Secrets at Seaside

by Addison Cole

  How could she possibly deserve it?

  Amy walked back out to the road, thinking about how she could possibly make up for not being there when Tony needed her. She’d been so consumed in her own sadness that she hadn’t taken into account that he’d lost something, too. She didn’t have a magic wand, and she was pretty sure the time machine they used in Back to the Future wasn’t real. Short of undoing the past, how did a person make up for their selfish actions? She’d like to think that love was enough. It was for her. Just being in Tony’s arms again numbed her pain, and after making love earlier that morning—twice—she was beginning to think that Tony really could love the pain away. He certainly has quite an effective magic wand. She smiled at the thought. Not that she had any other man to compare him to, but she didn’t need comparisons. When she was making love with Tony, everything felt right.

  Maybe she was focusing on the wrong things. Tony certainly seemed to take as much happiness from their love as she did. Maybe it was less about going back in time and fixing the past and more about showing him that she’d always be there for him from now on. That she’d never make the mistake of hiding or pushing him away again.

  She hurried up the road to her cottage and called Bella, who put her in touch with Evan. There were things about that summer that she’d never forget, and the more she thought about not being emotionally there for Tony when his father had passed away, the more she wanted to try to ease that pain, too.

  AMY SAT BETWEEN Tony’s legs on a blanket by the bonfire at Cahoon Hollow Beach later that evening. Caden and Bella were sitting in beach chairs across the fire from them, and Pete and Jenna were cuddled up on a single beach chair off to their left with Joey lying at their feet. Blue and Sky were cooking burgers on the hibachi, and Leanna and Kurt were huddled together on a blanket whispering to each other.

  “Is that one of Hunter’s hibachis?” Tony nodded toward the kidney-shaped grill. Hunter Lacroux was one of Pete’s younger brothers. He was a sculptor who specialized in using raw materials such as stone, steel, and wood. He lived in New York but had grown up on the Cape, and he also made uniquely shaped, upscale hibachis that had become very popular across the Cape.

  “Yeah. I told him I needed another hibachi like I needed another girlfriend, but…” Pete laughed and reached down to pet Joey.

  Jenna swatted him. “I love the hibachis, and you have an excellent girlfriend.”

  “Nope.” Pete pulled a pink plastic tiara out of his pocket and set it on Jenna’s head. “I have an excellent fiancée, who also happens to be my marshmallow princess.”

  Jenna snuggled in and kissed him. Pete had deemed Jenna his marshmallow princess the summer they got engaged. She was as OCD about the way her marshmallows were roasted as she was about everything else in her life. Pete adored Jenna, and he was a clever man. He’d calculated the exact number of seconds the marshmallow needed to be held over the fire on each side and from every angle. Now he had it down pat, and Jenna was a very happy marshmallow princess.

  “When did you get a pink tiara?” Sky asked. “I thought Pete bought you a clear one.”

  “He did, but—” Jenna pointed at her pink hoodie.

  “Sky, how long have you known Jenna?” Pete teased. “Tiaras must match her outfits. They are accessories, after all.”

  The ache of longing and jealousy over what he wanted and thought was out of reach was gone. Tony laced his fingers with Amy’s and silently thanked the heavens above that they’d crossed the bridge he never thought they would.

  They ate dinner and talked about Amy’s new job. Tony sensed Amy’s discomfort in the way she kept dropping her eyes. This was another hurdle for them, and as much as this was her decision to make, it took all of his focus for him not to beg her to not go through with moving to Australia. He’d been the one to tell her to take the job, after all. What a big mistake that was.

  Amy wasn’t the type of person who accepted a job and then walked away from it. The similarity to her commitment to Tony all those years ago, even if secret, and how she’d walked away and cut him out of her life did not escape him. Was this any different? Would this time be any different?

  Amy smiled at him and squeezed his hand, as if she’d read his mind. Yeah, he knew this time would be different. It had to be.

  Evan, Caden’s son, was walking beside the dunes, heading in their direction. Evan had just graduated from high school and was leaving for college in the fall.

  “What was he doing over by the dunes?” Tony leaned closer to Amy. “I’d like to take you over by the dunes.”

  “I bet you would,” she teased. “Evan was doing me a favor, but it’s a secret.” She put her finger over her lips.

  Tony drew his brows together. “A favor?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “That’s where it all started for us. Remember?” He kissed her again. He couldn’t get enough of being with her as a real couple.

  “How could I ever forget?”

  He never would. He remembered every second of every moment they’d ever spent together, including that last awful afternoon. He remembered the blood dripping down her legs, the rush at the hospital as they pushed her through the double doors on a gurney and left him standing in the cold, sterile hallway, feeling as though his life had just slipped through his fingertips. And he’d never forget the cold eyes of the nurse who’d glared at him and asked, How could you let your pregnant girlfriend go surfing?

  Tony pulled Amy closer, pushing those horrible memories aside and bringing forth the memory of their first kiss, the kiss that had changed his life forever.

  “Thank you, Amy,” he whispered.

  She cocked her head. “For what?”

  “For coming back to me.”

  He kissed her again, and she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

  “Dude, I know you have years to make up for, but you’ve got a teenage audience.” Caden smiled to soften the friendly harassment.

  “Dad, I’m almost eighteen,” Evan said.

  Tony laughed. “Like he’s never kissed a girl before?”

  “Shoot. Too many to count.” Evan shook his head and sat down beside Bella. Evan had been working at The Geeky Guys, a computer-repair shop in town, part-time for the past few years. This year he’d added working out to his daily regimen, broadening his once-rangy body into pre-college stud status.

  Caden held his hands up. “I don’t need to know.”

  “I think he learned from you and Bella,” Jenna teased.

  Caden pulled Bella closer and kissed her. “We’re very discreet.”

  Everyone laughed at that.

  “I’m almost eighteen. I think I learned on my own, thank you very much,” Evan added.

  “Okay, change of subject time,” Leanna said. “Evan, what are you looking forward to most at college?”

  Evan flashed a lopsided grin. “You really want to know?”

  “No!” Bella and Caden said at once.

  “What?” Evan laughed. “I was going to say surfing and better computer classes.” Tony had taught Evan to surf last summer.

  “Right.” Caden gave him a playful shove.

  “Well…and the babes, of course,” Evan said with a mischievous grin. “Harborside is sixty-five-percent women. Why do you think I chose that school?”

  “Because your best buddy’s going there?” Caden said with a fatherly head shake.

  “Yeah, Dad. Why do you think he’s going there?” Evan looked at his watch. “Speaking of which, it’s ten. I’m meeting Bobby at his house for a LAN party. Do you mind if I take off?”

  “No. Go ahead. Drive carefully, and if you leave his house, let me know where you’re going,” Caden said.

  Tony couldn’t help but feel the sting of jealousy at how easy Caden and Evan’s relationship was compared to the conflicting interactions he’d had with his own father the last summer they’d spent together at the Cape. He forced the jealousy aside, knowing he couldn�
��t change the past.

  “Okay.” Evan looked at Amy. “You’re all set. Just bring the stuff back with you.”

  “Thanks, Ev.” Amy stood and hugged him. She whispered something in his ear, and he pointed to a backpack he’d left beside Bella.

  Amy joined Tony again on the blanket, and it was all Tony could do not to pry her for information. It turned out he didn’t need to. Within a few minutes everyone made excuses and left early. Caden and Bella were the last to leave. Being the ever-responsible police officer, Caden doused the fire with a few buckets of water before taking off, leaving Amy and Tony alone beneath the stars.

  Amy rose to her feet and reached for Tony’s hand.

  “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see. Can you grab Evan’s bag, please?” Amy grabbed their blanket and folded it over her arm.

  Tony picked up the backpack, and before he could reach for Amy’s hand, she reached for his and led him toward the dunes. Tony’s heart hammered in his chest with each step as they walked along the empty beach, past the protected area, and toward the place where they’d shared their first kiss—where it was dark and cool, and they could see the tips of houses above the dunes. Erosion had desecrated the beautiful dunes, taking away much of the buffer in front of the houses. Their decks were now visible from below. Amy stopped by a knee-high pile of towels.

  Tony eyed the towels with curiosity, then set the backpack down to help Amy spread out the blanket. “What’s in the backpack?” he asked.

  “You’ll see.” She crouched beside the pile of towels and carefully folded each one, then set them aside.

  Tony crouched beside her to help fold the towels, quickly unveiling the projector Caden bought Evan last Christmas so he and his friends could stream movies from his computer onto the exterior wall of their house.

  Amy met his gaze with a smile that reached her eyes.

  “I can’t believe you got Evan to leave this out without anyone to watch it.”

  Amy pointed up toward the dunes, where a flashlight was waving back and forth. She pulled a flashlight from the backpack Evan had left for her and waved it up at them. The light on the dune faded into the distance.

  “That’s mine and Evan’s clever signal. He would never leave his goodies out here alone.” Amy smiled at Tony; then her eyes grew serious. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us and about our families.” She pulled Evan’s computer from the backpack and hooked it up to the projector. “I told the girls about that summer.”

  “I assumed you did by the looks on everyone’s faces when I showed up at your place. How did they take it?”

  Amy’s eyes warmed. “They were great. You know how they are. It was really hard to tell them, but once I started, it got easier.”

  He pulled her to him. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  “It’s okay. I feel so much better having told them, but I went down to the woods this afternoon, and it made me realize something.”

  Tony’s chest tightened. She hadn’t given him any reason to worry that she’d changed her mind about them, but he didn’t know what to make of her bringing up the past instead of avoiding it.

  “Before what happened at the end of that summer, I had such good memories. But I think all the good memories have been clouded over by what happened. And I got to thinking. I can’t change what happened, and I can’t change how it affected either of us.” She took his hand in hers. “And I can’t change that I wasn’t there for you when your father died.”

  “Amy.”

  She stepped closer and pressed her hands to his chest. “I should have been there.”

  “You were there.” Physically at least, which was more than he could have hoped for after what they’d been through.

  “Not the way I should have been. We were so young, and in some ways so selfish and naive. I mean, those woods are not exactly buffered by much, right? We could have been caught. I began to wonder what else we missed. Remember how my parents were always taking pictures?”

  “Sure. We spent a lot of time ducking them.” He smiled at the memory of Amy’s mother asking them to smile pretty and the girls all making faces.

  “Well, a few years back, my mom made a collage of the pictures and sent them out to everyone.”

  “Yeah, I got mine.”

  “Did you look at it?” She narrowed her eyes as if she already knew the answer.

  “No. It was too painful. It was one thing to see you afterward. I mean after the first few years of avoiding you. That was hard, allowing myself to be close to you again, even as friends, but seeing my father? I couldn’t do that. It was too much.”

  “I’m sorry.” She pressed a kiss to the center of his chest. “I’m glad you didn’t shut me out forever, and I know you and your father had a rough relationship that summer. I don’t know how you eventually separated seeing me from everything that happened that summer. Not just between us, but between you and your father.”

  Tony looked away, clenching his jaw. It was a natural reaction when he thought of his father. “I couldn’t fight the urge to see you any longer. When you graduated from college, it felt like you’d achieved what your father had pushed for, so I guess I thought it was an okay time to risk seeing you again. You were an adult, not relying on his support to make it through school.” He shrugged. “I wanted our friendship, Amy. I needed it and couldn’t deny it any longer. I missed you. But my father…”

  “I’m sure he’s on this disk, and I thought that since I wasn’t there to help you say goodbye to him and deal with all those emotions then, that this might be a good time for us to do that together.”

  “I’m not sure I want to see him right now.”

  “I know. I thought you might say that. I realized today that we’d been so caught up in our relationship that summer that maybe we overlooked the good parts of your dad.”

  Tony doubted that there were many good parts to overlook from those few weeks. His father had been a whole different person from the man he’d ever been before, and his mother had become solemn, more of a peacemaker, trying to gloss over what was going on. She never spoke of it, but Tony knew she’d noticed. She had to. How could she not? But he’d never blamed her for not getting involved. Tony was a man by then. At twenty he didn’t need his mother taking care of things for him.

  “All I ask is that you try to watch with an open mind. We both have a lot at stake right now. I have a job I have to either give up really soon so I don’t piss off Duke, or…”

  “Or?” He gazed down at her, hardly able to believe what she was saying.

  “I don’t know. I want us to work, but you were right. We can’t have a relationship where we pretend the past never happened. For us to move forward, I think we need closure on all of it. What happened between us, which we’re already dealing with. Your father. My father.”

  “Your father?” Tony nodded, beginning to understand where she was heading with this. He touched his forehead to hers. “You’re going for the clean slate.”

  “Yeah,” she whispered. “I hope so.”

  WHOEVER SAID “A picture’s worth a thousand words” was wrong. Their worth was unquantifiable. Amy sat snuggled against Tony as photo after photo projected onto the side of the dune. Pictures of Amy and the girls from the time they were toddlers until they were bikini-wearing teenagers, laughing, making faces, and running away from the camera. Amy wasn’t surprised to see herself smiling, but the look in her eyes was so much less guarded than the eyes that looked back at her in more recent years.

  “You were always the most beautiful girl on the beach.” Tony kissed her temple.

  “If you liked flat-chested women with almost no shape.”

  “I loved a perfectly chested woman with the sexiest shape.” He pulled her closer. “Still do.”

  The next picture was of Amy and her father when she was a little girl. They were flying a kite at Wellfleet Harbor.

  “I remember that kite. My father bought it for me in Province
town.”

  A picture of Amy and her parents sitting on the fishing pier in Chatham flashed on the dune; behind them were their other friends from Seaside. Tony was sitting off to the side with Jamie, looking out at the boats, and Amy, though only eleven or twelve years old, was staring at Tony.

  “See?” she said. “I even loved you then.”

  “I think I knew it, but I wrote it off because I had just become a teenager and I wasn’t supposed to like you in that way.”

  “Like you were ever a rule follower.” She bumped her shoulder against him with the tease.

  The next picture was of Tony and his father. Tony’s father’s hand was on Tony’s shoulder, and they were both laughing, mouths open wide, eyes alit with humor.

  “That was before he changed.” Tony’s stomach lurched. He tried to push away the longing and resentment that were vying for his attention.

  “No. That was the last summer. I remember that bathing suit you have on. See?” She pointed to the photo on the dune. “That’s what I mean. There were moments that he wasn’t as gruff that summer, and we’ve forgotten them. He was a good man, Tony. It was just a bad summer. Everyone has bad times. Gosh, if anyone knows that, it should be us, right?”

  He swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. The picture changed to one of Tony standing at the edge of the water with his surfboard, wearing a pair of black board shorts, one hand on his hip, his eyes narrow and serious. Jamie was standing behind him, two boys who had turned into men over the winter and fall. Their shoulders newly broadened, the hair on their legs thicker, their cheeks unshaven and scruffy.

  “I wonder what you were thinking in that picture.”

  Tony looked down at her. “The summer we got together? I was probably thinking that I’d better get in the water before I saw you in your bikini and sported a woody.”

  Amy laughed. A picture of Jenna and Amy appeared next. Their arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders and their faces scrunched up in goofy expressions. Even as a teenager Jenna had a figure that could stop a clock and a mischievous light in her eyes that could light up a room.