jeans. They were bootcut, with distressed legs that appeared to have come from genuine wear and tear. It was obvious that they belonged to Sten, because they were far too tight on Erik.
At first glance, with his powerful arms stretched out over the back of the couch and his miles of gleaming abdominal muscles, she could have mistaken him for one of the bare-chested Abercrombie models she’d interviewed at the palatial Fifth Avenue store in New York. But with a second sweep of the eyes, she had to crack a smile at that thought. Erik was far too rugged to ever be mistaken for one of those fresh-faced boys. From his sardonic smile, to his calloused fingers, and the faded scars that crisscrossed his chest, he was the picture of unbridled masculinity.
She was glad that they were both absorbed by their conversation, because it took her a moment to reign in her overzealous libido. Once she was certain she could join them without her broadcasting that she was horny, she walked over to the couch and sat beside Erik.
“I’m not so sure about that, Erik. Ever since you made the alliance with Siluit, the pack has been raiding the storage as if meat was falling from the sky. Last week they only went hunting once.”
Erik scowled as he listened. His eyes never left Sten, but to Astrid’s surprise, one of his arms dropped from the back of the couch to circle her waist. He pulled her in close, so their sides were squished together. It suddenly felt as though a bird were beating its wings wildly within her chest. She relaxed against him, now trying to contain both her libido and her mirth.
“How much is left?” Erik asked grimly.
“Not nearly enough. They went hunting because all of the good things are gone. At this point it’s mostly tripe and root vegetables. Definitely not enough to last the winter, even if we ration.”
“Why didn’t you stop them?”
Sten winced. “I only just found out how bad it was. Usually Sabine is the one who polices the stores. Well, was the one…”
He cast Astrid an apologetic look, and she wasn’t sure why until she felt the tension in her muscles. Was that happening every time someone mentioned Sabine? She tried to relax again, but this time her limbs felt stiff and mechanical.
Erik crossed his legs, and his thumb began to rub small circles against her hip. She was instantly reminded of the last time he’d rubbed her like that, and she pinched her thighs together as her clitoris began to throb.
“From here on out, no one eats what they don’t hunt themselves,” Erik said, his stern tone and expression at complete odds with his soothing, tantalizing thumb. “And half of all kills go directly to storage, no exceptions.”
“You really want me to tell them that?” Sten asked with a grimace.
“That, and if any of them complain or are caught hoarding meat, I’ll throw them into the ravine.”
Now, Astrid was grimacing as well, though she felt no less aroused. That probably should have disturbed her.
Sighing, Sten leaned back into the couch. His shoulders slumped, as though his muscles had turned to lead. “They’re going to be pissed. This was the first winter they’ve been looking forward to in years.”
“It’s my responsibility to keep them alive, not happy.”
It suddenly clicked with Astrid that they were talking about something big, something that would undoubtedly affect her. She took a quick mental inventory of what she’d heard, and her brows drew together.
“Wait…” she started. “Why aren’t we going to have any food? I thought we had a deal with Siluit. Did Zane change his mind?”
Erik looked at her for the first time since she’d sat down beside him. His expression was guarded, and it made her nervous. For a few seconds he only stared at her, and she braced herself for him to tell her not to question him about things that did not concern her.
Of course, she’d forgotten that lately, Erik had not been doing anything predictable.
“Siluit is going to fall,” he said bluntly.
She tried to swallow, but her mouth had r
un dry. She waited for him to elaborate, anticipating that he must have meant something other than the obvious, but it was Sten who spoke up first.
“The bear tribes are out of food. They’re going to be passing through our territory and heading east, towards Siluit.”
“But what makes you think they’ll try to take Zane’s den?” she asked, looking between the two of them. “There’s plenty of territory.”
“And they’re not about to share it,” Sten told her.
“Why not? Why does it have to be that way? You’re not animals, you’re all capable of talking these sorts of things out, negotiating borders, and—”
“This isn’t human society,” Sten said patiently. “And up here, even humans wouldn’t be so gracious, not when resources are scarce. Sure, Siluit has plenty of food right now, but once that swarm of bears gets there, they’ll empty the waters of fish and drive off the herds. And when that starts to happen, they won’t be amicable towards the neighboring wolf pack. And all that is assuming Zane would even be open to sharing his territory with them—which he won’t be, especially not while having a mate to protect.”
“My sister,” she said, looking Erik straight in the eyes. “Zane’s mate is my little sister. We have to help them. We promised we’d help them.”
“We will not be aiding them,” Erik said firmly. “Either we redirect the bears to Siluit, or they will come here.”
Anxiety gripped her, making Astrid feel queasy. “No, there has to be another option. It can’t just be us or them. We need to think about this.”
“There is nothing to think about,” said Erik. “I’ve already handled it. If everything goes smoothly, they’ll be on their way to Siluit within a month.”
Enslaved by the Alpha (Shifters of Nunavut Book 2) Page 27
