Fragile Touch

by Lexy Timms

  She pulled up the text she’d sent last night before and stared at it.

  I’m awake. I’m lonely. Can you vonevrt?

  “What the heck is that?” she muttered, fixated on the mystery word. It took her a minute before she figured it was probably a bad typo, meant to say, “come over.”

  She rubbed her forehead with one hand. That sounds so pitiful. “I’m awake, I’m lonely,” she mocked herself in a baby voice and rolled her eyes. “So stupid. That’s exactly what got you into trouble last time, and the time before that, Lillian. Don’t you ever learn from your mistakes?”

  Cayden hadn’t responded to that message. Obviously, he got it and just came straight over without asking questions. Maybe he really had thought it was a drunken booty call. Why else would he have made that joke?

  She stopped when the dreaded question came into her mind, and slapped a hand over her mouth.

  What if I wanted it to be a booty call and then I was too sober when I woke up?

  She shook her head. That’s impossible. He probably came over right after I sent that message. It’s not like he came a few hours after he got it. There couldn’t have been that much time for the alcohol to wear off.

  Groaning loudly, she slid down farther so her face dipped under the warm water. Something about holding her breath and feeling her hair drift around her head calmed her down and cleared her thoughts.

  She came back up quickly. “I don’t want to be stuck inside my head so much!” she cried, the sound of her voice ringing inside her skull. “I want to have fun and not be so scared of it!”

  So, don’t be. That wasn’t Amelia’s voice—it was hers.

  “More bubbles,” she grumbled, turning on the water and dumping half a capful of liquid into the flow. Lavender-scented bubbles popped up, joining and separating into millions that filled the tub in no time. It was her second bath today, but the first had only been water. She needed to feel clean while she was introspective...and fill her nose with a smell other than that damn musk that seemed to coat everything whenever Cayden showed up.

  When the bubbles reached her chin, she turned the faucet off with her foot and shifted positions. Her skin prickled from the room’s chilly air when her leg came out of the water for a moment, and chills ran up her back all the way to the nape of her neck. A deep, dark part of her wondered what would happen if she had another drink—just a little one—and Cayden came over again.

  Why so much fear? Why not give it a go?

  She glanced at the phone again, its screen black, and let herself imagine for a few moments. That was way too fast, definitely, but what was the harm in seeing him again?

  “I’m not drunk,” she said out loud, firmly, like she was verbally agreeing to something. “I’m totally sober and I’m doing this because I want to.”

  Last night’s text and a new blank message illuminated her face, glaring in her eyes, daring her to do something. Her heart pounded; she felt ridiculous, but was unsure if it was because she was so nervous to send a text or because she felt like a child with a silly crush.

  I’m a grown woman and I can do this.

  Suddenly her mind went blank. She had no idea what to say, so she typed something half-mindedly and pressed send before she lost her nerve.

  You around?

  Two simple words that scared the living daylights out of her. Of all the things you could have said, you asked if he was around? What would she do when—if, she reminded herself not to get carried away, if—he replied? Invite him over? That message definitely implied that she wanted him to come over. Of course she wanted him to come over. But then what would happen?

  She reminded herself to calm down and not get so caught up in her head. Analyzing is not always a good thing, Lillian. The cooling water sent another batch of shivers throughout her body. This was equally exciting and intimidating, and she couldn’t stop a little smile from touching her lips.

  Before she put the phone away, it beeped.

  Over here by my lonesome. Sort of.

  Her face fell. So, he had someone over. Feeling her throat tighten, she replied. Oh, okay! Have a fun night!

  She cursed under her breath but another response instantly came through, including a photo of some tiny, leafy plants. Fun night over here, definitely. Me and my new babies having a wild party.

  A laugh tumbled from her mouth and she felt new energy livening her up. How cute! What kind? Just for kicks, she threw in a wink and pulled out the drain. The air was definitely colder now; nighttime was coming. She turned the shower on hot to rinse all the bubbles off her skin and the bathtub. Steam rose from her feet and she breathed the last of the lavender scent deep into her lungs.

  Her phone buzzed when she turned off the water; she stepped out, quickly wrapping a soft towel around her body and piling another one on her head. Steam particles were being sucked out from the gap in the bathroom door. The draft prickled the skin on her legs.

  Cayden’s next message confused her, as it was a list of unfamiliar plant names—not that she had an impressive knowledge of plant terms in the first place. She couldn’t tell which ones were flowers and which were normal plants. Her usual rationale for which ones to collect and dry depended if they looked pretty or not. Skimming over the names again, she gave up. I guess I’ll just have to see them in person sometime, she replied. I have no idea what any of those are. Not gonna lie.

  Anytime, he replied. It was just one word, and the more she thought about it the more she wondered if it was signaling the end of their conversation.

  Well, I won’t keep you. Talk another time! The mood to talk with him had passed. It took so much effort; she didn’t think chatting with someone would be so tough. Obviously, this wasn’t meant to go anywhere significant tonight.

  Gripping her arms to stay warm, she ran into her room and stood in front of a small portable heater plugged in beside her bed. She dropped the towel from her body, letting the hot air fill the space around her.

  A shrill bell sound dinged from her phone, Cayden’s name lighting up on the screen. That’s the end already? Wait a minute, Lil. I was just getting warmed up.

  Lillian raised an eyebrow and typed back, Oh?

  Yeah, I was just about to tell you about all the bulbs I got today at the market.

  She wasn’t sure how to respond. Before she could, another message came through. You’re welcome to come over and see them. They look like balls of dirt right now, but one day they’ll be almost as pretty as you.

  Her cheeks got hot, and it wasn’t because of the heater. What was she supposed to say to that? So you didn’t work today? It was kind of senseless, but at least it was something.

  Today was my day off. Tomorrow I have a couple of clients in the afternoon.

  What are you going to do until then?

  It took a little longer for his next reply.

  You tell me.

  Chapter 5

  “He just wants to get in my pants.”

  Gray Cat cocked her head and blinked sleepily.

  Lillian took a long drink of water. “Maybe I want him there.” She shuddered, and let out a little giggle. “I’ve never said anything like that before. Not really meaning it, anyway.”

  The cat lost attention and meowed, rubbing her sides against Lillian’s ankles. She bent down and scooped the animal up, clutching her tightly against her chest. A loud purr erupted from Gray Cat’s core. “You’re such a sweet thing.” Lillian planted a kiss in between the cat’s ears and set her down gently. “I’ve got to decide what I’m going to do.”

  Cayden had texted five minutes ago and she was having a minor freak-out. Their conversation hadn’t lasted very long before then, only a few minutes, but it was back and forth responses. She had to say something soon.

  Damn, I’m like a teenager. She felt ridiculous, but this was a new and exciting thing for her. These were feelings she hadn’t experienced in a while, and she forgot how it felt to be so conflicted about someone.

  “Someone
so hot,” she muttered, taking a bite of banana. “who happens to live next to me.” It was too perfect. This must be rigged.

  Her stomach tightened, and she felt a minuscule wave of dizziness sweep over her. The excitement was clearly more nerves than anything, and if she was going to be seeing Cayden tonight the last thing she wanted to worry about was another flare-up.

  Taking deep breaths, she focused on the present moment to center herself. The last bite of banana tasted perfect. Her homemade peanut butter needed a touch less oil next time. Lemon-infused water seemed to help her get her strength back in the midst of the hangover. Log all these in the food journal.

  Before allowing herself to think about later, she scribbled her snack in the journal and realized she hadn’t eaten much earlier besides some crackers and several huge mugs of tea. Self-care, Lillian. Self-care comes first. However, despite the mostly empty page and the last remnants of a killer headache, she felt pretty great.

  It’s probably just a mental thing. She shoved the food diary back into the drawer and ran back to her room to huddle around the heater. Her firewood had run out a couple of weeks ago and she kept forgetting to restock after she decided the cold nights weren’t over yet. Cold for her, at least. Since she got sick, her cold tolerance had seriously decreased.

  She realized she was shaking a little from so much energy. Bananas and peanut butter usually didn’t affect her like this, but she knew good and well that wasn’t why she felt so chock full of adrenaline.

  Why do you keep trying to make it seem like you aren’t excited? She groaned and slumped onto the bed, brushing her fingers through her hair. Do I need to blow dry my hair? It feels pretty dry, but I don’t want to get sick. Why didn’t I get more firewood? I need to respond to Cayden. Now. The rush, she determined, was more out of fear of losing her nerve rather than losing his interest.

  Then again, if he isn’t interested just because I took a little while to return a text, he’s a pretty shallow person.

  So far, he had been really sweet to her. Too sweet, even. But she could tell he was a teeny bit shallow. He was a personal trainer, a bachelor, and threw weekly parties at his house where he lived alone. That in itself was a stereotype.

  I’ve got to be real about what I’m getting myself into, she sighed, hitting the send button on her short message. She had asked if he was bored. A question that could be interpreted many different ways, depending on the context.

  In the next couple of minutes, there was no ding from her phone. She hardly noticed, propped on her bed like a marionette with drooping eyelids. The headache was starting to come back and the heat was sapping every drop of energy from her. The house was quiet, her favorite lullaby.

  She was almost asleep when her arm buckled and she collapsed onto her side. How long have I been out? she wondered, knowing it wasn’t very long but curious at how much time had passed. Before she could click her phone to see, she stilled. Her ears caught a faint sound. A dreadfully familiar sound.

  The pounding bass.

  “Seriously?” she moaned, her heart falling down to the soles of her feet. “This is what happens when I take too long? A spontaneous party?” She flopped back, wrapping herself in a quilt and opening up a new message to Cayden.

  Hey, I don’t want to be a killjoy, but I think I’m going to try to get some sleep here soon. “I’m so over this,” she muttered as she sent it.

  In less than thirty seconds, he replied. It worked! Go to your back porch.

  “It worked? What worked?” The bass vibrations stopped as she padded out to the porch, the thick quilt still wrapped tightly around her shoulders.

  The air outside was much colder, and she suddenly appreciated how warm the inside of her house actually was. Trying not to shiver, she stood on the porch and looked around. Cayden’s outside light turned on, and he stuck his head out his back door.

  “Hey!” he called.

  “Hey.”

  “You bored?”

  Lillian heard the smile in his voice. She smiled back, just a little. “Getting sleepy. What’s up with the loud music?”

  Cayden let out a single laugh. “I knew it would get your attention.”

  “You could have just called.”

  “I’m calling you now!” He cupped his hands around his mouth. “Come over here, Lil!”

  Her heart pounded against her ribcage. What am I supposed to say? “I’ve...never been over there,” she stumbled.

  “Yeah, I know. Come meet the babies.” He ducked inside for a second, then suddenly extended his hand straight out in front of him, holding a tiny pot. “Isn’t she cute?”

  “I can’t really see it,” Lillian squinted. The cold was beginning to seep into her bones.

  “Exactly. So come over. I’ll get the fire going.” With a thumb’s up, he quickly popped back inside and shut the door behind him. Lillian stood there, a bit overwhelmed. He hadn’t even given her a chance to say yes or no. What if she didn’t want to go over to his place?

  Then just don’t go, she thought, tiptoeing back into her house so her feet had as little contact as possible with the cold wood of her porch. But you don’t want to not go.

  She heard a meow from the kitchen and knew the cats would soon start complaining about dinner. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” she sang, still trying to place how she felt. “Should I go?” The question was half to herself and half to the cats, who crowded around her legs as she scooped their food and dumped it in their bowls.

  Standing back, she put her hand on her hip and watched the two animals dig in. “Just go,” she muttered. “Just go. Leave the fur children at home for a night. He’s got the fire going and everything.” It was no use continually trying to fabricate excuses why she shouldn’t go over. She wanted to. He wanted her to. It was only next door.

  What’s the big deal?

  Clearly the cats didn’t care what she did. Some nights they were clingy and wouldn’t leave her side, but right now all they cared about was their food.

  Lillian wondered if she humanized them too much.

  Probably. Another issue for another time. She buried her nose in the quilt. It had been in the family for a long time, since her mother was a baby. There had never been a time she couldn’t remember the musty, earthy smell giving her comfort. Maybe it would still her heart now.

  It didn’t, and for the first time she took a deep breath and fully admitted to herself that she was excited. What felt like a little weight lifted, and she felt herself smile.

  “Going to get ready now, then.” She bent and stroked the cats all the way from their heads to their tails, and their backs arched in delight even though they didn’t look up from their bowls.

  Stop procrastinating—he’s waiting! Half-running to her room, she threw a sweater on over her tank top and slipped soft boots onto her feet.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be,” she sighed, checking her hair in the mirror before dropping the quilt. Taking a last look at the cats, she stepped outside and cantered over to Cayden’s house.

  Before she could knock on the door, it swung open and Cayden grabbed her, his strong hands wrapping around her shoulders like they were twigs. She let out a squeak as she felt her weight be thrown off her feet, but he kept her steady as he closed the door with his foot.

  “Don’t want to let the cold air out,” he said in a low voice, a mischievous smile on his face. He let go of her shoulders and she fought to regain her breath.

  All she managed was a little giggle. Her heart pounded in her ears and she felt a tad bit giddy.

  “I’d ask if you want some wine,” he bent at the waist in a bow, “but, given your party last night, would you like some water?”

  Shit, last night. She didn’t want to think about how terrible she looked or anything she said to him that she didn’t remember. Did I say I wanted to sleep with him? Is that why he’s being so friendly?

  He quickly noted her expression changing. “You okay, Lil?”

  “Yeah!” She did her bes
t to perk up and sound energetic, but it came out flat. “It’s all good. I...” Should I say this? “To be honest, I’m a little embarrassed about last night.”

  Cayden pursed his lips and began to fill a glass with chilled water from a filter. His eyes held a curious glimmer. “Hey, don’t worry about it. It happens to everyone. I’m glad I was able to help.”

  “Me, too,” she said quietly.

  “Lemon and mint?”

  Really? “Sure, that sounds amazing.” She stifled a smile. “I’ve never met a guy who infuses his water.”

  “Tastes better and adds nutrients,” he stated bluntly, focusing on picking some green leaves off a small potted mint plant on the windowsill. Lillian’s eyes wandered along his arm and down his back; this shirt gave a subtle outline of his defined muscles. “Lots of antioxidants, too.”

  “I believe you, Mr. Personal Trainer.” Cayden stuck his tongue out at her, and she noticed his eyes glancing at her lips before he offered her the glass. She took a sip, enjoying the fresh flavors dancing on her tongue. “I’m impressed.”

  “You should be,” he replied. “I’ve had a lot of practice.”

  What does that mean? She felt so out of place suddenly, and took another sip to distract herself. Cayden didn’t seem to notice that his comment implied multiple meanings. His back was turned to her as he dropped some raspberries and mint in his glass.

  “I thought you were going to text me this morning, but I figured you were probably resting.”

  “Sleeping, mostly. I took two baths today.” She had no clue why she told him that. It wasn’t meant to be flirtatious, but he turned and winked at her.

  “Hangovers aren’t as fun as they used to be, huh?”

  “Not at all.” She chuckled, looking at the floor. “How do you manage it every week?”

  “Who says I get wasted every week?”

  “Uh...” Dammit! “No one, I just thought...”

  He leaned forward and lightly nudged her shoulder. “I’m just messing with you. Loosen up.”

  “It’s hard for me to loosen up when I can’t figure out your sense of humor.” The words just came out in one unplanned spill. She started to add something else, but Cayden straightened and took a step forward so her eyes were staring directly at the neckline of his shirt. Her voice disappeared.