Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2)

by Sarah Jane Duncan

  I cringe, “I wouldn’t say that I held my own at all.”

  “Oh, you did, trust me.” I’m pretty sure he’s just saying that to make me feel better, so I accept it with a smile.

  Garrett follows me back into the house and heads upstairs to sort out the idiots who think they can hang a door while I go into the kitchen. Taking the food out of the oven, I let it cool on the bench and then grab six cans of soft drink out of the fridge. When I close the fridge, I notice that the pictures of me and mum that have lived on the fridge for like, years, are gone.

  That’s weird; I could have sworn they were there this morning. Maybe I just thought they were there because I’m so used to seeing them. Maybe mum took them off a couple of weeks ago, or perhaps they got damaged when Mike trashed the house. Valarie’s mum might remember if she came across them when she was cleaning up.

  “Oh honey, did you cook for us?”

  I turn from the fridge, poking my tongue out at Shaun before piling the hot food on a plate.

  “Tell your moron friends that their food is ready.”

  “Hey moron’s, come get some grub!” Shaun yells from the seat he claims at the table.

  “I could have done that, Shaun!” Shaking my head and fighting back a grin, I place the plate on the table as well as the ketchup.

  “Done what?” He asks innocently.

  “Yelled at the top of my lungs.” My hands are on my hips as I scold Shaun, and I’ve never felt more domesticated than in this moment. For fuck’s sake, I feel like their damn mum or something!

  Shaun chuckles right before the room fills with male laughter. One by one, they file in and grin at me, giving me a “Thanks” or a wink before sitting down to eat. I shake my head at them and turn to hide my grin. I really enjoy having them around, even if I do feel like their mum. No, mum isn’t right. Maybe their wife, just without the sex.

  “Here, Lex, I grabbed you some before these pigs eat it all.”

  Turning back at Marcus’s voice, he stands awkwardly holding out a plate piled with party pies and sausage rolls. Stepping forward slowly, I take the plate with a small smile. There’s too much on it for me to eat, but I don’t want to be rude, so I keep that to myself.

  “Sorry, Lex,” Marcus whispers.

  Looking up to his pained face, I realise that the plate of food is a peace offering. I sigh.

  “I don’t know what your problem is, Marcus, but you need to stop having digs at me about Ayden. I know I should never have let him get mixed up in my bullshit. I know he is suffering now because of me. But you have to know that I care about him, and for a moment there, I was selfish and gave into my emotions for him. For a moment, I thought I could have something more than what I deserve.”

  Marcus gapes at me, “Is that what you really think, Lex? That what he is going through now is because of you?”

  “Well, isn’t it? And isn’t that why you keep having digs at me?” Part of me knows it’s because he has a thing for me, but that can’t be the whole reason.

  “Jesus, no. What happened at that party in Melbourne has nothing to do with you, Lexi. If anything, it’s fucked up that you were dragged into his bullshit.” Marcus drags his hand through his thick hair, “I hate admitting this, and I know you know why, but you and Ayden are good for each other. Ignore my bullshit. I’ll get over it.”

  Wow. He is basically admitting to liking me more than a friend, without actually admitting it.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper this time, shuffling my feet anxiously where I stand beside the kitchen bench.

  “What for?” Marcus asks, confusion drawing in his dark brows.

  I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe dragging all of you guys into my bullshit.”

  “If you remember correctly, we didn’t give you much of a choice.” Marcus reminds me before he steps towards me and then stops himself.

  “True.” I smile, and Marcus returns it with his own.

  Ayden did the same thing, he didn’t really give me a choice. He was adamant that we would be friends, or more than friends. He was right. It was right… until it wasn’t.

  I end up eating more than I thought I would. I know I’ve lost weight lately from my lack of appetite. It hasn’t been intentional; my appetite just kind of disappeared. Now, it seems to be back, a little.

  The boys manage to get the doors back on upstairs after a lot of arguing and noise. Of course, Mike’s bedroom door is toast after I beat the shit out of it the other day, much like everything in his room. Maybe I should board it up, so I don’t have to see that there is even a room there.

  By sunset, some of the boys go home, leaving Garrett and Simon, who are on tonight’s babysitting duty. I don’t know why I get two babysitters tonight, but I’m not complaining. I welcome the company. Being alone in this house isn’t good for me. When I’m alone here, my mind goes to dark places. Places so dark that it scares me.

  Simon’s parents are still away apparently, and Garrett told his mum that he’s doing a joint assignment with Simon, so he was staying at his house to try and get it finished before school tomorrow. I feel bad that the boys are lying to their parents just to babysit me. I can’t let this go on for much longer. They will eventually get caught, and I can’t bear to be why they get grounded or something like that. Maybe I should talk to them about it tomorrow.

  Coward Lexi! The right thing to do is send them home tonight!

  Shut up, inner evil voice!!!

  Simon is like an Eveready battery. He just doesn’t stop. He is full of energy and ideas of things to do. I could easily curl up on the couch and watch a movie with these two guys, but Simon isn’t having any of that. He insists we play poker.

  It's fun despite having to constantly remind Simon that we’re playing regular poker, not strip poker. The idiot takes an item of clothing off each time he loses, and an hour into it, when he’s about to pull his jocks down, I stand and walk away laughing. I don’t want to see that! I leave Garrett to deal with Simon, exiting the room with tears, good tears this time, streaming down my face.

  Leaving both of the boys to argue over things, I duck into my mum’s room to shower and get changed for bed. I have on my usual PJ shorts, but I can’t find my Metallica t-shirt, so I settle with my Three Days Grace t-shirt. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good t-shirt, but my Metallica one is so worn that it’s thin and soft and feels weightless to sleep in. I really love it, so yeah, I’m kinda bummed that I can’t find it. I could have sworn I left it over the towel rack this morning.

  “What’s this?” I ask when I walk down to the front living room and see the set-up Simon has made on the floor.

  “Your bed awaits my Queen.” Simon does some sort of bow or curtsy and gestures to the bed of blankets and pillows.

  I raise a brow in question, and Garrett stands from the couch glaring at Simon.

  “Told you she wouldn’t want to sleep on the floor.”

  “Nah, Lexi doesn’t care about sleeping on the floor, do ya, Lex?” Simon’s hazel eyes lock onto mine for confirmation.

  “Where are you sleeping?” I ask, confused. Looking at the pile of blankets and pillows. It appears very much like we are all sleeping on the floor. Together.

  “Oh, come on. It’ll be just like camping.” Simon approaches me, grabbing my hand and leads me to the pile of blankets.

  “You want us all to sleep on the floor? Together?” I frown, confused and let him drag me down to the floor, to sit on top of the cushioned blankets.

  “Yes.” Simon lays one of the blankets over my bare legs.

  I’m a little stunned. I don’t move as I watch Simon practically skip across the room to turn off the light, leaving only the glow of the TV to fill the space. With a grin tugging at his thin lips, Simon moves back to our bed on the floor, sitting down next to me.

  “You want me to sleep here, Lex?” Garrett asks, sitting next to me on the opposite side Simon takes. “If you’re uncomfortable with Simon’s suggestion, I can move.”

  “
Just to be clear, if either one of you touches me, I’ll rip your fucking balls off.”

  Garrett chuckles and leans in to kiss my cheek, “Noted.”

  Simon flicks his ash-blonde hair off his brow and throws his hand against his chest in horror, “As if I would ever do such a thing.”

  “I’m serious, Simon,” I growl.

  He laughs, settling down under the blankets, “I know, Lex. Relax. We’re just here to protect you and make you feel safe.”

  I look from one side to the other at my two friends who have snuggled down under the blankets. I do trust these boys, so I slide down under the blanket and stare up at the roof. It should feel weird, right? Having a boy sleeping on each side of me? It doesn’t, though. It feels safe. Not as safe as when I’m in Ayden’s arms, but still safe. For once, it doesn’t take me long to fall asleep.

  CHAPTER NINE

  I wake to the smell of bacon on Tuesday morning. My mouth waters and I can’t hold in my moan. Simon can stay over every night if he cooks bacon for me each morning. It’s definitely a weakness of mine. The smug smirk on his face tells me he knows damn well how much I like it, which is why he cooked it. He’s trying to win brownie points, although I don’t know why.

  After Simon, Garrett and I go through our usual morning rituals, we walk to school, meeting up with Marcus on the way, followed by Shaun and Jared just outside the school grounds. My anxiety plagues me as we approach with all eyes on us, but unlike yesterday, today the onlookers smile in my direction, and a girl that I don’t even know says, “it’s about time that someone put Tasha back in her box.”

  Tasha isn’t at school, which helps me breathe easier, but her bitch crew are, and they have no problem glaring daggers at me every chance they get. Abbey even dares to shoot me a bitch glare. Ballsy!

  My first two classes are double photography. It’s a new class that the school has moved me into, so Abbey doesn’t have to endure a class with me. Her parents are arseholes and are on my list of people who need to pay! I like the photography class, though, so maybe they did me a favour.

  Rhys, the smart bitch, bows down upon seeing me enter the photography room like I’m royalty and then doesn’t take no for an answer at partnering up with me. I don’t complain. I’m already enjoying her company. She catches me up with the course work, and I feel oddly inspired about what theme I’m going to choose for my portfolio.

  We part ways after class, and I find the boys hovering at my locker waiting for me.

  “You look happy.” Shaun nudges me with his shoulder as I squeeze past to get to my locker. I exaggerate my smile in response.

  “She looks too happy.” Marcus frowns, and I poke my tongue out at him.

  “What gives?” Marcus asks.

  I shrug. “I had a good class, I guess. I’m looking forward to doing the work.”

  “Shit, she really is a dork.” Jared teases and winks at me.

  I need to ask them to stop winking at me like that. It reminds me too much of Ayden, which makes my heart hurt. After my locker is full and my arms are empty, I start walking towards the canteen, and the boys flank me, drawing attention from the other students.

  As we pass Dylan Brent and Hayden Saunders, they say hi to me, which is totally normal because they are my friends, but I don’t miss the glare that Garrett and Jared shoot their way. When we’re far enough away from Dylan and Hayden, I stop and turn on the boys, hands on my hips in a huff.

  “What the hell is your problem with Dylan and Hayden?”

  “What do you mean?” Jared asks innocently, but I can see the guilt on his face.

  “Don’t give me that. You know what I mean. Yesterday in PE, Marcus and Garrett kept blocking Dylan from talking to me, and just now you and Garrett shot daggers their way when they said hi to me.”

  “It isn’t just them two. Marcus and Shaun were killing them with their eyes just now as well.” Simon, always the helpful guy adds. The four other boys turn to him to shoot him with their murderous looks.

  “Want to explain to me why?” I ask them, not willing to let this go.

  “We’re just trying to protect you, Lex.” Marcus shrugs.

  “It’s overkill!” I snap, “The only person I need protection from is my brother. Back off everyone else!”

  Five sets of puppy dog eyes look back at me. Ugh, this is hopeless. I turn, storming off in the other direction.

  “Hey, where are you going?” Simon asks.

  “The toilet. Meet you in the canteen.” I lie, not looking back until I turn the corner at the end of the passage. Peeking back, I see the boys walking in the opposite direction from me, towards the canteen. Thank fuck they aren’t trying to follow me.

  I don’t go to the toilets, though; I walk straight outside and along the side of the stadium building to the back of the school to find my new crazy friend.

  When I round the corner, I’m met with the distinct smell of weed and the sound of music and laughter. As I get closer to the small crowd, I smile inwardly when I hear the music playing is Breaking Benjamin’s Failure. It soothes my soul instantly.

  “All hail Queen Lexi!” Rhys cheers, spotting me before anyone else, kneeling on the grass to bow as silence sweeps over the small group of students.

  “Get up, you idiot,” I say, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden.

  “Oh now, don’t be modest. You are our worthy queen, and we, your loyal servants.” Rhys stays on the ground smiling up at me with a ridiculous toothy grin.

  All eyes are on me, making me squirm. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I feel like I’ve just walked into a private party uninvited. But that’s not true, is it? Rhys invited me.

  “Is she always like this?” I direct my question to the group, hoping to break the ice.

  An auburn-haired girl with a pixie cut, and a sandy blonde boy wearing pink lip gloss turn to each other and grin.

  “Unfortunately, yes.” Pixie girl steps around Rhys, who’s still bowing to me on the ground. “I’m Tillie. Rhys said she made a new friend. A word of advice, turn around and run now because once she gets her claws in you, you’ll never be able to escape.” Tillie holds out her hand, and I take it in a very formal handshake that doesn’t suit the current situation.

  I laugh, “I’ll take my chances, thanks.”

  “Oh, come on now. Lexi loves me, don’t you, girl?” Standing, Rhys brushes some blades of grass off her knees and moves to my side, giving me a hip bump.

  “Ah… Sure.” I say, and the rest of the group laughs.

  “So how did you manage ditch your reverse harem?” Rhys asks, grinning widely.

  “Reverse harem?” I’m confused. What is this girl on about?

  “Yeah, you know, like a harem but filled with delicious guys instead of girls. A reverse harem. Where are they?” Rhys turns to look where I came from, disappointment flashing over her face when she realises that I’m alone. She pouts in my face.

  “You have a reverse harem?” A girl that reminds me of Wednesday Addams approaches with an indifferent expression on her face.

  “Um, no. The boys Rhys is referring to are just my friends.” I shove my hands in my blazer pockets, feeling nervous under her glare.

  “Oh, well, that’s boring.” The Wednesday Addams look-alike turns, retreating, quickly losing interest in me.

  “Don’t mind Bell; she has some questionable interests,” Tillie explains, and Bell glances back at us with the same indifferent expression and shrugs.

  “Come on now, Lexi, which one are you banging?” Rhys throws her arm over my shoulders and leads me to the emergency exit stairs that descend from the rear entrance of the stadium.

  “I’m not banging anyone. My boyfriend… well, I mean the guy that was my boyfriend for like a second isn’t here.” I don’t know why I revealed that, and I inwardly kick myself. By the looks of it, I need to be careful around Rhys. She seems to have a way of prying information out of me. Either that or my walls are slipping.

  “Oh. My. God. You
were seeing that hot new guy, weren’t you?” Rhys’s jaw drops open before morphing into a grin.

  Damn it! How did she put that together?

  “OMG, really? That tall, dark and fuckably handsome new guy?” Lip gloss boy speaks up for the first time. I’ve seen him before around school. His name is Dale Martin, I think. He’s been openly gay since seventh grade and doesn’t care what people think of him. It's admirable.

  Eager eyes stay focused on me, obviously waiting for more information. Even Bell’s eyes glint in interest. Leaning against a tree just off to the side is another guy that looks more like a dark-haired vampire with skin as pale as snow. He’s been quiet, but even he’s paying attention now.

  “If you’re talking about Ayden Mitchell, then yes. Ayden and I were… a thing. Briefly.” I shrug and swallow down the lump that forms in my throat from speaking his name out loud.

  “Oh, damn girl! You lucky little bitch. I was hoping he was gay. I’d totally let him top me.” Lip gloss boy, Dale, declares.

  “Jesus Dale, that’s TMI, dude.” Tillie cringes.

  Rhys roars with laughter, and Bell steps close to me, invading my personal space. I try to move back, but there’s nowhere to go, and Bell, who’s a couple of inches taller than me, looks into my eyes like she can see inside my soul.

  “You love him,” Bell states, and I flinch.

  “Ah, Bell, maybe Lexi doesn’t want you all up in her business.” Vampire boy speaks up, brushing hair as dark as coal off his face. He really is so pale. If I found him lying on the ground with his eyes closed, I’d be sure he was dead.

  “You also have a broken heart. Did Ayden do that?” Bell tilts her head from side to side, studying me, so I close my eyes tight, needing to take a moment as pain, sorrow and anger blooms in my chest. When I open my eyes, Bell is still standing just as close, studying me.

  “How about you take a few giant-sized steps back from me? I don’t exactly have control over my temper lately, and I’d hate for you to get hurt.” I hiss through gritted teeth, fisting my trembling hands in my blazer pockets, hoping no one notices.