Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2)

by Sarah Jane Duncan

  “Jesus, now Abbey wants to come over,” Simon complains, tossing his phone on the bar counter.

  “Abbey?” I shoot upright in the beanbag. “Chuck me your phone, Simon.”

  “Ah, that might not be a good idea, Lex.” Marcus tries to intervene, but Simon has already launched his phone in the air towards me.

  I catch it easily and tap Abbey’s number. It starts to ring.

  “Hey, Simon. So, can me and the girls come over? Tasha really wants to see Marcus.” Hearing Abbey’s voice is a relief until I take in what she just said. She doesn’t sound like a girl who is missing or concerned for her best friend.

  “Abbey?”

  I’m met with silence. It’s so quiet down the line that I pull the phone back to check if we are still connected. We are, so I try again.

  “Abbey, it’s Lex.”

  I hear Abbey curse right before the line goes dead.

  “What the fuck?” I look up at the boys.

  Simon’s hazel eyes are round and playful like he is in some faraway land, rather than here with us. Garrett’s grey eyes are shooting daggers into the side of Simon's head. Jared’s eyes are wide, staring at me with god damn pity. Shaun’s slick dark brown hair falls out of its well-styled place as he darts his head around the room, looking anywhere but at me, and Marcus is fascinated with his own feet.

  What the actual fuck?

  “What’s going on?” No one answers me.

  Standing quickly from the beanbag, I sway a little as the alcohol pulsing through my veins messes with my balance. Jared reaches for me, but I right myself and shoot him a dagger.

  “Someone better start talking right the fuck now!”

  No one does.

  “Right, so I’ll call Abbey back then.” I lift the phone to press call again, and the five boys yell “NO” simultaneously.

  Their response causes me to stumble back a little. Something is going on that they clearly know about, yet are keeping me in the dark. I thought I could trust them. I thought they were my friends. Apparently, I thought fucking wrong!

  I drop Simon’s phone to the floor, not caring if I damage it, and storm out of the room. Cursing and whispering quickly fades behind me as I put distance between us, heading for the front of Simon’s big house. Just as I reach the foyer—yes, he has a fucking foyer, this house is so big—five sets of heavy feet rush towards me, and I abruptly skid to stop when Marcus and Jared block my path to leave the house.

  “Move!” My yell echoes off the walls, and the guys flinch back a little.

  “No, Lex. Don’t leave.” Jared is the one that dares to speak.

  Tears threaten, and I fight them back by letting my anger come to the surface.

  “Why the fuck would I stay here with a bunch of arseholes who are lying to me? Who are keeping fucking secrets from me? Fuck that! MOVE!” My scream, although louder this time, doesn’t have the same effect, and instead, Jared steps forward.

  “We aren’t trying to lie. Just trying to save your feelings, Lexi.”

  The sincerity on Jared’s face stuns me, and I turn in a circle to take in the same sincerity on all of their faces.

  “Tell me why my best friend just hung up on me?” My voice is soft, and my bottom lip wobbles as I speak.

  “We aren’t exactly sure what’s happened, Lex, but Tasha has some sort of vendetta against you, and the girls have jumped on board… even Abbey.” Jared offers, reluctance evident in his tone.

  “Abbey?” I barely whisper it, but the boy’s nod, so they must have heard me.

  “W-what did I do?” The fact that Tasha is running the show isn’t surprising. Having me out of the way is something I think she’s always wanted. She has some sort of Queen Bee mentality going on, and it looks like she’s just amped it up. But why would Abbey side with her?

  Jared steps forward and takes my hand in his, “You haven’t done anything, Lex. You know what Tasha’s like; she finds people’s weaknesses and uses it against them to make herself feel better.”

  “B-but Abbey?” The tears fall. I hate them as much as I hate my dad and Mike.

  “We don’t know why Abbey is going along with it.” Marcus takes my other hand, and I now have two very caring friends standing before me, showing me how sorry they are. “We have asked her, but she won’t tell us anything. We’ve stopped hanging around them at school and noticeably shut them out. We hoped that would be enough to get Abbey to see sense, but it hasn’t. I’m sorry.”

  Their closeness makes me uncomfortable, so I step back, pulling my hands from their grip and turn to Simon.

  “That’s why you wouldn’t answer their calls? Because of what they are doing?”

  “Yep,” he nods, “We only accepted those bitches into our circle because of you. They fuck with you, then they fuck with us, Lex. They are out!”

  Well, damn, who needs those bitches when I have these guys? Right?

  “I’m going to need more alcohol.”

  The boy's chuckle, although it’s strained, and we make our way back to the rumpus room. They think I’m joking, but I’m deadly serious. I need a good stiff drink. I don’t care anymore. I’m sick of trying to do the right thing all the time, only to be shit on.

  Simon pours me a vodka and lemonade, but I grab the bottle and take a swig, trying not to gag on the burn as it goes down. I pass the bottle to Jared, who takes a couple of gulps and then hands it to Garrett. We share it around, and it vanishes quickly. It’s not long before I’m stupidly drunk, and with that stupidity is the thought that drinking even more Vodka is a good idea.

  There’s a lot of yahooing and handstand comps, and after they act out some sort of dance battle, they eventually stop jumping around with me and fall back onto the couches framing the rumpus room. I don’t stop dancing, though. I close my eyes and let myself feel the music and sway my hips, allowing myself to enjoy the lightness that I haven’t felt in so long.

  Any time thoughts of Abbey creep their way in, I visualise a stop sign and slam her out of my thoughts. I can’t stop the thoughts about Ayden, though. His intense blue eyes, his smile, those soft lips, and let’s not forget those adorable dimples. Any time I close my eyes, it’s like he’s here with me. I wish he was here.

  “You wish who was here?” Simon asks, and my eyes snap open.

  Did I say that out loud?

  I look over at the three couches that seat my friends and regret it instantly. They are all watching me. Their gazes are different from usual, but I recognise the look. It’s the same heated look that Ayden used to give me during our brief time together.

  “Who do you reckon?” The distaste in Marcus’s tone gains my attention.

  “Oh,” Simon sits up, leaning forward, a few strands of his ash blonde hair falling over his hazel eyes, “You wish Ayden was here?”

  Hearing his name cracks my heart open, and I spin away from my friends, hoping they didn’t see the pain on my face.

  “Shut up, dickhead. No saying his name, remember!” Shaun interjects, and Simon curses under his breath.

  I compose myself and decide to pretend that little slip up didn’t happen on my behalf or Simon’s.

  “I’m tired. Where can I sleep?”

  The room is quiet, and all five boys regard me before Jared pipes up.

  “I’m beat too. Are we all sleeping in here, Hastings?”

  “I mean, there are a thousand bedrooms in this house. If you want your own beds, then have at it, but if you're happy to sleep in here, then we can.” Simon offers, glancing at me as he speaks.

  “Where do you want to sleep, Lex?” Marcus asks, standing from the couch, stumbling a little. Good, he’s drunk too. I’m not the only one.

  The guys look at me expectantly, and I hate how vulnerable I feel right now. Maybe drinking wasn’t such a good idea.

  “If I sleep in here, will someone stay in here with me?” I shift nervously under their gazes.

  “Of course Lex, we will all stay in here,” Jared answers for the group,
and the others agree with nods.

  I nod back, and they all start to move when Simon tells them where there are extra mattresses and blankets. While they are all busy, I sneak off to the powder room, which is just off the rumpus room, and as soon as I’ve locked the door, I start to cry.

  It’s stupid, pathetic drunk crying. I have never been a drunk crier, but apparently, I am now. With the need to rid my body of this emotion weakening alcohol, I pull the hair tie from around my wrist and tie my hair in some sort of mess on top of my head before moving to the toilet, hovering over the bowl. I stick my fingers down my throat, but it takes a few tries before my body responds, and I heave the burning contents of my stomach into the toilet.

  Sweat beads over my forehead when I’m done, and I flush the evidence away before sticking my head in the sink to drink the cold water falling from the faucet. The cool fluid eases my burning throat, and I guzzle it down until I feel full and bloated.

  Not ready to face the boys yet, I sink to the floor and sit in a defeated heap leaning against the vanity. I know it’s only been a week since I left Ayden behind, but the pain in my heart feels like it’s been a lifetime. I can hardly handle the constant ache, and I don’t know how to make it go away.

  Voices whispering on the other side of the door drag me out of my head, and I realise my face is wet with tears. Again.

  “She needs help, man. More than we can give her.” Marcus’s deep voice is recognisable.

  “It’s because of your fucking cousin. He’s broken her heart. I’m gonna kick his arse when he comes back.” Jared bites back.

  “He’s been through a lot too, Jar. He didn’t mean what he said to her.”

  “And what did he say? You haven’t exactly been forthcoming about what went down between them.” Jared sounds pissed.

  “It’s not my story to tell, and you know it.” Marcus hisses.

  “This is fucked. Yesterday when we found her trashing Mike’s room, it was all about that sick motherfucker. Last night when she cried herself to sleep, and tonight… well, those things are all about her broken heart, man. That’s your cousin’s doing!”

  “Shit! I know. What are we meant to do? It’s killing me seeing her so broken.” Marcus sounds genuinely upset.

  I can’t take hearing the pity. I feel pathetic enough as it is. Reaching up, I unlock the door, swinging it open from where I sit on the floor.

  “Would you two shut up already?” My tone is flat, hardly matching the words I speak.

  Their eyes widen, looking down at me. I must look a sight, but I just don’t care anymore. Jared holds out a bottle of water, and I take it eagerly, making quick work of the lid and drinking the cool liquid down.

  “Sorry, Lex. I didn’t realise you were so drunk that you felt sick.” Marcus squats in front of me and pushes my hair back off my forehead. Sometime throughout the night, I must have taken my beanie off. My hair probably resembles a bird’s nest.

  “I didn’t feel sick. I just want the alcohol out of my body. It’s making me a weak, whiny girl.”

  Both boy’s chuckle, and Jared moves into the small space to sit on the floor next to me.

  “I don’t know if you missed the memo, Lex, but you are a girl.”

  “Yeah well, I’ll take angry me over sad me any day,” I utter before taking another swig of water.

  Marcus joins us on the floor, sitting in front of me in the doorway.

  “Angry you scares me.” He admits, and Jared chuckles and nods in agreement.

  “Sorry,” I whisper, and Jared nudges my shoulder with his.

  “Don’t be sorry, Lex. You do what you need to. We are here for you no matter if you are angry, sad, or happy.”

  I sigh and drop my head against Jared's arm. Marcus keeps his pitying eyes on mine, and I break, letting the tears fall silently.

  “My heart hurts.” It’s barely a whisper, but both Marcus and Jared hear me. Jared lifts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his side, where I cry silently, while Marcus holds my hand, stroking his thumb over the back of it just like Ayden used to. That makes me cry even more.

  We sit like that for a long time, on the floor of the little bathroom. The other boys don’t interrupt us, which I’m grateful for. I decide to let my stupid weakness out, for now, determined that tomorrow when I wake, I will keep it locked away forever and never let it free again.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Have you ever had that feeling when you wake up from having a night on the booze that you think you did something you shouldn’t have, but you just can’t remember? It takes me a few minutes to try to sort through the bits and pieces floating through my head before I recall what I did. Honestly, last night was a clusterfuck of regrets.

  Firstly, I regret grabbing Simon’s phone and calling Abbey. I think I would have rather not know just a little longer. I can handle Tasha and Allison and whoever else is going against me. But Abbey? No. It’s something I don’t know how to deal with, and I’m not sure what to do about it. Abbey not responding to my texts, emails, and calls obviously has nothing to do with her parents like I initially thought and everything to do with Tasha’s vendetta against me. The only problem is, it’s so out of character for Abbey.

  Secondly, I regret drinking so much alcohol. Yes, I had a fun night which I really needed, but the fun had to end, and it was my pathetic alcohol weakened emotions that ended it. Getting drunk broke down my walls, and I let the guys see my broken heart. I wish I hadn’t. My broken heart is for me and me alone to bear. Now, these amazing five guys know I let myself fall for Ayden and let myself get hurt.

  Thirdly, and at this point, this is the biggest regret that I’m sure a lot of people have to deal with after a night on the drink… The drunk text!

  Fuck me. I sent a drunk text!

  Trying to be quiet so I don’t wake any of the boys, I sit up on the couch I claimed as my bed and pull out my phone from my hoodie pocket. Taking a deep breath, I hesitate to open it. I almost don’t want to confirm my worst fear. Of course, I give in because curiosity has the better of me. When I unlock my phone, it’s still open in the messages.

  Oh, my god! I sent a drunk text to Ayden!

  Lexi West

  Firstly, your cousin is a good guy.

  I wish you hadn’t told me about his crush on me, because now I can tell!!!!!!!!

  He doesn’t know, I know, though. So there’s no awkwardness… Well kind of.

  But still, it would have been better not knowing.

  Like, did you know he fucked Tasha, and while he was boning her, he was thinking of me?

  That’s fucked up!! EXTRA!!!

  B) My friends are weirdos, but I love them for it.

  Yes, they all have penises, but I’ve learnt that penises are better than vaginas.

  Vaginas are bitches that are going to get what’s coming to them!

  One vagina in particular. Tasha!

  I don’t know what I’ve done to piss her off, but the cow has it out for me, apparently.

  Did you know she has turned Abbey against me?

  That’s another vagina that isn’t worth my time!

  3. Alcohol is a trick to make people weak, and I will not fall for its trickery again!

  C. I’m sorry too.

  Oh. My. Fucking. God!

  I am a loser! A pathetic, worthless loser! No wonder Ayden hasn’t replied to my message. He’s probably thanking his lucky stars that things ended with us when they did.

  I need the earth to open up and let me fall into its deep dark depths now.

  Jesus Lexi!

  Hating myself, I creep off the couch and carefully climb over Garrett’s sleeping form on the floor of the rumpus room. He slept at the foot of the couch I was on, effectively protecting me the same way that Jared had the night before. Garrett’s chiselled face is usually twisted in brooding anger, with his big smile only reserved for those closest to him. Now, however, his handsome features are soft, not angry, not happy, just relaxed. He almost looks innocen
t. I like seeing him free of his internal torment for once. I know he struggles. I also know he tries to hide it from everyone. Perhaps we are more alike than I thought.

  I tiptoe out of the large rumpus room, leaving behind the faint snores of my friends in search of a shower. I desperately need to wash away last night and pull myself together and get my shit sorted. It takes me a few minutes to navigate the mansion Simon lives in. I have no idea what his parents do for a living, but whatever it is, I wish they’d share their secret to success. It must be nice to live in such luxury.

  Finally, finding two bathrooms on the second floor, I choose the one that looks more like a guest bathroom. The other looks like it’s Simon’s bathroom, and it just feels too weird to use it. Of all the stupid things I did last night, I remember thinking that I would allow myself the night to be emotional, and then push it down and never let it out again as of today. So, that’s what I do. I push thoughts of Ayden to the back of my mind, even further back than Mike and my dad, because I need the anger they bring to keep me strong, to keep me focused.

  Stripping down quickly, I try to ignore the nerves that poke at me each time I use a shower. I had little trouble showering when I stayed with Ayd… that guy and his parents in Melbourne. Since coming back home, though, it’s been a daily struggle.

  Glancing back at the bathroom door, I double-check that it’s closed. There’s no lock on the door, but the guys will hear the shower running and know not to come in, so I turn and step under the warm water closing myself in. Trying my best to ignore my stomach-churning anxiety, I make quick work of the shampoo and conditioner I pinch from the shower ledge and wash away the drunken night.