His eyes immediately lit up with that mischievous look hed had outside and I knew Id goofed up.
Hmm...I dont know...theres only one way to find out.
In one smooth motion he leapt up and pounced on me 192
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like a cat. The swivel chair I was on spun around and dumped us both onto the floor, where Jake began to tickle me.
Hehehehe...stop! I managed to gasp out. I tried to push him off and we ended up wrestling for several minutes before I managed to pin him to the floor. My body was pressed against the length of his and our faces were only inches apart. A feeling of déjà vu swept over me. Last time we were in this position, hed pulled away and the moment had been lost. I decided to not let that happen again. I moved slowly closer, our eyes never losing contact until the last second, when he closed his eyes and lifted his head to meet my lips.
And then we kissed for the second time that day, but this time I kissed back. At first it was just a soft kiss, but then, as I let go of his wrists and I felt his arms wrap around my back, we began to kiss harder. I felt his tongue brush against my lips and they parted instinctively. I felt myself getting hard and apparently Jake felt it too, which wouldnt be too difficult considering my erection was pressing into his crotch. He immediately responded by getting hard too. He began to grind up into me; my breath rushed out of me, leaving me limp in his arms.
Jake rolled me over, maneuvering so that he was now on top. He started kissing down my neck and I found it harder and harder to breathe. When he resumed the grinding I thought I was going to die right there. He sat up, straddling me, and pulled up my shirt, running his hands up my chest in the process. Then he bent down and kissed my chest.
I can feel your heart beating, he whispered.
I reached up and stroked his cheek, then slipped my hand behind his head and pulled him up for another kiss. He broke away again and trailed kisses down my chest, sliding his body down as he went. He hesitated 193
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when he reached my pants.
Just then I heard footsteps coming. Obviously Jake heard them as well, because he looked up with a slightly panicked look on his face, leapt to his feet. He stood there a moment with a what-do-I-do? look on his face, then he grabbed my hand and yanked me up too.
We had just gotten our clothing straightened out and our erections hidden as well as we could when the door swung open. I almost jumped out of my skin. It was just Todd. He looked at me and then at Jake, taking in our flushed faces, and his eyebrows drew together in a frown.
Dont look at me like that, Todd, Jake snapped, We werent doing anything. We were just wrestling.
Oh yeah, right, Jake, Todd snapped, What? Do you think Im stupid? He pointed at me, What kind of a jerk are you? Gillys right downstairs while youre up here screwing around with her kid brother. And you!
he wheeled towards Jake, I saw what happened down by the boathouse. Youre going after him. Youre both pathetic. You both deserve each other; a couple of little fags. If it werent for Gilly Id kick both of your asses.
Get out, Killian; Ill deal with you later. Right now, me and Jake are gonna have a little talk.
Todd...? I tried, but he quickly cut me off.
Out!
I cast one last look at Jake, who looked like he could burst into tears at any second, then dropped my head and walked out of the room.
Gilly met me at the foot of the stairs. Killian, I didnt even know you were here, she said, but Im glad you are. I was going to call you later tonight. Were throwing a big Halloween costume ball here next weekend, Saturday night. Youll come right? Youll be my date?
Yeah. Yeah, Ill come, I said slowly.
Whats wrong? she asked. I heard a noise at the 194
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top of the stairs and turned to look. It was Jake. Our eyes locked and, for a moment, everything else faded away. Then Gillys voice broke back through and brought me back.
Killian? Are you okay?
I forced my eyes back to Gilly. Oh yeah, sorry, Gilly.
Im fine and of course Ill be your date, but I hafta go right now.
Gilly looked from me up to Jake and back at me. Her eyes narrowed and for a moment I thought she was going to make a connection, but then her face cleared and she took a step back to allow me to walk next to her to the front door. Okay, Killian, she said as we walked,
Ill call you later to discuss our costumes.
Okay, I said as I backed out the door. I looked up at Jake one more time, before spinning on my heel and jogging off to the car. Todd had been standing behind him, glaring at me with eyes full of disgust.
* * *
I had a lot to think about on my ride home. How did I feel about Jake? Obviously I was attracted to him and he was attracted to me, but was it more than physical attraction? I hadnt even known him that long. We definitely would have gone farther if Todd hadnt come in when he had. I wasnt sure how I felt about that. Part of me wanted to so badly, but another part of me wanted to be sure before I went that far. And what about Gilly? Would it hurt her if I ended up with her little brother? She knew I was gay from the beginning, but that doesnt mean she wouldnt be hurt.
I dont even pretend to understand how a girls mind works. There was that kiss on the back porch that night and now shes all excited that were going as dates to this costume ball.
Then there was Todd. Where did he fit into all this?
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Hed seemed to have it in for me from that first night.
Why? Was he just the typical protective older brother?
That was probably all it was, but it still made me un-easy. Now that he knew that Jake and I were gay, where would that lead?
To top it all off, I still wasnt any closer to finding out who had killed Seth. I had to come up with a plan soon.
When I arrived home, an extremely happy Adam greeted me at the door.
Guess what? he shouted before I even had the door closed.
What?
Ilana called...Eves lawyer called her today, on a Saturday. He told her that Eve has decided not to con-test my request for custody. Once the paperwork has been signed, Kane will be moving in with us! He grabbed me up in a huge bear hug and swung me around the hallway. He stumbled over the rug and almost dropped me before setting me back down. We laughed together as we headed for the living room.
Steves on his way over; were gonna celebrate! Oh!
I almost forgot. Kane called soon after Ilana and said to tell you that the plan worked, but he wouldnt explain what that meant. Does this have anything to do with your sudden interest in homework last night?
Maybe, maybe not, I said with a grin.
Are you going to explain?
No.
Fine, then, I wont tell you my last piece of good news.
What?! You have to tell me!
Not until you tell me what this secret plan of yours and Kanes is.
Ill tell you when Kane gets here, I promise, now please tell me the other good news. Ple-e-e-ease?
Adam gave a huge mock-sigh and then broke into a 196
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grin again. He was just too excited to even pretend to be upset. Okay, well, Asher called in the middle of all this excitement and wanted to talk to you so I invited him to the celebration dinner. He should be here in about half an hour.
I felt my expression freeze, and then slowly melt away.
Whats wrong? Adam asked, Did I screw up? I thought youd be happy. You guys have hardly talked in weeks.
Asher...hasnt been very...happy about Gilly and I,
I told him slowly.
You havent told him that its just a cover?
Well, I tried, but he made me so mad, I kinda said
some stuff I shouldnt have and I probably hurt him pretty bad.
Well, then you can apologize tonight and explain things to him and patch things up.
Well, theres one other problem... I said, thinking about Jake.
Whats that?
Well, its hard to explain, I started. I felt myself start to blush.
Does this have anything to do with that boy you brought home the other day? Gillys little brother?
It always amazed me how Adam could read me so easily.
Yeah, his names Jake.
And you like this Jake?
I blushed again. Adam leaned in towards me and gave me a sharp look.
Just what exactly is going on with you and Jake?
he asked.
Um...well...its kinda had to explain.
Well, lets try, huh?
So I haltingly began to tell him all about me and Jake, 197
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from our first conversation in the lunchroom to the flir-tation to our interrupted lovemaking. When I finished, Adam sat for a moment without saying anything.
Killian, youd better be very thankful that Todd came in when he did. He stopped you from making what could have been a very big mistake.
What do you mean?
Do you love Jake?
I dont know, no...I guess not. I think I could love him.
But you dont love him now?
No.
Then all you were experiencing today was lust. Look, Killian, youre young and its easy to be carried away by lust; but take it from someone whos been there, lust hurts. It uses people. Its no replacement for love. Not even close. Wait for true love, and youll know it when you find it. Trust me on this though: its worth it. Maybe itll be with Jake, or maybe not. Maybe itll be with Asher, maybe not. Maybe itll be with someone youve never met, years down the road when youre an old guy like me.
As if on cue, we heard the front door open, quickly followed by Steves voice, Adam?
I watched Adams face as it lit up. You could see the love hed just been talking about reflected in his eyes.
That was what I wanted. I wanted that love. Well finish this later, Adam said as he practically flew out of the room.
I followed as Adam met Steve just inside the door.
He flew into his arms and they just seemed to melt into each other.
Im so happy for you, babe! Steve mumbled into Adams shoulder.
They hugged for a few more seconds, and then stepped back.
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Lets get dinner started. The other guests will be here soon. Adam said as he grabbed Steves hand and headed for the kitchen.
Who else is coming besides Asher? I asked, trailing behind the two of them.
Ilana and her husband, and my long-time friend, Bryant and his current beau. Ilana said something about bringing some guests that were in town, so I guess well see.
The next 20 minutes were spent cooking pasta and making the garlic and clam sauce that would go over it.
When the doorbell rang, Adam went to get it. Once he was gone, I asked Steve a question that had been bubbling in the back of my mind since he got here.
Why dont you live here with Adam?
Steve carefully set the pan he was holding down carefully on the counter and turned to face me. He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. You picked a good time to bring up a very complicated question, he said, but the short answer is, we didnt think it would be a good idea at the time; between Seth moving in with Adam and my job being in another town, plus things were still up in the air with whether or not Adam would have visitation rights with Kane. Of course, he didnt get them, but we didnt know that when we were making these decisions.
Why didnt you move in once Seth was moved in and you knew he was gay and that Adam wasnt going to get to see Kane?
Well, all that didnt happen over-night. The whole court case with Kane took months; by the time it was all settled, we were settled. It didnt come up again until Adam and Seth moved down here. We were talking about it then, but when Seth was murdered, it didnt seem like the best time to press the issue.
I nodded, but our conversation was over; we could 199
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hear voices coming towards the kitchen. Steve turned back to the stove just as the whole party came bursting through the doorway. Apparently everyone had gotten here at the same time.
Adam introduced me to everyone. First there was Ilana, a tall, elegant woman with bronze skin, golden brown eyes, and straight glossy brown hair that she wore cut just below her shoulders. Her husband, Lysander, looked to be somewhat older than her. He was a very handsome black man with close-cropped hair and a pencil mustache. They had different last names, although I missed his, so she must have kept hers for professional reasons.
Ilanas guests turned out to be Lysanders daughter from a previous marriage, Nila, and her partner, Heather. Theyd been together for 4 years, since they were both 18 and met as freshmen in college. Heather looked like the quintessential college student; long curly brown hair pulled up into a ponytail, baggy sweater over white turtleneck with jeans, and glasses. Nila, on the other hand, had the exotic beauty of an actress or a model. She wore her long straight black hair parted in the middle and hanging on either side of her face like a curtain. This only served to accentuate her high cheek-bones, straight nose, and pouty lips. Her dark skin seemed to glow in the kitchen lighting. She was quite stunning.
Then there was Bryant and his boyfriend, Calvin.
Bryant had wavy brown hair that he didnt seem to wear in any particular style. He looked pretty buff under his Gap sweater and khaki slacks. Calvin had bleached blonde hair and several earrings in both ears; I later noticed that this was not the extent of his piercings. He was very thin and wore oversized baggy clothes.
Last but not least, a few steps behind everyone else was Asher, looking as innocent and hurt as ever with 200
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his rosy cheeks and shiny black curls. He was wearing jeans and a sweater over a black turtleneck. I gave him a small smile to let him know I didnt mind that he was there, and he offered back a halfhearted smile of his own.
After all the introductions were made, most of the group headed for the living room. Steve and I stayed behind to finish up the food preparation and set the table, and Asher sat down at the table. We all made small talk, but it seemed forced and more than a little uncomfortable, for me at least, and Asher seemed to be just as uncomfortable.
Dinner was a festive event; everyone was very excited about Kane moving in everyone except Asher.
Since he didnt know Kane it was hard for him to show much enthusiasm, especially since it was obvious that he had something on his mind. Once everyone was settled back into the living room, Asher asked me if we could talk. We excused ourselves and walked upstairs to the room that I would soon be sharing with Kane.
Killian, he said when we were upstairs, we need to talk.
I know, Asher, I said, I need to explain some things to you.
I need to explain some things to you, too.
Ill start, I offered and quickly rushed on before he could say anything, Im not really going out with Gilly.
Its just a cover so that I wouldnt get harassed. I need to find out who killed Seth and I cant do that if everyone knows Im gay. Or maybe I could, it seems like not as many people care as I thought. Its just that those that did care were very vocal about it. So anyway, Im still just as gay as I was before. I wanted to tell you all this right away, but well...I guess I have a bad temper.
Yeah, me too, Asher said quietly, I provoked you that day in the lunchroom. I was jealous and hurt and I just said a bunch of stuff that I shouldnt have. I want to 201
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ask you to forgive me for all that stuff I said, and ask if maybe we can start over or something...maybe?
Ill forgive you if youll forgive me, but what do you mean by start over?
I dont mean as like boyfriends or anything, at least not yet, but Id hate to lose the best friend Ive ever had over something like this.
Who could resist that? I got up from where I was sitting, walked over to Asher and wrapped my arms around him in a big hug. Just then, the phone rang.
I grabbed up the phone and was surprised to hear Kanes voice on the line.
KILLIAN! he screamed into my ear, Did you hear?
Yeah, Kane, I heard, I laughed, and its a good thing I heard before you called, cuz I think Im deaf in that ear now.
Kane laughed too, Your plan worked. I told Mom I wanted to live with Dad and when she asked why I said cuz I related more to him because I was gay too.
What did she say?
Well, she just sat there for a minute, then she walked out of the room. A little later she came to my bedroom and said shed called the lawyers and it was being taken care of. Kanes voice changed at this point from super-charged excitement to uncertainty, She seemed really sad, Killian. Like I had let her down.
Im sorry, Kane. Maybe it wasnt such a good idea after all. I mean, it was kinda lying. You dont even know for sure if you are at all.
No, even if Im not sure, it was right cuz it means I get to come live with you guys now! Hey, I better go. I dont want Mom getting mad at me at this point. I just had to call you. Thanks, big bro! I love you!
Youre welcome, Kane. I love you, too. And yeah, youre right; you dont wanna get in trouble now. Bye, 202
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Kane.
Bye, Killian.
I hung up and turned to find Asher had slipped out of the room while I was on the phone. I started to go look for him when the phone rang again. This time it was Gilly calling as shed promised about our costumes.
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