Through the Fire (Daughter of Fire Book 1)

by Michelle Irwin

  “Wow!” I exclaimed when I was able to find my voice again after having it stolen by the beauty of the moment.

  Was Clay out there somewhere enjoying the sunrise too?

  The thought passed through my mind without my permission, leaving me bereft. To fight the cold that stole through me, I nestled closer into Aiden. His arm tightened around me. Sometimes it was as if he was able to read my moods better than almost anyone could.

  “Are you all right?” he asked.

  “It really is a magical spot,” I said.

  “You should have seen it when it was open. It truly was magical, then.”

  “Wasn’t it just a quarantine station?”

  He chuckled softly. “You insist on reading the human version of books. They are so supremely limited in their viewpoints. You should attempt to read some of the fae ones from time to time.”

  “I can’t. They make my head hurt.” I grimaced at the memory of trying to read the fae texts. They were almost like a movie and a book rolled into one—the memories leaped from the paper to invade your mind. Anything read in a fae book not only appeared real but for all intents and purposes was real. History lessons became a firsthand experience, so there was no misinterpretation of the facts.

  “If you practice, you will eventually become accustomed to it. You might even find that you enjoy it.”

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to persist, but I didn’t want to offend him by saying so. “Maybe,” I said instead. “But if this wasn’t a quarantine station, then what was it?”

  “It was a refuge, for outcasts like . . .” he trailed off.

  “Like me,” I finished for him.

  “You are most certainly not an outcast,” he said quickly, giving me another gentle squeeze. “You belong in our court—everyone who has met you would agree with that sentiment.”

  My heart tore in two. Despite being welcomed into his family, part of me was more alone than ever. The fae had welcomed me in every way, but I wasn’t one of them. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, I didn’t belong in their court. Then again, I didn’t belong anywhere else either.

  I would always be an outcast.

  An ache built at my temples and I rubbed my head to try to shift it.

  “Years ago, this island was a refuge to hundreds of others. In the end though, it proved perilous to gather so many extraordinary beings in one place, out in the open for all to see. The hunters came one day and destroyed so many lives. They were unyielding in their attack until eventually all had perished or fled.”

  “The Rain?” I guessed.

  “You know of them?”

  “You could say that.” I gave a mirthless chuckle.

  “You’ve had a run-in with them?” he asked.

  I nodded as the unwelcome vision of Clay’s brother behind the wheel of a Hummer came to haunt me.

  “Then you are indeed most lucky to be standing here alive. Not many escape. The Rain is too ruthless and its followers too well-trained.”

  “Tell me about it.” My mind turned over all of my first-hand experiences examples of that very fact.

  “You will be safe with us . . . with me.”

  I nodded and leaned my head against his chest. He was able to keep me safe. He could bring a smile to my face and laughter to my lips, even if he couldn’t quite make me happy right down to my core.

  I wanted it to be enough.

  Why couldn’t it be enough?

  Turning to face him, I pushed thoughts of the Rain, of Clay, of everything else, out of my mind and brought my lips to his. It was the first time I’d initiated any physical contact with him, and I tried uselessly to convince myself that the gentle warmth in the pit of my stomach as our lips moved together was lust and not guilt.

  The sound of his wings fluttering with a shiver told me he wasn’t exactly unaffected by my touch. The speed with which our clothes fell away should have proven that there was desire. The tenderness that he used as his fingers trailed paths across my skin should have been enough, but it couldn’t be. It wasn’t the sound of Clay’s loving whispers in my ears or his strong arms wrapping around me to hold me securely against his body, and that was truly what I wanted.

  RE-DRESSED and lying among the debris on the roof of the school building, we enjoyed the sound of birdcalls all around as the sun crept toward the middle of the sky.

  “We should probably consider heading back soon,” Aiden said.

  I nodded against his chest before pulling myself into a seated position.

  As Aiden helped me to my feet, my head spun. I clutched his arms tightly for support.

  “Lynnie, are you all right?” he asked as he held me upright.

  “I feel . . . strange.”

  “Look at me,” he instructed.

  I lifted my gaze to meet his, and suddenly everything came into greater focus. Instead of having to concentrate on his face through the wisps of blue light that had twisted around his body since my first taste of enchanted food, I could see his features with perfect clarity. The wings that I’d grown so accustomed to seeing on his back were conspicuously absent. As the strange sensation passed, it was as though a fog had been lifted from my mind. Aiden appeared like an average young man again—albeit an excessively attractive one.

  “When did you last eat?” he asked. It was refreshing to see him without blue haze for once.

  I shrugged. “Dinner, I guess?”

  “I should have woken you earlier and ensured that you had some breakfast,” he said with a frown. The expression sat oddly on his features.

  “I’m okay,” I said. My mind was clearing more with every passing second.

  “Well, of course. Physically you are perfectly fine, but the enchantments are wearing off,” he said. “The fae world will no longer exist for you in a moment. I have got to get you back before that happens. Otherwise, you will be stranded here and might have to kayak back.”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “Let’s just enjoy this beautiful day for a while longer. You can get me something later, and it’ll be okay, right?”

  He seemed uncertain but eventually relented. I sat assessing the difference between seeing the world through fae enchantments and seeing the world normally. The fae world was much more bright and beautiful; the colors were richer in a greater array of shades, but somehow I could think clearer without it imposing itself into my mind.

  Eventually, Aiden’s worry about me not having an enchantment any longer grew to the point where he insisted on heading back to the court. If I’d thought the sensation of Aiden flying me up to the rooftop was strange, it was nothing on him carrying me back down. At least on the way up, I’d still had some of the enchantment running through me and was able to experience his wings beating. With our descent, it was almost as if we were both falling to the ground, just incredibly slowly.

  “You will have to wait here,” he said. “It will be impossible for you to travel via the rings until you have been enchanted again.”

  I nodded. The island was so tranquil that I didn’t mind staying there alone with my thoughts for a few moments. In the end, Aiden was barely gone five minutes before he came back and offered me a milkshake.

  “It’s not much, but it will be sufficient to get you home.”

  Even as he said the word “home” it struck me that I still didn’t think of the court that way. I wasn’t sure that I ever could.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  ONE MORNING—almost ten months to the day after Aiden had first brought me to the court—I went in search of Aiden.

  It had been a while since we’d shared a quiet moment together alone. In the weeks prior, he’d been taking me out of the court more frequently, but we were so busy seeing the sights of Manhattan that we didn’t have a chance to just enjoy one another’s company. I figured a lunch date could change that.

  When I reached his room, I knocked softly on the barely-latched door. Even though I had only struck the door gently, it was enough to make it silently swing open.

>   My gaze was instantly drawn to the other side of the room. The sight that greeted me held me captive. Against the wall, Aiden’s body was entwined tightly with one of the fairy maidens. She was a beautiful thing with vivid spring-green wings.

  I recognized her as the one who had doted on him during our trip to the healing quarters all those months ago. Standing upright, his chest met hers as he held her against his bedroom wall.

  In the seconds before I was able to turn away, I watched as his hands roamed her body and his lips caressed her skin. Beneath him, the girl tipped her head back with a sigh of pleasure. Behind her, apple-green wings spread wide against the pale blue wall. Her legs circled firmly around his waist as he bucked against her.

  Although Aiden had always been honest about the possibility of him being with others, the reality of seeing it with my own eyes was a shock. Despite the initial blow of seeing the two fae wrapped tightly in one another’s embrace, my first thought wasn’t one of anger or jealousy. Instead, my initial thoughts had been that the way the girl’s wings were splayed beneath her was somewhat beautiful—almost reminiscent of a butterfly pinned to a board in a museum. In my heart of hearts, I honestly didn’t care that Aiden was with someone else.

  If anything, I was relieved he wasn’t in love with me to the exclusion of all others.

  I thought about a witty statement to let them know that I was there, something like, “Well, I can see you’re busy, so I’ll come back later,” but decided there was no need for it. I’d walk away silently because there was nothing to be gained by acting out against the pair of them. I wasn’t the jealous girlfriend, and I didn’t have it in me to pretend to play that role. Instead, I backed out of the room without a word or letting either of them see me.

  Walking back to my room, I couldn’t shake the image of Aiden with his fae lover from my mind. The longer the image stuck with me, the more it concerned me, but not for the reasons I expected.

  In my mind, the vision morphed. I no longer saw Aiden and Willow. Rather, Clay took the fae’s place in my head. In that instant, it was Clay’s hands roaming over the soft expanse of someone else’s skin. His lips caressing another’s throat. As that image assaulted me, jealousy built in my chest. I choked as my soul ached from the weight of the “what ifs” the horrid fantasy inspired. My heart thudded heavily against my ribcage as I did my best to fight the images.

  Is he out there doing the same things I am—settling for any warm body pressed tightly against his? Or worse, could he have actually fallen in love with someone else while I’ve wasted my time at the court?

  Even though the possibility of “one day” had always seemed so remote, in that moment I understood how desperately I wanted it. I wasn’t actually living with the fae. I was merely filling in time. My time with Aiden had been an interlude. As if someone somewhere had pushed a giant pause button on the reality of my life. But to what end?

  My mind reeled as I walked down the hallways of the court back to my room. I owed it to myself to find the answers to all of my questions. Not only that, but I owed it to Clay—and to myself—to give up Aiden.

  So long as I burned with jealousy over Clay with another girl, I couldn’t continue to take comfort from another set of arms. I was settling for second best and wasting the opportunity Clay had secured for me when he’d saved my life by walking away. By the time I reached my bedroom, my plan was set.

  Nothing could change my mind.

  I sat reading on my bed while I waited in my room during the nightly feast. When he discovered I was absent, Aiden would come to find me. After the time for dinner had passed, my wait grew anxious.

  A soft knock told me he’d arrived. “Lynnie?” he called through the closed door.

  “Come in,” I said, bracing myself for the conversation to follow.

  “Is there something the matter?”

  “Please sit.” I invited him to rest beside me by patting my bed. I needed to say everything I had to before I lost my nerve.

  He sat next to me, placing his hands in his lap. His eyebrows knitted tightly together in concentration and confusion.

  “Do you love me?” I asked, knowing that it wouldn’t change my decision either way, but it might change the approach I took to breaking the news to him.

  “I care about you,” he replied, it was clear each word was selected with careful intent. “And we certainly have fun together. But love? I can’t really say. What is love exactly? How on Earth are you supposed to know if you’re in love?”

  “I think if you need to ask, you’re not in love.”

  He shrugged casually in response as if my answer made perfect sense to him. “Then I guess not,” he said. “Why do you ask? Does it change anything?”

  I shook my head. “Not really.”

  “What brought this on?”

  “I saw you today, with Willow.”

  “Oh.” He frowned. “Have you changed your mind since our conversation about monogamy? If so, you should have brought it to my attention. I would do most anything to avoid hurting you. Wait . . . Are you in love?” he queried. It almost sounded like he was a little concerned that I might say yes.

  Taking a deep breath, I nodded slowly. “Yeah, I am . . .”

  His eyes seemed to widen slightly.

  “But not with you.” My heart was in my throat as I added the second part. I hated to hurt him, which I was about to do. Love or no, he enjoyed my company. I needed him to know the truth though. I dropped my gaze away from his piercing eyes and stared pointedly at my hands, twisting them against each other in my discomfort.

  “Then who with?” His question was filled with a quiet curiosity seemingly more related to the timing of the statement than the actual declaration.

  “A boy I knew a lifetime ago.” The words didn’t come close to encompassing what Clay and I had, but I said it to remind myself how little I actually knew about Clay’s life since I’d last seen him. He could be living anywhere.

  Hunting anything.

  Screwing anyone.

  “If it was long ago, why do you believe that you are in love with him?”

  “It’s this feeling I get whenever I think about him,” I admitted quietly. “And an ache in my chest whenever he’s not near. It’s like every day that I have to spend apart from him is harder than the last, rather than easier.”

  “Does his touch leave a lingering presence on your skin?”

  I nodded, wondering how he could possibly know that.

  “What you are describing is impossible, Lynnie.”

  “Why?”

  “It sounds stronger than any human version of love I have ever heard of, at least from your side. It is almost reminiscent of our legends of an entwined aura.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The special union I mentioned when you first arrived. Once in a blue moon, two fae are entwined. Their fates are wrought together, leading them to one another until they connect. When they meet, their auras will entwine. This joins them together in a bond stronger than any other force.”

  “That sounds nice,” I murmured as I thought about how wonderful it would be if the union between Clay and me were that easy. “I wish it was that simple for us. Fate has never brought us together though. It has only ever ripped us apart.” I hung my head at the thought.

  “I said almost reminiscent. Entwining only happens among the fae. However, you are probably correct to call it love.” He paused for a moment, before asking, “When you kissed me, were you thinking of him?”

  I hung my head in shame as I nodded again.

  “Then he is indeed a fortunate man.”

  Despite the weight on my heart, I chuckled.

  “Am I right to assume that you are planning to leave the court to search for him?” he asked sadly.

  Meeting his eyes again, I blinked back tears that I didn’t deserve to cry and nodded. “I can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me, but I can’t stay. I have someone out there who I love and who migh
t still love me—I owe it to myself to find him and see what happens.”

  “I was not untruthful when I said I cared for you, Lynnie. I really do want your happiness. If this boy is what it will take to give you joy, then I will support you whole-heartedly. I will even give you what assistance I can.” Aiden reached his hands out for mine. “However, I am going to dearly miss you.”

  I wanted to say I would miss him too—but I wasn’t certain what the world held for me once I turned my back on the fae. I would always have fond memories of my time in the court, even if other things buried them over time.

  “I’m sorry.” The statement was entirely too inadequate to sum up everything I wanted to say, but it was all I had.

  “Maybe you can tell me a little about him? If he is what you need to find happiness, I would like to assist you in your search.”

  I coughed out a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob. “You’ll think I’m an idiot if I tell you about him.”

  “Maybe I think you are an idiot anyway?” Aiden joked.

  Choking back a laugh, I swatted him playfully before lifting my gaze to stare at a spot on the ceiling. “He’s Rain,” I admitted in a whisper.

  He froze in place. “Rain?” he asked quietly. He seemed solemn for a moment as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “If he is Rain then you are an idiot,” he said finally.

  The tears I’d been holding back fell as a bark of laughter left me. “Probably! But I can’t help the way I feel. I’ve been haunted by what-ifs ever since he left me.”

  “What happened?”

  I told Aiden the basics of my reunion with Clay, how happy we’d been until it all went wrong, and how he’d saved my life by distracting his family at the critical time.

  “Wait. Repeat that last part . . . he saved your life?”

  I nodded.

  “And he’s in the Rain? The Rain? As in the organization consisting of humans who are all hell-bent on destroying every other in existence?” Aiden asked in disbelief. “That Rain?”

  I sobbed in response to his words. They were a sobering reminder of both the reality that might be waiting if I actually succeeded in finding Clay and of all the reasons he’d left me. Back then he might have been able to overlook his nature for me. Could he still?